unhealthy food, other parents and toddlers! grrr.

[MaeBee]

i give my 16mth old a fairly good, balanced diet on the whole, although i'm a bit too easy on those Organix oatbars (sweetened with apple juice).lots of organic veg, fish, a mixture of wholemeal and white, and he's a big fan of fruit. he's a good eater, especially fond of his greens like brocolli and peas etc.
but im finding toddler groups difficult cos other parents keep bringing in "treats" to share with the group. its ALWAYS something to celebrate. today a box of biscuits arrive cos its chinese new year. also some kids have squash (euphemistically called juice to my annoyance!) whilst others have water.
if i don't let him have them when all the other kids are allowed, there is, of course, tantrums. and it feels very unfair too. so i usually let him have one, especially if he finds some on the floor...(!) cos its too late to fish it out his mouth. and i don't want him to be neurotic about unhealthy food. its okay for a treat. but several biscuits several times a week is way too much, isn't it? had to carry him screaming home today after he tried to grab his third one off another child.
have raised this with the leader of the group and she's relatively onside but i understand it puts her in a bit of a tricky position cos she has to say no to people. she wouldn't compromise on the squash though unfortunately.
fruit is offered as well, and he wolfs that down too.
any ideas or tips or advice? except to chill out and stop being so Jamie Oliver about it...?!

I also ration fruit a little bit, just cos it can give them the runs if they eat too much... like if he's had 2 satsumas I wouldn't give him a third one..

Well I ration fruit to try and stop runny poos to the extent that I stopped dd1 having a fourth kiwi fruit in a row as I told her to many would make her tummy hurt.

seriously is this joke? breeders? i suggest you find some new mates, go to less toddler groups and really just chill out x

If your DC is eating healthily at home then you need to relax at toddler group. If you are so strict about it and have forbidden food then your DC is the one that is going to go wild for it in other people's houses, you may not see this because he will know your views,but I have seen it again and again with other people's DCs. If you don't make a big thing about it he will take it or leave it, it won't be a big issue. I think squash is better than juice because I used to do almost all water with a vague colouring of the squash-easy to do at toddler group, just quietly water it down by three quarters.

I'm like you. However you do learn to chill along the way.
My DS is 4 and just about starting to understand what a junk treat is and that they are limitative.

Thing is, as they grow, you socialise more and junk is perfectly acceptable for most.....including your own organic breed baby who just want to experiment.

TBH up until about 2.5 I was very rigid. After that came tantrum era and the only way then is to remove your child from situation/distract if you don't want them to have any circulating crap.

Just do your thing.

just realised there are 3 pages on this post. So all said yet!!

I'm pg with N2 and will do it the same again, even probably stricter as I now have no problem telling off grand parents and the like...

Well, telling grandparents off is one thing- they are your dc's grandparents. And asking somebody not to shove unwanted food stuffs down your dc's throat also seems reasonable. But stopping other parents from feeding their children biscuits because own dc might throw a strop is a different matter.

If you want to feed your child a healthy type of diet that's fine by me.

But expecting other parents to regulate their choices specifically to make your parenting easier is not on. Parenting your child is your job.

Sooner or later, you are going to find some area where you are laxer than somebody else's Mum, something you let your ds do though somebody else's little boy isn't allowed. Might not be about food, might be about something totally different. Will you really be prepared to change your decision just because another Mum's child throws a tantrum when he's not allowed? Won't you feel that's her problem?

Personally, I feed my dc's healthier and more boring food than virtually all of my dc's friends' mums. But I've never had a problem explaining to my children that I make the rules in this house. It's what you do all the time as a parent.

Maebee - do you have any plans for more children?

Please, please don't let your son be your only child .

DS1 - super strict, not even allowed to eat a piece of his own first birthday cake. Fantastic eater, all healthy stuff. Now loves all sugary stuff but has a big fruit habit too.
DD - fairly strict but she was a fussy eater so often gave in to food she would like just so she would eat
DS2 - rubbish eater, loves any treats because that was what siblings enjoyed so got them fairly early. First word was 'chocolate'.
DS3 - First birthday tomorrow. Worst eater of the lot. Have been known to force choclate biscuits into his mouth shouting 'eat, damn you!'

Relax! The more we obsess about food, the more worked up our kids get about what they put in their mouths. Being precious about food is another way we try to control our children's lives to the nth degree. I'm not against healthy eating at all. But biscuits are not great or the devil's work either.

This is now about food, it's about whose in charge. If you don't want him to have the biscuits, don't let him. But don't get anxious about it or you'll transmit the idea that food is more than food, IFYWIM.

Take something with you that you know he enjoys and once he has had one biscuit give him that instead.

That way he wont feel left out, he gets a biscuit and you're happy he isnt eating tons of crap.

FWIW my two have treats most days, but they eat tons of fruit and veg and wont turn their nose up at anything, I dont see how any of it is going to harm them if done in the right way.

