Page 17 | Class of '18 now in 2019. blimey.

MsAwesomeDragon · 13/03/2019 19:29

I know you're all right and it's the right decision. It's difficult to hear, and it will be even more difficult to talk to DD about it. I do want it to be her decision so I'm not going to tell her uni are planning on making the decision for her. Not unless she refuses to see this is the best thing to do, in which case I'll have to tell her won't I?

She asked me to wait a bit before collecting her so she can go to one of her extra curricular activities tonight. I'm setting off soon, and suspect I won't be home til nearly midnight. I'm considering ringing in sick tomorrow so I can spend the day with DD. I'm not prepared for tomorrow's lessons anyway and now have no time to plan them or mark the 2 sets of books in supposed to be marking tonight. I don't teach any exam classes tomorrow either, so it's a doable day for being off.

NoHaudinMaWheest · 13/03/2019 20:01

MsAD that is really difficult even if you know it is the best decision. I have been there with ds in slightly different circumstances.

It is very stressful for you too so a day off seems like an excellent idea if doable.

I hope she is able to regroup once home and make good decisions about what to do next.

NoHaudinMaWheest · 13/03/2019 20:03

Oh and the official paperwork and so on shouldn't be a problem. Ds's university sorted it out between student support and university admin with very little input from him (which given his organisational abilities is just as well!)

Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 13/03/2019 20:34

Ringing in sick tomorrow sounds like a really sensible decision MrsAD, you can hole up together, don't try and sort anything out yet, just be there to support food and sleep, cuddles and an ear to listen if wanted. I can't imagine that you'll be in a good state to teach tomorrow.

It's going to be hard I know - massive hugs. It will work out in the end.

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TheFirstOHN · 13/03/2019 21:35

I agree that you shouldn't attempt to go to work tomorrow. If you have an understanding employer you could ask to take it as carer's leave / compassionate leave.

starfleet · 13/03/2019 21:36

Sorry to hear about your DD's struggles MsAD.

I hope the time at home will help her and she feels better for it.

ShanghaiDiva · 13/03/2019 23:00

So sorry to hear about your daughter MsAD. It sounds like student support have done a great job in supporting her. I think you should follow Kitten's advice and have a day together tomorrow.

MsAwesomeDragon · 14/03/2019 09:44

She's home. I'm at home today, school are very supportive, I told them what the problem is and I'm not sure what they'll class my absence as but they are fine with it. We're about to go to the doctor's to ask for more help. I will have to do the talking as she can't, that's a big part of the problem.

MsAwesomeDragon · 14/03/2019 09:47

I'm not sure how restful being at home will be though, as there's roadworks out the front of the house, and next door are doing DIY with power tools, so it's incredibly noisy today. Combine that with the howling wind overnight and neither of us have had much sleep.

NoHaudinMaWheest · 14/03/2019 10:30

Glad she is home and I hope the doctor's visit proves useful.

Noise is a shame as it makes it so hard to rest and It is not really the day for finding a quiet corner in the country.

Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 14/03/2019 10:52

The noise levels are exactly the opposite of what you need.
Do you have a spare spot in the garden that needs some new flowers? Maybe you could rope your DD into a garden centre trip and get her involved in the choosing.

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MsAwesomeDragon · 14/03/2019 11:31

Unfortunately our "garden" is all paved, so no space for plants. The roadworks seem to have stopped for the minute, as the gas men are now going into houses and doing stuff with meters. They want to come in here soon to do something to our meter as well. So I should really be emptying the cupboard with the gas meter in, but I'm busy mning instead. I should really be marking or planning, or writing reports, since this is an unexpected day off.

We've seen the doctor, I've phoned student support services, we've filled in the referral form for CBT. I think this has been a fairly productive morning so far.

Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 14/03/2019 11:46

That's been a really productive morning.
I actually think you shouldn't be doing any school stuff, it's not an inset day, it's a day for you and your DD to start getting your heads around a big change and a difficult time. You need to be gentle with yourself and just give yourself a bit of time.

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Knotaknitter · 14/03/2019 17:04

The referral for CBT round here (this time last year, things may have changed) was very much hurry up and wait. There was an initial phone call back (DS never answers if he doesn't know the caller and didn't realise that this might have consequences), then an appointment for an initial assessment and then if you weren't self harming or having suicidal ideation it was a ten week wait.

We had the gas pipe renewal a couple of years ago, it took such a long time and my neighbour was a special case who had her drive dug up from the pavement to the meter. I was glad it wasn't me but part of me wished that it had been someone who lived further away from my living room window.

TapasForTwo · 14/03/2019 22:28

I don't know if I am allowed to do this, but this makes very worrying and depressing reading.

MsAwesomeDragon · 15/03/2019 07:27

Yes it does tapas I read that yesterday and thought it was terrible. But it has been happening for years, it's not new. Back when I was a student there were people who could barely string a sentence together or grasp the easiest concepts would get amazing results on essays/coursework. Not all of them were foreign, but it was most noticeable with foreign students because of the language barrier. This is the reason GCSEs and A levels are back to being mostly exams, because it's so easy to cheat on coursework, especially now we've got such instant communication. Back when I was a student you had to actually find someone bright in person to write your essay for you, now you can contact someone online and they could be anywhere, you've got a much wider choice about who will help you cheat.

Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 15/03/2019 08:57

It's definitely not new, on my course umpty years ago we had a foreign student who had few brains but wealthy parents. Basically we carried him through the final year group project.

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Hardwickwhite · 15/03/2019 17:22

Yup. I returned to uni as a mature student to do an arts course. It was a small cohort and entry was by portfolio. One boy had come straight from school (most of us were mid twenties) and kept going on and on about how talented he was. He was awful though. Not an original idea in his head, and even when we were set work in the style of someone else to do, he couldn’t do it. Towards the end of the course he started bragging about how he always did so brilliantly in previous exams and his portfolio because his uncle, a professional, did it all for him. He disappeared off the course shortly after, but I am sure will still be living off someone else’s talent somewhere!

Hardwickwhite · 17/03/2019 10:28

So, DD has been home for the weekend, and is heading back today. She has been a bit withdrawn again, and has increased her AD dosage. She is getting good support at uni we think, both from her personal tutor and her counsellor, but with exams fast approaching we are concerned.

Her social group in halls has imploded though and she's been left with only her potential flat mate and one boy as friends. The others seem to have been causing unnecessary dramas and and she really doesn't like that. She would rather be on her own she says, than be in the middle of bitching and isolating people for imagined slights.

We think we will at least explore buying a flat in her uni town though. She will hopefully be there for at least another 4 years and even if she isn't, we can easily rent it out. The numbers seem to make sense, and we have a small pot of money that we had been keeping for a rainy day. It is probably as safe in buying a flat as it would be keeping it where it is, so for the peace of mind it will give us all, it is probably worth it. We have also realised that we have bits and pieces of furniture, kitchen stuff and curtains, rugs etc in the loft or in storage, so we actually wouldn't need to buy a huge amount. Better than that, when we moved in to our current house, the previous owners had left it almost full of random bits and pieces too (a chicken brick!) that various tenants had left over the 30 years it had been rented out, and we have never got round to clearing that out - so it might all find a new home finally! We just need to find a guide to using a chicken brick for DD, and she will be sorted!

Nettleskeins · 17/03/2019 11:40

oh chicken brick brings back memories. We never actually had one in our family but I remember my cousin talking fondly about her father teaching her how to use one. It was a 70's thing wasn't it. Like orange le creuset casseroles.

harwick I'm convinced that this part of the first year is when a lot of "friends" turn back into acquaintances/lost causes. I think the whole process of socialising is in fits and starts, and sometimes you have to start again finding your "group". The adrenaline of the first weeks isn't conducive to finding a perfect group of soul mates, it is often just chance that you find a better fit later. Anyway that is my experience.

Ds1 is back for the weekend too he is quite calm and getting on well with his brother which is amazing! Definitely less busy socially than last term, and a bit of what you describe, although he was never very sociable before..still I think I don't think there are any mates he can rely on if he was worried about something, it is all quite superficially cheery etc. He likes the dog, which is unexpected, as he was always very scared of them before. The dog jumped onto his bed and started gnawing his knee through the duvet and he thought it was sweet, unlike ds2 who gets in a terrible state of aggrieved anxiety.
He said he had a nightmare in which he had only £100 to last him 30 days. I said, £100 is plenty if you would follow my advice about budgeting!!!

MsAwesomeDragon · 17/03/2019 19:44

I had to Google chicken bricks. I've never heard of one, and definitely have never seen one in anyone's kitchen. What an odd contraption.

DD has accepted that she's not going back to uni this academic year. We've filled the forms in to make it official, but still need to scan them and email them to the right person. She's going back for a few days this week to go to a few social events and to pack her room up. I offered to pack it up for her but she still doesn't want me in until she's packed it all up. She seems better at the minute, but she's at home and we're not making her do anything that's out of her comfort zone.

UrsulaPandress · 18/03/2019 09:09

Dd has spent the last five days in London. I got an emergency text, WhatsApp, call to my mobile and to the house phone from a friend's phone (she can't make calls from her phone) at midnight to ask for £5 to do her washing.

Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 18/03/2019 09:22

Those washing emergencies sure creep up on you.

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Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 18/03/2019 09:23

It's good that your dd is still able to take much of the lead and retain some control in this MrsAD.

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Nettleskeins · 18/03/2019 13:35

ursula it is really extraordinary how they torment us dd's latest is to be incredibly independent most of the time and then demand room service on things like porridge, which she then complains has been microwaved to the wrong consistency, or this morning, it was too much sugar. I don't mind really, I think it is nice to do little things but then it is strange how they turn it round and complain almost as if they are trying to shake free at the same time.

both twins were up at midnight finishing off homework after action packed weekend not doing homework (hmm] Science museum, politics conference at UCL, football, dog washing, 17 birthday celebrations, you name it, it wasn't homework . Then this morning we have very tired teenagers on autopilot, who are going out again to a musical (|Book of Mormon, second viewing for dh) this evening, so maybe their tiredness is of a different nature than ours, adrenalin[e ?] seems to kick in for longer perhaps.