Why don't young people foster?

[Vineling]

We've been having a discussion in the office today, (I recruit foster carers as my day job) about why it's people who are aged 50 plus who in the main foster. Those who teenagers have flown the nest and gone off to Uni. So my question is why don't younger people consider fostering? instead of perhaps going back to work after a baby or as a career choice? and what can we do to encourage them to consider it? We need people of all ages over 21 with a spare bedroom but it's the younger ones we struggle to reach and encourage to foster.

I looked into it some time ago when I was single and childless. As far as I could tell, you couldn't do it and work. I'd thought I could go part time (my employer would have let me do school hours and term time working) and foster a school aged child, but that didn't seem to be an option.

Edited to add: I can see why they want people to be available 24/7 but in that case surely they need to pay more!!

I wouldn’t want to foster if I had my own kids as it would compromise the care I was able to give them. I wouldn’t have had the skills to look after a foster child before I had my own children. I know people who foster and it’s really not an easy thing if you’re very invested in giving the child a good life. They generally need a lot of emotional and practical support. I think those who have children who’ve left home are ideal in terms of experience, patience, prioritisation of time. Is there a reason why you want to promote the use of younger people or do you just need to recruit more people generally? I don’t necessarily think it should be seen as a convenient alternative to work etc as it requires an enormous commitment. It’s great if young people have that commitment but not something to go into for convenience sake?

I can’t imagine there are many people around who are in their 20s and are financially secure enough that they don’t need to already work full time in order to pay for their housing-giving them something large enough that they have a spare room!

I think different areas have different rules about working and fostering. When I started ten years ago I had to give up my job. But now new carers don't have to. Personally I think that's a mistake unless it's a very flexible job. My two are teens now but every term they each have a PEP meeting that I have to attend and a care planning meeting. Often separate ones for each child. I had a meeting with the SENCo the other week. Once a month my fostering officer comes over for my 'supervision' and once every twelve weeks each social worker comes over to see 'their' child. Twice a year there's a review about the children and once a year I have my review. There are parents evenings to attend and then other meetings about school residentials etc. There are support groups and training sessions to go to.

Then there are all the school holidays. And often children coming into care have behaviour issues and can't be left at holiday clubs. My two were angels compared to some I heard about but even they could only be sent occasionally when I had a course or something to go on as I would always get a report of bad behaviour and sometimes I was told never to bring them back. So there is no way I could have relied on holiday clubs if I'd been going to work.

That's precisely what I'd like to avoid if doing respite though. I wouldn't want foster children every weekend (and wouldn't be able to due to work), and wouldn't want to be asked every week. The fact yours seems to be 'fully booked for weeks' suggests they're actually doing Foster care nearly full time, just with different children every week. Which would definitely put me (and probably others in my situation) off.

For me, I'd be able to provide respite about one weeks a month, or once every six weeks or so, with the soft bed in the office going up and the desk chair being moved out, the same as I do when I have anyone to stay. This definitely wouldn't be acceptable for a full time living situation, but for a night or two a month, yeah it would be.

I probably could support a child with complex behaviour for a couple of days, but there's also hundreds of children in foster care who don't have particularly difficult behaviour who would probably really enjoy a weekend away, who aren't able to get one because of the fact respite is prioritised for higher needs children (as their FCs quite rightly need a break), and there's a huge lacking in available respite carers.
For me this would be a good place to start recruiting younger people, which is what OP asked about in the first place.

@AmyandPhilipfan that sounds ideal to be honest, and exactly in keeping with what I've said about about a kind of 'extended foster family'. I'll have a look into the idea of extended visitors, as I hadn't come across it locally.

@456pickupsticks

the person doing mine is at liberty to say no, the same as any FC who is asked to take a child.
I have said no to addtional children.
My mum used to do respite for the same child one weekend a month with some additional days out in school holidays, the arrangement lasted about 6 years I think, from late primary to later secondary age.

@AmyandPhilipfan plenty of parents work and have caring responsibilities for children with SEND, I don’t think that should rule you out from fostering. Many employers provide carers leave and special leave for fostering

Yes I understand plenty of people make it work. But as a foster carer you often don't know what issues are going to come with the child you agree to foster. Nobody told me the then 6 year old that came to me was sick constantly. But he was. He could make himself sick at the drop of a hat, so until I had a consultant's letter to say there was nothing physically wrong with him and he could remain in school if sick, he was constantly off school. Which would have been very difficult if I had also had another job to juggle.

@BungleandGeorge

And many parents of children with additional needs end up working part time or giving up work.
This week I have had
Monday - 2 hour meeting With social worker followed by one hour phone call with school
Tues - one hour phone call with school
Wedn - I admit I broke free and had my nails done
Thurs - one hour meeting with SW, followed by 45 min phone call with another SW, followed by another one hour meeting with 4 social workers, oh and then the one in the middle called back
Friday - 2 hour meeting with SW.
I have a weekly report to write, 2 referral reports to write.
In between all that I have to actually care for a young person who has additional needs and behavioural problems. I get at least one meltdown a week where he smashs his room up
I have an adopted son who has additional needs and worked part time.
But honestly, fostering has been much harder.

I think you're being a bit unrealistic
.
How would people in their 20s possibly Foster young children.

They have to work. Older people have more time/ are retired

I think it shows a lack of awareness in your organisation to be honest.

Many people in their twenties are house sharing.

How could they possibly foster a child in a house share?

The person WAS asking me to foster a child in a house share with more 20somethings. My parents were very strict and would not provide any back up. They would think fostering as a 20 something, renting a room, as mad. They think people should get married first, buy a house and THEN have their own children.