Allowing your DC to have some but not lots of treats will teach them moderation, not having any will lead to problems IMO.

Policing everything your DC eats will lead to food problems later.I remember doing my first NCT toddler coffeee morning, I offered around a plate of biscuits to the toddlers (very plain)because that was the norm. One mother looked at me as if I was offering poison and said that her DC didn't eat biscuits, in a very superior manner.It was interesting as time went on because biscuits were not a large part of the morning, most of the DCs were far more interested in playing but the one DC that was a perfect menace wanting to get his hands on the biscuits was the one that was forbidden to have them.In fact once his mother had 2 more children she gave up the battle!! She wouldn't have had a battle in the first place if she hadn't made it a big issue.

reading answers I just want to add that we should put things into perspective a little.

Dry biscuits a couple of times a week at playgroups and chocolate eggs for easter and sweets in B-day party bags and that sort of thing is nothing in an overall balanced weekly diet. We "rigid" mums are not completely anal.

Thinking ribena is heresy and strictly avoiding it (me again ) does not make us breeders of future dysfunctional eaters.
We offer alternatives. We are not cruel.

OMG at this thread!! life is just too short FFS.

A mother at DTS nursery once complained to me about all the birthday cakes, sweets and chocolates that were given to her son because parents broght them in for birthday treats. Her son was always grabbing at them.

I thought maybe if you were less uptight about him having a piece of birthday cake now and again,he would not scoff them with the frenzy of a starving gnat.

The more you deny the more they crave, imo.

brought them in

yes, maybe a lentil burger or some steamed quinoa would be a better birthday treat.

Nothing to do with food but same sort of thing. At dd1's 10th party I put a bottle of nail varnish in each layer of the pass the parcel game. The ones who were allowed nail varnish said 'Cool!' and put it to the side. The two that were brought up to believe nail varnish was the work of the devil wrenched open the bottles and had it all over themselves within seconds. I wasn't very popular with their mums!

I think the issue is that you need to be able to put your own limits on your own child, rather than expecting everyone else to run things according to your rules because the universe doesn't revolve around you and your ds or indeed any of us
I don't really understand why he has to have "several" biscuits though - can't you just limit him to one or two?

Hee-hee

This food nazism lark is really becoming quite tiresome though. And guess what? These moddle-coddled children will be the ones stuffing their faces with sweets and chocolates as soon as they can go out and spend their pocket money.

I personally follow the 90:10 rule. As long as 90% of what they eat is healthy, they can have biscuits, cakes, sweets and chocolate. I don't recall anyone ever dying from eating a treat now and again.

Consequently, my DTS (3yo) refused a lollipop last week when it was offered because it sticks to their teeth (their words). They opted for strawberries instead.

my friend's ds isn't allowed biscuits or crisps at home, camoe for lunch last week and hid three biscuits in his pocket to take home.
I put out one packet of pom bears in a bowl between four of them, he crammed the entire packet into his mouth before anyone else could have any.
they are all nearly five.

I think what the OP is finding difficult is limiting her child to just one biscuit at these groups, she would find it easier and more relaxing if these treats weren't brought out at all.

It's not gonna happen I'm afraid,as harpsi said ,you are going to have to teach your dc limits.

When they start school ,you'll be amazed at how often they come out of school with a treat because it is someone's birthday.

Well quite. I did think something similar when the OP described her ds grabbing his third biscuit from another child...

by the way I actually stopped going to a toddler group because they had healthy snacks for the children (chopped fruit, mainly) and biscuits for the grown ups which was quite difficult to explain to my dds I must say
life is just too short for that kind of hassle tbh

He grabs because it is the forbidden fruit and he knows he may not get it again for a long time so might as well make the most it whilst he can.

I agree to a certain extent with the OP. At 16mo my DD lived in ignorant bliss that such things existed and I did nothing to introduce such items into her diet as they aren't necessary, especially at that age. I too used to get narked about people trying to offer her sweets and chocolates as I wanted to make the most of her not knowing what they were and get her used to other things before becoming a sugar junkie. I do believe that what you give your child to eat in the very early years shapes his/her palate and I saw no point in shaping it towards the sugary end. Of course it can all go tits up but it's worth a try. Nothing was ever banned as such, we just never had certain things in the house (or else ate them after she'd gone to bed).

Now she's 2.6 she does have the odd biscuit and the odd crisp, but does not stuff her face with them. She will actually prefer a cracker over a digestive biscuit and prefers her juice heavily diluted, or even just water. She will take one lick of a lollipop and leave it on the carpet. The crap is going to creep in more and more heavily as she progresses through school, but I see no need in forcing an introduction at an early age. And I really don't get this stuffing your face with junk if you've never had it theory, I hardly ever had sweets and junk food when little (lived in a country where it was simply unavailable) and didn't ever launch myself on the stuff when I washed up in the UK at 9/10yo. Same thing with friends of mine who also grew up abroad.