DE causing huge issues.

[nowheretolive]

I am posting here as I am really stuck now, I don't know what to do.

DH is due to be leaving his RAF posting tomorrow, on relocation move next week ready to start a new posting the week after.

DE have had our housing application nearly 3 months!! They have done nothing with it at all, nadda. We now have ssafa and ff pushing it to the top of DE.

The reason we got the application so early is two of our children have learning difficulties and we can't just up and move schools at the drop of a hat, it's not that easy. This seems to have had the opposite affect that DE have been delaying allocating us a house incase we need physaical adaptions (we don't) and they have been asking for medical reports just to allocate us ou entitlement. We gave them all the reports we have but they wanted more. We just want an idea of what is going on so I can start sorting out the children.

As it stands he is due to leave work tomorrow and we have no idea if we have a family address to move to, or if they have any single block accommodation for him.

I am just so angry information we provided for them to help us, has been ignored and they have just caused us lots of problems. Splitting the family up is making this all the more stressful for the kids, more than the change needed to be.

Has anyone had similar issues with DE, what can you do? I feel so out of the loop being the oh sorting it all out. It just seems so wrong what's happenening. They have free houses btw which match our entitlement we know that, they told the ff that, so why the hold up. What can I do, help or advice from anyone who has been in this situation please.

Namechanger btw. I just don't know what to do, I feel at such a loose end and it's putting us under so much stress, why is nothing ever simple?

I'm going to have to stay. I've got no choice. We already had our pre march out but I've no where to go once hes posted.

I'll presume they'll sort him out block qs somewhere as he's due to start work a week on Monday :s

He's not suggesting anything. He's got all these people involved but if you ask me, he is not pushy enough as it's not him dealing with the hard stuff. Hes not one to rock the work boat.

Write to Chief Exec of DE to complain, post is currently gapped - it was Admiral Lawrence Princess Anne's hubby - but his assistant will be screening the mail. Or get FF to do it - this is not acceptable treatment for you and your family.

mrssnaplegs is right.
You can't let DE ruin your entire marriage and split up your family.

Your DH shouldn't worry about rocking the DE boat - they're not his chain of command or anything - they are legally NOT sticking to their contract.

Yes well last time we had an issue with DE, not on this scale though..........

Moving here they tried to under allocate when we knew there were houses of our allocation available. We put in a complaint. A genuine, polite structured complaint. The person at that hic, wanted my hubby charged for daring to complain.

I kid not. His line of command got invovled and hey presto sorted an offer that day, and put their opinions in. As we had every right to make a valid complaint.

I think he is scared to go down that road again so they continue with it. People HAve said they haven't quite seen DE issue like it before. He has everyone involved, line managers, SSAFA, FF, but I think he is reluctant to do any of the holding them to account himself. He is getting the above to do it.

Oh well, what can I say. We aren't in a good place atm.

Nowhere, this all sounds appalling. I feel for you.

Is his boss involved did you say? Can't he/she take it further up their chain of command. This is a ludicrous situation.

Does you DH ackowledge how difficult this is for you?

I really hope you can find a way through this, we had similar issues with our last move though it was the drafters dragging their feet not DE but the one thing that was suggested by his sgts etc was for me to unleash some hormones (dd3 was under 3 months) and go cry to the padre, shout and scream and make an unholy racket as im not governed by the chain of command like he is, tell people that you are looking into the process of formally seperating him and that DE is causing it. like i say the circumstances were different and it never came to it but it sounds like he is doing most of the chasing, if you can it might be worth a visit to the padre etc yourself and make a fuss. others with more experience with the military may be better able to tell you if the advice i was given is good advice though.

really hope you get somewhere and DE dont end your marriage for you

Thanks all. We have a very young baby too.

I am trying to get invovled but it's hard. As we are not on base, quite a way out infact. SO I can't get to the hive. By the time I have done all school runs, fed the younger one, it's time to start the cycle again. Ifyswim. Could just about make a return trip and back, but I'd risk being late for school pick ups and drop offs. Oh plus I get called in more often than NT parents to go get the kids, because of illness or whatever.

