She ain't heavy, she's LIGHTER.

[BitterAndTwistedGoreDodger]

Hello, I'm Bitter and I'm a bit porky.

Feel free to join us for healthy eating and chat.

No rules, no clique, just a bunch of posters who are fabulous and talk too much.

Aw double, you're lovely too :). Now go and get dolled up! You have a wedding to go to!

What are you wearing?

No UNO, you are not a horrible person.

You are a hurt person, and sometimes with hurt we need to pick and pick at it to understand and to exhume the damage it left. You will not start to have a relationship with out issues until you feel that your H has redressed the balance of that damage.

So what you needed was perhaps for him to say, gently.. 'I know x and y happened, I love you and we will get through this', and to take responsibility for what happened and his part in healing it. Weirdly, if he did this you might find yourself relaxing a little and being anxious about it. Knowing that not only has he listened, but he heard what you are saying on a deeper level. But sadly, he needs to say and do this without prompting and that is perhaps sad. Because he sounds a little like my Ex that he wants a little to draw a line and sweep things under the carpet.

It is actually natural to want to go over and over things that have traumatised us on whatever level UNO. Yes it is complicated that it has been within your relationship that these things have happened, but there is no point in breaking something or someone and then being angry with it/them for being broken.

He has to invest time and patience to regain your deep trust. Talking about something once doesn't make it better, but it is a start as long as there follows action.

And maybe you owe it to yourself to be a bit kinder to yourself love.

Mittz, you are an incredibly wise lady, you know that?

Thank you so much.

I do feel it's normal for him to want this to be dealt with, too. But he's got to realise this is a step along the way to that.

He is a dumbass eejut.

Thank you UNO.... (( ))

If you have any wise words as to how I can stop missing someone I have no right to miss, they would be welcome...

Have a good time Dubs xx

Afternoon everyone :)

My wisdom tooth has quietened down, which is a good thing :)

I'm just trying to find some old tv programmes that have disabled characters in so I can analyze and compare them to modern programmes :) Really can't be bothered but need to do this essay...

Afternoon, tis me, Mouseface.

How are we all? Have skim read to catch up. Had an early night and been out shopping this morning.

A grand to total of 1 ChristMouse present so far. But I have sorted my lack of jumpers and layers! Cheap as chips too. Job done.

I bet Dubs looks uber lush today. Is it a day and night combo? Can't remember.

SAF - hope you are feeling better lovely. xx

LV - I have a teething wisdom tooth too. Grr!!

Off to top up a funky slipper wearing Nemo, got them from Boots. So cute, slipper socks that are like Moccasins.

Are we X Factoring later? The works of Elton John are going to be mullered.

Hey Mousie.

I am MNing and drinking tea whilst DS cleans the house.

I asked him what he wanted to do, he said tidy up.

He has sorted out the living room and hall cupboard, is washing up before he runs the hoover around.

I love my son.

I love your DS too...... what time can he get here for?

You working later Bitter? Or do you have a rare Saturday night off?

DH is in the holiday home varnishing the floor. DD is on her netbook 'doing her homework' and I'm feeding poor Nemo for the millionth time today.

Vom central here.

Where is Brian when I need her? Reflux chat.

Aw, sorry Nemo is having a bad day Mousie.

I should Hire DS out. He has just finished cleaning the windows and is now polishing the coffee table.

I went to bed . I feel quite 'fluey'.

Hey Mouse xx

I really can't wake up.

A night off would be nice for you Bitter You deserve one.

Thanks Mittz, but I'm in at 6. I do have a week off at christmas though.

SAF - sorry you are still off the boil xxx

yo im still alive. will post properly later when arsenic hour is over.

uno i have some words of wisdom for you (run uno run!)

uno - think Mittz' words of wisdom are giving me stiff competition indeedy! all I can add is - things need to find an equilibrium - either he's been the ill one, with you keeping the home fires lit, or he's been (to a lesser extent) doing looking after - what you haven't had for a while is an equality - a give and take - whilst the relationship evolves - and it has to change with all you have been through, you have a lot of questions to ask yourself and him x

Off to work, Tapas was Lush.

Later Lighter Lovelies. xx

^^ I saw that kiss at the end of your post Brickie

UNO - you know my feelings on this. We have talked before. I still stand by what I say, YOU have to want this to work for YOU. Each time a wall builds infront of you, YOU have to decide what action to take.

Is it all going to be too hard to break down, climb over, burrow under this wall, each time it appears? Is it worth the fight I suppose is what I'm asking you to ask yourself.

The problem as I see it, is that you know your husband. You know why you married him, what you fell in love with, why he made you smile for days on end.

What you don't know is whether you can get that back again without having to push him in the right direction the whole time.

Bitter - have fun with the great unwashed lovely, I am utterly gutted that I forgot it was Tapas night!! xx

Off to do DD's dinner, Nemo is fast asleep again after no lunchtime nap. It's toasty warm in my lounge, the house is clean, the washer is on, dinner is homemade chicken curry and I have wine chilling in the fridge.

Life is good!

Brian - I wanted to update you re Nemo's meds, so you are armed with names and reasons for when you see the doc IYSWIM.

I'd love to go to this but know that no-one could have Nemo.

This is a Mouse and Mittz event, you'd love it Mittz.

Bet you look great double! :o

Mittz, I would say to stop beating yourself up for missing them. It's one of those odd things, no matter how damaging or difficult something was, if it was there for a long time you will feel a sense of loss when it's gone. Time will help you get used to them not being there and eventually you won't miss them anymore. In the mean time all you can do is find something to keep yourself busy when the feeling arises. Because I promise you it will fade :)

Mouse you are always wise :o. Feeling rather fed up with it all. After he came back he apologised for what he said so I went and got on with the mammoth amount of housework I have to do.

After some ponderance about how I could reduce it all now I'm working full time, I decided to out the pc upstairs. That way it won't get covered with junk or attract dog hair.

Half an hour later h comes down and asks what I'm doing. I tell him. He says I can't because he uses it to type. I say he can do that upstairs and I have to find a way to reduce day to day cleaning. He sobs and wails and tells me I don't believe in his writing and want him to stop and that he'll never write again because I hate it so much. I tell him not to be so ridiculous, and that the computer is moving and he can still use it. All in front of the dcs :(

He storms off. Storms back to beg me to reconsider. I say I had wanted to do it before but he said he'd look after it if it stayed, he hadn't, so it had to move.

I honestly had no idea he was going to have this reaction.

I'm so fed up.

Tc you have hit the nail on the head with the fact that it's all been him caring for me or me for him. I want some equality. His idea of compromise is me giving in, mine is lending him my laptop anytime he wants to type downstairs and not actually getting rid of the old
Pc.

Saf, sometimes I wonder what I want at all.

Anyway, long story short I have moved it, h is not talking to me. Ds1 thinks he's being ridiculous, as do I.

You really didn't need to know all that! A stupid petty argument, but I'll be damned if I'm backing down! I need to find a way to get on top of everything, because for all that he helps, the house is still a tip and I need to rationalise it all before I go mad!

Rant over.

Are nemo and you ok mousey?

(((()))) to everyone for being lovely :)

And Brian :o

Probably the best advice of all!

Ha!

I'm opening wine. Sod it.

AND wales lost the rugby. So I have lots and lots of reasons to drown my sorrows!