Thread 22 Covid Cohort - Creeping towards the Future - Personal Statements and Interviews

[OrangeCinnamonCocktail]

This is a thread for supporting all young people post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting. It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, please don't within this thread. Please also be sensitive when responding to threads about grades.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue.

Our DS/DD may go down various paths (such as employment, apprenticeships, higher ed) We have decided for anyone interested they will most likely find us within the Further Ed board.

Previous thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/further_education/4370509-Thread-21-Corona-Cohort-Nervous-waiting-so-frustrating
Role Call below
@20newnames / DS / Engineering
@Alsoplayspiccolo / DD / English + Film
@AnneofCleavage / DD / gap year? Primary Education
@BlueMarigold / DD / Biology
@crazycrofter / DD / Child (?) + Mental Health Nursing
@Decorhate / DS / Economics + Politics
@Delphigirl / DS / Oceanography
@DoggerelBank / DS / tbc sciencey
@ealingwestmum / DD / Middle Eastern and European Studies
@EerilyDisembodied / DS / History or Environmental Management
@estherfrewen / DS / History
@EwwSprouts / DS / Biology
@Fiddlersgreen / DS / Journalism
@Fruitygal / DD / Biology
@Hattifatteners / DD / Vet Med
@Heifer / DD / Biology
@Hopeful201 / DS / Medicine
@Horace123 / DS / Classics
@icanbewhatiwant / DS / History + Philosophy
@Isthisjustnormal / DS / Comp Sci
@KingscoteStaff / DD / Medicine
@mummabear74 / DD / Environmental Science
@mummyinbeds / DS / Law + French Law
@Nard75 / DS / Maths
@NCTDN / DD / Liberal Arts
@Oblomov21 / DS / Accountancy
@OrangeCinnamonCocktail / DD / Music (uni)
@PaddingtonPaddington / DD / Music (cons)
@Piggywaspushed / DS / Social sciences combo
@ProggyMat / DD / Classics
@SandyBayley / DD / Medicine
@Seeline / DD / Liberal Arts
@singingstones / DS / Neuroscience
@Wheresthebeach / DD / gap year? Marine Biology
@whoamitojudge / DD / Cabin crew training
@Zebracat / DD / Liberal Arts or Anthropology
@ZittiEBuoni / DD / applying next year

I'm another G, had DS2 at 37.

I am sure DD will be ok with me mentioning that one of the issues we are looking into is dyslexia. She was tested at school in Yr 7 (everyone was) but we didn't hear anything back.

DD has been struggling in 6th form with time and generally processing information quickly enough. We knew she had a problem with spelling from junioors and she has often commented that she gets numbers mixed up and loses where she is in more complicated processes - especially Maths - she also still sounds out words when workingout spelling. She often asked me about being dyslexic but I kept saying that I know DH is but DD was tested and was fine. Well DD went to the school Senco and asked to be tested at the end of Yr12 - turns out she had traits and that was the same result in Y7 but no one told us! School said she didnt' quality for extra time etc as she wasn't "bad" enough in the test. DD has since pointed out that the test which was supposed to take 12-15 mins took her 40-45 as she was trying to get it all right and that she is still struggling etc. I saw the Senco myself and its being looked into again. We think there may be other issues but DD not so keen to look into that at the moment so we will see. DD is really cross with the school right now and feels they have let her down by not helping her after the Yr7 test. I feel dreadful as I didn't listen to her enough and kept saying you were tested and you're not dyslexic. I think DD has managed the symptoms up until 6th form where she is finding it muchharder. The Senco did say it's much harder to diagnose in girls as they do find ways to cope.

@Heifer -Oh don't beat yourself up about the possible dyslexia. Schools are the experts so it's natural to follow their lead. There's still value in getting her properly tested as the support at Uni is great. We talked to the Disability team and DD would get a lap top, extra tutorial time, voice activated software, mind mapping software etc etc so it's worth looking into. And yes, girls mask but better than boys on all SEN issues. I also think there is still a lot of sexism out there...but then DD was dismissed as 'such a nice, pretty little girl' it got my blood boiling.

Wheresthebeach, we had a similar experience when DD was being assessed. The school SENCO flagged up issues I already suspected and we were seen by the Ed. psych, who told me I was “very intense” and would I go away and stop bothering her if she told me DD was dyslexic? She didn’t mean she WAS dyslexic, just that she obviously thought I’d only be happy if she was given a diagnosis of some kind!
Thankfully, the SENCO and class teacher got angry on my behalf and DD was referred to a consultant paediatrician, who observed her and said straight away, “ ADHD!”

Her working memory, auditory processing, executive function, handwriting are all very poor, and she has dyslexic and dyspraxia traits - she couldn’t read or write until she was 8.

