**the 7th Tamoxifen Thread **

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we are...

gah- typed a message and mn went offline.
This thread is hugely long and confuses me at times-so Cakes' introduction to herself is a good idea..
I was diagnosed in 2009 with 24mm grade 2 invasive carcinoma -no spread to lymphs so radiotherapy& tamoxifen for me. I am a freelance illustrator of children's books and have a nice dh and 13 year old son and 5 month old kitten...I have wee anxiety dreams (a frequent theme on here)

Yes good idea for a quick update - I'm sure the last time we had one was on the last thread.

stage 3 grade 3 here (that probably won't mean much to you Phil - just means a largish, aggressive tumour which had spread to lymph nodes.) DX 2 and a half yrs ago. I had chemo, radiotherapy and herceptin treatment.

I'm 51 and I've got 2 grown up children - DS -26 - lives about 40m away moving in with DP at the end of the month, DD 21 is at uni. and a Jack Russell (age 13 1/2) who rules the household

Also rather overweight (not helped by eating too much) recently had a rather glamorous hernia op. - which is my current excuse for not exercising

Hello Philmassive from me too. I have been a regular on here as I was diagnosed from a scan in Dec.2009, had treatment pretty much throughout 2010 and am now feeling very well and back at work.

I do recall the horrible, shocked reeling phase all too well though, in the first few weeks. But as others have said that's one of the worst times - you might not think you can cope but you will.

I don't post as much now I'm back at work but in case I can help, my brief summary is;

Grade 1 lump
Op 19 Jan 2010 (delayed by the snow! I will never forget that morning on 5 Jan when op should have been!!)
Infection so delay
Chemo March - September
Radiotherapy June (15 sessions)
Back at work 4 NOvember
Energy back by early December

I have a DD aged 21 now and a DS who's just turned 17.

Good luck. Take one step at a time and don't assume the worst. Better to deal with each stage of info as firmer info becomes available. After a while you'll learn to manage the panic - surprisingly. I think it must be a survival mechanism we've all got hidden away and this is the time you find you can draw down from it.

Lots of good vibes for LJ today

Hope you are feeling a bit calmer today Philmassive - one day at a time yes?

Not hanging around for long, - I was up all night being sick - and now I've got a headache and feel like I've just done ten rounds with Mike Tyson - must be a bug because I ate the same as everyone else and they are all fine.
So I'm going to lie on the sofa making pathetic moaning noises for a while

love to all xx

So many bugs about, KK. Take care. x

Positive vibes and energy from me to LJ and Philmassive especially - but everyone else as well, of course.

oh poor KK - hope you feel better v soon
Lots of good thoughts to Limejelly xxx

DH has just come home from work saying he feels really sick and has gone to bed. DD is (rather unsympathetically) saying 'keep your germs away from me, I've got essays to write'

I'm feeling slightly better now - just tired.

Hope LJ is getting on OK and not having to wait around or anything stressful.

Can't be food though KK or I am sure DH would have got sick quicker. It's a bug, don't let anyone tell you it's your cooking

Sympathies for dh though.....

Hi Philmassive and welcome to the very best place to talk about how you are feeling at the moment.

LJ I hope you are doing ok, sending you lots of good thoughts.

Phil so you know a bit about me. I am 38 I was send to the local breast clinic Oct 2010 because I had bleeding from a nipple. Had clear mammogram but ultrasound found an 8mm mass in a milk duct. Had a needle core biospy in Dec, came back probably benign, but I am having the lump removed 24th Jan and they will send it to the lab to be checked. They think I have another mass in other breast too, but they can't find it yet. I have 3 dc, ds who is 7 and has a horrid genetic condition but still manages to keep the world safe working alongside smee's ds, dd1 who is 5 and dd2 who is 2. I am not working as I have to be on hand to care for ds at any time, spend my time fighting NHS, DWP and now Education authority, but it keeps me out of trouble. Few wee dreams, but mainly knicker dreams for me.

I have a 3 acre smallholding with chickens, pigs in the spring, dogs cats, Goode Life Veggie garden kind of thing. As a result I am constantly knackered!

Kurri - I hope you are avoiding the germs.....

oh poor Mr KK too feel better soon. Hope all has been tolerable today limejelly...
off to take ds to piano soon and study the GCSE options literature- first meeting about it is tomorrow...

Hello all and thank you for your good wishes - really helps knowing you are out there and rooting for me!

Had the injection today - it went fine, I assume ... Injection, wait around a bit, then lie on a bed while a big scanner thingy takes 'pictures' of where the radioactive material has ended up. I always wish they would show ME the pictures, it's my body and I'm very nosy. I often ask to see X-rays etc but got the feeling today they were rushing to get the next person in. They gave me an envelope to take with me tomorrow, maybe I'll steam it open later!

Told a couple more friends today. Until now, had only told 3 friends, but also, bizarrely: my hairdresser, the plumber (poor man, so embarrassed!), Inland Revenue official (in case I don't get my tax return in on time), and a Barclays Bank Personal Banker (I was closing and old account of my Dad's)!! So much easier to blurt this sort of thing out to strangers than to friends, no?

After hospital today, bought some new PJs and wire-less bras (now, wireless bras would be fab, what station would they play?). BCN had suggested I could remove the relevant wire from current bras but seems a shame to ruin them, they are quite new - what a waste of a stressful shopping trip that was!

