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Original poster

Update on Rindercella's DH

1000 replies

Rindercella · 09/02/2011 12:21

Apologies for putting my name in the thread title - it seems so self important but I don't mean it to be. So many of you offered so much help, support and fantastic advice, I just wanted to let you know where we are at. Previous threads here and here.

DH was diagnosed with advanced metastatic prostate cancer with secondary lymph node cancer in May last year, when our DD2 was just 5 weeks old. 9 months on and things are very far from well. DH's health has unfortunately really deteriorated since then. Particularly since Christmas he is suffering so much more pain and discomfort. He can now barely eat and is just so, so weak.

He saw his oncologist yesterday and he is to start a course of chemotherapy starting next Wednesday. He also needs a blood transfusion next week (and thank you to everyone who gives blood, what a brilliant thing you do).

He is a very, very ill man. It is so bloody hard to see the man I love so very much waste away. There is no prognosis. I know he is going to die from this fucking awful disease. I just don't know when.

I am getting counselling, which is definitely helping me. And my SIL is now more or less living with us which is so fanastic I cannot tell you - her being here helps us all so much, and it helps her and it helps the rest of their family, knowing that she is here. I actually don't know how I coped for the last couple of months before her arrival. I am still manically busy, and that's with an extra person helping me. I think DD1 feels it very much too and is especially clingy to me and she really hates me leaving her (eg when I drop her off at preschool).

Mostly this seems so surreal. Like I am not really typing these words. Cancer. Chemo. Only pallative. My darling husband. Those things just shouldn't be joined together. But they are and it is very, very painful.

I hope that the chemo does make DH feel better (I understand that he is likely to have bad days following the treatment). The worst pain for him is in his bones. He sometimes screams out with the pain. Just heartbreaking.

Does anyone have andy advice on how best to help him through his chemo?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 03/04/2011 07:04

So sorry to read your update
Hope he gets home on Thursday rather than the week after

Grockle · 03/04/2011 07:24

Oh yes, what a handsome devil indeed. Rinders,, you sound amazing. I'm so sorry to read your update and am hoping that DH is home with you soon & continues to sleep better til then.

PollyLogos · 03/04/2011 07:35

You do indead have a very handsome prince there Rinders, and your two daughters are gorgeous!!

I'm so sorry to read that there won't be any chemo, I do hope Richard can come home this week and that you can all spend time together at home.

I remember when the oncologist said no more treatment for my mum, it is so terribly hard to hear ( even if we suspect it) and of course the tears will burst on you at odd times Sad

I know you will make Richards time at home as happy and comfortable as possible and he will be surrounded by love from his wife, daughters and family. xxxx

CheerfulYank · 03/04/2011 08:03

What a desperately unfair shitty thing. :(

I am so very, very sorry.

A friend of a friend passed away recently. She had done the recorded storybooks for her DCs and written out birthday cards for their father to give them every year until they turned 18. There have been some lovely ideas here; I think the hand/plaster thing sounds especially beautiful.

Prayers of strength and peace coming to you from across the pond.

And oh yes, he is hot . :)

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 03/04/2011 08:59

Rinders - Richard is definitely a Prandsome Hince! :) x

It's great you got the stuff to do the hand cast - maybe you can do it today as your Mothers' Day present :) x

I am pleased that the Oncologist came out to Richard and Richard didn't have to go there, it would have been far too draining. I am very sorry that he was only able to say what was expected. No matter how much you expect it, you are still clinging onto the hope of a miracle :( It is gutting when they take that away x It is good to know where you stand, you just don't bloody want to be standing where you are - it's utterly shit & unfair.

You are being very strong and doing really well... but don't forget, we are here for when you aren't as well x

It is good you were able to stay with Richard, having the two beds to push together is lovely because it enables you to sleep together without impacting so much on his comfort as you would do in a double bed. The new family suite Richard is in sounds ideal - maybe it would be good for you (and the girls if possible) to decamp there?

Sadly I have had (far too much) experience of this stage of cancer - we have had both end care at home and in hospice and I have to say, that as much as it was lovely to have them at home and for them to be at home, the hospice was probably the best for the patient - the constant (trained) care & pain relief, other lovely people doing the nursing so you are just doing the loving - there is a lot to be said for having a nurse around 24/7 who can reassure you and administer pain relief.

I hope you are nabbing even more hugs & kisses off of your girls today and that you can spend some time with Richard celebrating Mothers' Day.

Lots of love & hugs
x

QOD · 03/04/2011 09:15

Rinders - I'm shedding a tear for your family, I am so sorry - cancer is so shit, I lost my uncle and gran recently - just so unfair.
love to you and yours

Northernlurker · 03/04/2011 16:28

Rindercella - thinking of you and all your family on mothering sunday.

SecretNutellaFix · 03/04/2011 16:42

Still thinking of you all.x

5inthebed · 03/04/2011 22:23

He is very handsome Rinders. And your DDs are adorable. All that hair!

Thinking of you all, keping my fingers crossed that you get him home x

PacificDogwood · 04/04/2011 18:43

Rinders, I am so sorry for the blow you and R had to take regarding his treatment.
I really hope you get him home as soon as possible when all the support is in place. Have you been offer Marie Curie nurses to help over night?
Do look after yourself and make sure to pace yourself.
Lots of love and hugs xx.

bellavita · 04/04/2011 18:53

How gorgeous is Richard rinders! He is just beautiful.

