**the 7th Tamoxifen Thread **

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we are...

Sparkle- sorry I've forgotten - what procedure are you having?

Thank you SR I have written that all down now. I am in on Monday morning (7.15am probably more like 4.00pm before I go into surgery) to have the mass in the left breast removed, it has grown, I can feel it now. They are going to check the right again at the same time they said. Then the mass goes off to path to check if it is benign.

I am not so frightened about what they will find as I am about not waking up again, irrational way round I know, but heh I am just irrational about this, and more than a bit surgery phobic.

Sparkle - in our hospital the internet/Tv/phone thing that SR describes is paid for by a card which you purchase from a machine in the hospital - they come in set amounts.

I would take some nice squash or juice - it gets a bit boring just having water, and some sucky sweets - my throat always seems to get a bit dry and scratchy and they help. I usually take a light dressing gown but that's not essential. (I agree with tops that button down the front - easier to get on and off and for when the doctors come to have a poke about

Lots of love and good wishes for Monday,I will be thinking of you

O I've been so tired all week. That 17 year-olds party really knocked me out. I'm really irritable now.

You really wanted to know that didn't you Just venting as I'm a bit scratchy with everyone today...plus the paper shop has overcharged me and |I wasn't assertive enough when discussing it so feel ripped off. Then the bank wouldn't pay a cheque in because my name wasn't quite right .. Grrr!!

Sorry.

Tired Smee here limping in from a very busy week. Mountains to read, which I've failed to do and a bit of Friday night cheer awaits downstairs - can hear the glug of DH pouring now.

I will catch up over the weekend, but wanted to say hi to LimeJelly. Really good to hear you're safely back with us all. Careful now with those bras.

Phil and Sparkles, both Monday then. Am sure the waiting must be hard. Phil, it's great that your DH is going with you. Whatever they say, it's good that he's there and part of it. On my first appointment we agreed we'd splash out on regardless. Somehow even though I had bad news it really helped.

Sparkles, I think wipes are pretty key - I mean nice ones for your face as well as the rest of you. They're cooling and make you feel less hospitally somehow. I downloaded lots of podcasts onto my iPod too. How long do you expect to be in for?? Am guessing not too long. Are you having drains? If so, you'll need a little bag to carry them in - a small shoulder bag that hangs at about waist height would work.

SR, just because you're on here last - you grouch if you want to. I had an absurdly grouchy day on Wednesday. That's why I must go and be very, very nice to DH now..

Hope all have a good weekend. Blue skies here today. Somehow that always helps.

ps: noticed Whale Man and the One in the Hat. v.funny, Cakes

I am newly back to the pool, but please tell me I'm not the only one obsessed with other women's breasts?!

• Phil, I somehow didn't type 'Champagne' into the above. Though actually come to think of it, it ended up as Cava.

hello ! can't think of anything else to add for sparkle - I took baby wipes and a bottle of Dior Bronze non-alcohol spray- because I thought something nice to smell of would be cheering. Be prepared for surgical stockings and paper knickers.
Will be thinking of you and phil and will do a meditation for you..

Thank you MAS, I think my own version of meditation may be the only way I get through it with getting myself in a state, lots of closed eyes, concentrating on breathing, thinking of happy places and times.

If all goes well I should be out quite quickly, will come back on and let you know how it goes as soon as I can.

Good luck for Monday Phil, I am hoping for good news for you.

Thanks everyone for getting me through to this stage.

Hi, just leaping on here for a mo as ds's and friend are down the garden doing unspeakable things to mud. Am also multi tasking stirring pasta sauce, so just a quickie.

Thanks for your thoughts ladies, really appreciate the fact that you will be gunning for me and the knowledge that you'll be here to talk to afterwards is so reassuring.

On Monday after school DS is invited to a party. I've (stupidly/boldly/insert your own description) arranged to take him. DH will take other ds to swimming lesson. Or vice versa. Not sure if this is the stupidest move ever but I figured that whatever happens I might be glad of some normality after Monday morning. And thinking about it, I'm not sure that they will actually tell me anything one way or another on Monday - I'm assuming they will do some tests or whatever to determine whether I need treatment or what the problem actually is.

SR - will be sending positive thoughts your way, and hoping that it's a 'good news' type day for both of us. And I hope that your hospital has a decent entertainment system!!

One other thing - and I live in the hope that I won't need to know this, but where do you find out which hospitals / doctors get good results? I know there is an on-line source but no idea how to check. I live on the coast and I'm fairly sure they will just try to send me to the nearest big town (60 miles away) for any treatment I might need, but I would like to know more before I just agree to that as an option, depending on their reputation.

If I'm not back before Monday everyone, thanks again for your kindness and thoughts, and keep whatever you can crossed for me, as I will for you SR. Wish me luck.

Phil - I think you are right, you won't know anything for certain until the results of the tests come back, but it is possible that they will be able to give you an idea of what they think it is likely to be. But do be prepared to be told you have to wait for a couple of weeks to know what the problem is.

