Why don't young people foster?

[Vineling]

We've been having a discussion in the office today, (I recruit foster carers as my day job) about why it's people who are aged 50 plus who in the main foster. Those who teenagers have flown the nest and gone off to Uni. So my question is why don't younger people consider fostering? instead of perhaps going back to work after a baby or as a career choice? and what can we do to encourage them to consider it? We need people of all ages over 21 with a spare bedroom but it's the younger ones we struggle to reach and encourage to foster.

It wouldn't be fair to my own children to bring foster children into the family. It wouldn't be fair to the foster children either. We don't have a spare room and I'm not exactly the perfect mum to be honest! I'm constantly juggling work and DC as it is. I'd consider it once my own DC have left home but that would put me into my late forties, early fifties...

We looked into it when we were younger but we wouldn't have been able to able to afford to do it. We just talked about it again recently but if I couldn't work we still wouldn't want to do it.

I saw a thing on BBC breakfast encouraging people to foster recently and they were really vague about the money. That's what people need to know about.

Yeah, ultimately you need a lot of stability (i.e money) behind you to do this, you need to own a property really and that now takes many years for most people. People with secure places in social housing might be able to do it I guess, but that’s scarce.

Because I think it would be a difficult dynamic bringing a probably damaged child into the family when your own children are young. And also because foster parents are expected to have one person at home all the time so very difficult financially. Practically how would it work as foster children will have a lot of appointments and then contact time. Difficult to fit that in around your own children when they are at the stage of having activities after school. I really really wanted to foster but was turned down on something I considered very minor. Every day I see ads looking for foster parents but I'm disillusioned now as I could have offered a lovely home to a child but there you go

Yes I heard about cases like this too. The risks are too big when your children are small. Plus the money is tiny for all that's involved. If they don't want you to work they need to look at the pay of foster carers

Absolutely this.

The lack of insight is astounding.

Don't think we could because we have dogs.

My husband and I work 0800-1800 Mon-Fri. I don’t think this would facilitate fostering.

No space to accommodate
Career ambitions that don’t fit with it
The money isn’t attractive vs the level of responsibility
Worry that they don’t know what they are doing parenting-wise and couldn’t offer what is needed
Would rather have their own biological children
Don’t want any children

This.

And the two images you have put on are naïve at best, misleading at worst. That is not a true reflection of what fostering is like for many most people.

How many 21-30 year olds do you think are living comfortably in a multi bedroom house on their own?

The other side of this is that you obviously need much much more than just a room to foster. The children and young people that may come to stay will bring with them a wide range of issues and that will require a bit of life experience and a will to invest in that child or young person while they're living there. That would presumably mean temporarily putting a dating/ social life at least in part on hold at the time in life where you're most able to enjoy that. Similarly most people at that age are focusing on building a career, I know at that age I was working every hour in really tough jobs to get as much experience and move myself up as much as I could. Now I've started a young family ill essentially on pause career wise until I'm done having babies.

I also find it strange you'd consider placing foster children/ young people with someone who's just about to go back to work after maternity with a very small baby in the house. I'm very experienced in working with young people in care and everything about that sounds like a less than ideal set up. The baby can't consent to having another child who may have a lot of needs in the home and the child being placed rightly deserves someone who can actually prioritise them and help them navigate the trauma they've just been through. I imagine that older couples who've raised their kids and are stable and in a calm place in life see themselves as more 'able' to foster because they're more able to devote the time and energy they recognise a traumatised child will need and deserve. Plus I highly doubt that foster carers are paid enough to make the equivalent of what an average wage would be.

Aside from all that, you've also got to consider the support network a younger person will have. If they're living alone and something happens who picks up the slack? Their mates are maybe still in party stage of life so they're not necessarily going to 'get it'. Their parents are likely still working so can't babysit or be around to help out etc. Everything about foster care should be consistent so if someone doesn't have a good support network then surely that increases the chances of a child being in and out of respite care etc. I'd say the best chance you have given the challenges would be short term or emergency placement focus where its for an overnight or a weekend. But even then I personally wouldn't consider it even with years of experience when my ds is still so little because of what it might expose him to through no fault of the child or young person. I'd want him to be older, dh understand pain, right and wrong and to be able to communicate his own needs and worries before delving into something like that.

