Thread 17 - Corona Cohort Summer Vacation to Yr 13, Finding Freedom?

[Orangecinnamon21]

PLACEHOLDER FOR NEW THREAD ...PREVIOUSLY TO BE FOUND IN SECONDARY EDUCATION

The holiday dilemma is so real. We like rural holidays with lots of fresh air and walks, goes down like a cup of cold sick with the teen who keeps mentioning vague plans. I know if we book somewhere just for us they will all have fallen through and I will feel like a monster for leaving her, and, frankly afraid for my house(altho 27 yr old ds will be here). But if we get somewhere with room for her, it will go unused and be £££S wasted.
We have done city breaks in the past which worked better, but we’ve put the dogs in kennels twice this summer for weekend weddings, we want a dog friendly holiday this time.
@Alsoplayspiccolo ours got BBB in the mocks, which was much better than the school expected, and I would not have let her go careering around with a new driver at that time either. That’s definitely one of those where she will realise why at some point.

Thanks for the thoughts on my dilemma, I agree that it is easier when they are 18 - when DS1 wanted his GF to move in, they would have been at university if they hadn't had a gap year, so it was fine. I will have to speak to her parents so we can agree a policy. They are both 17.

We also have problems dragging the kids away from friends for holidays if it is just the family. I think I will have to put our cottage on AirBnB next week because they don't want to go - anyone fancy a 3 bed cottage in Cornwall for 6 nights from Sunday, dogs welcome?! They are ok if the wider family (grandparents and cousins) are going

I would LOVE to see the sea. Unfortunately our dog isn’t that good with long journeys that would be a monster of one for us. You’ll get a good price for it though- I have looking at cottages and it’s £1000 for a long weekend.

Thanks Orange

The brink of adulthood brings a lot of strife for parents!! Monkey I missed yours, I wouldn't know what to do to be honest, sorry that's no help! I think I'd just hide from him til he was 18 to avoid the question!

Sorry @piggywaspushed someone suggested thread before last that Further Ed was more natural place to be, and for new people to find us as that is now their stage. Not quite sure what we will do when they finish this stage though as they will be doing different things undoubtedly

Yeah, doesn't bother me. I just know I never look at FE boards but do look at HE.

I'm the other way round, this stage is definitely FE to me, I don't really look in secondary any more as I think of it as only being up to 16. Perhaps because FE college is the default post-16 setting in this area. A few felt we shouldn't be in HE as not all are going to uni.

I definitely see this stage as FE too but Ds tells me he views things differently to his friends who stayed on at a school 6th form as opposed to going to an FE college.

With regards to freedom. Dd left home aged 16 to go to a specialist performing arts college so I guess she got more freedoms earlier.

We just took our 15 and 17yr old to Cornwall for 2weeks...it was too long!

@Monkey2001 Eek at your dilemma! Dd did not have a boyfriend till the summer after A Levels so did not have to deal with this whilst she was living at home. He lived fairly close to us so the question was never asked in the holidays. Though I’m sure he probably stayed over the odd time when we were not around. He came on holidays with us once & we let them share a room.

Re the location for threads, I’d also not usually look in further education as to me it’s more college/vocational courses but happy with whatever suits everyone else.

@JustHereWithMyPopcorn - to be fair to DS we did always say if he missed the bus we would pay for a taxi and although it wasn't the plan we had actually offered to get a taxi anyway as the only bus goes at 7.30am and his exam wasn't until the afternoon. When we booked the night away we had no idea it would be exam week but did purposefully book during school time as we thought there would be less likelihood of getting drunk!

@Alsoplayspiccolo - I really wouldn't worry about the kids getting As and As, the DS I post here about in year 12 and who is predicted AA*AA is actually DS2, DS1 got the equivalent of 3 Es at A level in his BTEC and couldn't have been persuaded to work harder through any means! To be fair to him he has now found his 'thing' and is doing brilliantly but I have been both sides of the fence with very different children!

@20newnames @Monkey2001: thanks so much for those stories - filling me with confidence ;-) Ds had a sleepover arranged at a mates whilst his mum was away - all 5 of them had a lovely afternoon, then about 10pm decided they'd like to sleep in their own beds and came home: tbh I was slightly underwhelmed by their lack of wildness!!

I'm really sorry but I'm confused as to what the dilemma is, over a 17 year old GF staying over? Although I get that it might be better to do it on say a Friday night, rather than the Sunday football with registration on the Monday at 8.30am.

The boyfriend/gf dilemmas are a real thing. I'm so glad I don't have to worry yet with my twins. As they are not yet at this stage. I did laugh at DH telling me dd1 wasn't allowed to share a room with her boyfriend on holiday - she's 22!
I think I have a dh problem 😂

I wouldn't do it. Never been in that position with troglodyte DS but I couldn't be comfortable with it. We go to bed early. I'd feel awkward and sound travels.

