Update on Rindercella's DH

[Rindercella]

Apologies for putting my name in the thread title - it seems so self important but I don't mean it to be. So many of you offered so much help, support and fantastic advice, I just wanted to let you know where we are at. Previous threads here and here.

DH was diagnosed with advanced metastatic prostate cancer with secondary lymph node cancer in May last year, when our DD2 was just 5 weeks old. 9 months on and things are very far from well. DH's health has unfortunately really deteriorated since then. Particularly since Christmas he is suffering so much more pain and discomfort. He can now barely eat and is just so, so weak.

He saw his oncologist yesterday and he is to start a course of chemotherapy starting next Wednesday. He also needs a blood transfusion next week (and thank you to everyone who gives blood, what a brilliant thing you do).

He is a very, very ill man. It is so bloody hard to see the man I love so very much waste away. There is no prognosis. I know he is going to die from this fucking awful disease. I just don't know when.

I am getting counselling, which is definitely helping me. And my SIL is now more or less living with us which is so fanastic I cannot tell you - her being here helps us all so much, and it helps her and it helps the rest of their family, knowing that she is here. I actually don't know how I coped for the last couple of months before her arrival. I am still manically busy, and that's with an extra person helping me. I think DD1 feels it very much too and is especially clingy to me and she really hates me leaving her (eg when I drop her off at preschool).

Mostly this seems so surreal. Like I am not really typing these words. Cancer. Chemo. Only pallative. My darling husband. Those things just shouldn't be joined together. But they are and it is very, very painful.

I hope that the chemo does make DH feel better (I understand that he is likely to have bad days following the treatment). The worst pain for him is in his bones. He sometimes screams out with the pain. Just heartbreaking.

Does anyone have andy advice on how best to help him through his chemo?

everything crossed for you here too - so glad they're doing their best to manage it! :)

Thinking of you and yours xxxxxxxxxxxx

Everything crossed, plus hope, prayers, and good vibes for you.

Everything crossed here too. I hope all the plans continue smoothly and Richard gets home promptly on Tuesday!

Rinders, I am getting giddy for you!! All fingers and toes crossed.

Rinders you are such a strong lovely caring calm woman. I am hoping the move home is straightforward and you get the care you both deserve

Everything is crossed and even the cat has sat down with hers in a tangle crossed.

Rinders - if your SiL is needing a bed we have room in the flat! Or if easier, we have some raised aerobeds - you plug them in, they inflate - surprisingly comfortable and easy to put away in the morning.

some good news at last! that sounds like a wonderful arrangement (in the circumstances). it will mean that you can concentrate on loving him instead of nursing him. bet the girls will love have daddy home.
sending hugs while having everything crossed!

Thank you everyone for your wishes. Thanks Whomoved, really kind offer but thankfully we have enough space here and I know SIL wants to be in-situ when she's here (she rather likes the sofabed too!!).

Will keep you all updated on progress x

That is BRILLIANT news Rinders - I'm so glad he can come home and be with you and the girls.

Good news Rinders. Hoping the transition goes as planned. How lovely that you and the girls will be able to pop in to his room and spend a moment with him whenever you fancy. Even if its midnight.

Rinders happy that R. is going home! Fab news.
x

Yep, he's coming home to die.

See, I'm not always calm & composed.

I am also getting increasingly wound up at hearing how upset and devastated his ex wife is. Shame she didn't show him the same care and consideration during the 12 years of shit she put him through. 12 years of needless stress. Even though she got 100% of the family home. Even though DH drove a 90 mile round journey every Friday evening to pick up his DS and then drove the same 90 mile round journey every Sunday night to take him back. Even though he have her well over 15% of his income. None of this was good enough for her and she still constantly gave him shit that he wasn't good enough. So now she's devastated and apparently I am meant to feel for her because they were together for a long time dontcha know. Well I dont give a flying fuck about how she's feeling tbh. So shoot me. She should be there, supporting their lovely son through this, not thinking about herself.

No one is going to shoot you, Rinders. His ex wife wants to get in on the act and have some attention. Ignore ignore ignore.

Glad he is coming home Rinders, ignore the ex, she will have friends that can help her.
Does their son live with you now? Does he visit often?

Rinders, you shout and scream and swear at us all you want, we'll absorb it without question. They say you have to walk through the storm to get to the Rainbow. Seems like he found a rainbow and a crock of gold in you.

Ignore the bitch, don't lower yourself to her level. Have someone screen your phone calls at home, and change the name on her number on your mobile to 'Don't answer' .

She is not worth one ounce of your energy, save that for yourself and your dear family.

Rinders

I'm glad Richard is coming home. I say go for it re being fucked off with his XW. She's obviously behaved like a prize cowbag for the last 12 years, she'll not be changing anytime soon, regardless of the situation their son is in.

Agree with FAB that she wants to play the 'woe is me soon to be widow'. Stupid mare. She needs to be worrying about how she can best help their son as you rightly say. Balls to her.

Hey Rindercilla. So glad you OH is coming home. x

Glad you're hmgetting Richard home- the outcome isn't important today- just that he is coming home to his family. Well done for getting that for you all.

You're sooo right about his ex- sounds like they split for good reason if that's how she is behaving!! I hope she gives better consideration to their son in all this. Do you get to see his son very much at the mo? He must be heartbroken to see his dad like this but warmed that you and the girls clearly love his dad so much. A much more positive female role model for him ;-) x

Please dont give the EX any head space unless it helps you to have someone hate at them moment.

I remember getting my lovely girl home. It such an odd feeling. You know why they are coming home but its still a huge relief.

Once your mind has taken on the new information. You shift to living the new life you have.

We had some wonderful, close and such loving times then. Beautiful memories to hang on to.

I will be thinking of you and your beautiful family.

The exbitch is just living up to her standard persona - of course it's all about her, why would she change now?
:( for the boy though - he's facing the loss of his Dad too - I hope he gets to see him, I'm sure you will let him come, and I hope his drama-queen-centre-of-attention-seeker mother also lets him come.

Glad he's coming home.
Don't let this woman take any second of your precious time. (but yes, continue to rant about her here if it helps...)