**TAMOXIFEN**the 6th

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we go !

£2,400 without blinking?! Think I'll chuck DH out, and adopt a farmer. Bit thin on the ground in inner London and I don't want to live in the countryside, so that might prove a tricky fix, but I do need new boots - old ones leak if they so much as look at a puddle. And am happy with black. Horses aren't the only ones who can wear funky socks you know.

Kurri, hope you're doing okay today - I think it's bath day, so maybe that'll help? Someone told me it takes 7-10 days for a GA to clear your system, so try not to be too impatient.

Cakes, isn't it your check up today? Hope you sail in and out without blinking. Sun's shining, so that's a good omen. Rug sounds fab. Am sure they'll come round.

SR, do you mean they don't let you use mumsnet at work?? Blimey that's harsh - means they actually expect you to work then. Please don't go too far, or we'll miss you. Don't worry about nobody mentioning Blood markers to you. I dragged it out of my Onc, with my forensic level need for reassurance. They don't tell women normally as although they're a good indicator they do get a lot of false positives, and also sometimes tumours don't show in the bloods anyway. Probably best not to know then really.

Lixa, really glad to see you back. I think you're right to say that you have to be positive sometimes. I've definitely found that helps, though it's easier said than done sometimes. Isn't it tomorrow that you meet your Consultants? Let us know how you are when you can. Will be thinking of you.

MAS, did your son hear about NY??

Thanks for all the encouraging words everyone I am feeling a lot better today, I think I'll be able to cut down the pain killers which will make me less dopey. I'm going for my long awaited bath in very soon, so I can take the itchy dressings off!

I think its enforced doing nothing - normally I go to some sort of exercise most days, and walk the dog/do a bit of gardening everyday. And I can't do any for several weeks. I think exercise helps your mood - it does for me anyway. I'm allowed to walk though, so will make sure I get out for one everyday until normal service is resumed

Lixa - pleased you are feeling a little more positive. Of course you will have ups and downs, that's only natural. But sometimes its a case of just getting through the grotty days, and then making the most of the good ones
Do come and moan, natter, whatever you feel like, on here, whenever you want.
I too have a friend who is living with secondaries, and is doing well and getting on with her life. We swim together quite often and she is active, busy and doing well.

I meant to say, chemo will make you feel tried and a bit down for a while after you finish, so give yourself plenty of time to recover from that

SR - so pleased work is going well, it's great you are moving on with things, don't wear yourself out though, and make sure you pop back often, - I love hearing about your activities and your lovely family.

RWU - rich uncle with lots of money sounds an excellent family member We need photos of horse in his funky socks!

Smee - half way through another week of rads - you are getting there I now want to know what music you have each day - I don't remember having music just ceiling murals ( actually there may have been 'musack' but nothing recognisable)

Any news about your niece yet MAS? - I hope she is recovering well from her op.

Cakes - rug sounds gorgeous, what colour/ design is it?
Talking of horses - driving in the west Scotland recently, I looked out of the car window and said to DH, 'there's a really odd looking horse in that field' - on closer inspection it turned out to be a camel. - Looking rather surprised to find itself being Scottish!

I am taking the advice about box sets - I have Simon Schama's History of Britain, Frasier, Bleak House, The Lakes and also have The Kite Runner (maybe a bit grim?) and Brick Lane to watch on DVD.
There's a sofa and a cup of tea with my name on them next door

x-posted with you Smee. Interesting to hear about the blood markers - I also was unaware of that. I find they often don't tell you stuff unless you ask, - but you can't ask about things if you've never heard of them!

Good luck from me too for your check up Cakes

Thanks for remembering smee, check-up is today. I am struggling with it a bit this time around: I think it is because, for the first time since I finished active treatment, they have asked me to get bloods done. it is just routine, they gave me the form and stuff at the last check-up and just said to get them done sometime before the next check-up. But, well, it is a bit harder to sail through.

