Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Fostering

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

I'm struggling with this

126 replies

Flower3545 · 17/03/2009 06:47

Lo's social worker rang yesterday and told me lo will be going home soon

She is 15 months old and been with me from birth, her parents have failed 3 previous assessments and the case is due in court this month.

However another assessment was requested and it would appear they are fractionally improving in their parenting so the assessors gave a positive report and social services have decided to integrate her back home.

I am struggling with this knowing to some extent her family background and what her life will be like now.

I know no-one can help but I needed to write this down and try and cope with the feelings I have.

OP posts:

noddyholder · 11/05/2009 12:19

Thinking of you here too.

Twims · 11/05/2009 12:23

(((Big hugs Flower)))

KingCanuteIAm · 11/05/2009 12:38

Oh flower

girlylala0807 · 11/05/2009 12:42

Thinking of you.

andiem · 11/05/2009 12:44

flower thinking of you and her

CaptainKarvol · 11/05/2009 13:19

(((Flower)))

Loving and letting go. I know we all have to do it in the end, but how utterly bloody hard for you. Thinking of you both.

Original poster

Flower3545 · 11/05/2009 14:10

Thank you all.

I asked her social worker if she would ask her parents if they could let me know she's ok.

She replied, in between swearing at the car seat straps, "don't hold your breath"

I just want Dh to be home now but he won't be in til 5.30pm.

OP posts:

Yurtgirl · 11/05/2009 14:20

So sad flower

It must be so hard for the little girl, she is too young to understand......

I hope you feel happier soon. I looked at your profile, you have given your love willingly to over 80 children, thats such a special thing to have done

TheGoddessBlossom · 11/05/2009 14:33

I'm so sorry your heart is broken. Doesn't seem right to have that as the lasting effect after all you have done for her. So remember all the joy she brought you and all the care you lavished on her and how much she will benefit from having had it.Your posts brought me to tears.

sharkyandgeorge · 11/05/2009 14:46

I have just found your post and cried for you all the way through. I can't even imagine the pain of having to say goodbye, especially when there are concerns about where she is going.

You are an amazing family to have welcomed all these children into your home, thank God there are people like you in the world....I am so sorry for the pain you have to go through in saying goodbye.

Jackstini · 11/05/2009 14:55

Oh Flower, your post is is heartbreaking indeed - I really feel for you.
You have given that precious little girl the best possible start in life and you deserve a medal for that.
I will be praying she will grow up happy based on such a secure grounding from your love and care.
Virtual hand here for you to hold until your dh gets back.

Original poster

Flower3545 · 11/05/2009 18:23

Once again my thanks to you all, you have helped me through a difficult, to say the least, day.

Dh is home and we have cried together, me more than him even though after crying most of the day I felt I could never shed another tear my whole life.

Just after little one left I found myself howling out loud like a banshee, at least I've spared him that.

I have informed our fostering service that the placement has ended, I'm obliged to do this, and they asked if I was now available again.

I'm thinking about it, thats as much as I can do at the moment.

OP posts:

Jackstini · 13/05/2009 20:56

How are you doing Flower?
Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you and LO, didn't want you to think your pain was forgotten

Original poster

Flower3545 · 14/05/2009 09:29

Hi Jackstini, thank you.

I'm ok, sort of. Missing her like crazy and finding myself listening for her all the time.

Some new neighbours moved in next door last week and they have a baby so if I hear a cry I assume its her when it's not

She used to crawl around my feet when I sat at the computer desk and she used to bang the brass drawer handles to get my attention, silly bugger that I am I find myself rattling them if I'm at the desk.

I'm also still waiting, although she promised to come back for them the next day, for the social worker to collect a couple of her bigger toys that wouldn't go in the car ie a rocking lion and a ride on toy that played a tune lo loved. I keep pressing the damn thing every time I walk past it.

Weird thing is it used to drive me mad when she was here, now its comforting

OP posts:

mamadiva · 14/05/2009 09:47

Hi again Flower,

I missed this thread the other day but have caught up on all the posts and I can't begin to imagine how you must feel when just reading the pain and emotion in your posts makes me want to break down!

You are not silly for longing to hear those noises that made LO seem so special but seemed so insignificant at the time, those are the things we miss when those we love have gone away from us and if you find it comforting then you press away at those buttons and bang those drawer handles until you can't do it anymore ;)

If you feel you need to take a break from fotering for a little while then go for it, you all deserve a bit of a break it's been a tough few weeks probably months, I don't know, it may be the best thing, try and go away on holiday maybe? then come back to it with a fresh outlook on everything and more importantly you will get the much deserved break and relaxation you deserve after so much hard work!!!

If you need to vent or just scream like a banshee then just let us know and we will try to pull you through as best we can on MN!

Jackstini · 14/05/2009 20:32

Oh Flower I think it is lovely that you are doing these little things to remind you of her; whatever helps get you through I say.
Keep posting whenever you feel you want to and we will be here.

charitygirl · 14/05/2009 20:46

Just read this thread and my heart is breaking for you and the little one...wishing you lots of strength and hoping that eventually you can look back with smiles at your time together. This time will have made so much difference to her.

Original poster

Flower3545 · 15/05/2009 10:37

Hi all,

I received a text from lo's mum and dad last night

It simply said she was fine, eating and sleeping well and they would send me a photo soon.

I can't tell you how much it meant to me, I couldn't speak so I pushed my phone at Dh who looked at me as though I'd finally cracked before he read the text. We were both so emotional

OP posts:

Jackstini · 16/05/2009 11:10

Glad you have heard something Flower. The fact that she is doing fine is down to the fantastic start you gave her

pottycock · 17/05/2009 09:14

That was really thoughtful of her Mum to think of you and to let you know she is okay. It's an encouraging start and I hope everything works out well for them .

Original poster

Flower3545 · 20/05/2009 09:15

Well lo's social worker finally, after she went home 8 days ago, turned up to collect the last of her toys.

I helped her pack the car, the blessed musical one only started playing, and as we finished I asked her how lo was doing.

She got into her car, turned and said "fine" then drove off

It really hurt that she couldn't take a couple of minutes to talk to me

OP posts:

Original poster

Flower3545 · 28/05/2009 19:03

Last night lo's parents sent me a text saying they thought I'd like to know that she had pulled herself up to stand for the very first time

I missed it

We had tried everything to try and get her to do this as she had made no attempt up to 16 months and had never even weight born or pulled up.

At her last medical the doctor told us to keep trying by holding her up and we had been doing this with absolutely no success.

Ooh envy is a terrible thing

I'm so pleased they are keeping in touch though, it's really good of them.

OP posts:

KingCanuteIAm · 30/05/2009 21:03

Sorry Flower, I have missed your last few updates. It is great news that the parents are keeping in touch I am really pleased for you. I am sure it doesn't make it any easier though. It sounds like she is getting on well

Original poster

Flower3545 · 31/05/2009 12:18

Thank you KingCanute, they sent a photo to my mobile last night of her standing up beside their sofa, it took my breath away. I will treasure it always

OP posts:

KingCanuteIAm · 31/05/2009 12:45

That is fantastic, it is so nice to hear her story continuing in such a positive way. I know it is hard but I really do hope her paretns pull through for her this time

Have you reached any conclusions about the future for yourselves?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6