Why don't young people foster?

[Vineling]

We've been having a discussion in the office today, (I recruit foster carers as my day job) about why it's people who are aged 50 plus who in the main foster. Those who teenagers have flown the nest and gone off to Uni. So my question is why don't younger people consider fostering? instead of perhaps going back to work after a baby or as a career choice? and what can we do to encourage them to consider it? We need people of all ages over 21 with a spare bedroom but it's the younger ones we struggle to reach and encourage to foster.

For someone who claims to work in this sector I am surprised you have not come back and addressed some of the questions and scenarios on this thread, the main one about being financially viable to do this.

Just looked up how much you get 'paid'. £17,000. Out of that you also have to feed and cloth the kid.

Surely most people who want children would want to have their own children before they foster.

And if you don't want children then maybe you're also unlikely to want to foster?

I think there is fear that foster child may impact negatively on existing children. Unfortunately a lot of foster children will have traumatic pasts and behaviour issues.

Exactly. I am not a 'younger person' but I would not touch that potentially toxic cocktail if you paid me a million pounds a year.

My bedrooms are all taken up by my kids, I'm still progressing in my career and wouldn't want to give that up and I'm so mentally drained by family life/working I don't think I would have enough to give to a child that deserves 100% from their carer. It's a shame because I think we would have a lot to offer as a family, maybe one day.

Am mid 30s and have been interested in fostering for years. Issues I've seen/heard about that put me off;

• being absolutely ruled by contact/FC child appointments over all other responsibilities
• the risk of allegations against DH
• the financial impact
• the lack of control over which children to take to fit with existing DC
• the lack of support for FC's in terms of respite, challenging behaviour and sexualised behaviour
• the constant, CONSTANT paperwork

I would love to bring a foster DC into a home that's full of love, boundaries and compassion, but I absolutely wouldn't take a child at the detriment of my own DC. We have excellent experience of NICU, so would like to focus on babies from NICU/SCBU - but have been told to forget about it, as in our local authority there are plenty of baby/ <2 year old places

A lovely school friend of mine fostered in her 30's...and was brutally murdered by the teen boy in her care. It's a no from me, i'm afraid!

This is the question I struggle with tbh.

Why is the OP so clueless about how people are living?

My friend is a Foster carer. She does an amazing job but it is relentless. 3 contact appointments each week travelling all over. They were asked to take on the child's newborn sibling (despite only being approved for 1 child due to 1 spare room), which they did but its hard. Birth mom is now pregnant again and it's been suggested they take on that child too. So 3 under 3. Each child has differing needs. Plus they have their own older child.

I've been trying for a baby for 6 years and had multiple losses, we're exhausted and not in a position to support a foster child right now and we wouldn't be approved anyway. We both need to work to keep out home, so I don't see how it's possible to Foster a child that has multiple contacts a week with their family and parents and go to work.

I admire people who can do it but seeing what my friend goes through, it's not for me.

Some foster cares are the salt of the earth! Some do it for the money.

I think that - to be frank - they need some substance to their lives.

As said they would need substantial housing. My DC [2] were fostered after crisis. Separately. One was superb. Other favoured their DS all the time. Not helpful

I worked with someone who fostered 150 + children and did not keep in touch with any; I found that sad.

@INTERNETEXPL0RER

good spot !

Op are you actually serious asking that question? You should know the barriers to people fostering if you work in recruitment!
Anyway

• the long and invasive application process
• potentially having to give up another career
• having lots of professionals in your phone
• foster carers existing children and the impact on them

-Space in their home -restrictions on going on Holidays/ needing permission -lack of support for foster carers -accessing services such as CAMHs, neurodevelopment services

Then of course most of the children have suffered trauma, neglect and abuse. Not everybody has the skills, knowledge and patience to appropriately care for these children.

Myself and DH considered fostering in our early 20’s. Both now early 30’s. And would still consider it in the future. I had grown up with family members fostering.

We had a 4 bed house at the time (3 spare rooms) and LA were crying out for families to foster sibling groups. We had initial assessments, paperwork, came to do home visits etc. LA representative wanted me to be the full time foster carer because I worked with children and completely dismissed DH being the full time foster cared.

DH worked self employed and could work around foster children (work when they were at school, in the evening, weekends, etc). He could manage appointments, visitations, etc. I couldn’t so the plan was I would keep working initially. This would ensure we had financial security when we did not have any children. And for instance if it didn’t work out for us.

The annoying thing was that the LA representative made it clear we would be ideal for sibling groups as we had the space and no children of our own. Therefore we would be only on stand by for sibling groups. And might not get a foster placement straight away. But in the meantime she wanted me to sacrifice a wage to await for potential sibling groups.

So we backed out mainly because of LA making the process difficult.

No I know this!! As I said my husband view is very narrow minded on this, thats how he see's it, I don't see it like this at all!

I’m not sure the intention of your question is genuine Op, sorry. Why don’t we flip this and you tell us what the benefits are of young people fostering?

No way in hell would I invite a teenager with a probable traumatic past into my home when I have my own children.

Spare bedroom is an issue for most people.

As is salary. Am I supposed to pay for my son’s nursery with magic beans?

As for your ‘ women coming off matenity leave’ suggestion:

-Women need an increased income after having not been paid fully for nearly a year
-Many companies have a policy that you have to pay back maternity pay unless you go back to work there for 6 months/a year. You can’t just quit your job.

My son, his girlfriend and their two children are living in a one bedroom flat, who has a spare bedroom nowadays?

I would like to foster, I work with children and in healthcare and frequently look into fostering, but practically I can't see how it would work with needing to have a job.

You need a job to be able to afford a flat and a good one to be able to have a spare room. But then need to be able to leave that job with minimal notice to care for the child but still afford rent/mortgage along with all the instant expenses of caring for a child.
People who are older are way more likely to have the financial security to do that. As well as the life experience to be more confident in making that choice.

We fostered teenagers. Our children were adults and had left home. It damn near broke me. Smashed up our house, hurt our animals, one ran away straight after school several times a week which meant our house being searched each time and collecting the child from the police station late at night. Another attacked a child here repeatedly during the early hours of the morning and their social workers wouldn't agree to us having a lock on the bedroom door of the vulnerable child. I could go on. I'd never recommend someone to foster with their own children still at home.

My own child experienced adversity themselves, witnessing DV and then growing up in a low income lone parent household. I would not have wanted to bring a potentially troubled, or high needs child into the mix. My child came first. Also, no spare bedroom.

I have biological children and also an adopted child. I wonder if younger people who might consider fostering actually might be more drawn to adoption because I've met quite a lot of people in my position who adopted after birth children and not for infertility reasons. My DS's foster carers went into fostering in their 50s partly because they knew they couldn't keep the children due to their age so they never stated hoping IYSWIM.

DH and I contacted our LA about fostering a few years ago. After a meeting they turned us down because we home educate our three children. They thought I would be too busy, and they also decided we couldn't foster a school-age child while home educating our own.

I would absolutely love to foster, knowing there are children out there who are in dangerous/ abusive homes and could be safe with me plays on my mind a lot, i believe I will one day when my children are not very little, I’ve always assumed you’d have to give up work and your career to do it too so that’s not an easy decision for most people

We need people of all ages over 21 with a spare bedroom but it's the younger ones we struggle to reach and encourage to foster.

Do you know many people over 21 but under 50 who have secure accommodation and a spare room?! I certainly don’t.

The people who are older probably bought their house at a time when prices were lower.

I'd quite like to foster. I'm not you young target market though plus, I don't think I could reach the high standards expected. I've just got three points on my license so I doubt I'd be allowed to drive them anywhere.