*TAMOXIFEN* the 5th

[MaryAnnSingleton]

in case we forget and find ourselves at 1000 - here's a fresh new thread !

O Haggisdoodle - I hope your first day is going ok. It must be pretty daunting. What sort of work do you do? (Sorry I can't rememebr) I wish you well, and confess I am not looking forwar to my return to work probably late Oct/early November which will be 11 months.

Good news though - I've been out picking blacknerries today - there are loads dripping off the bushes on the trail at back of our house - yay!

Hope today is going OK haggis - does sound like a lot to cram in. Especially crossing my fingers for the mammo.

Great to be harvesting fruit and veg - we are only doing tomatoes this year, but they are turning nice and red all over the place just now. The thought of beans and courgettes is making me hungry: and you have just reminded me to go out and check on the blackberries in our wasteland wildlife garden.

Thanks for good wishes ref dd, it seems she is worried about:

going into year 3, her ill grandad, but mainly - choking. We saw a little boy a few weeks ago who wwas choking and, of course she witnessed my embarrassing bay leaf incident if anyone remembers that. Result - not eating and retaining her saliva. YUK!
Also hearing voices again (this happened a few years ago). Yikes!! Doctors on Wednesday. Sigh. Good old KK is sending me a book which I am sure will help me to get the right approach going because it's hard to respond appropriately, it is all so ODD.

By the way KK - forgot to say when I looked at the pics - your dh is looking pretty spruce as well!

Hope the first day back went well Haggis, - are you going full time or easing back slowly? And very best wishes for the mammogram, - I got my appointment for mine today - so I greatly sympathise with the anxieties

Blackberries SR - how nice, I love them prefer them to raspberries in fact. All my veg. is very far behind because I got it in so late - my french beans have only yielded 3 beans so far (they were nice though!)

Cakes - the choking thing must be very hard for your DD - poor lamb, (and hard for you of course)I posted the book this afternoon, (In a bright yellow jiffy bag)so should be there soon. I hope she gets on well at the Docs. and they are helpful.

Will pass your compliments on to DH - he scrubs up reasonably well when he tries. (He is usually to be seen in Baden Powell style shorts and freebie t-shirts with chemical company logos on them!)

I've had a nice afternoon doing swimming and yoga, and have just remembered the piano tuner is coming tomorrow morning, - so will have to tidy the house a bit tonight

Deep breath here as long post about to start.... been lazy and have been reading most days but haven't posted for a week.

CC - so sorry to hear of your diagnosis - what a nuisance and what a long time to get it properly diagnosed. Hope it is healing well now.

KK - you and your husband both look fab! I am a teensy bit green as I couldn't look as glam as that in a million years (being a round, plain sort of Haggis you understand). Chuckled re your comments on DS new girlfriend. I really know where you are coming from. My DS is only 6 and I am already having nightmares about unsuitable girlfriends and hoping that he gets someone nice. I think nice is very under-rated. A bit like "normal" life - may be a bit boring but I'd settle for that anytime after this last year iykwim.

Cakes - best wishes to you all - especially FIL and DD. What a rough time you are having.

SR - your tale re the left behind bags made me hoot. That is just such a man thing. DS trip sounds fabulous - is he away for a while?

Glad to see RWU posting - hope all is going well with your treatment and the DCs aren't driving you up the wall too much. Good also to hear from you Smee and that the sickness isn't so bad now.

MAS - what sort of placecards are you doing? I love crafty stuff - do you do scrapbooking/cardmaking? I think it will be so nice to have cards at the wedding that someone has made with love.

Finally (and sorry if I have missed anyone out) thank you all for the kind wishes for yesterday. Work was fab (probably because I didn'y actually do any (SR - I am an oil and gas lawyer)). One of the partners had put a huge floral arrangement on my desk (same partnet who sent a huge box of Molton Brown goodies after my op - he is a sweetie). Lots of catching up to do and 2000 e-mails to sort out. One of the best bits was a card and hugs from the three semi-retired gentlemen who do our deliveries/post room stuff. I had a bit of a sniffle at that. They have been so good to me - even running me back and fore to the hospital (easier to park at the office and get a lift). The mammogram wasn't too bad at all but I did find out that I still have metal clips under my arm where they took out the lymph nodes. Results in 2 weeks...

Well, that's my lot - sorry about long rambling post but hope you are all well. I'm not working today so off to my plot

merched bore, rwy'n ysgrifennu popeth i mewn heddiw Cymraeg gan fy mod yn cael asesiad Cymraeg yn ddiweddarach ar gyfer fy ngradd! dymuno i mi lwc!

not too bad there! Have a welsh exam later to get the 'with welsh' part of my degree! It's actually really difficult to switch between English and welsh- the Boys are loving 'welshy mum' especially as we made Bara Brith yesterday to get me in the mood!

