Blinded by the LIGHTer ladies!

[Mouseface]

Hello

Welcome to our thread all about cake cheese and chcolate healthy eating. Well, on a good day!

I'm Mouse, I have the weight of a huge Camenburg to lose but have lost lots already thanks to the support of this thread and the lovely LIGHTer ladies!

No rules, no clique, just us!!

Come say hi

Brian - What a fecking twat he is. No two ways about it. He knows what this does to you and yet he continues to play the 'I can't afford it' card.

PLEASE DO NOT get into the helping him to see DD1. He has money to see her and pay for petrol etc. DO NOT make it easier for him.

It is HIS responsability to come to see her. He is using emotional blackmail to make you and DP feel bad.

'If you would like to help cover the costs, I'll happily see my daughter more'

TWAT. UBER TWAT!

I know how much this upsets you, DP and DD1 but you mustn't give in to him. He has to do this on his own. He has to make the effort. If he really loved her and wanted to be with her, to coin a JK phrase, he'd walk though the night to get to her.

I'm so sorry that you are all going through this. It's so unfair as the one person who truly suffers is DD1. I hope that in time, she will see XH for what he really is.

A waste of oxygen. Has she asked to see him more? Maybe you can arrange a regular time to let her talk on the phone with him?

As for the CSA woman - ignore the stupid cow. Fancy saying something like that?

Rant away Brian.

Bitter - that's great news! I'm so glad that you felt at ease with her. Makes a huge difference doesn't it? [hsmile]

mouse - you made me cry.

Sorry am uber emotional at the moment, must be my 'pre period psycho' week.

My dad keeps saying 'why do you let him get to you' and I know hes doing it to annoy me but I cant seem to just shrug it off.

Am going to feed evil, but thank you all x

still catching up but brian - if i was your dp i'd have been sorely tempted to text back, "that burden is your daughter and my contribution is raising her you fucking deadbeat"

ds has been asking about his daddy again, another conversation has been had.

bitter - very very glad you saw someone different and it was good.

Agree with Mouse totally. He is doing it because it is his last way of getting at you? Cruel I know. I don't know how to disengage Brian. Ex made me cry on Saturday. At first I was level about it and then it insidiously crept up.

[hgrin] at the knitted gimp outfit.. that third pose is so me....... Just looking at it made me itch.. fluffy wool.....

<a class="break-all" href="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:T0eRh5zx-bS6hM:images2.layoutsparks.com/1/93027/bite-horror-ghost-teeth.jpg&t=1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this is me at the moment though[hgrin]

Brian - don't be calling your ex a twat. Twat is too NICE. He's a cunt. With teeth. (google vagina dentata for more on those lines .

bitter - glad counsellor is an improvement

warning - post full of poo..................

Hopefully not on poo duty till school pick up time - DS doesn't (touch wood) seem to have poo accidents at school - suspect he's spent so many years avoiding pooing at nursery/school that his body clock is set to pooing after school iyswim.

desire - how was it? did you feel comfortable-ish?

Sorry Brian.

Be gentle with yourself please. xx

honestly brian i think you have to accept that he is a shit dad and accept that you may or may not get money and he can't be relied upon financially. i think you have to accept that you cannot control what kind of relationship he has with your dd and that it is not your fault or your responsibility.

how you get to acceptance i don't know but as long as you are hoping someone is different to what you know they are really you are always going to be disappointed/angry/hurt. see him for what he really is and give up hope that he'll transform into something else.

sorry if that's too black and white.

agree with saf/wif, unfortunately. Your DP has tried to talk some sense into him, it hasn't worked, so I wouldn't be trying to sort anything via your dad/his dad.

Think you speak much sense.

I think that maybe i'm resisting believing he's a twat because i picked him? I also always though the people on jk were sort of from another [alien] race so the fact that my ex husband is now acting like one is weird.

And I do keep thinking there must be an explanation for it all because everyone says how much he loves her when he sees her. But then if he loved her he'd pay child support surely? And come up more often? Oh and turn up for her school play etc etc.

I think its because I'm usually very black and white and I'm quite logical so this messes with my mind because i keep thinking im sure he loves her BUT if he did he'd do x, y, z, so it goes round and round in my head.

Enough. Am eating my choccie from mouse so all is well in the world

Brian - chocolate can cure lots of things. And yes, if he really loved her and wanted to see her, spend time getting to know her, be a permanent part of her life, he would make the effort.

Sorry xxx

how about he loves her but his version of love is different to yours and very wanting. he loves her as much as a selfish arse can love, on his terms, when he wants and without much conscience for things that don't immediately affect him?

and all you just said about why doesn't, must be a reason etc is what i mean about needing to accept. our logic, standards etc, what we find reasonable, rational etc is not shared by him. it won't make sense to who you are because he's not you. there's no way to make it make sense - it's just wrong and selfish and shit and the way it is. you're better than him. odd thing to feel or say but it's true.

What WIF said. Put much better than me. [hsmile]

Listen to Saf. She Wise Lady.

thank you.

I will attempt to stop trying to work it out. You are all very right in that his logic is very different to mine, so I will never be able to work it out no matter how hard I try.

And really, no matter how difficult it is sometimes (recorder practise springs to mind), I get the best end of the deal. I get dd1 24/7. I'd certainly prefer that over once every 5 weeks

mouse - that chocolate was too fine.

I am drinking Tea and declaring my love to Double at the same time.

I have had Blackcurrant and Apple slice and a sloosh of cream . As part of my diet plan and am declaring my love for Aaaaaalllllllll of you xx

I'm going to declare my love when I can take a picture too.

I do love her though, even without the mug. [hgrin]

are we thinking she actually got her butt out of bed and to school today?

either that or she's rogering the neighbour senseless

I'm sure it's a school day. However, I wish she was doing the latter Brian. [hgrin]

Of course I love all of you, it's just Double was the only one to give me a mug.

Shall I get you all a 'I love Mouse' tea-towel then? [hgrin]

I fell asleep ... with a blanket around my shoulders to keep off the chill...

God, I wish I was being rodgered senseless.... that's a turn of phrase that brings out the damsel in me ! flushed and breathless with negligee askew....