DE causing huge issues.

[nowheretolive]

I am posting here as I am really stuck now, I don't know what to do.

DH is due to be leaving his RAF posting tomorrow, on relocation move next week ready to start a new posting the week after.

DE have had our housing application nearly 3 months!! They have done nothing with it at all, nadda. We now have ssafa and ff pushing it to the top of DE.

The reason we got the application so early is two of our children have learning difficulties and we can't just up and move schools at the drop of a hat, it's not that easy. This seems to have had the opposite affect that DE have been delaying allocating us a house incase we need physaical adaptions (we don't) and they have been asking for medical reports just to allocate us ou entitlement. We gave them all the reports we have but they wanted more. We just want an idea of what is going on so I can start sorting out the children.

As it stands he is due to leave work tomorrow and we have no idea if we have a family address to move to, or if they have any single block accommodation for him.

I am just so angry information we provided for them to help us, has been ignored and they have just caused us lots of problems. Splitting the family up is making this all the more stressful for the kids, more than the change needed to be.

Has anyone had similar issues with DE, what can you do? I feel so out of the loop being the oh sorting it all out. It just seems so wrong what's happenening. They have free houses btw which match our entitlement we know that, they told the ff that, so why the hold up. What can I do, help or advice from anyone who has been in this situation please.

Namechanger btw. I just don't know what to do, I feel at such a loose end and it's putting us under so much stress, why is nothing ever simple?

Sorry about typos, physical our typing from phone.

There must be something in the rules that says they have to allocate within a certain number of weeks. I'm sure I've seen the timescale but cannot remember what it is.

In fact the woman from DE on the phone told me what it was.

I know you're being supported by ssafa and ff but can you ask your loca DE to help as well. Really, it should be your current or future welfare officer who should be doing their utmost to sort it out.

I think your DH should speak to his WO and get them moving.

What's that book someone - with all of the chapters saying about the rules????

Ohh the jpa or whatever, yeah Ff have already quoted that, they have ignored it, lots of people saying they are helping, lots of them breaking the jpa rules and not caring.

This is affecting my childrens welfare, so I'm at the point now of jacking it all in and telling him to call me when he's left and staying here until leaves whenever that is. Or is it jsp that thing anyway.

Okay - have just asked DH and he said he's amazed that the welfare hasn't got his bum into gear and done something by now but basically, your DH needs to go through his chain of command and explain the situation.

Once he's done that verbally, if it still needs sorting, then he needs to speak to his oficer commanding and then after that put a letter in writing stating that he needs a quarter for his family (dates/reasons/type etc) and that needs to be given to his Commanding Officer (of whatever equivalent RAF one is).

That is how it should be doone.

I meant 'done'!

That doesn't mean welfare chain of command - it means his current work chain of command and not the place he's going to but the one he's at now. HTH

Ahh thankyou, he has his chain of command invovlved.

I am not in the loop though. To be honest I think this is the end of our marriage.

I am a mum first and can't be doing with this every time he moves. Him and the job first. It's always such a struggle as they are Autistic. DE don't give a fuck and are quite happy to rip families apart and them egbing Autistic causes us more hassle than just moving.

I have had enough, I think this is it for us. I have to put me and the kids first for a change.

*being sorry I'm in tears atm, I really know this is the end for us.

I can't go through it any more with the kids the way they are, it's not fair on them or me as I'm the one who has to pick up all the pieces.

The MOD claim another marriage, well done.

Gosh - I didn't realise you meant it when you said it was the end of your marriage.
I'm so sorry that it's come to this.

I thought RAF families were more likely to be posted to one particular place, rather than moving all the time.

Can your DH not commute at the weekend and you live in your own house if possible?
That's what we are doing at the moment and tbh, it's been a nightmare on our marriage/children.

We are moving back together in the summer to live in a 1/4 and I cannot wait. Back to normality.

However for you, surely it's not just the RAF and this house prob that's making you end your marriage? That's so unfair if it's the RAF. I know you must be so stressed trying to sort it out and it's unfair of your DH not to sit down with you and explain what is, or isn't, being done. Let me know how you get on.

Have you chatted to any of the other wives on camp? Do they know your situation?

It's the RAF, he never tells me what's going on. It's ok for him isn't it. It's not him being left behing to sort it all out, deal with the distressed kids, the hassle that goes with it.

I'm tired to be honest, I don't want to do it anymore. It's partly his fault for keeping me in the dark, and for not taking my concerns seriously. I knew this would happen, he went for this posting on purpose with not much thought to me and the children and what would happen.

Still he'll walk into his new job won't he, be absolutely fine and I'll be left holding the babies and dealing with all the hassle.

I'll let you know how I am, but for me yes I can't see us staying married, it's not fair on the kids, with Autism they need stability. Not DE moving us on a whim, expecting us to find sen places, ignoring our requests for help with a timely move, and him just fucking off and leaving me to it. Just had enough now :(

That's so unfair on you nowhere. .

I hope you sort it out - I know not necessarily the marriage but just that you get a 'place' where you and the kids are happy and stable.

Take care

nowheretolive I am so sorry you are going through this and it is affecting your marrage. We went through something similar earlier this year and still are not in a permanent 1/4. DE were/are a nightmare. I had to move posting in June - we notified DE in April when we knew about the move and were happy to delay house move to July at end of school term so they had loads of time. They finally moved us at Oct half term with 6 days notice, I was 35 wks pregnant by this point and had been commuting 4 hours each way on public transport at weekends. They have moved us into a temporary 1/4 which is so small we cannot use the front door as we have furniture in the hallway and we struggle to get the pram through the back door. We had NPFS and NFF involved as well as medical letters, OT reports and letters from my CO. In the end it took me being signed off sick with my pregnancy and daily phonecalls to NFF who were the most powerful people in the end. DE have now apparently forgotten us so I know how you feel.

