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Do you eat meals with your dc?

255 replies

CloudAtlas · 14/01/2008 14:36

Mine are still very small, oldest is 2.2, and I don't normally eat meals with them during the week. I don't fancy what they eat for lunch, and if they're having something like salmon, it seems a bit decadent for me to have the same iykwim. I tend to grab a cheese sandwich or toast when they go down for their sleep. They eat their dinner at 5pm, OH not back from work until much later so we eat together then.
Been thinking about it, and think I should make more of an effort to eat lunch with them.

What do you do?

OP posts:
bozza · 15/01/2008 10:53

Oh btw have done it like this since the children were first weaned. There have been the odd few months of complications where swimming lessons/football practice have been incompatible with this and getting the DC into bed at a decent time.

carmenelectra · 15/01/2008 11:01

We have always eaten together and the same foods too. I am sure this has contributed to the fact that DS now eats fantastically. Eats anything and always will try new foods.

I have always found it strange that some people feed their kids a seperate menu at a separate time! Then wonder why they wont eat certain things.

SAying that, now he is older and at school etc i dont tend to eat breakfAST during the week with him, simply cos i dont have time to sit down! Obviously he has his lunch at school, but we always eat dinner as a family. At the weekend we eat all meals together.

castille · 15/01/2008 11:04

Agree exbatt. Not about eating at 5, but the importance of the sharing a meal as well as conversation.

MrsE · 15/01/2008 11:07

When I was younger we always ate dinner together in the evening unless my dad was away, and always at weekends. I have tried to carry on the same thing with DH and DD. Breakfast is a no go as I leave home at 7.30 (up at 6) and during the week lunch is out as all over place - work/school. We do however always eat together of an evening about 7pm unless DD has something on then it's 8pm (DD is 10) and always eat the same thing - have done since DD was small. At weekends lunch and dinner are eaten together. If we are having something spicy the only thing I do is make her a slightly milder version and then add extra spice to ours. We are very lucky that she eats anything and everything - fav being muscles, prawns and chilli To me eating together is so important as we find out about our days, etc. Oh and in the week the TV isn't allowed on a dinner time so that we actually talk to each other!

Lordashley · 15/01/2008 11:11

I sit with DD (19mths), and have a snack of what she is eating, when she has her dinner at 5.15pm.

We do not all eat together in the evening because DH does not get home from work until 6.00. DD is absolutely knackered by bedtime at 7/7.15pm, and I find that if she eats later she is too tired and cranky to focus properly on her dinner and is more likely to be fussy.

I also think it is really bad for her to eat her dinner so close to bedtime (i.e. 30-45mins before). Going to bed with a full stomach always makes me feel ill, why should it be any different for her? So the solution is for her to eat earlier and for us to have dinner when she is in bed.

BTW she is a great eater and mostly eats what we eat, just the next day. We all eat breakfast together and when she is not at the childminder, she and I lunch together.

wishingchair · 15/01/2008 11:38

We don't have 'children's food' and 'adult food' - as I said, we generally eat the same unless it is something I know they won't like but me and dh do. We eat lots of meals together, not just 'some' ... we probably eat about 2/3 together.

It's great that you enjoy eating at 5pm exbatt. We don't particularly. But isn't it good that we're all different eh?

witchandchips · 15/01/2008 11:46

I really enjoy eating together as a family BUT I also like meals with dp where we can talk, flirt and drink.

wishingchair · 15/01/2008 11:50

carmenelectra - you say "I have always found it strange that some people feed their kids a seperate menu at a separate time! Then wonder why they wont eat certain things." I am sure that this has something to do with eating together but also a lot to do with personal taste. We all look different and have different personalities, so aren't our children allowed to like different things to us? Also our tastes change as we get older. I used to hate mushrooms, now I love them. My brother and I were brought up the same from a food perspective, yet we have different tastes.

There seems to be a bit of an 'all or nothing' feel to this thread. If you eat all your meals together you're doing the right thing, if you dare to want to have a pleasant child free evening with your husband, well, no doubt you're raising an ill mannered troll who only eats turkey twizzlers and fries.

wishingchair · 15/01/2008 11:51

witchandchips - exactly (much better said than me )

Rantmum · 15/01/2008 11:54

I always eat at the same time (and usually the same food) as my ds. I sort of agree with carmenelectra, but it is also that I can't be bothered cooking different menus for different people - my house is not a restaurant and I am not a chef. I cook good food, though (most of the time) and if I make the effort to cook it then the family will eat it or go hungry. I am such a hardcore mummy .