Crikey, Welsh always sounds so impenetrable, deeply impressed! Good luck with exam!

WHAT the heck is an oil and gas lawyer. I know you are up Aberdeen way somewhere but that sounds mighty specific and high-powered. Colleagues sound truly fab though - and gald mammo went OK.

KK - the book and card just plopped onto the mat (nearly brained the dog we are STILL dogsitting), thanks so much for sending it. Loving the picture of bears and the book looks great. Will read and report progress.

Haggis - Oil and Gas lawyer sounds very impressive and I should think a very interesting job. I'm glad your first day went well - it was bound to be a bit emotional, but great that you have such caring colleagues to support you, - Thanks for your kind comments, - I do need to lose weight - was lucky to find a dress that hides a multitude

Glad the book's arrived Cakes - that was quick, only posted it about 4p.m. yesterday!

Reminds me when we were on holiday at my mum's, the post office in their little town has two post boxes on the outside wall. One is labelled 'All Mail' and the other labelled 'All Other Mail' - DH took photos of it.

Welsh looks hard RWU but is such a lovely sounding language - good luck with your exam, am sure you will do well. Do your DC speak welsh too?

I spent last night tidying up for the piano tuner, - only to find this morning I'd got the date wrong - it's next week he's coming.(Actually he's not because I've got a clashing hosp. appointment). My brain is very sieve-like, - oh well at least the hoovering's done, - now I can get into the garden

Haggis - well done on your fitst day. I hope you will find your brain still works as I exepct you need considerable brain power to do do that job! EEK, metal clips after node removal?? Wonder if I've got any?!

RWU - I will have my GH to translate that WElsh! He was brought up speaking Welsh to age 5, then thought he'd forgotten it all but last year he did a course at Nant Gorthain (SP?) (Sorry can't remember exact name/spelling of the Welsh heritage centre on the Lleyn where they run courses) and loads of it came back to him - he was delighted.

I went to M and S today to buy some bread - got diverted into the sales there and at MOnsoon and have bought loads of stuff, also very nice, much reduced shoes Rather expensive bread all in all....

Then have gardened a bit, and now its time for a walk. I MUST NOT END UP WEIGHING14 STONES at the end of this CMF!!! So trying to keep active and away from the kitchen especially while DS away for 3 weeks. Have lost 3 lb of those I have gained while on CMF. Really need to lose a stone and a half but they say not to diet at the mo. Groansville.

I think you are doing well to have lost any weight at all at the moment. I haven't lost an ounce and I finished treatment yonks ago.

Wrong date for piano tuner strikes a chord (forgive the pun ) I barely know what day it is any more, let alone who is coming round, when, or for how long. Now I just go with the flow, sometimes it is quite entertaining

has Monsoon got a sale on??? I'll get me coat....

Hi all, have had mad 10 days leading up to chemo today, christenings, trip to London, sister's surprise birthday party, am exhausted so chemo great excuse to lie down for a while. Poor old veins taking a hammering, 3 goes to get in today. But only 1 more to go, yay! The nasty skin disorder seems to have stalled a bit on the new toxic potions. Smee u r right it sounds just like a Hermione spell!!

KK u did look fab, love the colours of that dress.

RWU so impressed with the Welsh!

Haggis, am so pleased u had fab return to work. My friend is 9 months ahead of me in this game and seems to have lost all her confidence. Finished chemo last November, still wearing wig and seems unable to return to work. Am concerned about the post-treatment low mood I keep reading about. I want to get out of this with a bigger spring in my step, and return to work will be a big hurdle. Am going to try to leave it till next Easter, a full 12 months. Will be weird going back!

Wanted to also talk about blackberries which I love, but nozinan kicking in and need to zzzzzzz

Oh one last thing, thnx for the Harrods eyebrow tattooing contact, Smee, but she was booked out for last tues and wed when I was in London. Also I would have needed a patch test 24 hrs in advance and a 6 weeks touch up visit, so not ideal. Looking into it closer to home, but in meantime, have discovered Benefit Browzings, truly brill! Lasts longer than pencil & looks more natural I think.

Hope you are feeling better cupcaked, and that the skin is sorting itself out.

Don't be worrying about the low mood thing - your friend's response seems to be way beyond what most of us are talking about, I think: she really should try to get some support for that, it sounds really distressing. IME it is more like anxiety and worrying over little aches and pains, of which there are sometimes quite a few owing to tiredness and starting tamoxifen.

Hi, have been busy today, reading in bed till about 1030 as had no energy to get up, making jam, shopping for DH who just cannot choose a t-Shirt for himself, and general stuff.

Where do you get those browzings please?

Yes Monsoon have a sale on, so get along quick!

