Do you eat meals with your dc?

[CloudAtlas]

Mine are still very small, oldest is 2.2, and I don't normally eat meals with them during the week. I don't fancy what they eat for lunch, and if they're having something like salmon, it seems a bit decadent for me to have the same iykwim. I tend to grab a cheese sandwich or toast when they go down for their sleep. They eat their dinner at 5pm, OH not back from work until much later so we eat together then.
Been thinking about it, and think I should make more of an effort to eat lunch with them.

What do you do?

You obviously have no personal experience of trying to encourage a fussy eater. I have one good eater, one bad.

My children do know how to eat at a table properly and have good table manners and there general behaviour is not to bad either so it's not that big a problem then is it that we don't eat together everynite. They all generally eat quite well with dd1 she eats sprouts and loves them infact she takes them of other peoples plate when they have finished. I also come from large family i was eldest of 7 and yes we all had tea together but my mum never worked and my dad didn't work that late, ended up giving up work because of illness so plenty of help with bathing children and cleaning up after them, i don't have that. If the children won't eat same as us i don't see the point in cooking food that isn't going to be eaten, before anyone says it they don't eat lots of crap. Theres no fizzy pop in my house, it's water or fruit juice or milk. I always buy lots of fruit for them to snack on and they get a cooked meal everyday, whether its pasta, roast dinner (which we do tend to eat together if we can because everyone will eat it). I think every child is going to have 1or2 things that they won't eat cause lets face it even adults have different tastes and it's not possible for everyone to like everything!!!

In answer to the OP:

No we don't.

They are 7 and 5yrs and are starving when they come home from school. I usually make their tea at around 5.00pm. I would not want to eat then and Dh is not home.

We then do homework, bath(sometimes) stories and they go to bed between 7.00/7.30pm and read to them selves for a while.

DH and I then eventually have uninteruppted conversation abut our days and eat together. Sometimes even in front of the TV (OOh AHH!!)

We eat together on fiday nigt as that's stay up late (or later) nihgt and at weekends.

Please don't all worry about my weird life or feel sad for my children. We're all fine thanks

We all eat breakfast together, then I eat lunch with DS, but in the evening, DS eats earlier (5-ish) and I eat with DH at around 7-8pm. It's one of the times of day I really love, when we can relax and have a glass of wine and a chat over dinner. I know it won't last!

breakfast and lunch he sits at his own table and chair and dinner we always eat together as a family, on a sat we have a picnic on the carpet together.

I get up early and make lunches etc, eat my breakfast on my own (ahh peace & quiet mmmm ), then DS and DH get up and I give them breakfast and then escape to the shower. Lunch I have on my own and then we all have dinner together at the table at 6pm.

wishngchair and stillwaters, i whole heartely agree with you both, and i get where you are coming from, just because kids eat at different time doesn't mean they eat less well than us parents. stillwaters my kids would also be starving if i left it till there dad home, and then too tired to eat and my 2yr old ends up falling asleep at the table. A good nights sleep is essential for them aspecially when they have to be up for school. 3 of my children love food and eat very healthy but 1 has always been fussy and explain that they have all been brought up the same!!!

Fussy eaters are definitely created by parents in my opinion, whether thats anything to do with eating with parents i dont know, but its definitely to do with eating differently from parents.

As I said my ds eats fab, however, my stepson who we have not brought up eats crap. Its made me mad over the years when ive had to cook separate meals for him or whilst on holiday having to trowl around restaurants finding something he will eat. hES older now and i would never do that anymore but as a young child IT was a bloody nightmare. He was never even willing to try foods and when offered pasta for example, would insist he didnt like it, even though i knew for a fact he had never tried it. His mother seemed to think it was funny when i explained what a hard time we had and seemed happy with the fact he would want Pot Noodles for breakfast. Im gonna stop going on about this cos it still makes me mad!

Im not some goodY two shoes health freak. I buy pop, sweets choc biscuits etc and DS is allowed some every day and I dont mind one bit cos he eats so well, but when a child will only eat junk thats a different story.

I was determined to bring ds up to eat well and im happy that he does.

Oh goodness yes, we have all eaten together whenever possible ever since ds was a newborn (he would come to the table with us, and be included in the conversation).

For 2 years dh worked away Mon-Fri and I would cook and eat with ds, usually about 5:30 to 6 each evening. Now dh is back home, gets in at about 6:30, and generally we eat at about 7:00. Ds will have a toasted teacake/cheese on toast/apple and cheese or something when he comes in from school to keep him going. I think it's hugely important just as a part of family life. It helps us all to chat about what we're doing at home/work/school, and often very educational conversations arise.