Rantmum · 15/01/2008 11:56

oh - I also agree with witchandchips - an occasional meal for two is good for the relationship and I have (once in while) allowed ds to watch a dvd during in dinner.

But generally I eat with ds and if dh is home in time we eat as a family.

carmenelectra · 15/01/2008 12:07

Wishing, Sorry i hope it didnt sound like i was having a go! Its just i have known people who feed their kids when they get home from school something like nuggets and chips or something thats considered to be a childrens meal and then later, when the kids are in bed eat steak with their husband! I just dont understand that.Ds never chooses food off a child menu when we go out(although i dont mind if he wants to and often ask him)its just he would prefer a lamb shank to nuggets!Also, agree with the poster who said she couldnt be bothered doing different meals.

Of course we do all like different things and have different tastes. IM a vegetarian and DS adores meat, so there are adaptations to our meals. Last dinner we ate veggie chilli but DS doesnt like it (one of the few things he doesnt) so we ate togther but i made something separate for him. But i wouldnt have him ate separate(ok sometimes we have to if we are going out or something)when he came home from school. We usually eat about 6pm and if he is hungry i will give him a snack when he gets in befoer i cook dinner. I know its different if peoples partners finish late and the kids are too tired to wait till they get home.
Luckily my DP is always home by then.

I do work shifts and if im on alate shift,They will just eat together and i eat at work. Im not bothered about eating a meal with just DP as i prefer us to eat together. When i do want to eat with just him,id go out for a meal.

notnuftime · 15/01/2008 12:13

Well I am worried after reading all these?!
I am single mum but have a partner he gets in about 6/6:30 I try to have tea/dinner whatever you call it ready for when he gets in so that the kids are not up too late for school the next day.We eat it on our laps in front of the tv but we dont listen to tv because the kids are chatting about their day and what they have done.We have tried the eating tea earlier but it didn't really work I have to put the oven on twice cook 2 lots of food it was crazy so we found this kind of works,but I think we should make more of an effort to eat at table.My kids are 7yrs and 8 yrs and my partner works all week we hardly see him as it is.So weekends kids and I eat lunch at table but breakfast is a no no in our house partner leaves(when he stays over)for work at 7:00am doesn't get home till 6/6:30 mon-fri and sat/sun he goes back to his house and we dont see him ,he leaves Sat morning and gets back to my house at 7:00pm sunday evening.

carmenelectra · 15/01/2008 12:21

NOTNUF, Doesnt matter what you do really does it?! Whatever, works for you. I prefer sitting at the table and if we dont ds asks me to pass him his drink every 5 minutes which really annoys me! We do sometimes have it on our laps! And we always ahve the telly on! I watch HOLLYOAKS with ds while eating dinner.Lol. Dp aint too happy.

hurricane · 15/01/2008 12:22

I don't think it's all or nothing at all. I do think it's better for all sorts of reasons to eat together as a family as much as possible.

It always amazes me when people comment on how well my kids eat (they eat a wide variety and are generally quite receptive to new foods) and despair of their own with the assumption that my kids came out of the womb eating broccoli. Healthy eating and eating as a family is something that we have prioritised and worked at because (despite its stresses!) it's generally enjoyable. Interestingly this is how both I and dp were brought up (reinforcing the idea that what you do with your kids from early on instils the patterns that will form habits and routiens over a life time).

I really notice that where families don't generally eat together their children are very often fussy eaters and find it very hard to sit and chat with adults over meals.

This is not to say that there's something wrong with wanting to have the odd child-free meal with your partner. We do that too!

hurricane · 15/01/2008 12:26

It's actually the same when people comment about how strong and active my kids are. They don't turn their noses up about walking, can both ride bikes without stabilisers and enjoy swiming. This is not because they're any more naturally strong and sporty than any other child just that we have always done this sort of thing together as a family so for them it's normal.

carmenelectra · 15/01/2008 12:42

Completely agree with you hurricane!Same here with my ds.

