unhealthy food, other parents and toddlers! grrr.

[MaeBee]

i give my 16mth old a fairly good, balanced diet on the whole, although i'm a bit too easy on those Organix oatbars (sweetened with apple juice).lots of organic veg, fish, a mixture of wholemeal and white, and he's a big fan of fruit. he's a good eater, especially fond of his greens like brocolli and peas etc.
but im finding toddler groups difficult cos other parents keep bringing in "treats" to share with the group. its ALWAYS something to celebrate. today a box of biscuits arrive cos its chinese new year. also some kids have squash (euphemistically called juice to my annoyance!) whilst others have water.
if i don't let him have them when all the other kids are allowed, there is, of course, tantrums. and it feels very unfair too. so i usually let him have one, especially if he finds some on the floor...(!) cos its too late to fish it out his mouth. and i don't want him to be neurotic about unhealthy food. its okay for a treat. but several biscuits several times a week is way too much, isn't it? had to carry him screaming home today after he tried to grab his third one off another child.
have raised this with the leader of the group and she's relatively onside but i understand it puts her in a bit of a tricky position cos she has to say no to people. she wouldn't compromise on the squash though unfortunately.
fruit is offered as well, and he wolfs that down too.
any ideas or tips or advice? except to chill out and stop being so Jamie Oliver about it...?!

im not rigid, if anything im too lazy as a mum. i would rather he didn't know about us having a tv, or orange squash or anything like that yet, cos i want the easiest life i can. i guess my laziness also means i live in poverty: otherwise i could pick and choose some posh private paid for groups where they believe in edible food!
when people say 'limit your child', its not that he comes to ME to ask for the biscuits! he'll dig them out the sandpit etc. interestingly enough, the kids that have chocolate stuffed in their faces get stopped from eating the sand and their parents think im the slack mum for just shrugging about that! maybe i should let him have sand at home so he doesn't have to go for it at playgroup...
heard on the radio the other day that they are talking about bringing in some national guidelines for early years about food. i guess like they have done with schools, after j oliver propaganda. or were you mums the mums shoving chip butties over the fence when school dinners got made healthier?!? (thought that was brilliant, real Shameless territory. in a nimby kind of way of course.)
i personally don't buy the whole myth that if you give your kids shit now they will regulate their control of it later. think thats something that parents might tell themselves to feel better. i mean, im sure that short term there is a bit of that grabbing what you don't have at home. but i'm sure if i didn't have other things to do i could source plenty of research that says kids who eat crisps and coke now are more likely to be eating that in 20years time. of course, theres social and economic factors as well, but giving your kids a nutritious healthy start is surely the least you can do
im pretty lax about most things, i don't care about him eating off the floor, i fished a live snail out his mouth without a fuss, i let him pick his nose and eat it, i expect him to roll in drunk at 13 and stoned at 14, and i won't bat an eyelid.
i just asked for some suggestions, and amongst the outrage there were a couple of good ones! i just assumed that most parents would be down with the idea of food taken for everyones consumption could be relatively okay food. most of the time.
see you in MacDonalds....

I was allowed chocolate and biscuits as a child. Biscuits was the pudding after nearly every meal. It took until mid forties to stop seeing them as essentials. Even now I stuff my face with chocolate whenever I get the chance.
So I don't think it follows that being stricter about food will make them over eat chocolate etc.

maebee- I have a problem with food being given out all the time but because of ds's allergies.

To the poster whose child was fed gingerbread without asking-that's appalling!

I did not give my DTS chocolate, biscuits or anything like that until they were over a year old. They ate fruit, veg etc. Then GP started buying them chocolate, they started at nursery and there were cakes, biscuits etc.

I could have been anal about it but chose to relax because most of the time they eat healthily. If I had been uptight, they would have picked up on that and would have craved for more treats.

They are 3yo and turn down sweets in preference to fruit because they know that if they want to have a sweet, it is available as a treat. My attitude has helped shaped their healthy attitude to the forbidden fruits and that is why they don't crave them.

In response to your comment "could source plenty of research that says kids who eat crisps and coke now are more likely to be eating that in 20years time".

Yeah, and there is plenty to show that lots of people with food issues have them because of their parents paranoia attitude towards food.

Seen this article?

bundle - yep, the other side of the coin i guess! i agree, i do, there is a lot of middle class guilt and i despise annabel karmel! i dont believe in making special meals for my little one, he eats what we do.
and i know im being overdefensive too, just surprised i guess! i expect once he's in school he'll eat a load of rubbish, like many kids (i saved my lunch money every day to buy booze at the weekend and just ate a 20p eccles cake every single lunchtime!!) but before 2, i like to imagine, a little control over what nourishment he has.
a confession: my partners family are all overweight and they are really into cakes and cheese and stuff. maybe the worry is a bit personal and comes from that too!

