Losing Adult Children to Gender Ideology?

@CurlewKate I really feel for you and can't help thinking your situation is significantly different. Another poster mentioned finding those areas you have in common and I wonder if you could do that? I certainly would not want to be estranged from my own mother on an issue, even one I felt so strongly about. I know I would rather take the emotional time to lean into digging under to the roots. You clearly respect your children and their views even though you don't agree with them, and you raised them well obviously.

If it helps I think love runs deeper than any of these ideologies, and it is probably through love and relationships we will find our way out of this horrible polarised cul-de-sac that has gotten rather extreme at both furthest ends.

I get it. It's the fact you can't talk about your job /being sacked etc. which I am sure has big implications for your future (ability to get another job?)

That's a huge area to just completely hide/not discuss unless you really just stick to who one supports on masterchef. Which seems a very shallow relationship.

If the daughter didn't want to hear about say cancer treatment (caused by maybe smoking) would that be fine?

I'm not sure if this is the place for this (I'm sorry if it's not) but thought I'd post this here because I can sort of relate.

I'm a little older than your DD (29 now) and I feel so incredibly isolated and attacked whenever gender issues are mentioned, even among 'friends' and family.

I have always been incredibly tomboy-ish (I prefer unisex clothing to 'women's clothes', I don't wear makeup, not really nurturing at all tbh), and growing up my personality has often been described as one that's more stereotypically traditionally 'masculine'. Back then the big message was that women could do anything and that the goal was to break down gender stereotypes.

In the past few years though, I feel almost as if I have to adhere more to gender norms if I want to call myself a woman. I've been told that I have 'internalised transphobia'. My views on how damaging it can be when we go back to reinforcing all these gender roles and stereotypes has caused so many arguments I now just shut up whenever the topic comes up (which is sadly too often because people assume I'm trans anyway).

I avoid talking about the topic because I like to keep my blood from boiling but there are friends of the family who will not attend family events where I'm at because they 'don't want to be in the same room as hate'.

Not very helpful sorry but all the best for your legal issues.

@catastrophicblues 💐

@catastrophicblues That's horrifying.

It is being told to not speak about things that are very important that actually makes me the most upset. I can point out the casual racism in family members and disagree with them on a lot of topics but there is no topic that is forbidden. My daughter is very conspiracy obsessed. I can agree with some of the possibilities she talks about but some are completely batshit and I explain that I just can’t agree on those and we change the subject. I think she is still looking for approval and agreement, but there are limits. Luckily we agree on how women and girls are being damaged by certain ideologies so we can rant together!.
It is pretty usual to share what is happening in our lives with important people, and as adults this should be possible. But on this one matter, we cannot pretend we are not involved in fighting it. Your daughter will ultimately not respect you in you cave in to this cancellation or censorship.