I’d love to be a foster carer in my early 50s which is now and have considered this, I’ve got other income sources so potentially could give up work. I did look into this but think it’d be a huge commitment and potentially emotionally draining.

I just can’t see people in their 20s being emotionally mature enough to foster.

A friend of mine in her 30s and 40s was looking into fostering and adoption but ultimately the size of her property (1 bedroom) and giving up a good career to foster/adopt wasn’t doable for her.

Who was asking you to foster in a house share? I can think of several reasons why that would be a good idea. I can also see why your parents wouldn’t want to be a back up.

The person with a clipboard who stopped me when I was doing shopping thought it a GREAT idea to give up my job and foster.

We are in Ireland and jobs were very scarce at the time. It took me 2 years to get a fullltime job after leaving college. Imagine giving up that at 28!!!

Also competition was very stiff for jobs and a lot of the good jobs with prospects were given based on nepotism. As I had no contacts (parents were quiet and would not ask) I knew it would be very difficult to get another job.

Looking back a lot of people at that age are not emotionally mature enough.

I think it may suit a person in their 50s who has reared a family and likes young people. They would also need to have joint finances with their spouse, a spouse on board with this who is prepared to work fulltime and 'keep' the person, no questions asked, no guilt put to the person about 'not paying their way' when volunteering in a selfless act.

@user1471554720

The person with the clipboard had a specific job, to get people interested enough, probably not much different to the ones trying to sign you up to a new power company.
If you are in your 20s and living in a house share you would have been very quickly filtered out by a social worker.

We have considered it but it's the pay cut and inability to specify small enough age gaps. I could only look after small children from 0-12/18 months. But the range seems to be 0-4.

I considered it, but my understanding was that I would have to give up my job (teacher), and be a full time carer as a stay at home parent which wasn’t ever something I wanted to do. I know you get an allowance but that ceases when you don’t have a placement so it’s not really a wage with sick pay, a union & a pension, so you are asked to give up your job without any security in return.

I also had my own children and did not want them to be affected by what might be some children in our home needing a great deal of support. I was also fearful of what would happen if a false allegation was made against us. How that might affect our family. And going on holiday - we might not be able to take a foster child and that would seem so sad.

We also live in an expensive area so a spare bedroom was difficult - my own children shared before we built a partition down the room! But foster children can’t share.

I was also concerned that our lives would not be our own in terms of regulations and rules. How that might change our family dynamic.

We both love children, but it seems that being able to provide a home was a very small part of what we would have been asked to do.

I know you get an allowance but that ceases when you don’t have a placement so it’s not really a wage with sick pay, a union & a pension, so you are asked to give up your job without any security in return.

Exactly. So is it the case that only financially independent/wealthy people can foster? Are there many of those in their 20s?

I am surprised that the OP is surprised people in their 20s can’t do this, when this is literally the OP’s job!

@Dilysthemilk

Those are all perfectly valid reasons why fostering isn't right for you and your family at this time. Maybe in future it will be- who knows.
But it also highlights the misconceptions around fostering- its not just a case of adding in an extra child. There are lots of rules and restrictions.
@Shinyandnew1 I don't think its the case that only wealthy or financially independent people can foster.
I gave been a foster carer for a year but as an adoptive parent I also know lots of FCs.
None of us are wealthy or financially independent. However we are all 'older'. I paid off my mortgage 2 years ago which is huge help. I was a middle ranking civil servant, most of my FC friends were teachers. So not exactly rolling in it.
Rules around tax help a lot with finances. Also as most FCs pay no tax, it can bring you into eligibility for benefits. The child you care for may also be eligible for DLA.

But all of this points strongly to why 'younger ' people tend not to foster

Because they don't have room? I'd love to foster but we don't have a spare bedroom to house another child.

No spare rooms

That’s sort of what I was saying but in a roundabout way.

@Shinyandnew1 I don't think its the case that only wealthy or financially independent people can foster.

The OP is asking why young people now don’t foster. As the cost of housing/bills now is so high, young people generally need two decent incomes to rent/buy and can’t afford a house big enough to have a spare room. For someone to be in their 20s now and be able to be in this situation, they probably will need to be financially independent/wealthy. I am a teacher-nearly all of the teachers in their 20s (and some into their 30s) at my school still live at home as they can’t afford a house. There are two who have partners and are renting small flats, desperately saving for a deposit but they have no spare room. They will both need to continue working full time to pay a mortgage when do they do buy, so will be out of the house 7am-6pm, and I can’t imagine would be ideal FC in those hours anyway.

Fewer and fewer people seem to have the resources, time money to have their own kids these days, let alone foster a potentially very challenging child from a different background.

We foster, we are in our 30s and we have 2 young children of our own. We have been fostering for a few years (although took a year off when our youngest was born). We love it and the children we have had stay with us bring so much to ours and our childrens' lives. We only have a small house though so it is only possible whilst our own children are young and can share a bedroom. Yes it can be hard work and yes there is a lot of shuffling things around to make it work but it is so worth it.

What works for us is being short term carers so we can take breaks in between kids and have some time to ourselves (we have had kids stay from 2 nights through to 6 months and anything in between). Due to the children we have and the services they are accessing we get paid better than the normal rate which makes it affordable for one of us to be at home full time whilst the other works from home (and their work hours are flexible which also helps). We have a background working in children's services so know the system and have confidence in our approach and managing any potentially tricky behaviour or other difficulties. We also have a dog which, alongside our own kids, has been brilliant at helping kids relax and act as a distraction and reduce the intensity of being in someone else's house.