I think you will be OK to take your DS to his birthday party, if you have a biopsy it will be bit sore and bruised, but you'll be able to do normal everyday stuff. I think it's a good idea to try and carry on as normally as possible (I seemed to come to a total standstill when I was having tests, and I think it would have been better if I'd been able to keep going.)

Lots of luck - we're all keeping everything crossed for you and Sparkle. xx

Sorry I'm not sure how to find out about good results - someone else probably will.

Sparkle - I am a fan of earplugs, but ipod on low could be even better (I don't have one). Last 2 hosps I have been in (get me!) have had no or not working tv/radio/phone things over bed. Whatever happened to good old hospital radio? I am old!
Have also found it helpful to accept in advance I will be living a basically nocturnal life for a day or two!
Ooh - one lady had a small soft pillow - I was very jealous - useful for tucking under your neck when you just can't get comfy and you're not up to adjusting your position or your hospital pillows!

SR - just jumping back on to mention the value of trashy magazines for hospital visits. Just the right amount of vapid stuff not to have to concentrate too hard, and not so precious that you'll mind leaving them behind for someone else. So go out tomorrow and stock up on OK etc!! I think I will as our hospital only ever has things like 'anglers monthly' and 'classic car' in my previous experiences of it, waiting for ultrasounds and in a & e with ds's.

Oh yes - ear plugs are a great idea - it is so hard to sleep without them.

I'm off to the ballet in a minute - it's a tradition that DD and I go every year

sending massive amounts of good thoughts to phil and sparkle - and trashy mags are the way to go!
Hope you have a lovely time at the ballet KK

Hope you had a lovely time at the ballet KK - which one was it? I remember the first time I saw ballet live I was quite taken aback by the noise of the blocks when they moved! None of that on the telly! You get used to it though.

Phil - I too thought there was some way of looking up success rates online but have no idea how/where! Did not find it when I tried to look before my op.

To all: I phone my car insurance (NFU). Basically said it is up to what the Doc tells you about when it's safe to drive, they do not need anything in writing, don't seem that bothered, as long as you follow Doc's instructions. Main thing is to be able to do an emergency stop safely. They did say it might be worth checking with DVLA though, as some conditions are 'notifiable' eg diabetes I think. I remember from filling out car insurance quote forms that they ask about DVLA-notifications/exclusions. Presume if you haven't informed DVLA about something you should have, car insurance could in theory be invalid. Very much doubt cancer would come into this tho, as it doesn't affect ability to drive in itself.

By the way, has anyone else here had a nipple relocated? Think I may be the only one, it's the bit that's giving me the most trouble. Had thought it might be numb, nerve endings severed, but in fact is VERY sensitive and this is mainly what's causing trouble with wearing bras! Bit like nettle rash when it starts up - itchy, stinging and sharp-prickly at the same time. Would like to know how soon it should calm down and how this weird nipple will look eventually.

Managed to persuade DH to have a look for first time last night - he's very squeamish. Went very well - it was much better than he had feared! We are both very pleased with the result so far xx

would a breast feeding nipple pad help ? or a silk hanky which is brilliant for when the skin is inflamed during radiotherapy ?

I haven't had a nipple relocated LJ (I had a mastectomy) but I think as MAS says silk is supposed to be good for sensitive areas (I've used it where my bra rubs on my scar and it helps). Have you got a seamless bra, one of those very soft cotton ones - that might be more comfortable too. I don't know if you have looked at any sites that sell post surgery bras (Nicola Jane is one and Eloise, and Contura Belle) - they sometimes do bras specifically for people who have had surgery, not just for people who've had a mastectomy.

How are you feeling in yourself now? Hope you are managing to rest and are sleeping OK (I know it can be hard especially if you are a person that normally sleeps on your front).

The ballet was lovely - it was Sleeping Beauty and the ballerina who played Aurora was just stunning, and beautiful music too. The St Petersburg Company comes her once a year and DD and I have been for the last three years -it's our treat, DH and DS are not interested in Ballet so we have a girls night out.

I'd like to see one of the Matthew Bourne productions, his modern take on Cinderella is coming in the summer - so I feel another treat coming on

DD has managed to lose her coat (fairly typical) she thinks she left it on a train last week. So have been trying to phone railway lost property, but apparently they are closed because its Sunday (fair enough) and also they don't have a phone!!! (flashback to the Nineteenth century)

Hope everyone else has managed a good stress free weekend.

Hello everyone,

Philmassive - by the way I'm not gojng into hospital - not sure from your posts but perhaps you think I am?! I'm rather releived to say my 3 stays in hospital ended last April!

Haven't had nipple relocated (such a strange expression isn't it!) but hope somone else can comment.

I went with DH to see The King's Speech last night - its as good as the reviews - really absorbing. We both enjoyed it very much and (fortunately) it has cheered me up after a few days of being tired/grumpy.

