**TAMOXIFEN**the 6th

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we go !

Lixa hello, and of course you are very, very welcome here . I am sorry to hear of your DX, and June is so recent, you must still be coming to terms with it all.

I hope the hospital are able to give you more information on thursday - do you have a good BC nurse? - they can be invaluable I find as a sort of link between you and the hospital, and great advocates to have on your side if you ever feel you are not getting your point across.
Plus a friendly ear if you just want to talk.

Do you have someone who can go to appointments with you? - sometimes I find it helps to write down what you want out of an appointment, - your questions, what you hope for from your treatment and so on, as it's easy to forget when you get in there.

I don't know where in the country you are, but my chemo unit has a support group for people with secondary BC, so might be worth asking your BCN if there is anything like that near you.

Everyone on here is very supportive, and we all very much have our ups and downs. No questions off limits We've had various diagnoses and treatments between us, so there is always likely to be someone with some shared experience.

Also meant to say - sorry to hear you are feeling down and hopeless - do talk to your consultant about your mood, there are lots of things they can do to help, from medication, to relaxation, counselling etc.

Hi Lixa - sorry you're here with us, but as Kurri says we're very friendly and a good distraction from that Bas*$@d otherwise known as Cancer.

I'm lucky so far, in that I don't have secondaries. I was diagnosed in March and have been through mastectomy and nodal clearance, chemo and now am ploughing through Rads. I started Tamoxifen last week, so have taken precisely 6 pills and so far so good. Not surprised you're feeling down - I always think the worst part is when you're in between appointments. Natter away on here and maybe we can distract you a bit. Really good luck for Thursday if you don't post before then. Let us know you're okay when and if you can.

Kurri, sorry to hear you're feeling sick - bet you're right and those drugs are the culprits. How long do you have to take them for?? Bath on Wednesday's not too long to wait.

Cakes, 'eck the blood letting sounds a bit grim, though I'm sure it'll be fine using the other arm. I've had cuts and scrapes on my not-to-be-used side a few times now and never had a problem. What's pressing on the nerve in your arm then? In other words, what does the op entail? Is it keyhole under local? Really hope so that close to Christmas.

Am still playing catch up on, so hadn't realised they check blood for markers until this morning. Miss Paranoia drove me to the Onc's arms to ask about my ribs aching. He's not worried and apparently the blood markers helped him reach that conclusion. He reckons it's the chemo still affecting me, which can cause all manner of aches. Have shown Miss P the door, though doubtless she'll be back..

Oh and I agree with Cakes about the exercising. RWU and SR you are simply getting your just desserts. I ache even without exercising.

Lixa - welcome - hope we can be a bit of support and comfort to you- so sorry you are feeling down. Do hope the meeting with doctor is helpful on Thurs-will be thinking of you.
smee - in Mindfulness we are told that if we have any thoughts coming into our heads (when meditating) to escort them gently away - perhaps some kind of mantra to banish Miss P from your thoughts might help ?

Cakes - glad the blood test is done - I am not the best person when it comes to them - I have had my 'bad' arm stung or bitten and scratched by cats,to no ill effect- though i only have sentinel nodes missing (though BCN says a person can have as few as 2 lymph nodes )
By the way- your picture is in the post !!

Hi Lixa, welcome to the thread, sorry to hear of your dx, sadly though i think i might be your girl on the secondary front, i'll not go into details, but if you need to ask anything just msg me

Hello Lixa and welcome from me too. I was diagnosed last December, have had lumpectomy, chemo and rads, and am into my 2nd month of Arimidex. Am feeling much more normal again now. I have a friend who was initially with secondaries at the same time as her brimary BC - she also had secondaries in bones and liver. I'm pleased to report that she's doing very well and didn't even stop working during her chemo (as a supply teacher) - she's amazing.

I'm sure you'll find this thread supportive and I wish you well when you see your medical team.

Everyone else - I seem to have lost the plot - didn't realise/missed that you're having an op Cakes, sorry about that. X-posted earlier as well.

KK - I hope the sickness wears off soon. GAs really do knock you about a bit I think. Much lying on sofa required still.

Smee - what does checking blood for markers mean? Hope you're OK.

Well sorry to boast but I've been for a very nice swim. However I am still at a terrible weight so now I'm feeling more normal I'll have to attack this. Don't have enough willpower though. Working will stop me snacking. Am working tomorrow, half of Wed and Thursday this week, then off for a nice w/e to Glasgow. But have tried and failed about 10 times today to buy tickets online. Also went to station but no parking spaces and it was pouring, grr.

SR, I'm fine thanks, just post chemo aching and the ever present paranoia gnawing away. Blood markers were new to me, but my Onc talked about enzymes and protein levels as indicators of an active tumour. He checked my last blood results (taken before final chemo) and said they were normal, which when factored in with the other symptoms I described made him confident I was okay. Apparently if you have a tumour growing some of the levels rocket up and though they can't rely on it it's seen as a strong indicator that there may be a problem.

