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Further education

You'll find discussions about A Levels and universities on our Further Education forum.

Original poster

Class of '18 Best foot forward through the autumn leaves.

999 replies

OhYouBadBadKitten · 18/10/2018 21:08

old thread was getting big....

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EllenJanesthickerknickers · 25/10/2018 11:22

Have a nice time with your DS, NoHaudin. Sorry I missed your question last time. DS2 has seen his mentor twice, she was away last week and the college has half term this week. As to whether it's useful, who knows! He won't tell me and she's not supposed to. Hmm

I think staying in halls next year is a no brainer for your DD. Smile

UrsulaPandress · 25/10/2018 13:31

DD has been summoned to a meeting with the Halls Warden on Friday.

Complaints about their flat................

captainoftheshipwreck · 25/10/2018 16:45

Marmite how are you? Flowers

TheFirstOHN · 25/10/2018 19:11

DS's girlfriend came over for a cup of tea. She gave me more of an update in the past hour than he has given me in the the past three weeks.

Things that are not going well: He is attending fewer than half of his lectures. He often stays in his room all day. He is eating one meal a day. He has not made friends on his course. He is sleeping very badly.

Things that are going well: He is listening to audio recordings of the lectures. He handed in his first assignment on time. He has made good friends in his flat. He sometimes goes out and socialises. He has made contact with his personal tutor and support services.

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 25/10/2018 19:34

Oh dear, First.

Making friends on your course isn't essential. Going to lectures is easier than copying them up but I guess lecture capture makes attending less vital.

The eating sounds a worry. Can he stock up on breakfast bars so that meal is sorted at least?

Any idea why he's sleeping so badly? Body clock all wrong or noisy or uncomfortable? A mattress topper could be an easy solution to the last. Has he always struggled with sleeping? Melatonin?

TheFirstOHN · 25/10/2018 20:08

He feels sick until mid-afternoon, so finds it difficult to eat.

Disability support told him that he doesn't need to attend all of the lectures if he listens to the recordings, but I would like him to try to attend as many as he can.

He has had insomnia since the age of 15 - I find it frustrating because he doesn't do the things that would help (reducing caffeine & alcohol, increasing exercise, getting up at the same time in the morning regardless of how little sleep he has had).

TheFirstOHN · 25/10/2018 20:14

The CAMHS psychiatrist used to prescribe him melatonin, but now that he is 18 and the GP is managing his mental health, they aren't allowed to prescribe it.

Nettleskeins · 25/10/2018 20:28

gosh it is really hard First I remember just not gelling with anyone on my course and completely giving up lectures and only coming alive when the people I liked reappeared in the late afternoon from their lectures. I think finding a way to get him out of bed in the morning even if it is not to go to lectures but to meet up with a friend/exercise/chat maybe will make all the difference, just so he doesn't associate mornings with feeling like he cannot leave the house - there this bogeyman out there (the lecture he is missing). I know there are some days when ds doesn't have lectures, might there be a day of the week when your ds flatmates might be free to get up with him? the problem is, once you feel like you are missing a lecture the feeling that you are in the wrong place if you are "out" intensifies.

Ds was like this the entire holidays so I really sympathise, not that he had lectures, but he had nothing he wanted to get up for, until about 4pm so it was safer to stay in bed till then Sad Things ironically are better now that he is at uni. I think I was the bogeyman when he was home Sad

Something small will change things, if you can find that little thing to tip the balance and a reason to feel safe getting up.

today I went to the Burne Jones Exhibition, it was really good, but it has taken me all week to bring myself to face going/leave the house. I bought myself an Art Therapy book from the museum shop, I am hoping that is going to work miracles Blush

Nettleskeins · 25/10/2018 20:39

Ds is at a function in London today with his coursemates, but he isn't staying apparently, going to get the bus back this evening very late. He may yet turn up, but then he has the horror of getting back for tomorrow's seminar which is at 12pm, enough to make anyone twitchy trying to cut it fine; I don't see him as a multi tasker. But this time two weeks ago I would have laid in wait for him at some London interchange, just to give him something he had "forgotten" or just to see him, now I feel a bit more chilled and I am not bothering..Blush

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 25/10/2018 21:18

First such a shame melatonin is prescribed for children only. He is coping, though. I guess all you can do is reassure him you're there if he needs you and that uni isn't more important than his happiness if he can't cope. Flowers

It gets easier, Nettle. I only visit DS1 once mid term now instead of 3 times first term. Blush He sent me a picture of his spag bol today, first proper cooking for a long time. His 3rd year housemates are shaming him with their culinary expertise compared to his ready meal and beige food standards.

TheFirstOHN · 25/10/2018 21:27

Thank you all for your kind words.
He has no lectures or seminars next week (reading week) so is coming home for the week to catch up with some work and rest & recuperate.

