Do you eat meals with your dc?

[CloudAtlas]

Mine are still very small, oldest is 2.2, and I don't normally eat meals with them during the week. I don't fancy what they eat for lunch, and if they're having something like salmon, it seems a bit decadent for me to have the same iykwim. I tend to grab a cheese sandwich or toast when they go down for their sleep. They eat their dinner at 5pm, OH not back from work until much later so we eat together then.
Been thinking about it, and think I should make more of an effort to eat lunch with them.

What do you do?

Ah now Anna, that's interesting. The concept that there are things that the children don't appreciate, so won't be given worries me a bit. How do they learn to appreciate them then? Or do you mean that they don't actually like them? I don't give ds things he doesn't like, but don't discriminate if I think he just doesn't APPRECIATE them like I do.

Certainly here ds adores fresh anchovies, sun dried tomatoes, all fish (and I would definately give him sole if we were having it), and altho' we don't have black pudding (I don't like it, and don't buy it for dh cos of the fat content) I'm pretty sure he'd really like that, if not the first time, after a second or third tasting.

Mind you I also love pasta and home made sauce, don't find that boring at all, so we would all eat that together too.

I don't believe in any of the concept of children's food, altho I do tend to give in a bit when little friends come to tea, finding fish fingers or chicken goujons (home made) a safer bet than lasagne for kids brought up a bit differently to ds.

I'm not suggesting that you can never eat seperately from the kids, but, like hurricane, I think really that you should endeavour to do so whenever possible, and eat the same foods on those occasions, as a good way of teaching your kids good life skills (which falls apart a bit of course if all you ever eat is egg and chips, kentucky fried chicken or sausage and mash )

Agree with Anna8888 - some food is just not going to be appreciated by a small child's palate though it doesn't need to stop one from trying. I've never met a child under 4 who enjoys anchovies (cue a million mumsnetter who say that their children simply adore them).

On a non-work day my 18 month old dd normally has our leftovers from dinner the night before for lunch and then something like a sandwich/fishcake/beans on toast/egg for tea.

If I ate with my dd at tea, I'd be unable to eat dinner with my partner who comes in later. It's important for our relationship that we sit down together to eat dinner at the table and talk about our day, otherwise we'd just put a dvd boxset on and that'd be that. dd really doesn't need me to eat with her at tea, she just gets on with it and doesn't look up at me all bereft and questioning.

But really who cares? So long as your child eats enough nutritious food, and you get to eat together as a family some of the time, there's not a problem.

Don't appreciate means just that - where's the confusion?

When we have things that they have never tasted before, they are always offered some to try - sometimes they think they're gross, sometimes they don't care either way and sometimes they adore them. For example, if we take them to a sushi restaurant, we'll order loads of different things and the children get to try them all, if they want.

So, on things like sea urchins or eel, that are really expensive, that my partner and I love, and the children really don't care for - I don't buy them for them. If and when they start to appreciate those foods, then, yes, I will be happy to buy them for them.

In our family when I grew up we had very few snacks , we ate home-made food and my mother was an excellent cook who used good quality ingredients because that is what she was brought up with (she was Italian).

We ate our breakfasts together where possible (dad left for work early) and all 6 of us (including our granddad who lived with us) sat down together every single day at 6pm when my dad go home and ate dinner together.

At weekends we always had lunch and dinner as a family even until we were quite old teenagers. We knew what time lunch and dinner was and the expectation was that we would all sit down together which we all did.

I have many good memories of these times, my dad would tell hysterical stories of his childhood in Italy and we would do a lot of laughing, discussing politics, things that happened that day. We also did a lot of arguing, squabbling, teasing and some vicious fighting sometimes.

On the whole though I think this sort of thing does represent what a 'family' is for me and I always wanted to recreate this in my own family.

HOWEVER, every member of my family (except my younger sister who was always the 'fussy' eater') is obese and has struggled with their weight. So eating together as a family isn't necessarily going to give you a 'healthy' attitude to food, it is so much more complex than that.

As a rule though I do think eating together is something to be encourages. I just don't think becoming obsessed by it is necessarily a good idea either.

Agree, Aitch, children have more sensitive tastebuds.

They can also be more suspicious about food in (what is to adult's mind) a totally irrational way - I believe that is a protective mechanism because the children who survived over the ages weren't the ones who were happily eating multi-coloured berries and came a cropper.

Also, my children eat loads of things at school/nursery (eg lamb moussaka) they would not dream of eating at home, even though I cook the same thing. I don't understand it but there you go. So I know with peer pressure, they will actually eat it quite happily. Just that at home, something kicks in that dh and I don't quite understand that makes them all averse to good food.

So, great if my dcs will eat the same as dh and I. More often that not, they won't unless it is that once-in-a-week bonanza where they cannot get enough of my fish. They generally prefer blander and plainer tastes.

Clumsymum, I don't think you need to worry about children not learning to appreciate things. So long as they are given the opportunity to try, whether they do or not and if they do, whether they like it or not, and so long as they see you enjoying those yukky foods, time and time again, they will eventually come round. At the same time, they are allowed to have likes and dislikes of their own completely different from yours.

