Class of '18 still nattering.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

forgot the old link hang on a mo...

Sorry you are struggling Kitten. You have been a massive support to all of us on this and other threads

Got messaged by DD earlier. The place she is at today won't let her work anywhere else. I checked on the ACAS website, and as it is a zero hours contract they are breaking the law by doing this. He other job doesn't start until November, so I told her to tell them she is staying where she is, then leave when she starts her other job (who don't care if she has another job).

There is no conflict of business interests, so I don't know why they are doing this.

lonerica They are doing it so she is more likely to be available when they want her. Is it in her contract of employment or is it "somebody says"? If it's not in her contract then she can ignore it.

Kitten the shortening days don't help at all. This time will pass and you will come out the other side in a better place.

DS now knows where the NHS walk in centre is. He called 111 this morning as he's still vomiting at least six times a day. At least he no longer thinks that he's dying, he's not often ill and it was primary school the last time he had anything like this so he's forgotten that he did get better. They told him what I'd told him, it will pass in its own time, don't share towels and wash your hands.

It is in her contract, but isn't it still illegal?

Thank you. Yes, this will pass, I just need to hang in there and do the things that you are supposed to do to make things get better faster.

Sounds like a nasty bug Knitting. Your poor ds!

Lonicera that's not on of them at all. Good job you checked the legal side. They probably want her to be able to do work at a moments notice.

The cheek of him MrsAd!!!

Lonerica My friend Google says you are right, if it's written into a zero hours contract it shouldn't be:

"You can’t do anything to stop a zero hours worker from getting work elsewhere. The law says they can ignore a clause in their contract if it bans them from:

looking for work
accepting work from another employer"

www.gov.uk/contract-types-and-employer-responsibilities/zero-hour-contracts

She could print off the page and stick it in her handbag.

knitting that sounds pretty miserable for him. Ds did once have a vomiting bug that turned into a very severe sore throat, that needed antibiotics, although we started off just applying the it will pass rule.. You might end up being pretty dehydrated

Ds is back today, in very good form, demolished lasagne and stewed apples with custard. Now trying to work out how to which concert he might have been to, which he can use for his "concert log". He knows how to annoy me, that hasnt changed!!! when I think of all the lunchtime concerts at his uni he could have bothered to go to...and I was reading them all on flyers at the asterisk station...and NOT ONE

kitten very sorry you are feeling anxious, such a horrible feeling. I sat down and told someone else in the family every single anxiety I had today, and was able to come up with two blotting activities for two of them. One of them was worrying about driving dd to school which I'm meant to be doing again from Thursday, twice a week. I've decided to tie it in to something nature orientated in that part of town and now it doesn't seem so overwhelming. still the worries just keep on coming dont they they are like dragon's teeth, cannot remember just what Jason did to zap them..hmm.
Oh yes, I decided to do more silly things to cheer myself up too. Like buy a pasta machine again. ( I decluttered that many many years ago when life seemed too short for pumpkin ravioli)

Another thing I did today is text a friend who I hadn't heard from for ages. She immediately replied, and of course, hearing someone else's worries, although it doesn't stop your own, puts them into perspective, and at least takes you out of yourself. I also want to send more real cards and letters, I think the physical act of writing or talking to oneself or others is actually more beneficial than anything virtual, even if you are making contact with people by text/email as well.

I'm also going to dust a skirting on way upstairs, that will cheer me up I know, even if it is a drop in the ocean of dust.

It sounds like you are doing some really positive stuff Nettle. I'm the sort of person who tends to look after everyone else. I'm trying to do the same for me at the moment. But that makes me feel rather guilty and selfish.

I just want to look forward to things positively but my optimistic streak has run away. I'm aware I've been a miserable needy thing on here for quite a while now.

Oh Kitten. I thought I was the needy thing on here! 

Anxiety is awful and often misunderstood. I have had periods when I have had it in the past and still comes in at times now. Normally ironically around sickness. DD2 is also very anxious so my poor DH has a lot to deal with.

I hope it passes soon for you.

Thank you marmite.
You definitely are not needy! You come across as a very strong, well balanced person.

Kitten and Marmite you both come across as strong, balanced and wise!
You have been a wonderful support to so many on here.
Please don't feel like you need to apologise for needing a bit of support when times are tough. We're here for you, this is a safe place to write down your worries and feelings and if there's anything we can do to help we absolutely will! (There is a lot of wisdom in this group!)
Or we can just listen and send virtual  and hugs to you both.
Take care of yourself (and don't feel guilty about it) xxx

Damn it. You aren't supposed to be so lovely. Now I'm trying not to cry in the middle of Costa.