Am mighty impressed by your swim and jealous of Glasgow trip. I used to work up there and have many friends in the city, so would love a visit. You've inspired me.

bah ! I posted and it disappeared- just wanted to say I hope that KK is feeling a bit better today and that RWU is less sore
celeste was a star at vets- very calm and purry - she is not a nervous kit,that's for sure.
RWU - saw the notice about funeral for your Claire on fb- am sure the helium balloons will be a lovely idea.

Thanks Mas- i think it's a lovely idea too, we are going to get balloons for the kids too (although they aren't coming) and let them go- hopefully they'll be loads of different colour balloons flying up into Cardigan Bay in her memory!

Off riding now, well actually taking my horse to the horsey equivelent of 'clarks' to have his feet measured for winter boots (DO NOT LAUGH!!!) He is barefoot and i don't want to shoe him because of mud fever and the fact he lives in a field for the majority of the time, so we are buying some boa hoof boots for him in lieu of shoes- that way they only go on when he needs them and he can be fancy free when turned out!

Balloons is a lovely idea RWU, I think something symbolic can really help people to gather their thoughts and start coming to terms with everything at tomes like this.

Hope your horse likes his new shoes. They are such fabulous animals, I love them. (DH however is a bit nervous of horses since one chased him across a field and tried to chew his coat )

I'm feeling a bit fed up today. Can't do much, but bored doing nothing. I've done a bit of writing this morning, and have set myself the thrilling task of sorting out the address book this afternoon (It seems to be a jumble of phone numbers on little bits of paper at the moment). But I'm feeling very tired, sore and sick (moan, whinge, grumble )

Hope everyone else has a good day. Any news on the audition MAS?

pah - sorry I meant 'times' like these of course, - silly typos.

Trendy Shoo-boots for the horse - whatever next!

A friend of mine has just bought a horse, he is very, very white and pretty and she has kitted him out in pink everything. he looks such a GIRL

I love the idea of the balloons for your friend RWU.

smee - the op is to decompress a nerve: it arises from a broken elbow 10 years ago. I think it will be keyhole: I am quite cool about it really, it will be nice not to have numb fingers every night, and apparently it needs doing now before muscle wasteing sets in

Any news on Theo MAS? And thanks for posting pic: not arrived yet but I am excited. Cheque is on its way to you.

SR - STOP IT WITH THE EXERCISE, WOMAN! I am getting an inferiority complex.

Lixa - sorry to hear about your diagnosis. As is so often the case I agree with everything KK said, and she said it much better than I would have. Try not to feel too down about it all, and make sure you have all the questions written down for the docs on Thursday. IME they can seem a bit rushed but if you make it clear you have questions they normally step off the treadmill and give you the time you need, so don't be discouraged by their manner from asking all your questions. Take someone with you if at all possible. And remember that the treatment you have had so far seems to be doing a good job, so don't be discouraged.

let us know how you get on, we will worry if you don't. And ask anything you like - we all have!

love the horse footwear !!
Hope postie arrives soon Cakes
No news yet about audition,fingers still crossed !

sorry too that you are feeling fed up KK

KK - sorry, I missed the fact that you are feeling down, it is not something i see very often. It isn't easy being laid up and sore, and i think the anaesthetic is a depressant as well. You need lots of treats, a nice warm blanket, and a good book or film. Repeat as often as necessary.

Your dh's horse experience struck a chord with me. We went on holiday to Skye a few years back, and rented a cottage that was on the opposite side of a field of horses and goats to the pub. So we went across it every day

One of the horses was a huge shire, and pretty friendly - until the last day. He stuck his nose down, grabbed my t-shirt and got his teeth caught in the band of my bra, right between my boobs, and started to run, taking me with it. That was humiliating Shortly after that, one of the goats butted me. I took it that it was time to leave....

On a positive note, our bins have just been emptied for the first time in FOUR weeks!!! So that just proves my Mum was wrong. Sometimes it DOES pay to be impolite when complaining

Kurri, sorry you're feeling down. I prescribe a box set of something - I know that's helped me through after ops. West Wing after my last one. I sat through hours, wishing I was CJ and feeling vaguely inadequate. Still, it filled the day and didn't turn my brain to mush. Hope you're feeling a bit better soon. Am sure you will.

Narf.. how can you tell us not to laugh RWU?? Do horsey boots come in funky colours?? I do hope so. Good to hear you've got Claire's funeral planned. Sounds a lovely idea to release the balloons. When is it? Must be soon I suppose.

