unhealthy food, other parents and toddlers! grrr.

[MaeBee]

i give my 16mth old a fairly good, balanced diet on the whole, although i'm a bit too easy on those Organix oatbars (sweetened with apple juice).lots of organic veg, fish, a mixture of wholemeal and white, and he's a big fan of fruit. he's a good eater, especially fond of his greens like brocolli and peas etc.
but im finding toddler groups difficult cos other parents keep bringing in "treats" to share with the group. its ALWAYS something to celebrate. today a box of biscuits arrive cos its chinese new year. also some kids have squash (euphemistically called juice to my annoyance!) whilst others have water.
if i don't let him have them when all the other kids are allowed, there is, of course, tantrums. and it feels very unfair too. so i usually let him have one, especially if he finds some on the floor...(!) cos its too late to fish it out his mouth. and i don't want him to be neurotic about unhealthy food. its okay for a treat. but several biscuits several times a week is way too much, isn't it? had to carry him screaming home today after he tried to grab his third one off another child.
have raised this with the leader of the group and she's relatively onside but i understand it puts her in a bit of a tricky position cos she has to say no to people. she wouldn't compromise on the squash though unfortunately.
fruit is offered as well, and he wolfs that down too.
any ideas or tips or advice? except to chill out and stop being so Jamie Oliver about it...?!

Whilst I agree wiht many others, I think you need to relax, lol...
however, I don't think it is all that unusual for Toddlergroups to not allow food and treats being brought in, they usually provide snacks as part of the session...and if your Groupleader is also for this, I think it would be reasonable to change it to that...

divastrop - im not an expert. nor am i obsessive. i felt cross at you and checked out your profile, and i realise now that food is a big issue for you, im sorry this touches such a raw nerve. but thats for you to deal with, and not start throwing around strange insults that limiting what your kids eat is a mental illness. enough said.

i think everyone on this thread basically does the same type of thing with their kids: encourage healthier foods and limit others. its just where and what those limits are that varies. i think its a rare - or possibly ignorant - parent who doesn't care at all what their kid puts in their mouth. and i've never heard anyone here say that they only ever let their kids eat super nutritious stuff. so nobody is even being extreme, despite the heat of this arguement!

as regards the poster who asked about squash or ribena, this is from ribenas own website (i don't agree with the end bit but im not cutting and posting just the bit i agree with!!):

Why do you say that Ribena is not suitable for use for babies and toddlers under 36 months?

Babies and toddlers under 36 months have special nutritional requirements. Drinks that are specially designed and marketed for them have to reflect these requirements and the food regulations which govern these products. Ribena is not specially designed and marketed as a drink for babies and toddlers. The on-pack directions for use therefore include the statement:

This drink is not suitable for babies and toddlers under 36 months.

For babies below the age of 12 months we, together with health professionals, suggest that they should only be given water that has been boiled and then cooled, or specially formulated baby drinks.

As a responsible manufacturer, we recommend that Ribena juice drinks are not suitable for toddlers under 36 months. This helps prevent toddlers 'filling-up' on juice drinks and then failing to eat their meals. Balanced nutrition is very important at this time to maintain their growth and development.

All Ribena drinks can be consumed freely by older children (above 3 years) and adults as part of a healthy diet and active lifestyle.

aspartame is far wosrse than sugar
sheesh the preciousness is scary

I don't get it, if you want to control what he eats, you have to police it, which means following him, only allowing 1, getting to the sandpit before he does, and for the sake of my children, I make damn sure I scoff the biscuits before they do. Its for their own good.

Ugh! Those ribena ingredients make me feel ill.

I think rigidly limiting certain foods is setting the next generation a whole host of problems

We shouldn't look at foods as good or bad, I believe this is why obesity/eating disorders are so prevalent. Food should just be food, everything in moderation. This is why diets are so hard, we crave the 'bad' because it is 'bad'

Am a bit confused too, if you have a bout of d&v, you take diarolyte (sp) which is just sugar and salts, so you must need a certain amount of sugar in your diet (my gp recommends flat lemonade too)

Healthy eating is important but so is attitudes to food

I haven't limited anything in my kids diets, they eat 3 good meals a day, drink water, juice, squash, full fat milk and even coke/sprite at times. We always have a biscuit barrel, a full fruit bowl, crisps/nuts and chocolate bars in the cupboard, we even have pot noodles! The only rules we have are they must make a good effort with their main meals before they snack on the sweet stuff. None are greedy or take advantage, not one is overweight in any way (all have BMI under 21), no fillings and all are active. Teen son is growing at a rate of knots right now and is skinny as a rake, so is eating twice as much and I'm actively encourage more full fat products and some sugar to keep him going. Youngest has CP and burns calories faster than normal, she too has a high fat, high calorie diet

My sister limited food for herself all her life and is now doing it to her kids, all have or had a weight problem and all are quite greedy. I know which I prefer

Some parents need to chill out a bit around food, yes, feed mainly healthy food but stop refusing them 'nice' stuff. Teach your children to have a healthy relationship with ALL foods and drinks

Maebee - can you take a drink of water and juice fr your DS instead?

