Page 4 | Class of '18 Best foot forward through the autumn leaves.

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 21/10/2018 15:03

How is your DS doing, NoHaudin?

Nettleskeins · 21/10/2018 18:01

Doistay I know someone's son who used to do this with the lectures on an engineering course, and it was fine, as long as it was used in moderation, rather than become a routine "thing"". Also I can remember the late issue, it is quite a good mental practice to think, it is better to go to something late, than not at all, if you fear that you are gettting out of the habit of attending certain functions...and on that note, I'm late for Mass, and you have prompted me to go 15 mins late, rather than not go!!! [which was my former mindset...] "The best is the enemy of the good", as they say!

NoHaudinMaWheest · 21/10/2018 18:19

Hi Ellen. He is having this term off and hopefully going back in January to complete year two. He is doing lots of voluntary work with the university volunteer service which he enjoys. The house share seems to be going ok. He still tends to overdo things and get exhausted as he seems not to realise when he is going downhill.
He just about manages daily living with lots of long distance prompting.
Today it was detailed instructions on how to make egg mayonnaise sandwiches, including specific orders to put the left overs covered in the fridge and use them up by tomorrow.
How is the mentoring going for your ds?

Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 21/10/2018 18:50

We are seeing dd at the weekend. I can't wait

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doistayordoigo · 21/10/2018 22:01

Nettles I did point out to him that I can't just decide not to turn up at work because I'm slightly late, and also that uni might realise there's a pattern, and he says he'll try to attend them all, so we'll see. I have a history of pushing him too far and nagging, which has lead to him pulling away, and I desperately want to keep a good relationship with him, so I'm trying not to interfere too much.

He has made it back on the train after a nice family weekend. Even though he has only been away for 4 weeks, as I watched him walk away into the station he seemed so much older somehow, I realised he's a young adult, not a child anymore. I'm feeling very proud, but a little sad as well.

Nettleskeins · 21/10/2018 22:16

doistay you sound like you are handling it brilliantly and not nagging at all. I feel the same about ds btw, have prevent myself micromanaging all the time, and need to guard or moderate my words and be "neutral" and "empowering" instead of officious/warning! He also seems to be a bit more grownup in some ways, although, not in all! Are any of us truly grownup, even now??

ds has just rung up to discuss Dr Who again it is actually rather sweet.

His view was the asteroid bit was very silly, but the rest wasn't bad at all.. Ironically he mentioned that his uncle and cousins could visit him any time they liked (he heard I had seen them today). In the next breath I mentioned bringing ds2 for a visit over half term..sharp intake of breath and the words..essay, lecture, very busy atm, no half terms when you are at uni etc etc...

Knittinganewme · 21/10/2018 23:28

I can understand stopping away rather than being late because you can imagine everyone turning around to look at you when you walk in and it's easier to avoid that embarrassing situation by not going. Or of course there is the third way involving alarms but if it was that simple no-one would ever be late for anything.

They will sort it out, tutors have seen it all before and I imagine there's a bit of leniency at the start of term to allow for routines to establish.

UrsulaPandress · 22/10/2018 00:17

Anyone hear Carol Anne Duffy on R4 this afternoon?

Dear god her empty nest poem. I was driving home from visiting dd.

Knittinganewme · 22/10/2018 08:18

I was in the car and switched it off very quickly.

Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 22/10/2018 08:44

I am not looking that one up!

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starfleet · 22/10/2018 09:00

I just did. Let's not say any more.

UrsulaPandress · 22/10/2018 09:06

I have never warmed to her before but intend to look up her poems as several really resonated. Maybe it's my age.

Sunndowne · 22/10/2018 11:23

doistay many students find year 1 of eng. Too much. Lecture notes and recorded lectures help with those missed. I know many students who got through year 1 and thrived after that. 20 plus hours just sitting and listening is very hard.

Had to name change . Used to be mispelt flower

UrsulaPandress · 22/10/2018 12:54

Spent the afternoon with DD yesterday. It was good to chat in the flesh as it were.

Although she is very happy she does not seem to be getting involved in much Uni stuff. The flat mate she first had a rapport with has not lived up to expectations and some of the clubs DD signed up to they were going to do together. DD seems to have fallen back into her mindset of not being able to do stuff alone. It is still early days I suppose. There are five in the flat but one girl does not get involved with anything. She moans about any noise, eats her meals in her room, goes home for days on end or has her boyfriend staying, and the very worst thing, according to DD, she keeps her washing up liquid in her cupboard! The other 4 take it in turns to buy washing up liquid but seem shocked at how quickly they get through it. I too am shocked as DDs room seemed to be filled with dirty cups/plates/glasses etc so not much washing up being done.

I was also somewhat perturbed to find that when they have pre drinks at their flat, DD leaves her room open so that people can use the toilet . She claims this is preferable to boys people pissing in the sink in the kitchen

There are four other flats on their floor and they do not know anyone from the other flats. They have knocked on a couple of doors and invited the occupants round but no one has been forthcoming and they don't seem to bump in to them on the stairs.