We had all this with my DD (now y11) in primary school and dyslexia too. Fortunately with DS having more severe SENs and having been through the EHCP process for him I was much more confident in pushing for her than I would have been if she had been my eldest.

@Alsoplayspiccolo - Gah - what a nightmare. Glad you got the right diagnosis. The assessor only changed her attitude when I told her I'd dance on the table tops if DD wasn't dyslexic. If she was just God's worst speller I'd be delighted.

Honestly...the attitude to parents can be appalling.

We seem to be unusual in getting a very quick diagnosis once we actually got referred. We were seen by a psychiatrist within a month or two and she diagnosed ADHD based on parent and teacher questionnaires and talking to ds.

However, we didn’t get to that point until end of year 8 as I just wasn’t informed as to adhd traits (and didn’t think ds was ‘hyperactive’ as such) and school just thought he was a bit of a pain! It’s harder at secondary as they have so many teachers and they don’t necessarily compare notes. It was striking when his teachers were all asked to fill in the same questionnaire and certain themes came out very strongly.

@Monkey2001 is it your ds who’s a fitness fanatic? One interesting thing about adhd is the ability to hyper-focus on things they’re interested in, despite inability to focus/concentrate on important things! At 5/6, ds couldn’t concentrate at all if I read him a story, his thoughts were all over the place, but he could focus on Lego for his RS! I remember him building a huge Lord of the Rings set, which took him about 7 solid hours, all on his own! Now he applies the same hyper focus to fitness..

• for hours - not for his RS!

@crazycrofter yes, my DS has always been obsessive about things he is interested in. He HAS TO go to the gym for 2 hours 5 days a week - on Tuesday so he lost track of the time and didn't go before piano lesson, which was very late. He ended up going from 10 till midnight!

He did a quick on line thing last night and it said ADHD was likely, but the questions were not very good. How do you go about checking whether he has it? Does he need a GP appointment first? I agree with others that a dyslexia diagnosis is really important, and makes a big difference to the support you get at university as well as extra time for exams, but does an ADHD diagnosis affect anything other than helping you to understand why you find some things difficult?

Heifer don't feel bad. It's not your fault. Your post and Piccolo's makes me mad, 'boils my piss' when I hear of other SN parents being told such crap. Twats.

When I look back at some of the drivel I was told, excuses, criticisms of my personality:
"Oblomov should never have been allowed to have children". My solicitor coughed and interrupted: "Could you just make sure that's recorded in the minutes please".

I am also shocked by the abuse several mums on here have suffered for championing their children! You all deserve medals for resilience!

So sorry to hear some of these awful stories and all power to you fierce mums fighting for your DC
💪👏👏

It's the sheer relentlessness of the SEN stuff that gets me down. Annual reviews of the EHCP are nerve-wracking and you have to prepare massively for them at changes of key stage. Then there's DLA and PIP, both those are really hard systems to navigate and all the while you are having to write reams of documents about the very hardest aspects of your DCs lives, it's bloody depressing. Now DSA, which everyone says is comparatively straightforward but still. Also on my mind is the fact that I want to maintain DS's EHCP in case he doesn't go to uni but needs it for eg day-release, apprenticeship, I think that will be yet another fight.

One thing I would say is that other SEN parents gravitate towards each other, there is usually an instant bond and a huge amount of empathy and support. Obviously you don't all get on all the time, but I know when I meet another SEN mum that we have already got so much in common that my friends with non-SEN DCs will never quite understand (no discredit to them at all though).

Shocking to hear some of these stories but inspiring as well to see how 'nevertheless she persisted'.

I guess I was lucky that nobody opposed dd's ASD diagnosis (bar some friends saying 'she's just shy') although it took a long time to get because of staff shortages.

Fingers crossed for her, everyone, she's just gone into her Film Studies mock...

Ooh Zitti progress seems to be on a good trajectory right now!

I have just got notification that DS's passport has been approved (phew), so should receive it next week and have a chance of getting the replacement driving licence in time for his test. We are all blaming lost licence on his possible ADHD now!

@Delphigirl weren't we expecting to hear about a driving test from you?

Thank you all so much for the comments and commiserations. I couldn't get back to the thread yesterday as I've been so busy with work and home (workmen in the house) DS has also messaged finally to say 'trip was difficult', but nothing else so I've got a headache now trying to finger out what this cryptic message means. Does it mean the journey was rough? does it mean the accommodation was awful? does it mean he didn't understand the work they were meant to do (bearing in mind it's 20% of their A'level Geography), does it mean he had bad OCD? (my worst fear)
They come back today.

We will continue to try out different strategies and I believe something will work, especially as he is now very aware of it whereas before he was a bit in denial.