hi maebee,

i was very careful about not giving any rubbish to my dd1 who is now nearly 3. she was a massive top of the centil charts baby and now she looks 2 years older than her age. This was despite being on a healthy diet of fresh fruit and veg, and white meat.
At toddler group which was once a week i hated her having slices of cake and biscuits and fruitshoots. I couldnt say no because i felt it unfair to let her scream whilst other kids gobbled away. then i discussed it with other parents that our kids were literally pigging out every friday afternoon and said something along the lines of 'have you noticed how HYPER they are after snack time' and we made a mututal decision that from now on only healthy snacks like fruit, fresh/dried, organic oatcakes and yoghurts were allowed. some parents were not happy and flouted the new rule but they were few and far between.

sheazdee - thankyou! good suggestion and good advice. think will moot the point and try and be as diplomatic as it sounds like you were. (im usually a bit of a full on onslaught...

a few biscuits a week is no big deal at all. Not worth worrying over. If he was having seizures or was brain damaged then thats worth fretting - sugar can increase seizures, but a normal helathy child will be fine.
So chill or when he leaves home he will stuff his face with everything you ban.

I was amazed at the hypocrisy of the toddler group that harpsichordcarrier stopped going to; where the children had healthy snacks and the adults had biscuits! What a mixed message to give the children!! You have to have the same rule for all IMO.

Some of you really have too much time on your hands

I agree with OP. The issue isn't just a couple of biscuits, but that everywhere you turn there seems to be little treats and some people think it completely normal to eat bisuits and crisps every day. Don't start me on squash.....Just wait until your children start school and will be sitting opposite children with lunch boxes filled with crisps and biscuits at lunchtime. Oh, and the school meals at our schools helpfully includes CUSTARD.

Well, fairymum, that's my kids then.
How awful that some of your children will have to sit opposite children like mine, having their innocent tastebuds polluted by the ungodly contents of my children's lunch boxes.
I reckon you should try and get a health warning put on the custard, it's dangerous stuff you know. There's been many a custard fatality.
Lock up your children, it's a mad, bad world out there
Get a life.

Kittywise - your responses are a bit tetchy!

Are you really that bothered by what other people choose to feed their kids?

Or by what other people think of what you choose to feed your kids?

What bothers me is the snobbery and the 'holier than thou' attitude, especially from people like FM, that post was astounding.
It also pees me off that some people fill their heads with such 'drivel'. There are so many things in this world that are worth getting upset about.
Custard isn't one of them.

I voluntarily run a baby and toddler group. For £1.50 per mum, we can't afford to waste money supplying fresh fruit, which (in the past) goes uneaten by most children. Not when we have to pay for the hall, replace toys and messy play stuff and supply tea etc.

Volunteers make cake for the parents. There are always a few biscuits as well. Water or squash for the kids. If the parents want to give their children the cake or biscuits, they're welcome to.

Most parents bring a snack for their own children to have. You could do this.

As an organiser, I don't think it's my place to tell everyone they can only bring healthy "treats" to share out and I certainly don't think it's appropriate when the parents are happily scoffing lemon drizzle cake and rocky road.

Actually, I don't think custard is that bad. In the end it's only cornflour, anatto (natural antioxidant food colouring) and a little sugar with lots of milk.

But I do agree with Fairymum for all the rest. Luckily where I live the concept of squash is unknown (I mean why? just dilute some proper fruit juice FGS!). What I find sad is that those who choose to give their children healthy food are shot down in flames by the it's OK to give crisps every day brigade. No wonder there is an obesity crisis in the UK.

And those of you who talk abut moderation, what exactly is moderation to you? To me, it's something relatively unhealthy maybe once a week or less, certainly not every day.

FWIW, I agree with you kitty.

Just think "get a life", or "go and spend your time worrying about something useful" comes across as being a bit terse, really.

It's obvious from your posts you are not currently in possession of a PFB

Cast your mind back... am sure with your 1st you were worrying about things in a slightly different way to how you would now that your children are older

Kittywise. I think you need to read up on nutrition if you think its fine for your children to eat custard and crisps at lunchtime. I think its fine for my children to have treats occasionaly and at the weekend, but I don't include these foods in their daily diet.

just take the bloody biscuits off him, if you don't want him to have them.

Let him have a meltdown if you don't want him to have them, if these are the rules and you wish to stick to them.

It's only going to get worse as he gets older, so stick to your guns whislt you can.

And I worry about lots of things, but my childrens diet is one thing I take very seriously.You should too!

im only replying to the op but,you are joking arent you?

I agree with the OP, I've taken 3 children to many toddler groups, we used to go out twice a day to activities and things when they were tiny and all these "parties" and "it's just one biscuit" really did add up. I did stop going to my toddler group for a while as I got tired of my toddlers having a birthday or end of term or beginning of term party almost every week at 9.30am.

I would be like it still if I had a 4th child. I don't consider myself that precious but I don't want my babies and toddlers eating a lot of junk food at toddler activities.

NNb, yes I see what you mean.

FM, I do care about my children's diet, all dinners are cooked from scratch everyday. However, I also know that being as draconian as you is asking for trouble in the long term, but that is something you will find out in good time.

Fennel - I also see your point about the enless parties thing.

I nticed this around the Christmas period. (We had birthdays too)

Parties at nursery, parties at playgroups, parties at family gatherings...

It was sugar all the way!