We have a week booked in Dorset in 2 weeks time. I booked a 3 bed cottage so room for us all. Ds1 (20) is back from university. He'd love to come with us, but has his summer job. So can't come. Ds2 is refusing to come. He also has a job now Monday to weds. Thankfully found someone to take him when we are away. So he will be home with his older brother. My youngest doesn't want to come either, but he's 12 so has no choice. I find it quite sad, we didn't holiday for years as dh was a farmer, so worked all day, all year round. Now he's retired, sold the farm and we can go away, the dc's no longer want to go. Though dh won't go abroad, so it's only going to be uk holidays. I don't trust the boys to walk our dogs, or keep them company while we are away, so they are booked into kennels.

Ds said yesterday he got A in all 4 exams. So I assumed he meant all 4 subjects. He didn't. He had been given religious studies, ethics and philosophy results, that will be one A level, but he'd sat a separate exam for each. So that was 3 of the A's. So really that's one grade A. He also got A in business studies. Then today he received the others, B in film studies and B in history. Still great results.

@Orangecinnamon21 thanks for the new thread !

It is so hard when they no longer want to come away. I feel quite sad about it!
That said I have a 17yr old and 15yr old plus a 7yr old and a 4 yr old so the dynamics are hard!

@Alsoplayspiccolo ito grades: I did wonder about posting ds' grades (he's had years of struggling, where his grades/academics never reflected 'him' iykwim), and sorry you're feeling a bit overwhelmed. I think the thing I've really benefited from on this thread has been everyone's honesty, and recognising that kids have different strengths. Ds is my more academic kid, but dd will almost certainly end up out earning and out gunning-him in a work place situation if she decides she wants to. She has those interpersonal skills, the determination, and that innate confidence/don't-give-a-fuck, that don't come easily to ds as an anxious, law-abiding autistic teen! DS will find life beyond school harder I think.

Grades are so tangible they are always a focus, but they don't measure the soft skills, the persistence, the resilience, the 'spark', the ability to see the good in stuff/stay calm ... all of that real life stuff which we know is so important when they are out in the real world...

@monkey2001 I would go for the strategy...'why don't you get xxx parent's to ring me then we can chat about a sleepover' they'll probably be so mortified at the thought and the possible discussion of contraception etc that it won't happen. Of course that means the may go off I secret somewhere, but I'm of the camp where I'd rather not think about it at the moment!

I’m a bit overwhelmed by how many on here are getting all A/As. If I’m honest, it makes me feel very pessimistic about DD.*

@Alsoplayspiccolo DD got her exam results today CCE. Working at grades BCC. The E was due to missing an entire question because she didn’t read it correctly. We had a good chat about the fact that at the end of year 10 exams for GCSEs she was getting 3s, 4s & 5s, mocks she even had 2 x U but ended up with predominantly 6s and a 7. All her A level choices have coursework which should also bring up her grades. All we can do is be positive and encouraging.

We did a campus tour at Chichester today, DS liked it. We will put it on our list for a proper open day later in the year.

Fab news @EverythingDelegated ! For History?

I love your outlook AndwhenyougetthereFoffsomemore and have squirrelled that amazing nugget you shared:

Grades are so tangible they are always a focus, but they don't measure the soft skills, the persistence, the resilience, the 'spark', the ability to see the good in stuff/stay calm ... all of that real life stuff which we know is so important when they are out in the real world...

I wish DD's school would think more like that but it's just results as that is what reflects on the school. I do get it but to what end are our DC suffering to get these results and if they don't get them they then feel a failure but if they took them at a different time and older age I bet they'd nail them. So much pressure on them.

Alsoplayspiccolo DD is definitely not a straight A student and has to work so so hard to get the grades she needs so I totally empathise. DD was gutted about her D but I hope the school don't just put that down on her UCAS predictions as they still have another year. The teacher was so cross with the class but only one student got a B and the rest got C's, Ds and Es so I think she should be held a bit accountable for those grades as maybe not explaining properly how to answer the questions with the specific terminology in mind.
Not had the other two grades yet but reports coming out next week.
Think not doing the EPQ has actually shown DD that she definitely needs to concentrate on the 3 A levels in question as she was doubting her decision. We're not even choosing Unis with very high grades just middle of the road grades so as not to stress her out but she's now stressing that she won't get a chance at those.

Seems the DfE and ofqual are supporting the GCSE takers more than the A levels as the concessions seem to be mostly for them. Guess we'll wait and see.