Think I've discovered my father is not my father!

[whojamaflip]

Let me start by saying I'm not particularly bothered by this - my childhood was somewhat difficult so this may be relief!

I've had notification from ancestry that a close relative has been identified through DNA.

By the name it looks like it's my brother but we only share 25% according to the results. All dna links are on my maternal side.

I've been struggling with my family tree and dna links of 3rd cousins which have come up because no matter how I tried I could not make the link to these people through my tree - common ancestors do not match on my paternal side.

Am I right in thinking 25% indicates a half sibling or have I read this wrong?

What you have described was a routine way to hide a teen pregnancy in the past. Many "mothers" in their late forties and fifties, big age gap between the baby and the other kids. A lot of first babies were "early" as well, if the wedding night was believed to be the first sexual encounter between the couple.

And also sometimes married older sisters pretending the baby was theirs when actually it was the baby of an unmarried younger teen sister.

Good luck OP. Can I be the first to ask about old school clues? Do you LOOK like your (maybe) Dad?

I have a cousin who has a child that she never disclosed the father of. We all recognise he is the image of her sister’s boyfriend who was living with their family at the time!

Also as a pp has said a friend ‘helping out’ maybe with full blown sexual encounter or a turkey baster.

I agree. It was common in the 70s to have children very quickly after getting married. Any more than a year or so and people would start to ask questions.

If they had been married a while then it’s possible they had some kind of informal donation. And then subsequent children could have been conceived naturally

While that's certainly possible, it doesn't mean that it necessarily happened.

My sibling and I were born in the late 1960s more than seven years after our parents married.

Both of my parents have done Ancestry DNA tests as well and they are definitely both my parents.

You share a mother but have different fathers. My father had two brothers - he had a half brother with the same mum as him but different fathers and another half-brother who had the same dad but different mum. And my dad is in his late 80s so it is not an unusual situation. Its called a blended family Great for family trees and great fun working out how you are related to people at parties.

It is just herbperogative. It’s your history especially family history.

its the 21st C no shame now. She should be honest with you. She probably won’t but it’s equally your prerogative/ right to have this answered.

It could be that your mother was pregnant with you when she met your “father” and he agreed to raise you as his own (or perhaps they never spoke about it and he just pretended not to know you weren’t his biological child) but then it got too much. People used to do some weird things when having a baby out of wedlock was frowned upon. Anyway I hope you get to the bottom of it.

Oh sorry, just re-read your comment saying they were married years before you were born - so my comment makes no sense! It’s intriguing though and I hope you manage to find out more.

Could your DM maybe have had an affair with a married US soldier OP? It might explain your Mum's reticence?

One of my brothers shares only 47% of his DNA with me.

That's normal for a full sibling.

Found out my dad is not my dad this way.
I always thought something was off
h
He always treated me badly but idolised my brother.
my mum died when I was ten and the first words he said was that I had to go!!
my brother refuses to do a test, my half sister did one so I know which matches are mums side. Apparently I have a shit load of cousins in Australia!!
I asked my dad once if he was my dad and he said yes I was in the room when you were born lol
he refuses point blank to discuss anything and us narcissistically abusive and haven’t spoken in six months now!! Just prey for a better match one day!!

Why US? I don’t think OP was born during WWII !

US military personnel in the UK long after WW2.

@HotCrossBunplease
My best friend at school was mixed race. Her father was a black American serviceman and her mother white British. He was based at an American airforce base in East Anglia when he met her mother. Unfortunately he already had a wife and kids in the US and he returned to them.
We were born in the mid 1960s.

I grew up in that part of the world too. We used to buy cheap King Edward cigars off the USAF guys.

Full siblings can range from 38% - 61%
A full sibling DNA match typically falls within a range of 2,200 to 3,400 centimorgans (cM)

@whojamaflip It might be helpful for you to also do a '23 & Me' DNA test as well as ancestry. I did both Ancestry and '23 & Me' and it is easier to see which DNA matches are on Paternal and Maternal sides on '23 & Me'. I understand that others allow you to 'import' your DNA results but these two don't.

My Father was adopted but I have lots of info on My Mother's side. I discovered a 3rd cousin on my Mother's side so I can much more easily now see which of these DNA matches are on my maternal side and which are on my paternal side on '23 & Me'

The other thing to be aware of is that names do not necessarily tie in, immediately, especially as you go back a few generations. The 3rd cousin that I mentioned got in touch with me and gave me a whole lot of potential surnames that might be in my tree. All unknown to begin with, however, I am fortunate that a couple of my ancestors were well known in their day and when I was looking at the details of one of them on Wikipedia, the list of their offspring included the information that one of the siblings of my ancestor had married someone with one of the surnames being suggested by my 3rd cousin. Further discussion made it clear that we had found our common ancestor ( my 2 x Great Grandfather and Great Grandmother).

@whojamaflip please keep us updated won't you? Looking forward to the findings with your brother

We just discovered my DDs grandfather on the paternal side is not her grandfather. We only found out as all the people involved are now dead, which is sad as we don't really know the full story. I hope you get the answers you're looking for OP.

My dc have different fathers and show as having 25% match, which I assume is the same as a first cousin?

i found a ‘close’ relative (brother) through Ancestty, dad’s side and a ‘cousin’ his brother. My uncle was a bachelor.
So, I’ve worked out that my df and his db hooked up with two sisters. The brother and cousin have the same surname. The mother and bro are from my hometown, the cousin now lives in the US which matches up to the haunts my uncle went to as had links with a Uk US military base. I’m pleased he has a son as he was a bachelor when he died.
I’ve not contacted either of them, but can’t say I’m not tempted. Dad always joked that there may be another sibling somewhere 🙄😂

Out of interest, why do you describe it like that and not “we just found out my husband/partner’s father is not his father”?

There are any number of possible scenarios where a woman becomes pregnant and the father is not around later.

Perhaps the father of the child has passed away?

Another example, I have heard an American term "baby daddy". As I understand it, this refers to a situation where a man does not live with the mother and child and rarely interacts with the mother or child. He may or may not pay child maintenance unless compelled.