Actually (being brave here) Main thing today was that I went to see a hypnotherapist for help with relaxing. She spent an hour and a half with me, and we did 'tapping therapy'. She went through a lot of issues from the past which I don't really think of as current problems - in particular the sudden deaths of my sister and father in late 92/ear;ly 93. So a lot of crying was involved. Well, she's given me a technique to try out anyway and didn't hypnotise me at all. We'll see. I'm a bit drained out now. Need to put the strawberry jam in jars though. Have only made small quantities as its more manageable that way.

Gosh SR am sure you feel like a wet rag now. That must have been very hard, but hope it helps in the longer run. Making strawberry jam sounds like hard work- be good to yourself. Start with visit to Debenhams tomorrow, where I got my Browzings kit, but I'm sure anywhere that does Benefit stuff, eg Boots, will have it. Think u will like it, I'm guessing your brows must be nearly as not there as mine now! I am such a superficial creature, I feel so much better when have them painted on, and as for my false eyelashes at party last Friday, I just LOVED the mirror!

SR - sounds as if you have had a draining day - very emotional. Be good to yourself.
CC- you too sound as if you need to take it easy. Sorry to hear about the veins but at least the end is in sight.

RWU - I am mightily impressed with the Welsh!

Thanks for all the support re return to work. Cakes - there are loads (relatively ) of O&G lawyers in Aberdeen. Most of the oil companies have bases here and they usually have an in house legal team. I work in private practice but we have a lot of O&G clients and over the years I seem to have drfifted into doing that work almost exclusively. It is fun buying an oil field (more fun than buying houses) but I must confess I stick to the simple stuff and avoid the high pressure work - leave that to my testosterone ridden colleagues. It's not particularly hard but I was struggling today and took hours to do something I would normally do in 20 mins. Like your friend CC I have lost a bit of confidence but I knew if I stayed off any longer I probably wouldn't go back.

Never mind, I have almost finished the e-invites for my "Alive and Kicking" party - complete with Alive and Kicking Music (Simple Minds). Also gazebo arrived yesterday so preps well under way!

Haggis - thats great to have a party. I'm also thinking of doing this! I hope your's goes well and is a treat for everyone. Mine will be in Oct/November I hope.

CC - my eyebrows are growing back but a bit patchy still, and after years of too much plucking I feel they'll need some help! So I feel good when I draw in the gaps (!) and will look into the browzings while my brows recover. I do wonder if CMF slows growth down a bit and have a hope that when all my treatment is over they might speed up a bit! Its so long on the Epi-CMF regime as it takes 7 whole months to have all treatments - and that's not allowing for any delays due to low counts. Fortunately my counts have been ok so far. Next treatment starts tomorrow morning.

I hope evryone ios OK, including lurkers. I wonder ho Pennies is getting on as no news for a long time.

Hi all,

Interested to hear about the hypnotherapist SR, I haven't heard of tapping therapy - let us know how you get on, I hope you find it helpful. (Sympathise with the unable to choose a t-shirt DH!) Strawberry jam sounds great, I must get some fruit and have a go - we used to have a huge plum tree in the garden, so made jam every year, but it is no more, so I'm out of practice.

CC - thank you for your kind comments. I hope you are healing now and the strong drugs are doing their job. I think the low mood is normal in a way - I mentioned it to my onc. and he said 'you have to think of what you have been through and see it all relatively.' End of treatment is another stage in the whole business. (I recommended a book a while ago called 'After BC' here which I found quite helpful.

I think the loss of confidence is something you almost don't expect, especially if you have been a fairly confident person. I found it hard to go out on my own for some reason, but it comes back gradually. CC I agree with Cakes, your poor friend sounds as if she is struggling, her BCN would probably be able to arrange some counselling or relaxation therapy for her.

I'm sure you'll soon be back to your usual pace at work Haggis, - it's bound to take a bit of time. But great that you are back and enjoying it. Buying oil Fields does sound like fun! My sister lives in your neck of the woods, - and when I fly up to visit her, I'm often the only one on the plane who isn't an oilman!

I am very of your gazebo, by the way.

I went to swimming and yoga again yesterday morning, and then fell asleep for the whole afternoon . But am going to tackle the kitchen cupboards today (can't seem to fit anything in them, because they are full of stuff I use once a year or never. - We inherited a lot of crockery when my MIL died, and there just isn't room.)

Jam, parties etc sound great fun to me: hypnotherapy sounds fascinatinng as well. It is all go on here at the moment.

KK's cupboards strike a chord - stuff spews out of all my cupboards every time I open one. I am gradually decluttering but I imagine I'll finish in about 5 years time.

Oil and gas legal stuff still sounds high powered: everyone has such grown up jobs except me.

