Overheard a rant on the bus.What ‘bastard’ things will you not have in your garden.

[florentina1]

A man behind me yesterday was ranting to his friend about “bastard lupins”Apparently his wife loves them, he hate them, and they are coming up everywhere. He was really funny, almost worthy of his own stand up routine.

For me it is fuchsia. Gladioli, hanging baskets and anything with slogans.

It is the devil's plant, hate it with a passion, even feel quite triggered if I see it in tubs, had an idiot neighbour who planted it and it took over his back yard and then mine. It grows at a horrific rate, you can almost see it getting taller and it puts runners under the soil hence the rapid spread. I have paid to have it dug up but recently spotted a little bit sprouting up, my blood ran cold

The @florentina1 post made me think

The ranter on the bus goes "Lupins,lupins,lupins"

The ranter on the bus goes "Lupins,lupins,lupins"

The ranter on the bus goes "Lupins,lupins,lupins"

All daaaaay long.

That's is exactly what it is! Planting and garden design etc is a really good example of a set of social class markers.

Personally, I'd like an affectionate tribute to the suburban, lower-middle-class bedding plant to win Chelsea.

Are they those hideous things that look like palm trees and drop bastard sword shape metre long leaves everywhere?
Hideous things!

Bloody bastard sycamore seedlings! I spend my entire life picking the wee bastards out of every nook and cranky!

Bastard stupid baby tree - I didn't bother to read the label properly, planted it too close to the house and now it's freaking HUGE

We had the same problem - I sawed the top feeding part off from the base and upright, and fixed it to the fence. So it’s very unobtrusive, but still visible. Then I gave the base to a neighbour for their log burner. (But it wasn’t a present!)

There is honestly only one plant that I will never allow in my garden again. My garden is in the Outer Hebrides, right next to the sea and is regularly blasted with high winds, sea spray and general awfulness. So anything that survives is welcome and anything that thrives is loved! I have a few things that spread like crazy (muscari, crocus, pansies, London pride) but I can easily move anything that's in the wrong place.

The one exception is rosa rugosa. I planted a hedge of it and for about 10 years is was unenthusiastic but well-behaved. Then one year, it spread everywhere- suckers were popping up all over the place! I had a handy spare goat, who ate all of it, but of course it came back the second that George was needed elsewhere. Eventually, it had to be dug out by hand, after weedkillers had failed. It has gone now, but it took weeks to dig out.

Well this thread is showing that I give no thought to colour schemes. I'm just happy with pretty much anything that isn't weed!

I will agree with sycamores (although I love my two big trees) but the seedlings are insane this year.

Pot marigold takes over the front but I quite like it, well I do in early summer but I fail to rip it out as there are always a few flowers hanging on and it just becomes a mass of dead flowers later. Going to have to be more brutal this year.

I love the humble pansy and I like gladioli and fushias as I clearly have old lady tastes.

Though thanks to this thread I have solved the mystery of why the back corner of the garden smells of cat shit - it's the Ribes growing over the fence from next door.

We have one next to the fishpond,I'd love to get rid of it but I have no idea where to start.

There's a thought. Must see if I can liberate some foxglove seed this year.

Mint plants and raspberry canes. Both have a plan for world domination and the bastards are impossible to contain.

Leave it unprotected in the winter - a particularly heavy frost should see it off.

I REALLY hate begonias. They look like shit plastic plants from the 70s.

I've just imagined all of these bastards with a Sean Bean accent...got me through lockdown that meme did!

Gasp! I love geraniums! 😀

There’s a ‘plant’ that grows everywhere here - Green Alkanet is its British name. It spreads like sodding wildfire as it self-seeds quite violently and efficiently so give it a year and your garden will be overrun.

Lots of people leave it as “it’s pretty” but transpires it’s a poxy weed. Spent about 30minutes wrestling with 8 of the gits that had grown in my borders. It has a super chunky root system so it takes a tussle of remove it.

I. Was wondering what that was @MidlandCatGirl I've got tons appeared in the garden. My mum calls it forget-me-not (though she's forgotten every other sodding plant name) but even I knew it wasn't that.

Neighbours bastard ivy. Had it on 3 sides, it gets removed annually from the back, often by someone on the other side, they even remove it from behind our shed where we can't get to, no discussion, it just goes.
One side had it removed and a fence put up, mostly it has gone.
Other side has left everything to grow against our fence and we are continually replacing panels.
It caused her wall to collapse, rendering one part of our garden unsafe until it was fixed, over a year, because she waited until the wall fell against our house before bothering. It took her 11 years to remove the bastard ivy from her side, but she left it too late to save her wall.

Bastard Wild Blackcurrant which will not FUCK OFF however much I dig it out. Same goes for Bishops Weed, these nuggets choke everything! it’s all a losing battle in what is otherwise a beautiful garden.

Oh it’s a mare, you need to wear thick gardening gloves and not let the bristles on it touch your skin as they’re really rough.

I only found out what it was (new house so new garden and strange plants!) by downloading a plant finder app - take a pic, upload it and your random ‘what IS it?!’ plant will be there.

So do I,begonias too.

That was for nonevernotever as the reply thing didn’t work. Bah.

Does it attract bees?

You’re right! This is all through my back garden. The root system is unbelievably sturdy. Can’t believe I forgot to list it. I only just learnt the name after several years of misidentifying it