Cakes at the horse story. See I knew I was right to be scared of them. True city girl me, but they're bigger than us, so seems sensible to be scared. Glad your op sound manageable, but it's still an op so never to be underestimated. It is an instant cure then, or do the nerves take a while to recover? I'd imagine they might.

Just back from Rads. Today the music was The Three Degrees - a dramatic shift from yesterday's 'The Charge of the Light Brigade'... Better do some work I suppose. G'ah to this weather. I want crisp Autumnal days, not soggy grey ones.

The Charge of the Light Brigade? Crikey, how rousing. I always got what I think they call Easy Listening which, frankly, I find quite hard to listen to, as I can feel it rotting my ears. At least it's over quickly.

I think there is a couple of weeks recovery time involved with my op, smee, but at least it will be over a generally quiet spell work wise. And my Mum has volunteered to do Christmas dinner as a result so it's got its advantages.

Cakes, the idea of my mum doing Christmas dinner would be enough to make me cancel the op! Glad you don't feel the same way.

KK- it's the pesky ga that makes you feel blue- take it easy for a while, you'll feel much better very soon!

Sadly the winter boots for horses come in only black- but i have to use leg wraps with them so he can have funky socks

farmers amaze me- they are always moaning about being skint and there being no money in farming. but farmer uncle (who's looking after the horses for us) took me to the farm supplies place to kit out the horses (rugs, bits of tack that we are lacking, leg wraps, etc etc and the list goes on, plus the boots came to £2400- which he is paying for without batting an eyelid ) needless to say- i like him although dh is getting a bit concerned as he has only just split up with his wife and therefore dh is worried that he may have taken a shine to me

Christmas dinner with my mum sends shivers down my spine- you are a brave woman cakes!

Thanks for the welcome everyone :) .

I'm feeling a bit more positive today - well, you just have to, don't you?

reallywoundup - I'll msg you when I feel a bit more up for things if that's ok. I know you don't know me but do feel free to msg/ talk to me anytime too.

SR - that's very positive to hear that about your friend! I need all the positive stories I can get. I have a friend of a friend who has been living with secondaries for 10 years now and is still feeling absolutely fine - amazing!

Lixa - oh good! I was worried after I'd posted and closed the pc dopwn that it might look as though I was belittling what you'd said. I certainly didn't ,eam to. You see there has been a good theme on here in the past that we can't stand people who keep telling you how they've run a village fete AND knitted 10 horse blankets AND climbed Everest etc AND stayed positive while on chemo and how we ALL HAVE TO BE POSITIVE and then we'd all be OK.....

So there's no obligation to run a marathon on here, or even to try being positive if you don't feel like it, and we all know we have real ups and downs. Moans are definitely allowed.

Having said all that, I agree with your line about you just have to feel positive if at all possible as frankly its easier to deal with the whole thing if you can take one step at a time, deal with what you know (rather than a zillion scenarios) and still go out and do stuff!

KK - sorry you're feeling rubbish. A woman in my team is now having to have urgent investigations and was planning to come to work the day after a General Anaesthetic. I warned her she might feel crap and not to even think about coming in till next week IF she felt OK .

If you're going to buy any box sets I still recommend 'The Fortunes of War', 'The Jewel in the Crown' and The Vicar of Dibley' - all excellent recovery material!!

I'm in awe of all this horsey business as I've always been scared of them too. Once rode round the Pyramids on one - asked for an ultra-docile horse and got one. It never even lifted its head up. Only realised afterwards its head was tied down - felt a bit . But RWU I think this must be a wonderful antidote to any feeling down, so go girl go!

Noa hoof boots just sound so cool don't they - they'll be in Vogue next I feel.

I think some farmers have made a bit of an art form about being skint.....but don't tell the YFs or they might beat me up.

Cakes - have done no exercise today as was at work so you can relax and have another biscuit.

Smee - well we got exercises with rads but no music so clearly each dept sets its own priorities...hope rads are going well. Thank-you for explaining about markers - makes me wonder why they didn't mention anything about these to me and others....

I think I 'll be on here less as work picks up but will try to pop in as I would miss you all otherwise.

PS Sorry I do such long posts - bet you're glad I'll be at work!

SR, we are only glad you'll be at work because it's positive. Don't stay away too long. I did have the biscuit (obv) but i also went swimming (good) then went out and blew £500 on a rug (not so good). DH is a bit , while DD was more enthusiastic, until I refused to let her eat yoghurt on it and now she is with DH. I like it though

Can't believe RWU's rich farmer, though. I certainly couldn't see a bill for £2,400 without having to sit down, and possibly take up smoking.

Lixa - i am glad you feel a bit more positive. As you say, you do have to try , as it makes life easier to cope with, but there are times when you can't, and that's when it's good to moan to us. Of course, we are also here for a joke and a chinwag too, that's all part of it. Come here and unload whenever. It becomes a habit.