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Original poster

unhealthy food, other parents and toddlers! grrr.

170 replies

MaeBee · 12/02/2008 12:36

i give my 16mth old a fairly good, balanced diet on the whole, although i'm a bit too easy on those Organix oatbars (sweetened with apple juice).lots of organic veg, fish, a mixture of wholemeal and white, and he's a big fan of fruit. he's a good eater, especially fond of his greens like brocolli and peas etc.
but im finding toddler groups difficult cos other parents keep bringing in "treats" to share with the group. its ALWAYS something to celebrate. today a box of biscuits arrive cos its chinese new year. also some kids have squash (euphemistically called juice to my annoyance!) whilst others have water.
if i don't let him have them when all the other kids are allowed, there is, of course, tantrums. and it feels very unfair too. so i usually let him have one, especially if he finds some on the floor...(!) cos its too late to fish it out his mouth. and i don't want him to be neurotic about unhealthy food. its okay for a treat. but several biscuits several times a week is way too much, isn't it? had to carry him screaming home today after he tried to grab his third one off another child.
have raised this with the leader of the group and she's relatively onside but i understand it puts her in a bit of a tricky position cos she has to say no to people. she wouldn't compromise on the squash though unfortunately.
fruit is offered as well, and he wolfs that down too.
any ideas or tips or advice? except to chill out and stop being so Jamie Oliver about it...?!

OP posts:

colditz · 14/02/2008 13:53

Kids whose parents are overly controlling about their diet can turn into binge eaters because of it.

colditz · 14/02/2008 13:54

It's snobbery, padboz.

colditz · 14/02/2008 13:54

padboz · 14/02/2008 13:56

thankyou colditz. much appreciated. I suspect that you aren't of the opinion that I am feeding my kids the devils juice tho!

AbbeyA · 14/02/2008 13:57

Sorry-wrote it quickly-so I would agree that there is no such thing as a no sugar ever person!! I am just making the point that the food thing is fine if you, as a family, always drink water with meals, never have biscuits in the house etc; but if you are making the children eat healthily when you are not doing the same then it is hypocritical. I like chocolate occasionally therefore it would follow that I give my DC chocolate occasionally.

AbbeyA · 14/02/2008 14:01

I think squash is much better than juice, especially for small children. Juice is very acidic and you have to read the label to find what you are actually getting, even watered down I think it is too strong.With squash (I only get the better types)you need the minutest drop and the rest is all water.

HairyToe · 14/02/2008 14:06

When my friend's lo had a recurring stomach upset doctor/hv advised giving her weak squash rather than fruit juice

gingerninja · 14/02/2008 14:07

We have council juice. Water. I don't like squash so never have it in the house therefore not giving it to my DD. Not snobbery at all.

kittywise · 14/02/2008 14:11

clap, clap, clap diva, go girl!!!!!!!

FairyMum · 14/02/2008 14:13

How funny to be called overly controlling and a snob because you don't want your child to eat biscuits, crisps or drink ribena daily......

FairyMum · 14/02/2008 14:14

"I like chocolate occasionally therefore it would follow that I give my DC chocolate occasionally."

Yes me too, but we are not talking about occasionally. I think we are talking about daily diet. Or are you talking "occasioanlly during the day"

HairyToe · 14/02/2008 14:16

Actually I can be all smug here and say after nearly 3 years of having various drinks at various times (water, milk, juice/squash...even the occasional fruit shoot and oasis ) my DD (4 and a half) has started asking all the time for 'nice, fresh water from the tap). How perfect am I? (preen)

Oh yes apart from the other day when she threw a tantrum in the soft play centre because I wouldn't buy her a coke. I hate coke and I didn't know she even knew what it was. "When have you had coke?" Mummy HT asked suspiciously (must be with one of her 'friends' from nursery) "With Daddy of course"

kittywise · 14/02/2008 14:17

AbbeyA, in October ds1(9) had a birthday party. There were loads of boys tearing around, as they do.

One child in particular I know comes from a very strict household, healthy food, good behaviour expected etc. When it came to eating at the party this child absolutely gorged, ad I mean gorged himself on chocolate.
I was amazed he didn't throw up. Then of course he was climbing the walls .
I suspect that if his parents were less rigid about things like that then he would have eaten it in moderation just like all the other children at the party.

kittywise · 14/02/2008 14:19

hairytoe, 2 of my children will only drink water. it's entirely their choice, nothing to do with me.

colditz · 14/02/2008 14:25

can nothing be said in jest any more? Am I on a different fucking wavelength or something?

I give up. I'm staying in chat.