But the rug really is fab. It replaces a creamy coloured one which proved not very juice friendly: it is red which should set the blackcurrant juice a tougher challenge, especially as it is now banned from anywhere within 50 feet.

my houseproudness won't last long. But for now, it is rock solid.

Think twice about farmers. All the ones around here, while possibly loaded, are fat, red in the face, and bad tempered.

Thanks KK - cross posted.

Hit send by accident. I meant to add: I hope you are feeling a bit better today. It's sunny (here, at least) which helps a bit.

Post has just come and brought me several get well cards and a big tin of fancy chocolate biscuits from my Mum. I have cheered up immensely

Pass em round

in haste as must dash - lots of good thoughts to you today Cakes - try not to fret (has picture arrived yet btw ??) Rug sounds fab.
Glad you have nice biscuits and cards KK - hope you continue to feel better and better
Lots of good thoughts to Lixa for tomorrow and love to smee being radiated
Think i've made my breakthrough in counselling - have been reading a book called Sibling Grief,which just rings so,so many bells. It's my brother's anniversary on 15th and I am going to do a picture/pictures - not immediately as I have 2 commissions to start, but have been thinking of what I want to do- it seems the right thing. I am having another session in December and depending on how I am feeling I can have a final one before Christmas or after - or not at all ! Am not good at endings and Mindfulness course will end in December, so will keep my options open.

Picture has arrived just this minute MAS. It is absolutely fab. I have emailed you to say thanks.

DH will be in soon, can't wait to show him.

I am so glad you feel you are making a breakthrough. Dropping all that heavy weight would be such a wonderful feeling.

Thanks for good wishes: I shall steel myself shortly and go..

Cakes - hope your check up is going ok.

Thanks for all the replies everyone :) - it will take me a while to get into this thread properly but I will do eventually!

Yes, seeing consultant tomorrow. DP and I will be drawing up our very long list of questions tonight. Yay. I think I just need to actually hear him say "yes it is possible that you can live and feel ok for several years yet" so I am trying to phrase a question that will make him say that, and then I can cling to that for a bit.

I was supposed to start my Tamoxifen today, but I'm waiting til after the appointment tomorrow. My Mum died of endrometrial cancer a few weeks ago (you can imagine how well I am coping with this on top of everything else) so I want to check they are ok with me taking Tamoxifen given that it increases the risk of developing EC.

Lixa about your mum - that is such a blow - I can only imagine how you must feel.
I think consultants take their lead from the patient in how much information they give - at least I found that you need to ask,otherwise you don't get told. Really hoper it goes well for you - we are always here so please post whenever.x

ds says he is heading for NY !! no official letter- he said he saw it on the music dept. noticeboard...

Lixa - so sorry to hear about your mum - I am not surprised you are finding things hard, you have an awful lot on your plate at the moment.
It can be so hard with different treatments - there always seem to be some sort of pay off, none of them ever seem straight forward, - always a bit of a 'devil and the deep blue sea' situation.
Will be thinking about you tomorrow

MAS - that is brilliant news about DS, - how wonderful for him, he is a star

Just been on the phone to my mum, she wanted to have a chinwag about the student riots and an anti-tory rant. She is nearly 90 and such an old lefty(she remembered being in student protests herself in the 40's but couldn't remember what she was protesting about )

at your lefty mum KK !
I want the official letter - am worried that ds might've misread the notice, though am sure he's right ! I would be so upset if he wasn't in !

Lixa - I am sending sympathy too about your mum- want a lot to deal with at once. I hope your discussion with medics goes well tomorrow.

MAS - congratulations to your DS - that will be fantastic for the whole family. I know DH and I thoroughly enjoyed DS's trip to S Africa even though we didn't go. There were so many exciting preparatory things to be involved with, and its lovely seeing your DS develop through an exciting project isn't it!

KK _ glad you've got all those DVDs. I watched Kite Runner with my DS - was a bit worried about it but we both thought it was a very good film. There are a couple of disturbing scenes - you could wait till next week perhaps - but its very good and I don't watch violent stuff - its carefully filmed and not too obvious.

