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unhealthy food, other parents and toddlers! grrr.

170 replies

MaeBee · 12/02/2008 12:36

i give my 16mth old a fairly good, balanced diet on the whole, although i'm a bit too easy on those Organix oatbars (sweetened with apple juice).lots of organic veg, fish, a mixture of wholemeal and white, and he's a big fan of fruit. he's a good eater, especially fond of his greens like brocolli and peas etc.
but im finding toddler groups difficult cos other parents keep bringing in "treats" to share with the group. its ALWAYS something to celebrate. today a box of biscuits arrive cos its chinese new year. also some kids have squash (euphemistically called juice to my annoyance!) whilst others have water.
if i don't let him have them when all the other kids are allowed, there is, of course, tantrums. and it feels very unfair too. so i usually let him have one, especially if he finds some on the floor...(!) cos its too late to fish it out his mouth. and i don't want him to be neurotic about unhealthy food. its okay for a treat. but several biscuits several times a week is way too much, isn't it? had to carry him screaming home today after he tried to grab his third one off another child.
have raised this with the leader of the group and she's relatively onside but i understand it puts her in a bit of a tricky position cos she has to say no to people. she wouldn't compromise on the squash though unfortunately.
fruit is offered as well, and he wolfs that down too.
any ideas or tips or advice? except to chill out and stop being so Jamie Oliver about it...?!

OP posts:
mcfee · 12/02/2008 14:45

I would be concerned if a toddler's group wasn't buying sugar free squash. Can you not suggest that?

annoyingdevil · 12/02/2008 14:46

Well, I'd say one biscuit at toddler goup is absolutely fine. If he's having 3 because he's grabbing them from other children. I would tell him very firmly 'no' and take them away. Ditto if he's picking them up from the floor

wheresthehamster · 12/02/2008 14:49

Sugar-free garbage is worse IMO than the normal stuff it's bursting with aspartame, saccharin and other goodies to make it taste 'nice'

Twiglett · 12/02/2008 14:49

I was like this with DS (first child) at this age

snigger at memories of self

it'll fade into the distance ..keep up the generally healthy lifestyle and don't sweat a few 'unhealthy' things

I think your issue is that he's 16 months and doesn't have an off switch .. and I think you carrying him home screaming because he tried to mug another child is spot on

Twiglett · 12/02/2008 14:50

sugar-free squash is awful .. please do not suggest that instead .. they simply replace the sugar with chemicals like aspartame

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 12/02/2008 14:51

Totally how I used to be with my first. I am still pretty strict compared to some but I take water and my own snack and just say no to squash if offered.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 12/02/2008 14:52

More an issue that he is grabbing food off other children than eating 3 biscuits. Old enough to be told we don't snatch.

Shannaratiger · 12/02/2008 15:03

We have the same problem at our toddler grp. Luckly we only go once /wk. ds(1) has never had squash either but he still drinks from a lidded beaker.
The only time he gets crisps and biscuits is at grp(unless DD sneaks him one at home). I did worry at first but decided life's too short and as it's only once a week it won't really hurt.

LyraSilvertongue · 12/02/2008 15:03

I'd be more annoyed if they were giving sugar-free squash. Too many chemicals for my liking. I don't see anything wrong with high-juice squashes though. Mine have it very diluted.

FAQ · 12/02/2008 15:05

"Can't they limit biscuits etc to one per child, and then put the rest away?"

limit one per child - no problem with that.......but THEN PUT THEM AWAY???

Are you serious - coffee, finishing the plate of biscuits and chatting (while our children kill each other at the other end of the hall) is what toddler group is all about

MaeBee · 12/02/2008 16:12

why the hell would anyone want their kid to drink squash anyway?! (its not that im depriving him, i don't let him have my wine either). sugar free stuff is probably worse than the sugared stuff i agree. diluted juice would be ok. i do sometimes juice an orange and dilute it down with water for him. see, im not some dragon!
what other people give their kids is their business. (i don't mean that, i'll delight in bitching quietly behind their shopping baskets...)but i don't want a fight every time i go to a toddler group. if necessary, i will take him home screaming. but i'd rather not. i'd rather it was an easy environment for me and everyone else.
its more, whats the point in giving kids these things? if i give mine one biscuit it makes him angry if i don't give him two. when he didn't know about them at all, then it was way easier!
he doesn't know we have a tv either, think i might keep it that way for a while...

OP posts:
wheresthehamster · 12/02/2008 16:39

You need to take charge of the situation. Explain that he is allowed one biscuit and you will give it to him. If he makes a fuss then next time he won't get any. Show him you are breaking the biscuit into two or three pieces and when he's finished the first bit he can have the next. If they are busying playing then drip-feeding one biscuit can take a while.