DS is also a good eater, with very sophisticated tastes (fave foods include stilton, smoked salmon and squid) which I too put down to being fed what we have most of the time. This child was weaned on hungarian goulash and paella!!

I do think that in the UK we still have this focus on getting children to bed early, and parents getting time to themselves. FGS why did you have children if you want rid of them by 6:30 every day, and how come our LOs need so much more sleep than those in meditteranean countries?

See i don' buy sweets because i don' think that should be an everyday thing. So are you saying my children don't eat well because they eat very well apart from the 1. he does like pasta, will eat roast dinner but it is struggle sometimes but obviously not down to us as parents becau
se they've all been brought up the same. From experience i would say load of rubbish, i believe it has some bearing on a child as to the sort of foods that is served (ie junk food all the time), not very good but when i was a kid my mum and dad were both great cooks and would cook fantastic meals every nite, homemade soup, everything was fresh and cooked from scratch and we all sat round a table together (all 7kids and 2 adults). Didn't make a blind bit of difference to my brother wouldn't touch veg at all, although my mum always used to put it on his plate, didn't eat fruit was always underweight, just would not eat meals c
onstant
battle....explain!!!not always parents fault it just is what it is and at the end of the day it's what fits in with your family..personal choice..we do try to eat together if we can, sometimes just not possible.....

Carmenelectra, when I mean I have a fusy eater I don't mean all he will eat is junk food (most of the parents of fussy eaters on MN will say the same thing - we've had numerous discussions about this).

Mercy, I think you've missed my point. Any child will be a fussy eater if you let them. My children are not fussy eaters because we have worked at them not being. Encouraging healthy eating in your children is a PROCESS which takes years. I have had the same difficulties with my children as every other parent but by and large we have overcome them. See my earlier post about my daughter eating lettuce for the first time of her own accord aged 3 1/2 after we have encouraged her to eat it for a long time. Children do not come out of the womb eating broccoli!!

One thing that really made me understand a lot about children's attitudes to food was when I gave dd1 rice for the first time. She is a great eater now and loves everything from tomatoes to marinated artichokes but said 'eergh' when I gave her some rice. Now I knew there couldn't be anything about the taste of rice that she didn't like since she's used to strong flavours and rice is so bland so I realized that it was just the newness of it that made her resistant. Of course, after we had carried on introducing rice without making a fuss about it (alongside more familiar foods) she started to eat it. What this made me realize is that so many children don't 'like' a variety of foods because they're just not exposed to them or not exposed to them enough or not exposed to them in a positive way with positive role models.

The other thing about mums who sit with their children while they're eating as opposed to eating together is that in this scenario you're much more likely to interfere in your child's eating (because obviously you're not getting on with eating your own food and showing you're enjoying it). This is where behaviours emerge like the constant hovering, shovelling and wiping come into play all of which are incredibly off putting. Often children who get the sort of attention (on their eating as opposed to the sort of conversation and dynamics that are in play when the whole family is enjoying a meal) it becomes counter productive. Children, understandably are putt off their food when their mothers are constantly hovering and wiping. Who wouldn't be? Mothers become very controlling of their children's eating (and often quite attentive to mess) in a way that is less likely when the mother or father is getting on with eating their own meal. Children respond by being put off their food or by refusing food to get attention.

Oh sorry mercy, i dont know. Havent seen any of those discussions. Perhaps fussy not the correct term in my case then(with stepson). More like 'will only eat a pile of shit' eater.

clumsymum - children need 12 hours sleep a night
I put mine to bed at 7pm because they are tired
European children have siestas whch is why they stay up late
our working hours and school hours do not accomodate afternoon naps

By the way no need to be so defensive. No one is saying that if you rarely or never eat with your kids then you are automatically going to bring up obese, ill-mannered monsters who refuse vegetables or that if you always eat with your kids then the reverse will be true.

TBH it's hard to see any valid arguments against why it is not desirable to eat together as a family on the whole although of course this may not always be possible. THis is certainly the advice of nutritionists and health professionals.

Eating healthy food together provides children with good role models and healthy messages about food. It's convenent and economical. It means you have quality family time (admittedly it's not always stress free). It means that children learn how to sit politely and communicate with adults etc etc.

When we're all home together (weekend brunches/lunches, all evening meals) we eat together. My four DC range from five to almost 12 years old. My DH doesn't get home til about 7:20 in the evening, so we all sit down at 7:30 for our evening meal. This was very important to us as when I when the children were small and I was working full-time with a long commute, we always ate separately and we both wanted the DC to grow up in a house where we all caught up at the evening meal.

