Think I've discovered my father is not my father!

[whojamaflip]

Let me start by saying I'm not particularly bothered by this - my childhood was somewhat difficult so this may be relief!

I've had notification from ancestry that a close relative has been identified through DNA.

By the name it looks like it's my brother but we only share 25% according to the results. All dna links are on my maternal side.

I've been struggling with my family tree and dna links of 3rd cousins which have come up because no matter how I tried I could not make the link to these people through my tree - common ancestors do not match on my paternal side.

Am I right in thinking 25% indicates a half sibling or have I read this wrong?

Just an update for anyone who may be interested. My db has been in touch with a cousin on my father’s side who has done a dna test and who has shared his family tree with him. The cousins tree reads exactly how my fathers side of the tree should read if he was my father and the suggested dna matches all fit into where I had researched so we know for a fact that our cousin was definitely related to the man I called my father.

However there are no dna matches between my cousin and my db and none with me which adds evidence to the fact that neither me or db are related to the man who raised us.

Apart from that we are no further forward and I think it’s now a case of waiting until one of us has a close sibling dna match come out of the woodwork! On my side the closest suggestion I have had is 3rd cousin.

Db and I share no common dna matches so we know we have different fathers!

Wow that’s a lot to take in OP, how are you & DB feeling? 💐
How do you feel about your Mum now?

Thank you for updating us.

I remember someone using a donor in the 1980s

Not sure about the 70s

it was definitely a thing in USA , I dont know about the UK

To be honest I’m absolutely fine with it, db on the other hand is trying to reconcile himself to the fact that the man he so desperately wanted approval from isn’t his father. Whereas I’m like hey ho it is what it is!

Im still curious who my father is - that’s human nature but I’ve reached the stage in life that I’m happy in my own skin (good old therapy!) so I’m not actually that bothered.

As for dm - as I said before if she didn’t do what she did then I would’nt be here so I’m taking that as a positive - I’m sure she had her reasons and I can only hope that somehow she tells us the truth before she departs this realm. I’m not going to push her as we have finally shaken down into a good relationship after many years of difficulties and I would rather enjoy the years we have left together than undo the progress we have made.

It definitely sounds like a sperm donor situation.

Thanks for the update. I have wondered about how this was going to pan out for you.
I think you’re right not to push dm whilst your relationship is good. You never know she might offer you the information without any prompting.

@whojamaflipit’s difficult but not always impossible to work out who your father is from 3rd cousin matches. I know because I did it! My original top match was 173cM. It’s certainly possible to build a tree with great great grandparents and maybe great grandparents while you wait for higher matches. If you want some help, feel free to pm me 🙂

Or a couple of one night stands.

Possible in theory but for both to result in pregnancy would be to say the least unlucky.

Unless she wanted two children.