Please go back to SSAFA & FF and pester daily, tell them it is damaging your relationship to this extent

marriage not marrage sorry!

Taken from JSP 464:

a.
Applications received by DE Ops Housing more than 4 months before the required date. The HIC will, whenever possible, administer SFA Application Forms (see para 0507) received more than 4 months before the required date, but there is no obligation for the HIC to provide an address until 4 months before the required date.
b.
Applications received by DE Ops Housing 4 months, or less, before the required date. Applications received by the HIC 4 months before the required date, or at any time thereafter, will be administered by the HIC within 15 working days of receipt (see para 0507.)

In short they have to give you a decision within 15 working days of receiving your application!

We had a problem with our housing allocation during the latest move, I rang the housing office nearly everyday to make sure they had not forgotten me I finally got hold of JSP 464 so decided to quote it over the phone, within 10 mins they had found us a house!!!
We didn't have the added pressure of autistic children so I really feel for you Have you tried calling the office yourself? I hope you get an answer soon. x

yeah! - knew someone would find it for you.

pinkem Only warning with the JSP is they may offer you anywhere and if that first offer is unsuitable because of additional needs and therefore you have to reject it there is no requirement for them to stick to a timescale to offer you something else as in our case even though they had all the information on additional needs with the original application. When I spoke to them on the phone the lady (girl?) said "oh I haven't read all the additional stuff but my manager said this is the house I have to offer you because of the timescales" and then proceeded to offer an unsuitable property, DE maintained for 4 months this met our requirements until we had to get additional report from NHS OT on top of the one from Headley Court (wasn't good enough) she didn't even need to see the house to say it was unsuitable. Worst thing is we had been down and assessed all the 1/4s before we put in application so we could make things easier for them!!
nowhere which HIC ? have you spoken to the compliance manager? they are the ones who deal with adaptations - I have the name for the one at Aldershot if you needf it.

I think nowhere said she didn't need 1/4 that's adapted?

nowhere - you don't think your DH has already been offered one do you? And he turned it down???

No he hasn't been offered one. It's Wiltshire HIC.

I have got to be honest, I've told him it's over. he dosen't believe me. He will tomorrow when I start booking solicitors appts and tell the hive.

I've had enough of it I really have. We gave the hic so much notice as I can't just up and move the kids. I need time for school. I need to get them used to change, where we are going, do it together so it's less traumatic.

Ballsed that up didn't they? Did they even read any of the paperwork at all? Just had enough now, they keep asking for medical reports. We don't want any adaptions, they are not physically disabled children, but they are mentally disabled.

So what they have done is screwed up the one thing we asked for a good stable move, in decent time so we could sort out schools.

I can't belive DE are answerable to nobody, how do they get away with it. Oh thanks for the JSP. SSAFA quoted that to them in writing last Monday so did FF who went to the head of that hic, as you can see it's worked wonders as here we are, no news and splitting up due to the stress and the fact the forces say they are supportive to families with special needs, well DE prove otherwise. I just can't do it anymore.

nowehere - so do you think you would still split up if it wasn't for the house situation? If no, then I really think you shouldn't give up on your whole marriage because of the system.

We hear horror stories about them (DE) every day but if you think your marriage could be saved, then please don't rush into it.

DE owe you big time.

I can't see a way forward. DE don't care, they spit on the jsp. Like I say that was quoted to them in writng coming up two weeks ago, querying what was taking them so long. We still have no answers at all.

They just don't care, they seem to be answerable to nobody, so nothing can be done about the way they are treating us.

No, we wouldn't split up it is soley this reason. I know that sounds irrational, but my children are my priority. If de can't even tell us where we stand in nearly 3 months, it's not a life for me. Even if they had no 1/4's whatever, just some information, a time, address, something, so I can prepare the kids, look into school.

It's so stressful as like I say, he is taken into his new job, it's all great for him, I have to start a fresh knowing nobody and then trying to fight to get the children the help and schooling they need and being left to deal with all the hard stuff. I don't know if I want that responsibility anymore to be honest. Caring for them is a hard job, then moving but all this on top.

Especially when DE are making it so difficult to move, hard enough as it is changing with Autistic children who don't do change. But we could cope. All this other rubbish and messing around though, has taken me to breaking point with the whole situation, I don't know what else to do. I just don't.

DE seem to be able to do what they want, to who they want and balls to the consequences. They don't seem to realise we are not numbers and houses, we are people and need to be treated as such, I can't see a way forward, I really can't. But then I'm stressed and upset as it's me that has to deal with the fall out.

nowhere - that's so upsetting for you.
I can't believe they have let it come to this. You simply can't end your marriage because of them.

If your DH was one of DHs guys, he would have faught tooth and nail to get this sorted way before now. What is your commanding officer doing about it?

Surely all it takes to get you a house is for the CO/RAF equiv? to ring DE and tell themto give you a 1/4. End of. Something doesn't sound right.

Please reconsider ending your marriage because of them. You'll surely have the added stress of the DCs missing their daddy too? I just feel like calling the HIC myself tomorrow and telling them on your behalf to get their heads out of their backsides and give you a house!!!

They have been involved it's just rediculous. I'll be honest I don't have the fight in me any more.

They'll miss him, but it the long run well always be one one place, no de screwing us around, no having to worry about specialist schooling when de get their act together.

I just dont see any other option, they can get away with this any time it seems. Can't do it again,

Understandably, you sound very down.

Have you said that you will simply retain the quarter you are in until they sort themselves out?

They cannot literally throw you out so why don't you stay there (even once DH has started new posting- unless it's abroad of course) and then once your current area realise they want your 1/4 for another family, they'll shift themselves.

What is your husband suggesting you both do about the house?