This morning I swam 30 lengths - and seem to have got the scales going in the right direction again, thank goodness. Slimming World still starts on TUesday though.

Good luck Phil and LJ and anyone else getting results/treatment tomorrow.

Thanks for your messages MAS and KK. Yes I thought everyone else was mastectomy or lumpectomy - now we have another variation in our group to give advice on!
Think I have a nice piece of soft thin silk somewhere that I will try. Would prefer not to buy any more bras until am sure of final size(s) - could both change in quite short term. Also I currently have to base bra/cup size on the larger of the two, so bras need to be quite substantial, which tends not to go along with soft/no seams. Think what it really wants is just fresh air and no fabric at all! Any small amount of movement (eg walking short distance) sets off the friction! Am tending to walk around in public with arm bent and clamped to side to reduce movement, and at home unashamedly holding on if necessary! Couldn't find old BF bras in the shed - must have thrown them out after all.
Have slept better last couple of nights but yes, can only really sleep on my back at the mo and am getting very fed up with this - positions started being limited when I broke my arm 3rd Dec.
Good luck with getting your DD's coat back, I'm afraid DH had bad experience of trying to retrieve a bag left on train (couple of years ago now). Now everything is 'centralised' it is impossible just to eg call the terminus station and ask there. New lost property 'procedures' seemed tortuous and unhelpful I'm afraid, but hoping you will be more lucky.

Sandripples - sorry, not ignoring you - your message was not there when I started to post (how slow am I??)

Think Phil was referring to SparkleRainbow who has op tomorrow - we have two SRs now?

My bags are packed and I'm ready to go.....Ooh John Denver moment. I will not be leaving on a jet plane, but rather waiting for my faher in law to collect me. I have front buttoning tops, clean flannels and towel, slippers etc, toiletries, books, mags and ear plugs.....Thank you all for your ideas and good wishes. I will let you know how it goes.

KK don't know whether to be shocked or laugh at not being a telephone for left luggage....guess it depends on whether it was a good coat of not. Unfortunately it can't be any time in 1800's because

1. coat would have been handed in
2. trains would run on time
3. you could get pretty much anywhere in the country by train
4. there would be staff available to help you whatever your query!

On that note, hope all goes ok tomorrow phil, I will see you all in a few days.

Hello All,

As usual you've all been very busy with parties, cultural nights out and all manner of chit chat. Found all your WW2 stuff fascinating. I'm not surprised you were emotional at seeing that pic KK.

Hope your bum's recovered from your fall KK.

MAS - I hope you continue to feel less down. I think the weather makes it that much harder to keep one's pecker up.

philmassive - good luck tomorrow. I will be thinking of you all day and hoping for good news.

SR - good advice has been given for what to take into hospital so I can't really add anything. I hope the op goes well.

Have had a very busy week here. I went to see The King's Speech (which made me feel very patriotic and I wanted to leap to my feet and start singing the national anthem but managed to resist the urge!). I also went to see Cirque du Soleil which made me feel very old and inflexible! Lots of very bendy and strong youngsters doing amazing things. Last night I went to see Strictly Come Dancing Live at the O2 which was camp as you like but very good fun!

Tomorrow is a very exciting day for me as I am going to be filmed for an ITV documentary! I sing in Rock Choir and they're making a documentary about the choir and they sent a form out asking us to say a bit about why I joined the choir. Well, I said all this stuff about needing to do something uplifting after going through cancer treatment and they must have liked me because it looks like I'm going to be in it.

They asked me when I sing and I said, "Ooh everywhere, when I'm in the shower, when I;m out shopping, when I'm in the car, when I'm out running - you name it I'm warbling" Well it seems they want to test me on that because the producer has got this great hideous plan to film me whilst running and singing. This is wrong on many levels. 1) I can't run very far at all anymore, I'm just re-starting the Couch to 5k program and 2) when you run and sing at the same time it's never going to sound good is it. They also wanted to film me in my home doing what i do before I go to choir. As this is usually fighting with my children in my attempt to get them into bed I'm not sure this is a good idea. DH, who is very private has vetoed them filming the kids so that solves that problem.

Anyway, it will be a laff and if I hope that maybe when it's aired later in the year women who are at the awful early stages of embarking on treatment will see me and it might give them some inspiration.

Hating my hair. It's become so very curly. I look like Ripley out of the Aliens films but without the toned physique. I went to the hairdressers for advice but she wanted to cut it and I don't think I can quite face that right now.

Hi Pennies - lovely to see you Bum is OK thanks

How exciting about the documentary - you will have to tell us all about the filming and let us know when it is going to be shown. I bet you will be a star on it and an inspiration to lots of women, good for you!

I want to see the King's Speech -it looks very good, and am of your Strictly show - was it all the people who had taken part (the celebs I mean) or was it the professionals?

Good luck with the filming tomorrow

And good luck again for Sparkles and Phil xx