I have to be at the hospital at 10.30am tomorrow, op is in the afternoon. Don't have fancy mobile etc so won't be on here again until after I am home.

Off now to cook my 'last supper' - must remember to eat lots as I'll probably get neither breakfast, lunch nor tea tomorrow!

Just signing in to say hi and thanks again. Feeling less bad today, dh is off with me and so been busy. It was worse yesterday when I was at work and had time to think!

Fingers crossed for tomorrow Lime, and enjoy your special dinner. And hope you're feeling well enough to enjoy any dinner kk!!

Am at work again tomorrow so wish me luck! And thanks again, so much. Bizarre as it might sound, it's so nice to know I'm not alone.

well done Limejelly- you have done well-will be thinking of you tomorrow I did get to see the radioactive stuff in my lymph nodes and the people there (nuclear radiologists I guess) gave a bit of a running commentary !!
Good luck at work tomorrow too phil x

well done LG from me too, and good luck tomorrow, enjoy your dinner tonight and let us know how you get on once you feel up to posting - but make sure you take it easy after the op. - no trying to do stuff that doesn't need doing

Good luck for work tomorrow phil - can you post from work or is it frowned on? if you can give us a shout if your mind starts going into over drive - we will distract

I feel OK now, but not hungry (a very unfamiliar feeling for me )

Great that you got through the scan Limejelly. At least it's another thing done. I seem to remember craning my neck round trying to see the screen too - most annoying to have things done, that you're not allowed to see. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and for the next little while until you're able to post again. Be better once you're through this bit though, am sure.

Kurri, that bug sounds grim. Bit of sod getting it first too, as I'd bet you'll end up looking after the rest of the family. Remember to look after yourself amidst it all.

Phil, I honestly think and hope that you won't need to be here after your biopsy results. I am an optimist and refuse not to be. Lovely to have you here though. I was diagnosed, March 2010 - I found a lump. 1.7cm grade 3, stage 3 and had everything chucked at it. Finished Rads on 3rd December and feel okay now, though still pretty tired. I have one lovely, if eccentric DS who's six and live in London, with not a chicken in sight.

Quick plea to all for suggestions, as I'm finally having the long threatened 'Wake for My Breast' on Saturday. It's also my birthday. A friend's making cup cakes a plenty, and my wig Erica, will be the guest of honour. I never wore it, so it needs to be useful for something! If any of you have any ideas for breast related food, I'd be more than amused...

That's a nice challenge Smee - hm let me think. (Thinking powers reduced due to having a grotty cold - the first for about 15 months!)

Anything with a cherry on top I guess - so Melting Moment biscuits (even the title suggests something disappearing...sorry!)

Something wobbly - perhaps pink blancmange??

(This is a bit grotesque isn't it. Hope I'm not offending anyone)

Tasty nipplesnibbles.

Peanuts served in a hanging bra??

Better stop before I really do cause offense.

Great to have a party tho - I really enjoyed mine. I put pink feather boas twined round some chains that were the restuarant decor. My DS said it looked like a sex shop - how did he know?

You could include a few fund raising games - we did a few simple ones which were fun and everyone joined in.

Hi to everyone. Good luck tomorrow LimeJ.

SMEE! Just read back a bit and realised we all totally ignored your wonderful and exciting news about your holiday in Morocco! Hope you found a lovely Riad to stay in. No wonder you are so excited! Have never been to Morocco....
Decided on very simple dinner, pasta with olive oil, butter, parmesan, olives and lots of GARLIC - oops! Bet I'll be a favourite on the ward tomorrow!

Oh no, totally cross-posted! Sorry Smee! In recompense: I seem to remember there are some cakes called 'Nipples of Venus' recipe here

at SR - I love the peanuts in a bra..! A friend found 'Titty Cheese' on line and is trying to find some to bring. I think it's Spanish.

My sickest thought for a game is 'Guess the weight of my breast'. It says how much in the pathology report - has always struck me as bizarre - the idea of some pale lab technician placing it on the scales, I mean wtf?! Genuine apologies if that's a bit much for some. Am really not too sure where my head is atm..

x-posted with you LJ. I will hot foot it to that recipe. Last supper sounds delicious. You more than deserve that garlic.

I wouldn't bother actually Smee - posted in a rush putting boys to bed. Now I look at it...horribly complicated! Great name tho, pinch it for something simple with a cherry on the top!
I think the party concept is wonderfully bizarre, and I LOVE the 'guess the weight' idea. Could you make a cake/blancmange of the same weight for your guests hold? Am I going far too far in my pre-op mania?

Smee - I now have on my history 'food that looks like boobs' - a site for pervs. (apparently any food can look like boobs if you are obsessed enough!) - all in the name of research

What about those little cakes that are a sort of round pyramid of sponge covered in coconut with a cherry on top? I can't remember the name of them.

Ooh you could make a sponge cake in a pudding basin, cover with pink fondant icing, and a jelly sweet or something for the nipple.

Arf at LJ, I will most definitely make something the same weight - fantastic idea. You're not going mad btw, humour's essential for sanity.

• applause for Kurri for googling above and beyond. The pudding basin idea's inspired.

Well, I have delayed by every means possible. I have watched bits of 3 films. I have eaten as much as I possibly can in preparation for starving tomorrow. I have filled in the forms for the hospital. I have sewed soft toy Super Mario's hat back on. I have spoken to both my sisters on the phone. Now there really is nothing else for it but to wish you all a good (and wee-less?) night. Night Night ladies. x