Low mood and low energy here as well: it comes and goes in fits and starts for quite some time, I find. We just have to give ourselves time. But on the plus side, MRI for my back went well: they didn't find any lurking cancer cells, which was a possibility they were considering - it is just the old back problem I have had for years, so that's a bit of a relief, then

And FIL has apparently just woken up! After two weeeks in a coma! I think the outline remains poor - but it's positive news, at least.

Pleased your MRI went well Cakes, that's a relief

And good that FIL has regained consciousness. Hope he continues to improve.

Cakes - what a relief about your back, Thank goodness. And strange about your FIL - I hope he can at least have a little time with the family even if the outlook is poor. I valued the time in the last couple of weeks with my father even though we knew he was dying.

I will get that book KK as it sounds helpful.

We are selling our family trailer tent tonight, to a friend with 2 young boys. I'm a bit sad as we've had some good holidays in the tent but its too big for us now, and I don't want to have to do the lifting required, so DH and I are going to buy a snaller one for 2 people, or 3 if a DC squeezes in! They can always have a separate tent as we have a couple of those. I really like trailer tents as you sleep up off the ground and its (for me age 55) much more civilised than other forms of camping! We've taken it to Devon, Wales, Norway, Ireland and France, over the years.

Hope everyone is OK with the tiredness affecting us. Think I'll rest a bit now.

Thanks, all!

Not sure what to make of FIL waking up, I guess we'll know a bit more over the next few days. He woke up, smiled at MIL and squeezed her hand then stayed awake for several hours. This was after us being told he would not make much of a recovery so we are not getting ahead of ourselves, we'll have to see. But as you say, even if this is just a bit of a chance to say goodbye, it is very good to have had it.

Selling the tent must be a wrench: no point hauling a great big one around though. New small one will be good and hopefully lighter to manhandle (also prob some nice colourways to choose from as well)

How's the hernia KK?

Shame you have to sell your tent SR - but you'll have lots of happy memories, and the family who are getting it will have good times too

It is good your FIl recognised MIl Cakes and was able to squeeze her hand- whatever the outcome, at least they will have had some communication and time together.

The hernia is a bit of a nuisance - its a dragging pulling feeling in my groin (although it is actually in my abdomen above a scar) Still waiting for a scan to find out more about it - My body is falling apart in my old age

Sorry about the hernia KK. Are they going to do anything about it?

My blood counts were rather low this morning (which accounts for my tiredness) but saw the onc. He asked iof I felt knackered, I said no, and so we proceeded with chemo! I'm a bit tired but not knackered and onc. understood I wanted to get to the end of this CMF asap. So that was good. Only 3 more doses to go and 28 days of those tablets which I do find rather yukky. Will start them this evening to enjoy today!

I've eaten steak twice this week and liver once, so hoipe red cells will appreciate this! Onc said it was the combination of rads and chemo that will have knocked my white cells and they should recover within a month. Lets hope so.

I don't how people who've had really really low blood counts have coped at all, esp with young children.

Right, back to the jam therapy.

Have a good weekend all! (Is MAS away??)

Hope you don't feel too bad SR - at least you are getting on with it, which has to be good.

No real news here except that DD's various traumas seem to revolve around me for some reason. All of a sudden she seems pretty angry and aggressive with me, sometimes, and at other times oddly and rather annoyingly obsessed - won't leave my side. All most strange but I have decided to back off a bit as the intensity of all this isn't helping either of us, especially as I really haven't done anything different to explain the change, and she seems unable to account for it. She's off to my Mum's for a sleepover - maybe she'll offer something useful to her Nan.

Typical conversation just recently:

DD: Mum am I annoying?
Me: well occasionally I want to deck you No of course not darling
DD: Well you annoy me, and when you are annoying me it annoys Dad too

!!!!!!!!!

I am wondering if it is the worry about my health last year coming out in some strange and rather delayed way. If you got to the end of this - well done but feel completely free to ignore, I was only venting

Ckes, I'm sorry about these problems with your duahgter. Its seems strange that this should suddenly happen. Perhaps you're right about it being the health issues now coming out somehow.

I hope she might talk to her nan a bit.

My DS finds my DH very annoying. DH plays up a bit which then I find annoying!

On the other hand I reckon all teens find their parents annoying/embarressing for a few years! And they sometimes annoy us. It is useful if the teen finds one parent less anoying than the other, I find! Fortunately my DH and DD seem to be a similar wavelength and DS and I are on similar wavelength, but different to their's!

Its at least helathy if you can talk about the fact that one person is feeling annoyed I guess! Could at least lead to a talk (with luck and a fair wind behind you) about how to annoy less.

I find car journeys with one DC are useful for DCs to talk - something about they don't need to look at you! About half an hour going somewhere can help in my experience.

Anyway I hope this is a just a phase.

I'm having a quiet day doing a few useful jobs. DH has gone to Wales to pick up the luggae left behind last time. Good thing he's away as he's had a bug and I don't want it!