Class of '18 Best foot forward through the autumn leaves.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

old thread was getting big....

"he can't help feeling a little bit insecure with all the new experiences she's having and new people she's meeting. And that's without her partying constantly and ignoring him."

That is exactly it in a nutshell for DD. Hopefully her time will come next year, but that is 11 months away. She asked if she could visit him during reading week, but her told her he was "too busy"

I wish he would do the right thing and stop stringing her along.

I talked to my mother the other day about ds's washing at uni, and the fixation he seemed to have with various aspects of it, and she cheered me up by telling me that:

at the beginning of term she started to pile up her frocks and jumpers in the wardrobe (she washed smaller items in the basin and hung it on a chair in front of a gas fire). at the end of term she took it all home to be washed! In those days (the 50's) there was no domestic washing machines and it was all very complicated, boiling and starching and mangles, or paying a professional laundrerer. So she gave up! Rather like ds and the microwave. He is probably put off by the exoticism of most the food we eat, all that chopping and whisking and al dente ness. If it was just bacon and eggs and boiled potatoes we had brought him up on, he would probably be able to cook..

Cool, nettleskeins a grandmother who went to university! As different to my experience as mine is to our DC. We had washing machines, launderette style but no computers or mobile phones. My parents' best way to contact me was by letter. No microwaves or ready meals but at least we had cookers and fridge/freezers.

DS2 doesn't need to learn to cook, that's the trouble, as he lives at home and will live with me for the foreseeable future, but I'd like him to be able to manage by himself just to give me a break from the never ending 'what's for tea?' and to give me a chance to get away without him occasionally.

lonicera I expect it'll all be over by Christmas. He'll want his 'freedom' by then. Hopefully by being a bastard now she'll realise she's better off without him and won't be broken hearted.

lonicera love is just difficult

nettles when my dad went to university in the 50s he sent his washing home to his mother. I remember the canvas bag that he used was still hanging around when I was a child. He was in digs and there were just no facilities for washing at all.

Dd has an unusual crisis this afternoon. She broke a glass in her room. The pieces shattered in such a way that she could get out of the room or into her bathroom without wheeling over them (she was sitting in her wheelchair at the time). She didn't have security's number in her phone and couldn't reach her desk to look for it so I had to call on her behalf. They were very good and had her sorted in no time.

It is experiences like this which make me sure she needs to apply to be in halls next year too.

*couldn't get out of her room.

Just realised reading the above that my late DF was the only grandparent to go to university. One of dds great-grandmothers went to university (teacher training college then, but it's a uni now) in the 1920s and one of the few HE options available to women in those days.

haudin it's hard enough when you are able bodied to deal with a glass shattering everywhere. well done you for sorting it out so calmly long distance and dd for not panicking. And that is brilliant they were so helpful when you needed them to be.

NoHaudinMaWheest I hope your DD manages to stay in hall next year.
Knitting I hope you and your DS are feeling better soon.

I hope everyone else enjoys their weekend. We have been to a food festival this afternoon. It was brilliant, and the wonderful autumn weather helped.

haudin that does sound like she should stay in halls next year. They seem very good at assisting in an emergency, and your DD seems great at problem solving to think of phoning you when she couldn't g get hold of them herself.

Both my parents went to uni. Well, my mum went to teacher training college, but that would be uni now. Both of them were the first in their families to go on to higher education (or even stay at school after leaving age) but were both followed fairly quickly by younger siblings. I have no idea about dd's paternal grandparents but I suspect they didn't even make it to school leaving age, not that we've seen that side of the "family" for 19 years. Dh's parents didn't go to uni, they worked in minimum wage type jobs their entire lives and are incredibly proud that they could support DH through university.

Mine was the first generation to go to university (two apprenticeships, one military, three uni) before that it was mining all the way.

My lovely dad went to uni for a year after doing 3 years national service. Unfortunately there were no grants or loans in those days and his scholarship of £60 a year wasn't enough to live on. He went to his local uni so could live at home but his dad died and his mum couldn't afford to keep him so he left and got a job. Sad but life was different back then. Only the middle classes could afford uni. I hope that the current system of loans doesn't send us back to those days.

DD2 back home for the weekend. She is enjoying her course. The clash of core lectures is being solved by getting 1 on 1 lectures. Downside to this is that being the only one in the lecture theatre audience there is no opportunity to doze off or play on her phone!

She is now looking at second year accommodation. Favourite is a rather snazzy looking flat in a city centre appartment block. Cost is about the same as halls with the up side of no need for a bus pass as it is a few minutes walk from all uni buildings.

Her current flatmates seem to fall into two camps. Either out every night of the week or never out. She falls into neither camp and as a result has been offered shares in second year accommodation from both camps. She would be the grounding respectability for the party people or the leavening in the mix for the quiet people.

She has also been offered a houseshare with the current crop of second year students on her course. There are so few people studying her course across all years that they seem to group together for safety. Probably to stop themselves from being predated by offers to move into the pure physics or chemistry courses!