PetitFilou1 · 15/01/2008 12:58

This has raised my hackles and things don't usually! We eat together at weekends and take the children out to cafes where we eat together (and have done since they were born). But generally they eat separately from us. There is no way my dcs (2.5 and almost 4) would wait until later than about 5.30pm/6pm to eat in the evenings. They would be too tired and too hungry. Ds is a fussy eater, dd isn't. For example he won't touch fruit and she will eat fruit rather than most other things. She'd happily chomp on tenderstem broccoli - he'd throw a wobbler if I even put it on his plate. I was a fussy eater when I was little and still am (I don't eat meat because I don't like it) - but my family always ate every meal together. I think there is some over generalising going on here and some people who sound a bit too confident about how marvellous their parenting is - we can't all be perfect

Smithagain · 15/01/2008 13:25

I was going to say "yes, we always eat together". But I've just realised DD2 is still eating her lunch and I am on here, leaving her to her own devices

mammyofET · 15/01/2008 13:48

Breakfast - Yes, usually all of us together in the week. At the weekend we alternate lie ins so it's either me & DS or DH & DS.

Lunch - Me & DS (sometimes have the same sometimes don't - depends what he is eating).

Dinner - During the week - no. He eats at around 5 o'clock, DH isn't in until between 6 - 8, so we eat anytime later on.

Weekends - yes we all eat together.

I think it's important to spend time doing most things together 'as a family', but I don't give myself a hard time if we don't always eat together as it is not always practial.

Mercy · 15/01/2008 14:01

Fussy eaters are just fussy eaters - it doesn't necessarily follow that they are created because families don't eat together as often as possible.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 15/01/2008 14:42

We try to eat evening meals together. Breakfast and lunch is a bit less organised and it depends wehther the dinner table is covered in crap or not

Although sitting at the dinner table is something my ds has a real problem with and this makes mealtimes quite stressfull unless I am able to tune out his whinging and refusal to eat the dreaded vegetables

hurricane · 15/01/2008 14:48

I personally don't believe that fussy eaters (i.e. the sort that don't eat any vegetables as opposed to the sort that eats most things but doesn't really fancy broccoli) are born they're created. Any more than children are born obese or born with eating disorders except for the rare cases where children suffer from medical conditions. You don't have fussy eaters in countries where food is scarce.

I also really believe (and there's plenty of research to support this) that families who eat together where possible (of course, not always) and parents who involve children in preparing good food and model eating a variety of good food rarely have fussy eaters. Fussy eating is very rarely anything to do with the taste of the food itself but to do with children's fear of the new or issues to do with control, asserting independence etc.

Loads of times that you hear parents say, 'my little Jimmy won't touch peas' or whatever that child has never actually tasted peas or tasted it once and never been given it again.

it amazes me that certain parents accept their child's fussiness about food as 'natural' in a way that they would never accept their child's refusal to share their toys for example. You would never get a partnt say, 'Oh little Jimmy can't share his toys. He just doesn't seem to like to do it.'

By the way, I am not saying that food should ever be forced on children or made a big deal of that just exacerbates the problem. We just put the food on the table (preferably involving the children first) and then eat it. If the children don't eat something then it's taken away with little if any comment. And we never stop putting a food stuff ont he table because our children have said they don't like it.

I know that this strategy works.

Our 3 year old has never eaten lettuce. Then the other day when there was a salad on the table that the rest of us were all eating she just picked some up and ate it.

I can imagine that if the dcs ate separtely (and esp if I had prepared separate meals for them) this would never have happened. It would have been too easy to accept that dc2 just doesn't like lettuce and she would not have been enoucraged by the example of the rest of us eating it.

Elphaba · 15/01/2008 14:55

So how do you explain one child in a family being fussy and another hoovering anything you put on the plate? Children brought up and live in the house in an identical manner who are totally different personalities when it comes to food preferences. I know plenty of families in this situation and the children were weaned and fed in exactly the same way.

hurricane · 15/01/2008 15:00

Same way I might explain why dd1 is more of a conformist and dd2 is more rebellious in my family or where 1 identical twin is labelled the creative one and the other is labelled the scientific one. As I've said food fussiness (and I'm not just talking about the odd preference or dislike which is normal) is rarely anything to do with the taste of the food itself. There are complex psychological dynamics which work in every family.