Ponce Alert! The things people order in coffee shops.....

[Earlybird]

Heard a man today ordering 'a shot and a half espresso', followed by a woman who ordered a 'double skinny latte with one shot decaf and one shot regular and chocolate on top'.

Are their tastebuds really so finely calibrated?

Latte is pronounced with a short a. As in fatty. It is an abomination to order a Lartte.

Apparently "tall" is small, Bookworm. Or rather it's not extra large or farking enormous which are the two other sizes on offer.

ponthay in spain
hth
xxx

Do you like the way the teenage baristas look at you as though you were very very small and very very dim?

I can only actually order a latte here anyway as I don't know what flat means as in flat white.

Best pronounced Lat-tay (pronouncing both Ts and a nice short A ). Alternatively "Can I have one of those poncey milky coffees, please?"

isn't flat white just milky coffee?

flat means no foam, doesn't it?

I ask for a small white coffee. None of this American crap.

Or ' a buckey of your best milky lukewarm coffee drink please, here's £5, keep the change"

bucket!

chaange?

(Hathor I think you're right and the sizes go Large, Stupidly Large and Bucké)

yes well that's what I though (no foam) but then DH said he's ordered it and it was still a bit frothy....

mind you maybe I shouldn't trust him, he's not entirely on the ball

I just don't know when you learn all this stuff, who has time to look at all the options when you're in a queue surrounded by tutters

So do you think I'd get away with sitting down at a table and getting my flask out if I said when challenged: well I would have ordered a coffee but I didn't want to:

a) sound like a complete ponce by using all your faux-Italian/American code words or

b) have to put up with you affecting complete, snotty incomprehension when I asked for a white coffee?

Practice daily. The scornful looks do help...

What is it with this "barista" cr*p anyway? They work in a coffee shop. No one is going to be fooled into thinking they're lawyers.

I either ask for medium strong skinny latte, or a medium cappuccino with cinnamon on top, at home I drink plain black coffee by pint sized mug, lol. (But I often add cinnamon in the coffee grains and sometimes chicory too...)

My friend worked in a coffee shop when we were students. On her first day one customer said to her: "Ok, I can see you are new. I am a regular here, I will say my order now, and will not repeat it ever again, I will expect you to remember it. From now on I will only say The Usual. This is how I like it: One medium weak tea with 7 sugar please.

[grin} at soupy

I will try next time:
'a small bucket of your best builder's tea please. Yes, and stand the spoon up in it please. Here's 50p, keep the change deary.'

err, in my case builders tea is pg tips, if that is of any help. Served in round football mugs that came free with the bogof pg tips....

Personally, I take earl grey, if I have tea. It is so full of flavour.

But I am a cheapskint.

Did not work when I had a plasterer who said: "I can smell earl grey, so lovely to come to a house where they serve proper tea"

cheeky beggar, lol

What about the mums who come in and order a 'babycino' for their little darlings?

That would be me....
How else can I enjoy a cup of coffee in the middle of a rushed day when I have one or two little darlings in tow? It is only hot milk drizzled with some chocolate on top, served with two marshmallows..... Sanity for fifty pence if you ask me!

Oooh - are they only 50p?? Maybe they're a good idea after all, and not poncey in the least......

In Australia my sister orders a 'flat white' coffee. which is just what it is.