Year 13 2023/2024 - General support thread

[Rollergirl11]

It’s now the time for our young adults to sit their final year at sixth form/college. Everyone is welcome!

School has sent us an email to say that they aren’t affected by RAAC which is good.

That's good news @MirandaWest.

I'm so angry about all this. Apparently the government knew about it in May/June and yet they're only informing schools days before the new school year starts. And they're expecting schools to find alternative space for whole year groups and in some cases whole schools with what seems like no support. There's been nothing in the press about the government supplying money for temp buildings or other assistance to schools not to mention no programme to actually fix the affected buildings.

Children have had such disruption over the past few years that preventing further disruption to their education should be top priority. But no.

Ok. Rant over. Thank you.

Thanks Louis, Lego and Its I think we escape concrete chaos but old schools are both closed with it.

DD just writing personal statement here. I am helping but it was a long time ago I did mine. She is worried she is 700 characters short but think that will be fine and school have to review too.

DD is reading and doing a MOOC in preparation for writing her PS but it all seems a bit random to me - hopefully a meaningful thread will be revealed when she starts writing it 😬

She is aiming to have a first draft by next weekend when college starts in earnest.

DD proudly announced that she has now got 3,998 characters and seems much happier. 🤔😻

Can I join in? Ds1 going back for his final year at college tomorrow. He doesn't want to go to uni so this will be his final year of education. I know it's a cliche but I'm sure his first day in reception wasn't that long ago. Ds is looking forward to going back and has already said that he won't be posing for a photo in front of the front door. I may have to bribe him!

@elliejjtiny he needs to understand that it's the law that every parent must do the doorstep photo for the entirety of a child's time in education!

Not back until Wedn here and then they start at 1.30pm!!

This is my busiest time at work, plus sixth form open evenings for DS2 and the last few unis for DS1. I’ve got a good chunk of October booked for leave to recover.

DS1 working hard on his Tsarist Russia essay but won’t accept help/let me see (I have written virtually the same essay at uni as a mature student so not a million years ago). He’ll come at midnight on a random work night.

DD is like that StColombo She is adamant she needs no help with anything and then suddenly at like 2am you'll get a request for advice. 😂

DD not back until Thursday. Today is the joint birthday party with her friend (who is already 18 - friend's birthday was 2nd September. DD has a couple of weeks until that date).

She's having her hair cut from long to about shoulder length. Am hoping it all goes OK (haircut and party!)

Back today for my two. Did the obligatory back to school photo but it'll be my last with two children in it (unless ds photobombs next year - unlikely - he hates having his photo taken!)

It was definitely only the year before last that he was in reception.

He should get awarded his prefect's rosette today in assembly which will be nice. On the flip side he thinks he might have a maths test but there's nothing on Teams about it and he can't remember what it was supposed to be on. Oh well!

Not back til Thursday here. Term begins on Weds but only years 7 and 12 are in on the first day. I can't believe my baby is starting his last year at school. It's 21 years since the eldest began Reception so big changes coming up! I am looking forward to not being tied to going away in school holidays after this year though and DH and I have a few plans for next year already.

Gosh, reading this, it still hurts- even though I know I shouldn't hold on to it.

Last year when DD finished her GCSEs, we forgot to take a photo before she left, but when she came back from her last exam, I said, please let's take a photo, this is your last time in uniform - and DH took several photos, but DD looked at them, said they were all awful, and deleted them, even though I begged and begged her not to or to let him take one that she was happy with, but she refused.

The reason I wanted that photo so much was to put on the Whatsapp group for my parents in Australia, as my DM was dying. I had sent DS2 ahead of me (he arrived the previous Friday), but I only had my flight booked for the next day (Tuesday) as DD finished her GCSEs on Monday. I was really upset with DD, and it was a big row, but what could I do. So I went out to do some last minute shopping, and while I was in the shops DS2 phoned to say DM had gone (she died at home, we brought her home from the hospice in January, as it seemed a better place for her). There is a good chance that if DD had let us take a photo of her, and I could have put it on the Whatsapp group, it might have been the last thing DM ever saw, as DS2 was with her and would have shown her.

In theory DD and I made up and I brushed it aside (what am I going to do, traumatise her by referring to it, it was stupid teenage behaviour -and I had been specifically not talking that much about DM as I wanted DD to get through the GCSEs, ,and even though when I left DM in February nobody expected her to make June, she held on and held on, and by the time I booked my ticket we really hoped she would make it until DD finished and I managed to fly there, and she did wait until a few hours after DD put down the pen on the last exam), but it is striking that I can't seem to manage a reference about obligatory doorstop photos on a Mumsnet list without getting upset and thinking about DM, which is not great.

So no, I am not going to ask DD for any doorstep photos this time - she is not in uniform anyway, so it wouldn't look any different to any other photo of her, and to be honest, I quite frankly don't want it, even though I am sure DF would be happy to see it. But DM isn't here to see it, and I can't help thinking about the one she didn't see.

@Naem there is no rationality to be found in grief and the things that seems unconnected that we connect with it. You feel the way you do and this triggers you and you are allowed to be upset by them. I hope you are ok.

So sorry to hear about your mum @Naem - and that this has brought up raw memories - I think I remember you posting about it at the time. Kids can be so bloody minded at this age and there's not a lot we can do.

Ds won't let us take pictures either which is a shame.