There is also I think a third year in a studio apartment who is responsible for maintaining order. Any noise after 11pm is frowned upon and they come round and chuck people out. Just as well really as there were 40 in the flat the other day for pres (no longer referred to as prinks).

It is her Halls of Residence Freshers Ball tonight. It starts at 6pm. DD has lectures from 3pm to 6pm. Not sure how that is going to work. Actually I do know. That 5 - 6pm lecture will be watched on catch up.

HesMyLobster · 22/10/2018 13:07

Ahh it's so lovely to hear all your stories of how the dc are doing. They all seem to be finding their feet and making progress at "adulting" as DD calls it. She's very proud of the 3 loads of washing she did yesterday (including bedding and towels!)
We're going to visit on Thursday and I'm so excited to see her! Will have to share her with her Nan though as I'm taking my Mum down to see her. And then we're leaving DD2 there to spend the weekend with her sister.

UrsulaPandress · 22/10/2018 13:39

A word of advice to those starting to look at flatshares for next year. Tell them to have their deposit ready. DD and her mates lost the original house they wanted as the Estate Agent made it a race as to who could get their deposit to him first. They now have an equally lovely property but with one 'small' room which could cause problems with room allocation.

TheFirstOHN · 22/10/2018 14:04

Just read the Carol Ann Duffy poem.

"Beyond the tall fence, I hear horse chestnuts counting themselves..."

Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 22/10/2018 14:59

Look stop reading sad poetry you lot

We've been out sofa shopping today. Lots of discussion about whether the potential sofas would be comfortable for dd to take her usual position in and one of us pretending to be her. Our old sofas are 20 years old and dying a sad death. Whilst university is a gradual way of leaving home, we still want her to be comfortable when she does visit.

Eventually settled on a pair. Absolutely love them! They won't arrive until the new year, but that means we have something to look forward to after Christmas.

It was rather nice not to have to consider the potential impact of a young toddler on them when choosing, like we did with the ones we currently have.

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marmiteloversunite · 22/10/2018 15:54

Kitten we got a new sofa today. Got an L shaped one in the bargain corner of DFS. Means I can have a rest without being stuck up
In my bedroom. Persuaded my brother to collect it so that I could get it all ready before Friday and treatment. Very comfy!

NoHaudinMaWheest · 22/10/2018 17:53

That sounds good kitten. Best wishes for Friday.

MsAwesomeDragon · 22/10/2018 18:11

I read the poem and I must have a heart of stone as it didn't move me at all

I like the sound of new sofas kitten and Marmite. Having a rest in the living room rather than being stuck in your bedroom sounds great Marmite. I've never had new sofas, they've always been hand-me-downs. Our current sofa was given to us by a neighbour who was downsizing and didn't have space for it in her new flat. It was almost new then, 13 years ago, so it's still got plenty of life left in it yet. Maybe when dd2 leaves home (in 10 years time!) we can get new sofas.

Nettleskeins · 22/10/2018 18:12

my sofa downstairs has seen/will see many many afternoon naps. The first one we had, (that one sank into seriously stained decreptiude) saw mother and baby naps too, I know that is frowned upon but curling up with dd, next to the doorknocker (those annoying afternoon callers) in seemed to be the only way I could get any sleep... Can I recommend the immitable 3 seater Stocksund sofa from Ikea, with its removable covers....[zzzzz]

Carol Ann Duffy...hmm I do not recognise those emotions. perhaps it is having a boy; the idea of the half read book and the flowered dress hanging up, well, the reality is very different...heap of smelly socks possibly doesn't make for good lyrics.

ursula I am liking the idea of the wise 3rd year who breaks up noisy parties and sends them to bed on time. I don't think ds would do many things by himself, it is quite a determined person who will join clubs without an ally, either having met them at the first session or before. I was discussing with my sis how I wished ds would do certain things (shall we say more cultural holistic things) and she wisely said, well wait till he has a girlfriend, she will want to walk hand and hand through the botanic gardens with him...and visit churches. His own sister is not really like that though, so I don;t know if these girls even exist nowadays..

Sunndowne · 22/10/2018 18:41

We need new bedroom furniture and thought I would buy as DD left but haven't had time or energy yet. New sofas sounds nice. DD says only time she's homesick now is when she thinks of us all curled up on sofas!

Like the idea of girlfriend's civilising DS's . Will hope for that.

Knittinganewme · 22/10/2018 18:51

I have only ever had the one sofa, it's probably fifty years old and should go on forever. I buy it new webbing now and again and it had new cushions and covers a few years ago so it's only the frame that's original. I have told DS that if he doesn't want it he needs to get it on Ebay as he'll get serious money for it as it is now a vintage collectable item (Ercol day bed). I bought it second hand in the early 1980s together with a coffee table that I'm looking at now.

I do need new wardrobes, mine date from the 1970s and the second house move didn't do them any favours.

starfleet · 22/10/2018 20:32

I love Ercol furniture knitting. My friend has just bought a dining table and chairs and my DSis has a fabulous sideboard. I've got my eye on some dark green velvet sofas but I'd have to redecorate the living room for it to be as equally dramatic.

DS is home on Wednesday and I get the pleasure of driving him back on Thursday evening.