Since the DC are always hungry when they get home from school, they have a fairly substantial snack to tide them over and then the afternoons and evenings are generally filled with activities. I work part-time, and on the days I work, I'll eat breakefast with the children, but otherwise, I'll grab something after the school run.

By Clumsymummy
'FGS why did you have children if you want rid of them by 6:30 every day'

Do really think people whose children go to bed early should not have had children?

Do you really?

Beacuse I Really believe that poele who make make wild generalisations and condemn others on flimsy subjective criteria should be sterilised.

I really do.

hey StillWaters - just saw your name - there's something about coloured tights for you on a thread bearing your name in style !

Hurricane, I haven't missed your point - you have missed mine. Let me explain.

I have 2 children, one nearly 7 and the other nearly 4. The older one will (and always has done) eat a good range of food and is always willing to try new things (we had a fairly similar approach to you). My second child has been brought up in a similar way and with an identical diet. One day however, he decided he wouldn't eat any of his favourite food, let alone anything new. That was 2.5 years ago.

If we eat together he will sometimes eat better, other times he will not - it's impossible to predict what or when he will or won't eat. It makes no difference to my dd's eating habits.

Carmenelectra - it's ok! I just wanted to clarify the difference!

Dd is 2 and we eat meals together whenever possible but not that often - breakfast during the week usually either dh or I eat with her, we always eat breakfast together at weekends. Lunch, she's at nursery, I always eat with her on a Monday and we all eat together at weekends, usually we eat the same thing as well. She has her tea at nursery and as we don't get in til 6:15 and dh often isn't back til 7 I usually eat with dh when she's in bed, but we always have a proper Sunday dinner together at 5 ish. When I'm on maternity leave I will probably eat with her at 5 ish some nights and others wait for dh.

Really?????

Runs away to find it over excitedly!!!

Where? Where? Where?

Mostly - except the meals she has at nursery. Sometimes she has already eaten when we pick her up so we eat later after she has gone to bed.
At weekends and on non nursery days when dh is at home with her they eat together. (I join them when I am working from home) She has the same as us - always has done, I'm not cooking 2 dinners!
Definitely seems to have helped with good eating habits and table manners although nowhere near perfect
99% of the time if we are all there we eat at the table and NO TV!! It is a time for talking/sharing - even though dd can't really join in we talk to her and each other. (It is only a short time and we have Sky+ so no excuses!)
Sometimes if dh or I are really late and it is just the 2 of us we eat in front of the TV

Blimey, I missed clumsymum's comment. But I see Stillwater's has responded to it pretty well!

stillwaters fantastic, i believe those who have children and mistreat there children and let there children get into an obese state without taking some action to stop it are the ones who should not be having children. my children are not obese and i am sure yours aren't either stillwaters. I saw a far worse sight than that i was on a night out with friends and it was 9pm, dark and cold young girl with pushchair stood on street with small baby, talking to her friends, now thats wrong...i actually detest woman that continue to smoke or drink or both whilst pregnant, you can't give it up for 9mths to ensure the health of your child, how selfish they truly don't deserve children. My friend has a baby has had lots of problems, had to have 6hr operation on her head, did everything rite took her folic acid, doesn't smoke or drink, eats good diet makes me mad, much better to debate this subject much more important. Stillwaters keep the faith, you and i know that we are doing the best for our children and thats all that matters and your children are happy win win situation!!

Mercy, you said that 'You obviously have no personal experience of trying to encourage a fussy eater'. As I've said my children are normal children and I have had the same difficulties that any other parent has. In a sense every meal time and some of the time between meals has been about discouraging fussy eating and enouraging healthy eating. We have worked at it.

When you say about your son, 'One day however, he decided he wouldn't eat any of his favourite food, let alone anything new. That was 2.5 years ago.' I think your wording is interesting. There is obviously nothing wrong with the food or the taste of it if it was prevoiusly his favourite food. As you say he 'decided' not to eat any more of it. So this is much more about behaviour than genuine dislike of the food.

I have had more problems with my 2nd child's eating than my 1st also as I have with other aspects of her behaviour and in her case I am convinced that it is precisely because she is a 2nd child. So dd1 gets attention for doing things first and doing things well and doing things right and dc2 often gets her attention through the opposite means.

I had a similar conversation with another Mumsnetter on another thread some time ago. She also was saying that 1 child was a good eater the other wasn't and again saying this was just the way things were as if they were born like this. Much later it transpired that the fussy eater had an emoitoanl and behavioural difficulty and was refusing food because it was the wrong shape. So this was about a complex set of difficulties for that child and that family and nothing to do with food at all.

I'm not saying this is the same with your family and of course however hard a family tries there will always be exceptions.

All I've been saying is that it's a good idea for families to eat togetehr where possible.