FairyMum · 14/02/2008 14:25

Kittywise, I think you might have a point if the boy is never allowed chocolates. However, I also suspect you believe this to feel better about what you feed your own children. I would never put a bag of crisps in my childrens lunchbox just because I was worried that if I didn't they would grow up to be binge-eaters and be sick on chocolate at borthday parties. I think that is bizzarre thinking.
Also, I would prefer for my child to be the child who over-indulged himself at a party rather than the child who didn't much care because she was around chocolate all the time. I thought little kids were supposed to go a bit mad when they were let loose on the icecream and jelly.....

kittywise · 14/02/2008 14:31

FM, yes I think children should go a little mad at parties. I try and give my children a balanced diet. I am not suggesting that anyone should give their children crisps just to preempt a later problem.

But I do think that denying your child things that they see other children eating is not helpful in the long term.

I do have things that I won't let them eat.
They are not allowed sweets or coke .
They can have a couple of bics a day and a cup of juice.

AbbeyA · 14/02/2008 14:50

I just think that you need to relax about it. You don't want to have crisps or chocolate every day but having a biscuit at toddler group or a chocolate bar from school when it is a child's birthday are not going to hurt!I would hate my DC to gorge at a birthday party!(they never actually want to eat much at parties-they are far too interested in the activities). It is setting up a very bad eating pattern if you are going to binge when you get the chance.

AbbeyA · 14/02/2008 14:54

'I do have things that I won't let them eat.'

If they are young you can perhaps get away with this but I don't see how you can justify it when they are old enough to question. Children are quick to spot hypocrisy. Obvously things like wine don't count, because of the age factor, but you can't justify crisps or cake if they don't have it.

accessorizequeen · 14/02/2008 15:00

I don't think the OP was saying that her lo shouldn't have treats, just that she resented them being served up at various toddler groups so it was almost daily. And no-one's said that children shouldn't enjoy stuffing their faces at parties either, it's just that these days it seems like every sodding day's a party - toddler groups, nursery, christmas so it is treats every day. Every time I pick ds1 up at nursery, it's someone's birthday and a mother has brought in bags of choccie to share out as well as cake! Like the OP and many people here, we don't want our kids to have crisps and biccies every day yet are undermined by groups/nurseries and other parents. STILL not being a nazi - you can give your children what you like every day, I couldn't give a toss. I'd just like some control over the stuff mine eat. And why are treats always crappy crisps and biscuits anyway? DS1 thinks a treat IS a fruit platter or olives or dried mango (as well as ice cream, biscuits and crisps).
I think saying the OP has OCD was going many steps too far unneccesary, insulting and untrue!

FairyMum · 14/02/2008 15:01

AbbeyA, I think you are misunderstanding. Its the "everything adds up", not the one biscuit we are talking about. I think if you are really so relaxed as you say you are , you might want to write down all the unhealthy food your child eats a week and find it adds up to quite a lot. I am strict, but when I add up all the treats they pick up from school parties play dates, they eat at least two chocolate bars a week for example. If I add the biscuits, cakes and crisps they quite a lot of unhealthy food and I am not ok with it. See, this is why I am trying to restrict them to at least a healhty lunch and finding the peer pressure around this difficult.

wheresthehamster · 14/02/2008 15:16

We should all be congratulated on caring about our childrens' diets. We all have different bugbears and different 'what's the big deal' about certain foods. My own bugbears are additive-filled or sugary foods aimed at children. I hate squash for this reason and have always watered down pure juice or concentrate.

The biscuit-haters could channel their energy into lobbying cereal manufacturers about the horrendous amount of sugar added to children's cereals. (This REALLY gets me going )

I still don't understand why parents aren't 'in charge' at the toddler stage. E.g. "No biscuits today, it's too near lunchtime" or whatever.

The issue with the school birthday treats is, again, up to the parents. You tell your child when he gets given a packet of sweets that he brings it out of school and asks you if he can have it. You either say yes or give a reason why not.

The problem isn't everyone else making our lives a misery by producing 'treats' (because you are never going to stop it) it's part of our job to help our children to understand our decisions in regulating them.

AbbeyA · 14/02/2008 15:48

I must admit I didn't think we were talking about quite as much sugary treats-I thought it was the odd biscuit. My DCs are a bit older now perhaps treats have taken off more these days-I can't remember them having sweets for birthdays before they started school. At 16mths, as opening post, it wasn't a problem as I just kept them away from the biscuits and as they tended to be rich tea or similar they weren't that keen anyway.I still think that making a big deal of it all is a mistake, just make sure they have a healthy diet at home and plenty of exercise.You have to think of what you do later on-for example pocket money are you going to lay down the law as to what they buy with it? I have never had a problem because they haven't wanted to waste it on things that they are allowed to have in moderation.I would be horrified to have a DC who gorged at birthday parties.

freakypenguin · 14/02/2008 16:24

let's all have an organic chill pill...

Divastrop · 14/02/2008 18:03

maebee-i do hope you stick around for a few more years so i can read your rants about the terrible 2's,potty training,and the various other joys of parenting you've yet to encounter.

OCD can involve obsessive thoughts as well as behaviours,but of course you would know that as you are clearly an expert

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