So sorry to hear about your mum @Naem DD also hates photos being taken though is really beautiful but I am glad she can express that. I hate photos of me too quite often especially people who take non stop photos or who take photos with no warning. So I can completely relate to DD. She told me on holiday its as she doesn't like the way she looks, maybe your DD has the same Naem, my DD looks so perfect it never occurred to me that could be reason but I guess girls are body conscious at that age. I do think its good though that a child can express their views about it and don't just go along because they are too scared to speak up. I would imagine your Mum would have wanted you and your DD to be getting on well more than any photo. GCSEs is a very stressful time.

I'm so sorry @Naem that's so sad. Dh managed to accidentally delete a load of my photos off the computer a few years ago including the only photo of ds4 and my Dad who died when ds4 was 9 months old. Thankfully a lot of them were backed up but a lot of them weren't.

Ds1 has been bribed and 1 photo was taken. He refused to smile or wear his college id lanyard and of course he isn't in uniform so you can't really tell it's a back to school photo. Part of the bribe is that I take 12 year old ds3 out for the day on Wednesday so ds1 can use his recording equipment in peace (all my others go back on Wednesday but years 8, 9 and 10 get the day off on Wednesday so the year 7's can settle in and ds1 gets Wednesday's off college). So I'll get loads of nice photos of ds3 flinging himself around at air hop and getting soaking wet in the splash park.

Thanks all, yes I am generally fine. As @StColumbofNavron says, certain things just atract the grief, and this is clearly one of them. And yes, @Silkierabbit body consciousness is no doubt at the root of it, even though - we well saw some old friends for lunch the other day, and the old friend commented (to me, not to her), that does DD realise how stunningly beautiful she now is? I said I didn't think she did, and the friend said, well it won't be long. DD was a very late developer, so looking like a woman rather than a girl is fairly new, and being in a single sex environment with other friends who were all young for their age and not generally interested in "girly" stuff until very recently, has shielded her quite a lot (there were groups of boy crazy, partying girls, but DD and her friends wanted nothing to do with them and simply kept away). But even understanding the body consciousness, this was a last picture in uniform for the immediate family, she knows I never post pictures on social media (except for very private Whatsapp groups of very immediate family).

We are also not back until Wednesday, and DD has done very little over the holidays (except some work experience she will need for her university applications - the RVC wants two weeks minimum in a Veterinary practice for Veterinary nursing).

She doesn't need to submit UCAS until January, so feels she has lots of time for her PS. I am a bit concerned that it will become very full on during the term, and mocks are in January, so not a great time to be trying to write it.

And her AS level (Geography) went really well - and so did her end of year exams, A's in all of them, which for her is excellent - although the Biology teacher is refusing to predict more than a B, because she didn't expect the A, none of DDs tests during the year have been As. But (isn't it always the way with parents), I am worried it will lull her into a false sense of security. At least the AS is actually banked, which is nice (the Human Geography was one mark off an A, but the Physical Geography was four marks above, which is stunning for DD, and means it was an overall A). But getting an A in her other end of year exams runs the risk that she thinks she is doing fine when maybe she isn't. A string of A's is very high flying for DD, who sees herself as not that academic (and it has never helped that she has grown up a few years behind DS2, who is, and has always been, determined to do exceptionally well).

Oh @Naem that's so sad.

@Naem - I remember from the gcse threads when your dmum died. It's not surprising this time of year brings a lot of emotion with it. Sending very unmumsnetty hugs to you and some

@Naem sending some more hugs your way. Grief is strange sometimes the smallest things can catch us unexpectedly and be acutely painful.

DS goes back on Wednesday. Hope I can persuade him for a final front door photo...the early morning will be a shock to him though. He has done 700/1000 words for the History NEA...had agreed to steam through the rest today/tomorrow but then on Sunday checked his school e mails & saw it's not due until 11th September so has had a break from it today...I'm sure he will regret this next weekend if it's still not done but there we are...

Sending hugs @Naem it's often the little things that trigger & the sad loss will still be so raw for you

@Naem i too remember your post during GCSE’s when you lost your DM. Sorry to hear you’ve been triggered. It’s the little things that often carry the mist weight.

And completely agree about our young women struggling with poor body image. DD’s body dysmorphia definitely triggered her anorexia and although she is doing great on the food front her body dysmorphia is still raging. The only way I can describe how she feels about herself is like she views herself (in the mirror and in photos) through an ugly filter. She thinks she’s grotesque and it breaks my heart as it couldn’t be further from the truth. 😟

@MirandaWest hope DD’s 18th celebrations went well! I imagine she’ll be nursing a sore head today.

Mine are both back on Thursday. DD is frantically trying to get all of her summer work complete. Definitely left it to the last minute but I guess they all do? I had another look at the letter from college highlighting what is needed for their return and it states that they need complete and printed copy including PS of their UCAS application. Think that’s slight overkill and when I told DD she just laughed at me.

@Rollergirl11 she was spending the night there after the party - have now heard from her and she would like picking up at some point, although they haven’t started tidying up yet!

She said it was good 😊

Glad your DD had a good 18th birthday party Miranda and happy 18th to her.

Sorry your DD struggles with seeing how beautiful she is Rollergirl but great the eating disorder is under control.

Noisy here today, we have having our kitchen done so have plumbers in doing that for 2 weeks or so and people drilling the road all day have started this morning, something like fast broadband. Floof is half terrified by them, half fascinated. Thankfully DS has coped well with noise and people. He is supposed to be starting a new school but school say they want a meeting first. Work on outside of the house starts early next month and we have to clear garden around house (lots of roses growing up house etc) and move chickens. DD has taken a shower and left for school. She is applying to Oxford as first choice, LSE as 2nd so its an early application. She did her PS in record time though. EPQ she is trying to get out of but they are very strict there so don't know if they will let her.