Why don't young people foster?

[Vineling]

We've been having a discussion in the office today, (I recruit foster carers as my day job) about why it's people who are aged 50 plus who in the main foster. Those who teenagers have flown the nest and gone off to Uni. So my question is why don't younger people consider fostering? instead of perhaps going back to work after a baby or as a career choice? and what can we do to encourage them to consider it? We need people of all ages over 21 with a spare bedroom but it's the younger ones we struggle to reach and encourage to foster.

Successful placements are easy to support. You haven’t answered any questions about how you support the traumatised children who make false allegations, or when birth families find them and create havoc at their placements , or how you support carers when the children start displaying severe MH symptoms.
the bar for removal from birth family is so high it needs structured support which is simply not there, not glossy images.

This.

I've wanted to foster since I was 21 however I needed my own house with a spare room. When I turned 28 I brought a house with a spare room and the assessing social worker came to the house the day I got my keys to do the first visit. I didn't even have carpet but I was eager and ready. I got the house ready really quickly even the social worker doing my assessment was shocked at how quickly I decorated, 7 months later I was approved, 2 months after I got my first placement and I've been happily fostering for 3 years now.

I think a lot of people generally cant foster because they don't have a spare room. I think his is the biggest barrier to fostering. Then I think a lot of young people don't want to foster because they don't want to lose there independence, don't want to deal with social services and in all honesty aren't mentally or emotionally prepared to deal with all the trauma the children who come into your homes can bring.

Most of my friends as much as they are happy for me and would do anything to help as my support network will openly say they wouldn't be able to foster personally.

I am in my early 30s, and have only just bought a house with a spare room. In order to fund this, I have to work full time, which isn't compatible with fostering. In my peer group, more and more people are putting off having children until they are reasonably financially stable, which means they're having their first children early- mid 30s. Assuming they might have 2 children, they probably aren't ready to even think about fostering until they're in their 40s at least- and even at that point, they may not be financially stable enough to afford it yet!

I have thought about fostering a few times, based on my experiences as a teacher, and knowing children in foster care or kinship care. But I don't think it would be viable financially at the moment, if ever.

I'm curious about the option of short break fostering- it's not for me right now, but could be in the future- particularly in school holidays (probably not weekends).

However, I assume this is mainly/solely for very high needs children?

I have a single male carer in his 20s...Best carer in the world!!

@onanotherday

I'm glad you have a great carer, but being a carer to an adult is not the same as being a foster carer, completely different roles and skills required

...no he is a foster carer of a child! I'm his SSW.

We are in our 30s, and have a spare room, which is currently let out to a lodger.

I recently saw an advert for supported lodgings - which I'm aware is not quite the same thing as fostering - and they are offering £189pw (£756pm) for a room, bills, a lot of support hours, hours spent engaging with SS, and presumably some food.

The brutal reality is that our spare room is currently rented out for £625 (inc bills, but no food or support) and we could have got more for the room - probably £675-700.

£56, or £131, per month simply wouldn't make it worth our while - I'd expect to be paid for the room + at least minimum wage for the hours spent on support, and that's clearly not going to happen.

I am a carer, early 30s and been doing so for 5 years.

However I will be stopping withing the next 2 years... why because the pay and support is not enough.

We are paid a pittance for a 24/7 job dealing with traumatised children. We love all the children we have had but it is emotionally, mentally and physically exhausting and what I'm paid doesn't cover costs so "my" allowance gets spent on the child aswell. Take out extra costs and I'm much worse off financially and mentally than getting a "normal" job.

Take into account that my own kids get pushed to the side sometimes or struggle emotionally and there's absolutely no help out there for them as they re not as important (words from social worker), it's no wonder really.

There is nothing that benefits a young family to make it worth it anymore. We love the children but it's no longer financially viable and my own children are suffering. We will probably go back to it like your statistic, in our 50s when the birth children have flown the nest

Fostering isn't that easy is it? Happy to be corrected. Also a lot of young people are still setting themselves up. They may not feel they have much to offer.

The only people I know with "only a spare room" are 1 childless career couple. 1 single 22yo who works 70 hours a week to pay for her housing and my 80yo gran.

The mind boggles.

If you need to ask this, you are in the wrong job.

When I was 28 I was accosted by a person who wanted me to foster. I was renting a room, working lots of hours 40km away and studying.

I was brought up by strict parents and was very quiet. I just felt so bullied. I wish I had told her to go F herself. I kept going on about my job and how would I pay for my rented room if not working. Brought up rurally by strict parents so moving home not an option.

The lady wanted me to give up my job to go fostering and get a payment. If the fostering broke down, where would I get another job! There was huge competition for every job as we were semi rural. I also hoped to meet a man and have a child but this was so personal that I couldn't disclose to a person on the street. I already found it difficult to make friends, get a boyfriend. How would I get any help with foster caring!!

I can't believe anyone could be so DIM. I was sweating trying to get out of her.

I'm another person who wonders what parallel universe you inhabit, OP.

There's a lot more required than the fantastic dream of a spare bedroom.

I foster, started in my 40s when my kids where older.
We've got 2 spare rooms ( soon to be 3)but 1 foster child as their needs are so complex.
Fostering is hard, it takes up all of your time. No holiday pay, no sick pay ,no pension. Your life is not your own. Why would a young person want to do it?
On the other side of the coin, as I’m older I see all of my friends with no responsibilities going out and about, weekends away, child free holidays, nights out and lie ins,
we have to put so much in place to do any of this it’s hardly worth the bother.
i worry what is going to happen to these poor kids in the future.
The carers I’m close to are all 50s 60s, the younger ones who come along don’t stick it.
I met one who wanted babies but decided she couldn’t do it as they couldn’t open the wardrobe door with a cot in the room!
Another who took on siblings but then realised they could go on days out as her husbands company car couldn’t accommodate her foster children and birth children!

