My sisters children are going to be removed

[Namechange543]

Name changed for this but hoping someone can offer some advice.

My sisters children are going to be removed, there is a court hearing on Tuesday to decide this but with the overwhelming evidence against her and the fact they’ve been on a child protection plan for so long with her making no positive steps it’s only going to go one way.

The social worker tells me once the judge has made a decision they will speak to family about placements for them. I really want to help but the problem is she has 3 children and I already have 2 of my own so I can’t take them all. I have a 4 bed house so couldn’t fit them even if I could cope with 5 children.

Will they want them to stay together or will they split them to keep them with family? And if they do split them how on earth do you decide which 1 you take?

It’s such a nightmare. My mum could take 1 and I could take 1 but then do we leave the 1 not chosen to go into foster care. How damaging would that be! I’ve cried so much this week with the guilt that I can’t help them all.

[1starwars2]

You can probably most help the youngest, without destroying your own family.
Your Mum isn't a serious or suitable option long term.

[oakleaffy]

@Happymum12345

Of course you could fit all the children into your house. 4 bedrooms is more than enough! Either help or don’t. Personally, I would do anything to help look after those vulnerable children.

Very violent, highly disturbed children who have to be separated after knifing and strangling each other so they end up hospitalised??

Dream on
My friend {Who is very stable and calm} adopted a 4 yr old, thought she too could manage a child fosterers could not.

Social services kept lots of vital info away from friend.


The 4 yr old was so utterly ruined psychologically by her wicked parents {severe sexual abuse and neglect} that the adoptive child had to go to a specialised boarding school to keep the child safe.

Thousands upon thousands spent on therapy.
The poor child was a product of their vile birth parents {who have had every single child removed}

I really don't think you realise how damaged children can be, and how impossible it is to ''reverse'' deep damage.

To have three highly damaged and violent children in your home...
It goes beyond firm boundaries and a bedtime story, and a lovely house in the country.

You try it.

[oakleaffy]

Edit: Specialised boarding school was when child was 11.

[MimiDaisy11]

@Hereforhelp127

4 bed house? Definitely room, they are your nieces and nephews, I would do it in a heartbeat, I have 4 kids in a 3 bed, hard but the care System would just spilt them up!
I got token away from my mum when I was 7, my sister was 3 and brother was 11
My nan had us all moved house gave up her job and dream house, she was 50 at the time, she did it and so greatful we didn’t go into care ♥️

Have any of your 4 kids stabbed each other or sexual abused others? I'm hoping that they haven't and so you really can't pass judgement on this situation. I wouldn't want to share a room with a sibling who put me in the hospital.

[Fullyhuman]

I can’t read all of this but want to agree with this:

Just remember how valuable a good aunt relationship is and this may be better for you long term than to take any of them. There is no shame in that.

If they end up in different places, the effort involved in continuing to see each of them once a week would be huge but enormously worthwhile and hopefully sustainable.

Take your time: the people (& maybe sometimes your inner voice?) saying ‘you must take them all’ are wrong. The work involved here is extreme. It is likely that you, and your mum, didn’t get the easiest childhoods yourselves, your sister’s troubles didn’t come out of nowhere, and the nephews’ behaviour may be even more difficult to handle because of that.

[FelicityPike]

FFS 🤦🏻‍♀️
Do people just not read the dates?

[PracticingPerson]

@FelicityPike

FFS 🤦🏻‍♀️
Do people just not read the dates?

I didn't see the dates this morning, no, but in my defense it was 5am...

[Whatflavourjellybabyisnice]

Agree with @oakleaffy. If only if it was that easy.

[YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet]

Hello everyone - the OP has updated the thread, which was started last July. Please read the updated posts otherwise the discussion becomes a series of posters telling other posters to read the updates.

Best wishes to you and your family, OP.

[rawalpindithelabrador]

Thanks for updating, OP! All the best to you. You're brave. I'd not have taken any of them.