Going to get everybody flu jabbed this afternoon.

Thank you to everyone who has patted my hand while I've been ill this week. I am back to normal now, DS rang 111 and was diagnosed over the phone which avoided having to spend hours in a walk in centre which was lovely. We picked up his prescription from the local pharmacy and since then he's been ok. He's eaten real food (rather than bread and water) and was rummaging in the biscuit tin last night which was a good sign.

Gnome DS lives more or less next door to his lecture theatre. No transport costs, he can come home between lectures and can come home and make his lunch rather than buying it. I doubt he'll ever wear a coat and of course he gets to sleep later. It is a much better location than the accommodation that he thought that he wanted.

DS came home yesterday for a family event today, and will be returning tonight as he has a lecture first thing tomorrow morning. I am very impressed that he managed to get himself home on the train, as he's never done it on his own before, and has only done it 3 times in total with me or DH. He has apparently finally done a load of washing (been away 4 weeks) but not his bedding or towel. I am less impressed that he admitted to missing a few lectures due to being ill (fair enough) and missed a few more because in his words "if I know I'm going to be late I just don't go at all". This seems to be for lectures that start at 9am. I know they can watch them online later to catch up, but still....

He seems happy though, and whilst I thought he was woefully ill prepared for independent life he is not as bad as others. They apparently have a rota for cleaning the bathroom, kitchen and doing the bins.

It is very strange having him back in the house though...he came in and loitered in the corner like he was a visitor, and I almost felt like I had to entertain him as a guest. Didn't last long, but it was a very weird feeling.

We saw DD yesterday. She's having a fabulous time. Most of the friends she's made are from the societies she's joined. The living history society seems to be her favourite so far, and it's taking up 2 days a week. She does medieval combat on Sunday for 3 hours, and another session of combat on Wednesday for 3 hours, and also on Wednesday she does medieval crafts where she is making her own chain mail. She's also part of the orchestra, wind band and board games society. So she's got plenty of social things going on, possibly not the most mainstream of activities, but she's got like minded friends and has found her people.

She's a bit bored academically though. She's only had 2 weeks of lectures but because there's no requirement to have previous computing experience they are starting at the very beginning, and the programs she's being asked to write are the ones she was writing in year 6 when she joined computing club at the local library. So she's hoping it gets harder really quickly or she's going to spend this year feeling a bit disaffected with the academic stuff. She hasn't had to do any self study yet and hasn't got any assignments to do either, because they haven't learnt enough to be given assignments.

Oh, and she lives no more than 5 mins walk from any of her lecture theatres. It's only 5 mins because she lives on the third floor so has 3 flights of stairs to climb. Next year she'll live a lot further away though.

I was going to ask how come she has had so much spare time to devote to societies?

I'm shocked at the low level of academic stuff TBH. DD will be doing biomedical science, and she will have at least 20 contact hours a week, with as much again self study time. and all degrees are considered equal

" I am less impressed that he admitted to missing a few lectures due to being ill (fair enough) and missed a few more because in his words "if I know I'm going to be late I just don't go at all"."

I'm surprised that he is getting away with that. At the universities we looked at for biomed they all check attendance at lectures (York, Lancaster, Manchester, Newcastle). At Newcastle they then ask to see the student to see why they aren't turning up. Maybe it is to do with pastoral care, or maybe they just don't want slackers.

doistayordoigo it sounds as though he is making good progress with the life skills and independent living.

Lonicera I'm surprised too...I might drop into conversation that they will probably start to notice a pattern and there might be repercussions. I don't really want him to start getting into the habit of doing this, but other than offering guidance I can't force him.

TheFirst Given that these were my biggest worries, along with socialising, I'm hopeful that he's doing okay.

lonicera DD has 25 hours contact time (the same number of hours as she had at school, just spread through the week differently), and according to the open days she's supposed to have a similar amount of self study. The self study just hasn't got started yet because they're still so early in the term (only 2 weeks of proper lectures so far, of which some of the first week was devoted to admin and logistics of each module). She's had more computing experience than some of the others on the course because there isn't a requirement to have done any previously. So she's had a head start, which will obviously make things easier to begin with. And she can devote time to societies because she doesn't do partying and doesn't have a job while at uni.

Ah. I see. I expect DD will struggle to get back into the way of studying after a gap year, so she will be grateful that they will start at the lowest common denominator. I hope she manages to join some societies as well.

Glad to read that people are feeling a bit better.

Self study is really about habit. Getting in the habit of reviewing and revising lecture notes, following up on those things which aren't as well understood. Doing the required activities promptly rather than at the last minute.

I didn't really get into these habits until my second year. It's too easy to just bumble along doing just enough during the first year. Of course then I found out I had done just too little and had to do it all again.

knitting I am glad that you and ds are feeling better.

doistay it is good that your ds seems to be coping with independent living.

msdragon ds also did computer science having done A level at school. He did find the first year quite easy going on the whole though in his case it was useful as he had a lot of sorting out of independent living to do.