Mcfee - I have been trying for a year to convince those at my toddlers group to buy squash with sugar rather than that chemical carcinogenic stuff, but to no avail. So I take the DC a bottle each of juice (as in fruit juice) with water, because they feel they are missing out if they only get water (although thats what they have at home).

Re the biscuits - ours are up on a high table, so its up to parents to get them for their own DC. I let mine have one or two, then say no more, and they can whinge about it if they like. They get over it pretty quickly though, and resume their play.

'We shouldn't look at foods as good or bad, I believe this is why obesity/eating disorders are so prevalent. Food should just be food, everything in moderation. This is why diets are so hard, we crave the 'bad' because it is 'bad''

I agree wholeheartedly minority rules! I believe this policing of food is setting up a terrible relationship with food later on.Everything in moderation is my motto and if you have 3 good meals a day you shouldn't need snacks. I have 3 teenage DSs and they are all skinny, get lots of exercise and need filling up!! We call the oldest the 'human dustbin'-he finishes everything up, but he doesn't snack much and you definitely can't 'pinch an inch'. Treating custard as if it is poison was a huge surprise to me! I don't do puddings very often but I call homemade apple crumble and custard a healthy option. You don't have to put much sugar in custard and you can make your own from egg and milk if you don't want to use powder. My grandfather died recently aged 103 years and he had a life time of eating everything in moderation-he didn't have a hang up about 'bad'foods. You just have to serve healthy meals and not make a big issue about the odd chocolate bar brought home from school.

maebee-what on earth did you mean by 'food is a big issue for you?'.explain please?

and fwiw,i never accused anybody of having OCD,i simple said there's a difference between making sure your child has a healthy diet and letting your own OCD affect your parenting.it was a general statement,and i dont see anything wrong in it,as i have known many mums who have developed OCD,often as a part of PND,and it can be very damaging to them and their children.

if you feel the need to insult me personally,then i dont know what that says about you.

you have to deal with this and get over it now because, believe me, it will get much worse! I had exactly the same issue and, to some extent, youcan control it now, but once they get to 2 or 3 you will either have to never go out to toddler groups, soft plays etc or just accept that he will have some food like biscuits, cake etc on those occasions. As long as you give them good food normally I think this is the most realistic compromise.

BTW - I haven't read all of this thread but I have mild OCD (moderate - severe) dp would say!) and you will get worse if you try and control every aspect of your kids lives at all times (I've tried, and failed)

Diva, remember that you have the advantage of many years of parenting. The op is inexperienced compared with you so will be saying things that come from that inexperience.

You need to have been a parent for a while to become chilled.

Maebee, I do understand your point of view, I am the same. My daughter is 2 this month and rarely eats chocolate or biscuits, I do encourage her to see fruit and raisins as a treat. She loves cucumber and raw carrot sticks. Maybe bring some healthy snacks to playgroup with you? I am lucky as my playgroup has a healthy eating policy and only allows water/milk at snack time with fresh fruit and chopped carrot/tomato.

If your child has the right level of activity as part of their daily lives they will need calories. IMO most children are obese, not because of their food intake, but because they lead sedentary lives. Let them have the odd biscuit ffs but make sure you go to the park for at least an hour a day. And that includes days when the weather is bad.

I suppose I get so angry at the cynical way junk is marketed at kids, with very clever strategies etc, basically using messages on parents like 'if you're a good mum you treat your kids' or whatever, and upsizing packaging so that portions get larger and larger, that I kind of think they're winning every time DS has a biscuit!

It's better then it used to be a few years ago Gem.

divastrop - oops, no insult meant! sorry you took it like that. i think body image stuff and food issues are massive for most women and its certainly not meant to be insulting to say so. im sorry i took equal offence to your OCD comment which was probably meant just as light heartedly. friends?!

as i said, we all would probably rather our kids ate healthier food, would all rather limit anything that is not nutritious. i totally agree you shouldn't be controlling with food, more guiding. i kind of like the statement: "the parent chooses what goes on their childs plate, the child chooses how much and what of it to eat." i'm a big fan of delicious food, and i really want to pass down to my little one the same healthy attitude. thats all. and yes, i should chill a bit about his desire for the odd biscuit amongst all the healthy food he eats (and sand, paper, whatever!)

anyway, i have a curry about to arrive!

saw the dietician this week with dd and she said chocolate and biccies every day
dd is 4 and weighs what an average one year old would way She finds eating very very hard (she has CP) so every mouthful has to be as full as calories as possible.
But it was funny to be told to stuff her with chocolate, add butter to everything, and cream.
Wish someone would tell me that....

i was refering to the insult earlier in the thread,i honestly have no idea what you were on about in your post re food issues and my profile,i certainly dont mention anything about food issues on it as far as im aware.

as i said,the OCD comment was general,and i did think this was a joke thread when i posted my first 2 replies.