Like @Fruitygal we were also told he was not very bright. His History teacher once when I asked nervously how he was getting on, simply said 'He has no drive!'. His English teacher (Yr 5, it's important I'm specific about this) once when I told her he couldn't come to school because he was very ill from side effects of his adhd meds, had developed severe emetophobia over time and had to be taken to A&E to rule out any internal blockage restricting food as all he was getting was acid reflux (no food for days), simply said, 'It was so nice not having him in class today, because the lesson went so smoothly' you know Mrs Shimy...'
I wanted to slap her.

We'll get there, they will all get there in the end and we'll be the ones laughing in the end. It's already getting better, yes they are disorganised but the younger yrs of adhd and OCD (for us) were brutal.

That all sounds rough @shimy! 😬 Years 7-10 were tricky with ds, he was constantly getting in trouble at school. I’m wary of saying things have changed this year as we’ve only had half a term but so far so good..,

@Monkey2001 I’m not sure if there’s a concrete benefit but ds found his diagnosis very helpful in understanding himself. And teachers also made some allowances once they realised. He didn’t really get on with medication but that helps some.

Wow. Just wow on some of the experiences you have all had.

The worst I’ve had was being handed a book title, implying I had a brat as a result of single child syndrome in Y2. I did see the funny side at the time, probably some truth in it too.

You are all proper warriors. Tired I’m sure, but nevertheless still warriors

Fingers crossed for your dd today @ZittiEBuoni

@Monkey2001 Just to add to what @crazycrofter said, there are lots of benefits to getting a diagnosis.
At first we didn't want a diagnosis as it was a label we just didn't want fo our ds. We had no experience of SEN in the family and so it was very scary and we were I denial a bit as well as just not understanding.

What the diagnosis gave him though was:

A clear explanation as to his behaviour and other symptoms.
We got him assessed by an Ed psychologist to rule out any other learning difficulties.
What we needed to do to reduce his symptoms - We tried behavioral therapy for a yr it didn't work so we went on medication.
What we needed to do with school so they could support him
It helped us choosing the right senior school for him
We understood his limitations e.g one instruction at a time
We paid more attention to his diet e.g avoided things with aspartame and E numbers (wether that helped or not we don't know)
Added more fish to his diet.
All in all we realised this could be managed and the future was not all bleak, it will be challenging at times but no reason why he couldn't go on to live a normal life and achieve academically enough to access GCSEs and A'levels.

Prior to diagnosis we simply gave him sanctions anytime we were told about his misdemeanors at school. He spent a lot of time in his room thinking about his behaviour and was a very unhappy little boy.

Thanks for the support. I think I will feel bad for a while as I know realise DD needs more help and support than I ever knew. She doesn't seem ready to speak to anyone about it at the moment (although she does agree what the issue may be) so just concentrating on the dyslexia side of things as she is happy to do that. She saw the Senco a week ago today herself (day after me) and was told things would process and another person would be in touch with her for more testing, but hasnt' heard anything yet - How long before I chase? we are runnign out of time for help in school, but I have no idea how long things should take.

Thanks to those mentioning a diagnosis is helpful at uni as I didn't know this. Will be interesting to find out how dyslexic DD actually is or if all her issues are something else entirely as that is also possible I think.

Wow @ZittiEBuoni she is doing so well, fingers crossed she has a good day today

Shimy, I hope your text conversation is shorthand and doesn’t mean the whole trip has been awful. DD tends to reduce whole days down to one less-than-perfect aspect, ie the whole day was awful…because her coffee wasn’t hot enough. She comes round once she’s had time to process and reflect and focus on other aspects, so I hope that’s the case with your DS.

Zitti, she’s flying! More woolly hats to buy?

The SEN stories are so depressingly familiar. I count ourselves lucky that we have a girl with ADHD - your poor DS’ have suffered from stereotypical “naughty boys” judgement and punishment, which breaks my heart. Imagine where some SEN boys might end up, when their parents aren’t able to support them as wonderfully as you mums are.
I’ve seen first hand the damage ignorance has done to DD’s self esteem.
Monkey, a diagnosis means awareness, which can give someone the ability to find strategies to cope better, or even just the understanding to allow them to not beat themselves up for the things they find difficult.
You stop trying to push a square peg into a round hole, and focus on strengths rather than weaknesses.
In DD’s case, we know she’s not being lazy if she doesn’t make her bed/tidy her room/clean up after herself/ is late handing in homework.
She has allowances made for her and her friends understand that she may talk too loudly/talk over people/forget their birthdays.
She has really benefited from medication and she gets adjustments in exams, so she can show her true potential and ability.

I think also (if it hasn’t be been said already ) that a diagnosis of dyslexia means they can potentially get Disabled Students Allowance at university to help cover the cost of things like laptops. We haven’t got this far yet so not sure.