I always worry about being outed, which is why I'm so coy about details. Especially as I'd hate for dd to be identified.

Life has thrown a lot our way recently and it's making it hard to move on with the next stage in life. We've had to ditch a lot of plans and instead of being able to enjoy things I've found myself in new caring roles I wasn't expecting. I'm run down and unwell and stuck in a bit of a physical/mental health vicious circle. I can't see the way out at the moment. But I know that eventually things will seem better and I'm holding on to that.

/And breathe.
Sorry for the thread hijack.

Good Kitten, you've taken some time for you and a coffee. There are so many social situations where we have to pretend that everything is perfect, this isn't one of them. It is difficult when you are the one that everyone leans on because there's rarely anyone to take care or you when you need it.

Kitten I hope things start to feel bit easier for you soon.

I haven't been active on the thread much as DS1 is unwell and starting what looks like a downward spiral that I've seen before.

That's true Knitting.

I'm sorry Third :( that must be a huge worry for you. How much are you able to help him out?

and for Marmite, Kitten and everyone suffering from empty nest syndrome. Too early for ?!

With my encouragement, he has managed to:
See the GP.
Start medication.
Visit disability services.
Email his personal tutor to explain why he has missed lectures.

Lol Petal. Maybe a little early!
Please totally ignore what I said earlier. I'm really embarrassed that I said stuff.

That all sounds very helpful Third. It shows that even at a distance you aren't helpless and you have been helping him to help himself. It must be distressing for you though.

third I always have at the back of my mind that this year may not work out for ds, and I feel that if it came to that he could come home and start again. It is my secret talisman, people think it a bit defeatist but it really comforts me to know that the worst thing to happen is merely that he comes back for a bit and reassesses things. I know various people whose children had a false start this year (Year 14) and then regrouped for the next year. But that doesn't mean it will come to that at all.
Ds is finding the transition to socialising (never having done any) quite a steep learning curve, and it seems quite alcohol dependent, as Lonicera pointed out . He is already making some bad choices to do with his actual course. in terms of the extras he needs to do. And he isn't.
He's seems so childlike when he comes home, I feel he shouldn't be trusted with the stuff at all. today we had more of the mum I need more socks, I seem to run out so quickly. Buy some?? Buy some??? oh, yes, maybe I could...where??? Even supermarkets sell socks fgs!!

But I'm trying to keep breathing through it. He is different I am different I keep repeating to myself. New problems, new me new him.

Kitten that is really hard for you. Demands like you have described are not so easy - all very well for people to say look after yourself, but you feel there is no way to do it and do the thing you need to do which it is demanded you do,, and then just exhausted by the frustration of trying to juggle. and there isn't any obvious solution.

Dh's mother has died and his father needs lots of care longdistance, emotional rather than physical and dh is suffering from that stress that comes from not knowing how much he can further he can stretch himself, and anger at others not helping, and grief of course. It comes and goes, at the moment things are alright. It has left him feeling utterly drained though, never knowing when he is going to be needed to do what is required.

I started knitting a blanket today. being me, it started very elaborate, 5 petal sections in three tones. And quickly reverted to a long long row of stitches. I seem to bore easily..

And I made some pancakes earlier for ds with blueberries and brought them to him in bed, lucky student that he is. He looked dazed and rather alarmed by the world of "home"...

TheThird that sounds very positive, having managed it once it might make it easier for him to do it again.

Soldier on kitten and get any support you need! DC leaving home cooincides with reaching a certain age too and path forward is not so clear it seems to me. We have to take stock!! Must console you that your DD is happy -great news!

Me , I just worry all the time and was worse when my first DC went.

Third so sorry to hear about your DS. When my DS was in year 1 , i did speak to support services to help put in place what was needed for my DS. Had to do so a few times. They have confidentiality but they do listen in my experience.

Sorry to hear about everyone's struggles. While I am sad that DD isn't at university yet she is making strides towards becoming more confident and more independent.

After her shift last night she went to Wetherspoons on her own and had a gin and lemonade and something to eat while waiting for me to come and collect her. I wouldn't have done that at her age!

I am hoping that when she starts at university she will find it less difficult and easier to adjust to being away from home.

Unfortunately Nettleskeins the boyfriend's drinking is still continuing at freshers level and he is failing in one of his subjects and missing lectures and tutorials due to monster hangovers.

I understand that students like to have a good time and party, and why not, but I feel uncomfortable with the current culture of positively encouraging students (and young people) to binge drink until they are falling over. He must be drinking at least 60 units a week by now.