So my question is why don't younger people consider fostering?

Your job is to recruit fosterers and you seriously don’t understand why younger people don’t do it?! A bit of critical thinking would be really helpful here.

For me, part of the issue is that foster care is very much 'all or nothing' you're either a 100% available full time foster parent or you're not.

I'd be keen to sign up to some kind of ongoing respite/ Foster Aunty type situation - supporting a foster family or a set foster child or siblings group, taking them for days out and overnight respire breaks and being a consistent adults in their lives. But I couldn't do full time due to various reasons - needing and wanting to work; foster carers not being paid (the allowance wouldn't touch the sides); my 'spare bedroom' is an office with a sofa bed fine for occasional guests, but I wouldn't want to loose the office space; not having a local family support system; volunteering with several organisations; living in a very small rented flat.
To be honest, I'd say I know several people who'd probably be interested in this, and would love to see a few councils try a scheme involving this!
I know there's a couple of places in the USA where organisations have tried this kind of thing with birth families where kids are at risk of going into care and it's worked reasonably well in terms of proving support and actually had a positive impact on reducing the number of kids going into care.

@456pickupsticks

I"m not sure what you mean its all or nothing and wishing LAs would have a 'scheme"

All local authorities have respite carers, if they are anything like mine they are desperate.
I'm a full time FC who has been trying to get respite for months. Someone has finally been found and I will get some time- but not till May.
The FC who is doing it, does nothing but respite care.

The issue is, from my experience and research, that you cannot sign up just to be a respite carer, you need to meet all the same criteria as if you were signing up to do it full time (one adult home almost all the time and not working, proper spare room set up as such), which automatically rules out loads of people who would actually be a great edition as a wider member of a foster family (as I've described), providing day trips, occasional overnights, babysitting etc.

The way respire currently works in lots of places, is there's no consistency due to it being in such high demand, it means for lots of foster kids they feel like they're being sent away as FCs need a break, not that it's something nice for them. The kids don't get to know the people providing the respite, and they don't get to know the kids particularly well either. It also means when FCs eventually get respite they're absolutely desperate for it, and can end up using it to recover from being exhausted, rather than as the break they intended.

By a scheme, I mean something as I've described with new respite carers being paired up with families (either on the basis of the FCs or the kids), and supporting the same family on an ongoing long term basis, providing a set minimum amount of respite overnight breaks and giving other support too.

From what you've described above, it's the exact situation this type of scheme could avoid, you could have rang your assigned 'Foster Aunty', arranged a convenient date for your foster child to spend a couple of days with her, and she could have let the social worker know the dates.
I think this kind of thing would actually bring in a lot of new respite carers, if it were promoted properly, particularly those who've comment things above like 'we'd love to, but don't have a spare room' or 'we'd love too, but cannot commit that much time', which would probably stop full time FCs getting burnt out.

@456pickupsticks

I have friends who just do respite fostering and who also have other jobs. Of course you need a separate room - where do you suggest a child would sleep.
The reason I'm not getting any actual respite until May is precisely what you describe. I'm not about to dump him on a stranger. We will have some meet ups building up to a sleepover and then a week. If it works our I'm hoping it will be a weekend every other month.

My sister applied to do short break foster caring. She said the team who were assessing them messed them around so much she decided against it.

If it's only occasional do you really need to have a truly spare room? For example, I could put my kids in together one weekend a month, whereas I might not want to do that full time. Or move a desk out of what is usually an office space? Or are respite carers usually looking after multiple children on rotation?

@Oliotya

The other reason I've not yet had any respite is because she is fully booked for weeks.
What do you think the role of a respite carer is? How do you think this would fit in with your own children?
Do your kids do clubs or activities at the weekend, if so what do you do with foster child, what if they have things which clash with your children?
How do you think your children would feel about being put out of their room every weekend.
Lastly what are the reasons do you think I need the respite in the first place?.
It's not just because I fancy a weekend off- it's because I have a very complex young person in my care. He is very challenging, if nothing else his language would be enough to put most people off.

I was only asking about the separate bedroom. I am aware that their are other barriers.

We have a scheme in our area where there is a 'hub' of foster families with one family being the dedicated respite house. So the carer there always has space to take in one of the other kids for a night or a weekend or something and they don't have to get it agreed with social services, they can just decide upon it themselves. The foster kids can also request to go to that house for a break if they need it. They also often go on trips and things together.

To be honest, as a carer I have no desire to join that scheme. I don't want my kids to have another carer's number that they can ring and arrange to go to her house whenever they want whether I want them to or not. And the carers in that scheme have their own special events, training, coffee mornings etc which the rest of us can't go to so I feel it's creating an 'us and them' division amongst the carers in the area.

With regard to taking foster children out every now and again, this scheme also exists. It's called 'Independent Visitors.' If you volunteer you are matched with a child who you take out once a month somewhere that child wants to go. You get an allowance to pay for the trip. I have two foster kids and one has had the same Visitor for a couple of years and it has worked fabulously. She messages me with a proposed date then normally rings me to speak to him to arrange what they're going to do, then the day comes and she'll take him out for 3-4 hours. They've been swimming, wall climbing, ice skating, cinema, restaurants etc. It's been great. My other boy has had three so far who have all let him down eventually because their lives have got in the way, which I do understand, but then he goes months without anyone because there is a shortage of volunteers. So I do recommend that people volunteer for that if they're willing to have regular constant with a child without any real responsibility for them.