I eat lots of things now (pretty much everything, save for a few exotic things) that I would not have considered eating even at 18. And dh and I cook from scratch loads. It will come in time ...

only the fresh or pickled ones, though, not the horrid brown salty ones. although she eats those happily with pasta, chilli and lemon.

yes, dd loves olives stuffed with anchovies as well. How contrary is that?

blueshoes - completely agree with last two paragraphs of your last post

x-post

About banning kids menus- yes yes and more yes. I hate them. The portions are massive, they're full of crap and they're so expensive - a fiver for fishfingers and chips?!! I tend to ask for extra plates and give them bits of what we're eating.

Someone mentioned spicy foods and children in India. We were in singapore a couple of years ago and dd was 2 and a bit and basically lived on rice, chicken satay, cucumber and melon. We had dinner with a couple who lived out there and they were shocked she was eating that stuff. They said typically children of that age were given lots of milk, milky puddings and very bland food. I have a thai friend and she has only just started cooking curries etc for her children and they are 5 and 7 ... and fairly mild ones at that. So (and this is my only frame of reference so could be wrong) I think we might be a little mistaken if we think that young children are happy tucking into highly spiced foods in these countries. They seem to take the view that that comes with age.

Very interesting what you say about your family lazycow (great name ). The link between food, happiness, etc is really difficult. A friend of mine always ate his meals with his family but had to finish every mouthful. He still does the same thing now as a middle aged man even if he's really full. He raised his daughter the same way and she is very very thin.

In my opinion, the key is to eat and live healthily (not just food but exercise), lead by example and have family time together. If it works out you can eat together, then great. If it doesn't then make up for it elsewhere. Families also evolve as the children grow up ... eating together may not work out when they're toddlers and need to be getting ready for bed by 6pm, but when they are 8 years old, life will be different. Life is fluid and you adapt accordingly.

anna,

wishingchair - interesting point about having to finish every mouthful. A very dangerous habit.

My partner was brought up to finish everything on his plate, in family with pretty severe tendency to overweight (though not obesity). When he was in his early 30s and needed to lose 15kgs, he consulted a nutritionist who basically had to help him reprogramme not to finish his plateful/eat up everything on the table.

blueshoes - that's cos olives stuffed with anchovies are delicious. the anchovy takes away the olivey-ness of the olive and vice versa. Like anchovies stuff into lamb. Yum.

Also agree re suspicions of food. I find my dd ate a much more varied diet under the age of 2 than she does now. Every vegetable (except sprouts - they were rejected at very early age), olives, smoked eel, etc. I mention the word "smoked eel" to her now and she's rolling around the floor, clutching her tummy making 'eeurrrhggh' noises. If she doesn't like the sound of something, that's it. We have a rule that everything must be tried, but if she's made up her mind, she'll still say she won't like it. Frustrates the hell out of me. Am hoping it's a phase.

Oh goodness yes, the whole idea of "you must clear your plate" is awful, and an absolute recipe for breeding obese children/adults. Apart from the fact that I consider it downright cruel, it basically just serves to expand the size of the stomach, so that eventually the child will be able to eat more and more.

Generally we never refuse a dessert even if ds claimed to be too full to finish his main course, I'll simply offer fruit as dessert if he's full, rather than a yogurt or trifle or somesuch.

If I've done a special dessert, then I'll make sure ds gets a slightly smaller portion of mains.

My dd has always eaten spicy food - I can remember being in an Indian restaurant with her as a tiny blonde, blue eyed toddler and the waiters (all Indian) being completely astonished as she tried everything on the buffet. They said their children wouldn't eat spicy food and would only eat "english" foods.

No-one told me not to give her spicy stuff and she liked it - seems to have done ok on it anyway! Perhaps taste has some genetic element - my mother said I would eat more mustard that meat when I was little!

DS (4.5) loves having a 'family tea'. we make a big vat/tray /pot of casserole/rice/pasta/pie and pitch in. We all enjoy it and we think it's a good family thjing.

And no, we don't use Bisto

We've recently started family meals together (we have three boys aged 5,2,and 7 months). DH took some persuading but now enjoys it too. We do still eat crap sometimes but at least we all eat it together!

Are there really people out there who never give their children shop bought fishfingers??

dd is having shop fishfingers just now. they're unmucked about with, i saw it on big cook little cook.

Oh no, nothing wrong with shop fishfingers. It was my chicken goujons that are home made (and have bought from sainsburies before now, but NEVER crappy nuggets).

I have a secret love of fishfingers and the dcs certainly eat them now and again but (sorry) they also like anchovies and olives and sushi and even things that I'm not that keen on like celery and beetroot and even worse they insist on eating the skin of cold smoked mackerel - yuk!

Phew! And if Big Cook Ben says its ok it must be alright.

Hmm, big cook and little cook have been involved with some VERY dodgy TV and films in their past you know?

Were they filmed feeding their children Nutella sandwiches on the sofa whilst all watching The Simpsons?

Back to the OP am hoping that our new routine of family meals will improve Ds1 fussy eating. Has been good so far. He's been willing to try new foods. Think that anchovies maybe pushing it though.

Otherside, yes, thanks, been making food for all three of us for lunch. It hasn't made much difference to how much they eat, but it is nice to eat together. I do always sit with them for every meal anyway, but feels more fun eating together.
However, they keep bloody well bashing my plate with their spoons because it makes a good noise, and tbh it really pisses me off . I am not about to start eating off a plastic plate though so hopefully the will tire of it.
Haven't read this whole thread yet, I forgot about it actually. Looks interesting though.