She ain't heavy, she's LIGHTER.

[BitterAndTwistedGoreDodger]

Hello, I'm Bitter and I'm a bit porky.

Feel free to join us for healthy eating and chat.

No rules, no clique, just a bunch of posters who are fabulous and talk too much.

furniture done.

body and hair washed.

had a snack and a meal today. not bad so far. think i might just chill now till i need to pick ds up from nursery.

other than the eyes are you feeling ok mouse?

blimey Mousey, I'ld check the med info sheet to see if it's listed as a side effect, and if so, whether they recommend telling doc asap or not.

well done for getting this far WIF

double - can't believe your exam got cancelled!

the dopemine and histamine receptors that one hits are a bit like being stoned, hence the sugar munchies and sleep effect. could be connected.

could just be you actually had some deep sleep for once.

dunno.

SAF - I feel spaced but also really snappy. One minute I could sleep, the next lash out..... I am a bit hormental, which won't help. Poor MrM!

Hey ABITW - what are we gonna call you for short? And sorry I didn't reply to your text yesterday...... I forgot!

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you've got to bear in mind you've come off of one as well as starting one - at the minute you could be getting double whammy of effects either way iyswim. try and take it easy for a few days x

just realised it's an hour earlier than i thought - been looking at the one clock in the house that doesn't automatically adjust itself.

bonus!

I had a bad 'come down' last night and agree SAF that I am stiil on that downer. No chance of taking it easy, it's chaos here tomorrow. Nemo's nurse is coming, spark is coming to put power into yours and Dub's holiday home, builders are back, MrM is busy with work....

My head is spinning with it all. I might just take Nemo and hide upstairs for the day!

god i am tooooo stressed over all this work crap. None of the internal vacancies is suitable (or even part time!) so it looks like im going back 4 days a week.

Really stressing me out, keep having panic attacks, I'll be even worse when I actually get back to work

Sorry - self absorbed rantyness at mo.

Aw Brian, is there no-one who you can talk to at work about this? It seems really unfair of them to just say 'no' without even letting you try to do the job on three days.....

You'd think a huge blue chip would want to be seen as flexible for working mums.

Is there no-one that maybe 'job share' with you either? Pick up your extra day? So you can do just three?

And you are not self absorbed, this is important FFS. This is your life and your career and you are trying your best to juggle it all so that everyone is happy. Near enough impossible going off what they have said to you.

I really feel for you re the panic attacks too. Sorry I can't be more helpful lovely xxx

Mousey - hope these demon new pills at least mean you start to catch up on your sleep. hide upstairs as much as possible!

Brian - I feel I have no useful advice - as instead of combining a career with motherhood I used having a baby as a face-saving out. And returned to work over 5 years later in a lowish paid job. Do you have any confidential access to counselling/occupational health to talk through your concern? can understand completely btw if you don't want to let on about any mental health issues to your workplace.

how was returning to work after DD1?

you're bound to be really anxious brian. aside from anything else you've had months hidden away at home and it's scary shit getting back out there even without changes to your work situation etc.

and no you're not self absorbed!

it is pitch black and i keep thinking i'm late to pick up ds because it's too dark. blardy clock change.

i'm off now to get him.

yes, as WIF says, it's easy to lose confidence when you are at home, out of the workplace, being "mum".

definitely yes to the losing confidence thing.

I didnt want to go back after dd1 either especially as they made me redundant then and the new role offered was incredibly stressful (the one im doing now).

I will enjoy it when Im back I'm sure, I was just so pinning all my hopes on only 3 days.

Have sent them an email asking re job share and also asking for my turned down flexibility request in writing.

Had a couple of phone calls with various people at work to see if anything is available and have a few emails to write tonight.

The change in me though is horrendous already, I am all panicky and my ocd is terrible. Problem is if I don't 'face my fear' and go back I'll probably end up a recluse for the next 30 years. Anyway, I have no choice financially.

Bah. I'm a nervous wreck already and its 2 months away

Oh Brian. xx

it's gonna be a hard build up. i'm willing to be what you can do to your head in the build up is a million times worse than what going back to work will really be like.

would be good if you could talk through this stuff, maybe get some help with the anxiety and unpacking it all.

i've just been attacked by my son. he's been on the naughty step for hitting me with a bat whilst i was trying to get the food stealing cat out from under the sofa.

chaos supernanny moment

willing to 'bet' even

and then poppy people at the door.

thought they were trick or treaters disguised as doddering old people.

a cricket bat or a dangly upside down bat?!

a bloody cricket bat!

a foam one but none the less

Where is the sour tasting one??

And the European?

Home-made burgers with oven chips and a soft boiled egg here tonight. May be my last solid meal for a day or two til this damn tooth is sorted.

Daren't weigh myself. I am laying down my winter coat as we speak!!

Going to try that 'The Little House' tonight, see if it's any good.

Hello Lucious Lighter ones.

Work was hell. Soooooo busy, no carrier bags, loads of sickies, no staff, HUGE fail. And my meeting got cancelled. Grrrrr.

On the plus side, today I have eaten
Banana
Cheese salad sandwich
Sausage roll
Walkers French fries
Fruit salad
smoothie

And am about to tuck in to chicken kiev and veggies prepared by DH.

Not the healthiest of days, but I have not eaten that much in one day for about six months weeks.

Mouse, the book of the little house was chilling, so I will be watching too.

hi bitter. well done on eating that sounds mighty patronising doesn't it?

what's this 'little house' - what side and when? i need something to watch.

i've eaten:

slim a soup and small handful of peanuts
ww chicken casserole

have given ds dinner but not me yet. not sure what i'll have. i actually feel like cheesy chips

Helloo

Brian, That is an arse that things are so complicated to go back to work. I understand what you mean about the confidence thing. I am not sure I have any left. 12 1/2 yrs of solitude and motherhood have not left me best placed. Keep fighting for what's best for you if you can. Is there anything you could do from home for part of it? 3 dsys in the office and 1 at home sort of thing.

I am taking DS to the Hospital tomorrow. It will take a total of 6 bus journeys in total and the best part of the day.

So I thought I would actually ask my Mum and Dad for help with a lift. My Dad answered the phone.

I didn't bother.

I am sure he was trying to be funny but after he accused my Mum of being shrewish, that the 'rat poison' (warfrin) didn't appear to be working and proclaimed the whole process of trying to stabilise her condition a bore, I decided I'd rather walk barefoot with DS on my back. He made a dig about Mental Health which was just about it really.

Does anyone read Tom Sharpe?

Little House is 9pm ITV.

Mittz that's shit about your Dad.

And Brian, to echo what the others have said I'm sure once you are back in the swing of work you will wonder what you were worried about, the situation in your head is often much worse than the reality, if that makes sense?

I've not read any Tom Sharpe.

Saf, not patronising at all, DH has also told me well done, that he's proud of me.