So I am pretty stuck relying on him being at base as I am no where near it really. I'm going to ring the hive today though and see if someone can come talk to me as it's really causing me lots of stress. I have the schools and people here on my back asking if I know anything, what's going on etc. As the kids obviously get extra, funding, transport etc. I don't know, I don't know if the accepting auth will have places whatever. I have no answers!!

I feel better after a good nights sleep though tbh. It's amazing what a sleep can do. He saw to the kids last night so I am feeling less fragile today.

Good news I think. He is travelleing with his boss to view a house this afternoon that they can get ready for us.

I don't know dates, logistics, or anything else yet. But it's further on than what we were. I'll keep you posted. Lets see what this afternoon brings. Silently hoping this is the beginning of the end of this crappy problem.

fingers crossed for you, good luck and i hope it does all turn out for the best in the end.

Fab news nowehere.
Withe your older children to care for and a young baby, it's no wonder you're feeling like ending the marriage!

Good for you being strong though.

You can do this!!!

Take care

and let us know about the house he goes to see today.

It sounds dreadful - I can understand your frustrations with DE. We are moving to our own house in 5 months time...can't wait. I will never have to deal with them again. Soooo unhelpful. Is your own house an option?

If they are breaking the rules, complain, complain and complain again. My DH doesn't like to rock the boat, but if you have good reason (and you have) do it!

Thanks, yes well I think we are going to be looking at our own house soon. That's the area we want to settle in anyway.

Yes well we have 4 in total. HT, I have spoke to you before about this under my usual id . Recently infact.

So yes being up with a new baby, toddler and 2 A children is ahhhhhhh. I know in reality it would be so much harder without him. But I just couldn't think straight yesterday. It's me at home dealing with it all, I've got the schools, LEA's chasing me, the kids causing problems as they know something is amiss. Then when they are at school, feed baby, feed toddler. Housework, nip online see if I have any emails about it, carry on with the kids then get one form one school and meet the other from another.

I guess exhaustion plays a part, I do feel I am functioning better today. We were going away tonight, massive inlaws party. The first time in 4 years a night away. Last night there was talk of cancelling it etc. But my MUM said don't you dare and is on her way down, so can't back out now. It's a long drive for her, kids will only stay with family which makes it hard. So guess we will have a few hours together tonight to chat and things in the car. We'll be late as of all the travelling he is doing to wilts but ho hum.

Bit nervous as he'll nearly be there now, I hope it's ok, but HT, I'll take you up on that suggestion.

Going to go do lunches and naps and will pop back when I know.

what part of the country are you currently in nowhere?

Wiltshire is lovely and a great place to settle down in your own house if that's what you choose at a later date.

nowhere - can you let us know what your dh thought to the 1/4? Is it okay and are you off to that one?

Hope you feel better after the weekend - such a lot to contend with last week. Hope the coming week is more positive for you

Ok back, had a hectic w/end and couldn't be doing with a long reply on the phone!

So we seemed to have a good w/end together, it was needed I think.

The 1/4 is ok, it's not what we have now, we are lucky here, but it's livable. It's the lowest grade though.

There are new carpets in it, there is a 3 week wait as they are re painting, new curtains, new kitchen work top and new bath.

It's a lot cheaper than where we are now as we are in a high grade house and tbh, the one we are moving to, is erm not lol.

We will be on a camp this time, however DH is not working on that camp, it will be a commute like now, but this is where they have houses. Seems like an ok community tbh.

The kitchen is dire, but nothing a few ikea cupboards won't sort for now, no shower either, so we'll have to fit one as I need one. Could have been a lot worse, could have been a lot beter. It's basic but clean, mould free and it's a house which is big enough.

I am going to see it this week. DH is on rl this week and has to go in 2 days out of 5 to sort out all the bits and bobs and sign off as he couldn't last week because of all this.

So I can measure up for the black out blinds for the kids rooms and have them in before we move, which will coincide at half term handily enough.

Now to phone the LEA's which is what I am off to do now and try and sort out the SEN stuff. I'll let you know what I think of it when I see it in reality

Oh phew - that sounds great. If it's big enough and has new bath, carpets,worktops etc, it'll be lovely, I'm sure.

Hope the move all goes well and that the children settle into school okay.