I considered it when younger but I've never had a 'spare' bedroom- can't see that changing anytime soon

I think you might be in the wrong job if you need to ask, it’s hardly rocket science or is your post intended for another reason?

Every person I know in their 20s doesn’t even want their own children, let alone foster children. They also tend not to have secure housing and certainly no spare room! They are busy working on developing their careers.

The money you get simply isn’t enough to make a career out of it, unless you can foster a lot of children at once which wouldn’t be recommended and if you don’t have any children, you don’t get paid. We looked into fostering with me also working but they said that appointments and contact etc would have to take priority over working. You’re also working 24/7 for a small wage.

The process of applying is also very long and difficult and although I understand why all the checks need to be done, contacting parents and ex-partners etc is off putting.

My parents fostered a teenager and had to give up because there were so many rules that they couldn’t actually parent her.

As others have said there are lots of reasons. People don’t have the capacity these days. Our society is geared so that one income is no longer enough for a household so now both parents need to work full time if possible.

For us personally I wouldn’t foster while I have my own children in the house. I know that’s sounds sweepingly judgemental and unfair but I have to put my children’s needs first. Plus as others have said, we don’t have a spare room. We are in a 3 bed house. We have 2 children. Unless we move to a 4/5 bed house, which we can’t afford, it won’t happen.

The issue is that it’s a massive long term commitment that is going to massively restrict your choices. It’s not a job you can just quit after a few years with no repercussions on the kids you’re fostering.

”oh yeah, sorry, I know you’re settled, but I wanna go travelling now/ move to London/ move to Australia”

The ( lack of) money probably doesn’t help but at the same time it sort of needs to be a vocation - you don’t want people’s primary motivation to be financial.

Wages aren’t enough to cover loss of earnings. Most young people don’t have a spare room. Impact on existing family. Raising your own kids is HARD. I imagine raising a troubled foster child would be exponentially harder. I certainly wouldn’t be up to the job

Most children available to be fostered at 13-16. It’s not always appropriate for young foster parents to foster them.

I was going to say the obvious issue is housing - the insecurity of renting, the space limitations, not being able to get on (or up) the property ladder

Plus perhaps a reluctance to take on a traumatised child while juggling their own young children and work.

Those that don't have children wanting to have their own first, or not wanting children at all, or just enjoying being young and free for a bit longer

People not being in secure relationships until later, so not being in the position to consider it

Maybe people not wanting to get attached to a child that then goes elsewhere

The need to all adults to be working due to cost of living, so not having the time, the money or the headspace

Childcare costs?

@Vineling I don't believe this is a genuine enquiry, if you recruit foster carers but can't answer your own question about why younger people don't want to foster then I'm lost for words! I've worked in the care sector for decades, there isn't enough time left in the day for me to explain the reasons, though many have been given above.

I would never foster. I worked for a legal firm who represented one of the big fostering networks. The number of police interviews I had to attend for allegations made against foster carers (99.9% of which on the face of it were false) was staggering. I get it's pot luck which children you end up with, but there's no way I'd put myself through that.

I'm a product of the care system, and my neighbour fosters.

Very selfishly, I see the challenges that children in care can present, and I don't have the time or personal resilience to offer the increased level of support a child may need. I also don't want to take any risks with my own children's personal or emotional security.

I know in many ways this is selfish, but it's taken a lifetime to find the stability I crave.

We considered it, we both love children, have back grounds in education and mental health etc. Our first priority is raising the children we have to adulthood as ‘safely’ as we can. Those who have worked closely with traumatised children will understand the impact that their trauma can have on their behaviour and responses. One thing to accept that responsibility as an adult but it would be irresponsible to foist that on another child 24/7.

Because it's a full time 24/7 commitment for poverty pay, and the back up from social services, camhs and the leas is let's say variable.

A good friend of mine is a single foster parent and a teacher of sen, it was a struggle for her to be approved despite her obvious expertise, the fact her mum was a former foster parent (now retired) willing to provide assistance. If it hadn't been for her mum she would have given up

I considered fostering and ultimately decided against it. I realized I would never have do it with my own children in the home. I knew it was going to be an emotional rollercoaster for an adult. I wouldn’t put a child through that. My biggest concern is getting attached to a child and having to send them to a new home, possibly one that I know is far from ideal. While I understand intellectually that is the job, I just don’t think I can handle it emotionally and that is as an adult.

pre children, I was busy establishing a career so I could afford a child.