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 25/10/2018 21:31

That sounds like a good plan, First. A week of decent food, decent bedtimes and no socialising anxieties might be exactly what's needed.

NoHaudinMaWheest · 25/10/2018 22:56

first I hope a week at home will reset things a bit.
Has he asked university GP for melatonin. Our GP did a prescription for dd fairly recently and I am sure it was after her 18th birthday.

TheFirstOHN · 25/10/2018 23:15

Apparently the GP can prescribe melatonin once he is over 55...

He had zopiclone the night before each A-level exam but that's for very short-term use only.

littledrummergirl · 25/10/2018 23:39

Found you all again. Thefirst, working for a gp I can honestly say that in my non expert opinion zopiclone should be used for short term use only and as sparingly as possible. If your ds is managing without then try to avoid it unless absolutely necessary.

On another note, Ds1 has arranged to come home in a couple of weeks time. I got ahead of myself and when I planned our menu I put some of his favourite meals in for this weekend. I was disappointed when I realised I still had another couple of weeks to wait.

Dh went to get milk this evening and came back with a few things to cheer me up. Ice cream, popcorn and Ds1! It seems he has a free day tomorrow, some of his friends were talking about going home this morning so he arranged a ticket and for dh to collect him from the station and made him promise to keep it a surprise.
It's been amazing to see him this evening, a fantastic surprise. Halloween Grin

GnomeDePlume · 26/10/2018 07:09

Great news about the bursary Ellen

littledrummergirl what a lovely surprise!

DD2 is getting a bit stressed about keeping on top of her course work. She could have done with a reading week to catch up on sorting notes out. Physics have a reading week but Chemistry have decided to set a week of testing!

The big downside of halls being distant from the teaching site is that there is no popping back between lectures/labs/tutorials to drop off and pick up relevant files. On some days she has half a dozen different contact sessions. She was in the habit of taking all six relevant files with her.

She has now devised a travelling system but needs to get the notes from the start of the term into the new format.

TheFirstOHN · 26/10/2018 07:45

We are going abroad soon, to a country where melatonin can legally be bought OTC, so will get some there.

Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 26/10/2018 09:18

I hope that helps First. It's good that his girlfriend was able to give you a clearer picture.

That does sound like a situation where she has to be super organised gnome.

How lovely Drummergirl :)

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Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 26/10/2018 09:20

I can't wait to see dd this weekend. I would like to take her some meals and she would like it too, but she hasn't got a freezer and she says the fridge they have is rammed to the point she can't even cook extras for herself.

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Sunndowne · 26/10/2018 10:09

Oh dear kitten. That's a shame.

My DS found 1st yr very hard. Couldn't cope with all the lectures but he turned it around really well. Hang on in there with slightly disorganized sons. Also common problem with big courses that friends come from halls rather than subject. Is a problem and wish unis did more to socialize across subject.

Saw my DD was lovely. Took her food which she is still enjoying. Maybe bake a cake or bread Kitten? My DD was chipper but now sad about workload again. Is fear of failure in my DD. Had lovely weather while there and did loads of walking/ exploring/ pottering about with her. Ahh- missing DD right now!

Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 26/10/2018 10:16

I am baking cakes to take :) Wondering what else to take that doesn't need putting in the fridge.

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MsAwesomeDragon · 26/10/2018 10:35

Flapjack tends to go down well with DD. So maybe some flapjack too kitten. I'm sure she's looking forward to seeing you as much as you are looking forward to seeing her.

First I hope the week at home helps your ds, and then getting some melatonin sounds helpful too. It's really difficult to help when they aren't at home, isn't it?

UrsulaPandress · 26/10/2018 11:13

Oh littledrummer that brought a tear to my eye.

DD is possibly coming home tomorrow to pick up some boots she needs for a halloween fancy dress party tomorrow evening. And the fish net tights she bought for a fancy dress a couple of years ago. I have thrown those out. Whoops.

I intend to find my grandmother's recipe book and make a parkin for her to take back.

LoniceraJaponica · 26/10/2018 12:30

I'm still enjoying everyone's updates, even though I can't contribute much. DD had to stop her zero hours contract job because they wouldn't allow her the second (non zero hours) job. So she is taking advantage of the free week to visit her boyfriend before she starts her other job.

He has admitted to her that his sleeping pattern is shocking, he is drinking too much and feeling too unmotivated to do much work, but he is having an amazing time drinking and partying most nights. This is the young man who had an Oxford offer. I sometimes wonder if Oxford would have been the making of him or whether he would have buckled under the workload.

Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 26/10/2018 12:57

Flapjack is a nice idea :)

I intend to do my Christmas cake this afternoon. Nearly had a crisis when I couldn't find treacle in one of the local supermarkets. Fortunately the other supermarket had some so now I've got treacle do you care to share your parkin recipe Ursula?

Maybe your dd can talk some sense into her bf Lonicera?

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