Overheard a rant on the bus.What ‘bastard’ things will you not have in your garden.

[florentina1]

A man behind me yesterday was ranting to his friend about “bastard lupins”Apparently his wife loves them, he hate them, and they are coming up everywhere. He was really funny, almost worthy of his own stand up routine.

For me it is fuchsia. Gladioli, hanging baskets and anything with slogans.

Fake grass.

IVY.

I have 6 gardens that I share borders with.
5 of them have bastard ivy in their garden that I am constantly battling to kill.

Made a mistake of planting a single raspberry cane. It’s taking over my entire bed, lawn and garden. No idea what to do other than to just move house

a greenhouse. climbing frames. dirty ponds

Anything that requires effort as I hate gardening 😂
plus kids play in the garden so we just keep short grass for now lol

I have a rose growing up the side of the garage which I call "rosa bastarda" for the savageness of its thorns which catch in your hair and your clothes every time you try to prune it! But for 2 weeks in June it looks just wonderful so I reprieve it every time...

Fucking horseradish

Bamboo. The builders planted it in neighbours garden (I think they annoyed them greatly). Bamboo is now in my Garden.

Also, agapanthus? They're amazing!

We do have the triffid-like foxgloves every year but I like them.

I cut down every Echium I find when DH isn't looking. They are beautiful in their own way and the bees love them but omg they take over!

My neighbour has a beautiful hydrangea that inspired me to get one but whereas theirs comes out every year lovely and lush mine hasn’t grown at all and has just looked dead from about a week after I got it. I’m obviously doing something wrong but don’t know what 🤷‍♀️

Crocosmia! Hideous and invincible it seems...

Ok so NON of you should ever visit my garden... I have ALL THE PLANTS to offend the lot of you...except for gnomes I have no gnomes

...goes to buy gnomes

Please send me your unwanted fuchsia and agapanthus. I love them. In return I will send you the bastard pampas grass that I have been steadily killing for the last 6 months. I'm hoping it's just about to expire.

Gnomes
Trampoline
Hideous slogan signs
Kids

Love agapanthus, love a geranium (even a brick red one in the right place) thrive on neglect, foxgloves add gorgeous height, fuchsia - we have a whole hedge of the red fuchsia like you get in Ireland...

Can't get Echiums to grow...bee towers of echiums everywhere but not in our garden.

Don't like the big chandelier type fuchsias too blowsy and out of proportion.

Love a gladioli.

Next doors hardy geraniums that self seed everywhere, form thick clumpy roots and are a bugger to dig out...they can fuck off.

Euphorbia. I got a rash from the sap and the bastard things are still popping up a decade after I dug up the original plant. My lip automatically curls whenever I see one in the garden centre.

hydrangeas,
i inherited one,
i hate it,
but not enough to dig it out

I also love agapanthus, but I also grow that in a pot. I didn’t realise ir was invasive though.

my husband tried to convince me to get pampass grass for the front yesterday, when I said about swingers he said what’s going to happen the postie come in swinging his keys.😂 so I had to say no I just don’t like it. He then tried to convince me the pink flowering one was nice. Um. No. No it’s not.

wild garlic
dd grabbed them in handfuls and poisoned me when she cooked them!

I love clematis, but it just keeps dying. Can't stand the Spanish bluebells either, just weeds really. I was shocked to find that people actually voluntarily buy it in garden centres.

I once recklessly planted mint in the garden of a rental property. I like to think it may have reached bastard status in the gardens of that row of terraces.

fecking fake grass

I used to have both Agapanthus and Crocosmia. I killed them both, and I miss them. Sob.

i planted perpetual sodding spinach once
that was a mistake!

Bastard marigolds. DH is obsessed with them for reasons unknown and I hate them