MaeBee · 12/02/2008 19:15

i'm just a lazy mama and i don't want to follow him around all the time! i want to sit and relax and chat. and i don't want the fights. i just wondered if there was a magic solution!
am feeling extra guilty cos i've been giving him so many drugs the last month: full of shit calpol. he's been ill or teething for what seems like forever and i've had to dose him up about 10 times in last month and feel bad about it.

OP posts:
LyraSilvertongue · 12/02/2008 19:17

Maebee, fruit juice is good for them. Why do you ration orange juice?

notnowbernard · 12/02/2008 19:21

He sounds like he has a really healthy relationship with food already, and eats a well-balanced diet.

I wouldn't be too bothered by the biscuits. He'll associate them with playgroup probably, anyway... not something he gets anywhere else, IYSWIM.

DD1 ate very similarly to your DS at that age. By the time DD2 came along and reached eating age, DD1 was totally sugar-corrupted (blame the GPs!) so my hopes of keeping DD2 relatively sugar free died an early death

Nowadays I feel pleased if DD2 has got through the day with an fruity oat bar thing as her 'treat'

boogiewoogie · 12/02/2008 19:28

Read original post so far. I used to be like you and was adamant that my child would only have chocolate or sweet treats once a week if at all. Now, his birthday and Christmas are close together and he still hasn't finished his sweets supply! He's 3 now and standards have slipped since he was the same age as your lo.

Chill out, be controlled about it. Just be consistent with your food rules at home. I'm afraid this isn't a unique problem.

MaeBee · 12/02/2008 20:06

lyra - concentrate is promoted as healthy but its really sugary, and its generally recommended only to give it to little ones well diluted. it also can fill them up without providing enough combined nutrients for them. i do juice my own for him. also, my boy has a high fruit intake anyway. i understand people use it to get some fruit in their kids if their kids aren't keen but mine is the other way. he eats several pieces of fruit a day...i also ration that when it gets excessive cos of too much pooing!

OP posts:
LyraSilvertongue · 12/02/2008 20:18

I don't buy concentrate, only squeezed juice. And I water it down well, about half and half, to save their teeth.

nannyL · 12/02/2008 20:23

in our singing group in the childrens biscuit tin they have biscuits AND bread sticks in the same tin, so you can take a bread stick from the same tin etc.

may be worth suggesting ?

luckylady74 · 12/02/2008 20:42

When I worried about these things( ie when i had pfb and before i had twins) I would say no after the first and then get out the satsuma/unsalted rice cake. As for squash i just took his own cup with water in it.
If you are understanding of mums with kids with food issues then remember that kids have drink issues - my friends ds1 was hospitalised with dehydration before she started giving him squash.
Why not offer to make the biscuits?I have made ones with oats and stuff that have very little sugar.

kittywise · 12/02/2008 20:44

honestly!!
Go and spend your time worrying about something useful.
I wish I had the time to fritter away the hours pondering the quality of the snacks at toddler group.

This is your first child I take it?

Gemzooks · 12/02/2008 21:14

well I can totally identify with OP.. Also have 16 month DS, and I got stressed out last week at a toddler group (i'm in Holland and they only get juice, pieces of fruit, gingerbread or plain crackers, so actually not that bad.), and I'd given him a bit of cracker, another mother asked why he couldn't have gingerbread and I said I just preferred him not to have sweet biscuits, then when my back was turned she fed him a bit of gingerbread! I was quite cross, as he is totally happy with crackers or whatever. I think if you've chosen to feed your child healthily that is great! Chilling out about these things is what has probably led to so much childhood obesity etc, as marketers are definitely not chilling out, parents have to be on their guard.

On the other hand, I am an incredibly obsessive mother of one precious first born, so will probably be handing out turkey twizzlers as soon as I have another one!

LyraSilvertongue · 12/02/2008 21:19

Childhood obesity is not caused by a child with an otherwise healthy diet having the odd biscuit.

Gemzooks · 12/02/2008 22:14

you're right, lst, I suppose it's more about trying to avoid stuff like that till they're just a bit older, after all 16 months is really almost still a baby, and if they're just as happy with an oatcake or cracker, why give them sugar just because other parents are doing it? They get it soon enough once they go to school, parties etc. I wouldn't stop DS having party food or whatever, but I also take him to toddler groups 3 or 4 days a week, and glad that mainly healthy stuff is offered..

ConnorTraceptive · 12/02/2008 22:23

Rationing fruit because of pooing you are going to give your child some serious food issues.

The toddler group we go to always has biscuits/cake and squash and as big a battle as it can be I just have to limit ds myself. He throws a right wobbler when he's not allowed more but nows a good a time as any for him to learn he can't stuff his face on this stuff.

Seriously though you need to chill, if you're rationing fruit then you are thinking about things way to much.