I do agree that exercise makes you feel better - I know my wlaking was an absolutely crucial bit of my getting through the past year in reasonable cheer (most of the time). Walking always gives me a lift and improves my mood.

Thanks all, for comments about my return to work. I'm gradully getting the picture back again of everything going on and all the projects my team are supporting - its a bit manic! Change everywhere to make savings. I'm working out where I should put my energies.

I'm wondering if my DD was on the protest today - she's rather incommunicado this term.

Hi Guys, Sandripples sent me over here from a thread I started.

Basically I am going through a bit of a scare at the moment. I started bleeding from one of my nipples three weeks ago, real red blood, then a few days ago I started bleeding a waterylooking blood from the other. The GP has examined me and said she can't find any lumps but has referred me to breast clinic, she says it is a sign of tumours in the milk ducts.

Hi again Sparkle! I know lots of people will get in touch soon on here but it could be tomorrow. Hope you can sleep.

fell off horse......... not feeling so smug about riding ability now !! i was cantering sans stirrups and the horse spooked- i thought we were going over a hedge......... but no- i was going INTO the hedge

I didn't hurt anything, but i knocked my picc arm so popped into the district nurses to have it checked- they gave me a stern telling off and sent me home!

Also went to ikea and funeral attire shopping in Warrington today with SIL- i am a size 10 again (before you all shoot me down i think the last time i wore a size 10, i was about 10 )

Sparkle- welcome, referrals are usually pretty quick, hopefully you will know what's happening then, in the meantime don't panic.

Hello Sparkle, you are very welcome here, I hope we can give you some support and hand holding while you wait for your appointment. I don't have any experience with bleeding from the nipples, but obviously your GP is doing the best thing and sending you for tests and examination by a breast specialist. And well done for going to the doctor, its easy to put these things off and hope they will disappear.

Waiting really is the worse part in many ways, try to occupy your time as best you can in the interim, and not spend too much time worrying (hard I know). Lots of people (the majority) get sent to the breast clinic and nothing sinister is found. If anything does appear to be a problem, you are in the very best place to have it dealt with quickly.

If its of any help to you I can give you a quick rundown on what may happen at the clinic.
You will most likely been seen by a consultant who will examine your breasts thoroughly, check for any changes, lumps etc. You will be given a mammogram, and possibly an ultrasound. They may also take a biopsy (small sample of your breast tissue taken with a needle) depending on what the consultant thinks is necessary. Expect to wait a couple of weeks for results of tests.

It's a scary situation I know, but we are all here to answer any questions you may have, and lend a sympathetic ear. It is fine just to come and express the jumble of thoughts going through your mind. We've all been there. Very good luck, and we'll all be thinking of you

RWU - Be Careful!! - (also administers motherly telling off)

Size 10 - what's that?

Hope Cakes got on OK at the clinic today.

Thank you sandripples, reallywoundup, and kurrikurri. I am alone tonight, except for three sleeping dc, and finding it hard to get my mind off the thought of leaving them behind. I know I am jumping the gun rather, but that is where my mind is now.

Thank you for the details about what the appointment might involve.

Sparkle my love, you are a very long way from leaving your children behind.

Try not to get too frightened. You do not know what the problem is yet, try not to assume the worst. I had exactly the same thoughts when I was DX 2 years ago, but I am still here and going strong. And I have seen many others on this thread go from scared early days back to health and strength.

Do you have a DP?, and if so have you told him what is going on so he can support you? If not is there a friend or relative close by who can help keep you occupied while you wait, - a trip out for a coffee maybe, or just a chat about other things. I found having a walk in the fresh air each day helped when I was waiting, - cleared my head a bit and also helped me sleep better at night.

Take care xx

hi sparkle- agree totally with what KK has just said - it's scary for you I know, but one step at a time is the only way to cope - we are here to support you through this.

Oh RWU - you must be careful.

Have just read sandripple's reply on your original thread and agree with all she has said!