You do know if you need anything, anything at all, you only have to say the word.

Much love x

Lollybrolly · 04/04/2011 23:16

I have only just read this thread from the start.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I hope Richard can come home later this week. Fingers crossed it all works out OK.

SparkleRainbow · 05/04/2011 10:51

I am so sorry that you are having to face this. He is so young and you both have so much to offer. All I can do is send support and kind thoughts at this most difficult time. I hope you get the chance to make the most of every day you have left together.

Much love from all the sparkles
x

saysithowitis · 05/04/2011 14:03

You have a very beautiful family. Hope your DH is in less pain and that you are getting some rest and finding time to eat and take care of yourself at this exhausting time.

onlyjoking9329 · 05/04/2011 16:32

Hello there.
Just caught up with your thread, looked at the photo of the very handsome Richard and your lovely girls. This is all so very wrong and unfair for you all.
Now Richard has been put on fast track he will be home quickly with any aids he needs, oncology social worker can sort out things like we had a nursing team 24/7 when steve was fast tracked home, which meant that I could nip to the shops do school run and meeting and things for the kids too, knowing that Steve was being looked after.
You should get district nurses coming in but if that's not sorted, then your GP or mac nurse can help sort that out.
Is there anything in particular that we can help with?

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 05/04/2011 17:15

Thinking of you all, all of the time. Lots of love & strength coming your way x

happymole · 05/04/2011 17:24

i have been lurking on this thread, as i didn't feel like i had anything useful to add to the excellent support and advice you have had.

Just wanted to say that i am thinking of you and your very handsome Richard also your beautiful girls. I don't pray but am sending positive thoughts and vibes your way.

I'm so very sorry that you are going though this x x x

Northernlurker · 05/04/2011 19:25

Thinking of you and hoping things are moving forward to get Richard home.

Original poster
Rindercella · 05/04/2011 23:28

Hello, as always thank you all for your wonderful messages. Yes, I am a lucky woman - Richard is a heck of a handsome man!!

Richard is actually really quite stable at the moment, and relatively 'well'. He's in good spirits, good humour and bloody lovely actually! I really am trying to take these moments and treasure them rather than give out (false) hope that he may continue to be like this tomorrow or the day after. Who knows how he may be tomorrow, I just need to cherish the good times we had together yesterday evening and today.

Today I met with the lady from the NHS who is putting together Richard's care at home package. It hasn't been approved yet, but she is recommending Richard has 2 live in carers for when he returns home. She is going to postion it as the only possible solution. I am so bloody happy & relieved I cannot tell you. Please all of your keep your fingers crossed that this happens for us. I was so worried about Richard returning home and there not be the level of care for him that he requires.

Initially they were talking about 2 people coming in 4 times a day plus a couple of respite nights (from 10.30pm - 6.30am) a week. I couldn't see how I could ever leave the house (supposing one of the girls had an emergency, or I needed to pop out for 20 minutes for any one of one hundred reasons?) as Richard needs someone with him 24 hours a day. Plus he needs 2 people to move him, blanket bath him, etc. Supposing he needed to be moved/changed when those carers had just left and weren't going to return for several hours and it was just me and the girls were demanding stuff? The whole thing terrified me tbh.

Having 2 live in carers means we will have to re-jig things a bit and I'll have to move Jasmine's cot into my bedroom (Indy's already in with me at night) to free up a room and my SIL will have to have the sofabed in the playroom when she stays so that the guest room is available too. But it will work and it is the biggest weight off my mind. And OJ, that's exactly it, I will be able to do the 'normal' stuff knowing Richard has the appropriate care.

I know it's not going to be easy, even with that level of care, but it will be workable and it will be just wonderful to have him at home. He can have his bed in the sitting room which has doors out to the garden and so will be able to watch the girls playing outside. The room is slightly away from the main hub of the kitchen /playroom so should be quite peaceful for him as well. I hate saying goodbye to him when I leave the hospice at the moment, so him being at home will make that much easier.

Sorry to go on about this, but I am now really excited. They are aiming to get him home for next Tuesday - we have a scheduled power outage on Monday, so I thought Tuesday would be the best day to aim for.

Fingers crossed everyone Wink

OP posts:
Emmanana · 05/04/2011 23:34

Fingers crossed for you. I'm sure he will feel a lot more comfortable at home, and it will lovely for the girls to be able to wake up and run down and give him a hug and kiss.
What an eloquent , caring, loving and strong lady you sound, Richard and your girls are so lucky to have you in their lives xx

TheSecondComing · 05/04/2011 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotaMopsa · 05/04/2011 23:56

crossing everything - dragging lambs from the fields of yorkshire and crossing their tiny hooves too!

You sound incredibly calm and together -to me - an absolute inspiration

xxxxxxx to all of you

Buda · 05/04/2011 23:57

Hope hope hoping you get what you need and more.
xxx

SpeedyGonzalez · 06/04/2011 00:21

Rinder, I am so sorry to hear how things are advancing with this horrible disease. It is so wrong, and so unfair. I am so angry for you all, and immensely moved by your strength and compassion and love. You sound amazing. And Richard and your girls are all beautiful!

Sending you much love, huge hugs and strength. It will be a long journey but you will get through this.

Xxxx

sharbie · 06/04/2011 00:25

glad to hear the update - everything crossed here too xx

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