She ain't heavy, she's LIGHTER.

[BitterAndTwistedGoreDodger]

Hello, I'm Bitter and I'm a bit porky.

Feel free to join us for healthy eating and chat.

No rules, no clique, just a bunch of posters who are fabulous and talk too much.

Saf, he's standing here shouting at me now for not valuing his feelings.

You're right it is that.

SAF - spot on and something that I have said to UNO before.

UNO - me and Nemo are here to fight another day!! Fecking doctors are less than useless in Nemo's case. I'm finding my feet with a variety of meds. All good fun.

So, what next? How on earth can you keep doing this UNO? And more to the point, why?

Fucking hell, this is just shit for you. Over and over and over it goes. The wall comes up and you get past it, then another, you demolish it, then another, it takes a bit longer but you burrow under it.

All the while being a mum, going to work, running the house and everything in between.

You must be exhausted. What exactly is it that you BOTH want?

are arguments always so am-dram at your house? sounds like terribly hard work....

Mouse, you must be banging your head against the wall with me :(

Can I just scream for a bit?

Not usually tc. This is dramatic even for us.

Stupidly exhausting. And so fecking childish.

is there a back history re:writing? is it a massive unachieved ambition of his or summat?

UNO - not at all. I'm happy to tell you this over and over. But there has to be an end to your torment and frustration, surely?

This is no good for anyone. Scream away lovely.

Please keep posting and letting it out. You're both on different pages the whole time.

You're playing catch up with each other. And never really seeing each other in a true light anymore.

It must be so very hard to live like that. I know I couldn't and I admire your staying power.

What is left to salvage? What is left for YOU when all is said and done? And, is it worth all of this?

There is, sort of. But it's mine. Ive wanted to be a published writer ever since I can remember. But I'm too scared to send anything off incase it's rubbish.

H was brought up in a household with no value for the arts. So always thought he was rubbish. But I encouraged him and he's actually a really imaginative writer, just needs a bit of polishing. Over the last few years it has been an occasional issue for me (since he already has the career of his dreams too) but I've always encouraged him, because he loves it. And it's only ever been a problem when I was depressed and felt I had nothing. So I know I was unreasonable to feel jealous iyswim.

He still thinks I hate him doing it. Even though I've offered to edit it for him.

To be honest, I know he's being utterly irrational about all this and I'm a little worried.

Things have calmed now. I think he's beginning to see that shouting at me, and then shouting at me again for not comforting him after he shouted the first time, is a bloody piss take.

Sorry mouse, xpost.

when things are good we are so right for each other. We can stay up and chat for hours and hours and laugh loads. We love to do things together. I love his mind when it makes sense. He's a bit of a mad scientist, and so loving. He treats my ds just like the other two and loves them all equally. He massages my back until his thumbs bleed! He always sees the best in everyone, no matter how gittish they may actually be.

maybe I am a cynical old baggage, but I do wonder if it might be awfully convenient to have you for a scapegoat if he doesn't get further with his writing...

Could be tc.

He's always felt that writing was one escape from the depression, so I think he feels panicked by the idea that he couldn't do it. But I cannot see how moving the comp could be such an obstacle. It's an irrational fear that's taken him over I think.

Just sick of irrational fears.

UNO - but is that enough?

Only you can answer that I'm afraid xx

It is, but only on the condition hay hissy fits like these don't happen.

He is a million times better than he was, but is that enough? I don't know.

He still has such a huge sense of entitlement. He was mostly angry that I hadn't gone to comfort him. He was entitled to be comforted and I didn't.

I don't think he was entitled, I think he Acted like a prat.

And I am ALWAYS right :o.

Off to battle the vomit monster and feed Nemo his last feed.

Then XF - aka car crash tv - with DD and bed.

Night all.

Bitter - here, this is for you for after work, mwah xxxx

Dubs - for when you get in and get all 'slightly poetic', here, mwah xxxx

SAF - get better lovely, xxxx

Sending snooze vibes to lovely Mole. xx

Fingers crossed for an easy feed, mousey. Hope you have a lovely evening xxx

uno - i don't know the full back story so apologies if none of this makes sense. And this is to your earlier post.

DP and I had problems (there was a period of him talking on a dating website in the first 6 months odd of our relationship and a little problem with alcohol that we don't like to dwell on ).

Anyway, it was a scab that I picked constantly, drove myself mad. He just didn't understand my need to talk about it, he just avoided it each time because in his eyes it would lead to arguments. Which it did, frequently

The more he ignored and avoided the more obsessed i became. Eventually (and only recently) we had a really honest conversation where I said that I needed him to come to me not it always being me that brought things up. He was always like an ostrich, the minute he thought I was feeling bad about things he'd ignore it and try to run away from any conversation.

So, now what has actually happened is that if something comes up that reminds me of what happened (like a jk cheating episode!!) he sees me go quiet and he'll say 'this is upsetting you isn't it? Do you want to talk about it?' or 'This is bringing back bad feelings for me because of x, y, z'

It changes everything (well it did for us) because then its not the big elephant in the room and also you don't feel like a nag because its always you 'raking up old ground'. In fact he just said to me 'Are you ok? Are you sure?' because I was being a bit quiet tonight.

What I'm trying to say is that I understand how you feel when your dh isn't bringing up things or discussing things, makes you resentful and annoyed and hurt.

The way I finally got through to dp was to say 'yes i might shout, we might row, but if we don't talk about things we WILL DEFINITELY split up'. Once he realised we could talk and row but actually it was ok in the end, he felt safe enough to start starting conversations.

Seeing your later posts it definitely sounds like a child-adult dynamic. Drama queen to the max (and thats coming from me!)

Again this may stem from him being ill. I know when dp looked after me when i was ill i got quite infantilised after a while, its easy to fall in to.

So, none of that probably helped but I hope it helps to know that I'm thinking of you. x

Thanks Brian, it does help :). I hate chasing him to talk to me, I feel like I'm always bringing everyone down, but I'm not willing to be left coping with my hurt alone.

I think he's beginning to feel stupid, he hasn't said anything really, but he's brought me a drink rather sheepishly.

I need him to get what yours has! I've tried talking, and he agrees, but then puts it off. I think partly because he doesn't want to put sad thoughts in my head if he's wrong, but let's face it he's not going to be wrong if he tries.

mouse - fingers crossed for good night. And yes please share news of the new meds when you get a moment xx

uno - threaten your dh that if hes a twat again you'll get me to write another long post like that one ^^^ that should scare/bore him into submission!!!

"I think partly because he doesn't want to put sad thoughts in my head if he's wrong, but let's face it he's not going to be wrong if he tries".

that's exactly what dp used to think 'what if shes not thinking about it and then i bring it up and then we have a row and then etc etc...'

dp was brought up in a household with a very fighty-bitey mother and is scared shitless of confrontation so it took a lot of reassurance until he finally felt comfortable enough to do it. That does not mean that its your job to give him that reassurance and that its your fault that hes not there yet, because its not. Hes a grown man, he needs to start acting like one x

Brian :o

They sound like they have similar mothers too.

Double, glad you had a great time, tbh ds1 is more mature than h in a lot of ways! It ain't right.

This man has had a switch flipped again :( damnit. He's calm and cold and detached. He said he was sorry, but doesn't sound it. I'm going to sleep. I've had enough of today.