An update- struggling with my trans friend.

[Llamallamadingdong]

An update to my previous thread which many of you kindly commented on.

I finally told my friend that I don’t feel comfortable helping him shop for women’s clothes.

The first response I got was “well I’m going to cancel my next gender clinic appointment then as you obviously don’t think I’m on the right path”.

I stayed calm, stated that if my friend does feel that they are the wrong gender, they shouldn’t need my (or anyone else’s) validation to follow what they feel is right for them.

I then got a bit of emotional blackmail on Friday night which I ignored and then last night at 1am got a long essay about why I need to give reasons that I am uncomfortable about it. I didn’t reply as I was a) asleep and b) rattled by that demand.

I replied saying that in my heart I don’t feel it is possible to change gender as regardless of the hormones we take or clothes we choose to wear, nothing can change our DNA on a chromosomal level. I am a scientist and I believe…well…science.

I also said that I feel uncomfortable about the agenda of some trans people towards women who dare to question them and that I feel women’s rights are being eroded in some cases by the behaviour of some (not all). Clearly had my weetabix this morning as I wouldn’t normally be this confrontational.

The outcome: I was told I am a “normal” women who has been corrupted by terfs on the internet and listen to the “bile that they spew on social media”. I was also subsequently called a TERF and told that I need to spend more time with trans people so I can properly understand them and that I should know him well enough that he doesn’t have any agenda.

I haven’t replied, he is now spamming me with the same messages to my WhatsApp and texts. I feel so conflicted. Part of me wants to just block and delete and the other part of me is shaking with anger.

Nail hit on head 👍

Thank goodness you ditched him. Weaponising kindness is what men like him rely on.

Ask chatgpt to generalize this situation (i.e., remove the trans part) and write him that situation to show how abusive and manipulative he is, trying to indoctrinate you. If he still doesn't see it, I personally would move on with my life. Life's hard enough, no need to fill it with poop heads.

He hasn’t respected you and your opinions at all, and he’s taking it out on you. I really don’t think that’s okay, and that overstepping of boundaries would be enough to end the friendship for me, OP. By all means, don’t feel the need to make any rash decisions, and do think about it. But I really don’t see how you are both compatible as friends. There is a conflict in such fundamental views/ideology and the way in which they’ve behaved has been truly out of order.

You both sound like...not very nice people. I don't understand how you were friends to begin with based on this post. Maybe a piece of creative writing?

"Dress as a woman"
Jeans, hoodie and trainers then.

"Act like a woman"
Watch the "Just Being Melani" videos about the joy of taking a bra OFF

"look like a woman"
can only be done by being born female

How does OP sound like not a very nice person? 🤔🤔

And you also sound like a not nice person. Judgemental

Oh I dunno, the bit where she questions her friends entire existence and then lumps them in with any trans person who’s done anything wrong ever. when she claims to be a scientist and uses that as a reason for being a horrible friend.

I’m not claiming the friend is any good but there are three sides to every story and she doesn’t come off very nice in her own (passive aggressive) narrative. I can’t believe she’s any better in the truthful version. It’s a post to stir up sympathy from gender critical people. Which is why I think it’s fabricated. But that’s an entirely different conversation.

Oh I’m awful! Don’t worry about that.

I hear you. I don’t think OP sounds horrible though. I really do think it’s a good example of a friend (friend first) and a trans person pushing boundaries and being highly demanding without having the thought for others.

Probs the best thing for it tbh. Who tf does he think he is bombarding you with all that stuff? You've been pretty decent to him but don't ultimately owe him anything.

Why does OP not sound like a nice person? For refusing to entertain nd support this man’s delusions? For saying no?

Why? Because she doesn’t want to shop for women’s clothes with him because she is uncomfortable with that as it breaches her boundaries.

And then he declared to her that he will cancel his appointment at the gender clinic?

Her friend’s ’entire existence’? As a male person who has a philosophical belief about himself that doesn’t reflect material reality? And she said in her OP that she doesn’t lump ‘all’ people with transgender identities together.

I think perhaps you cannot recognise when someone’s being emotionally manipulative and someone who has overstepped other people’s boundaries. And it isn’t the OP.

a basically decent person, who didn't have an agenda to access women's spaces for bad reasons. Not every trans person is threat or trying to take something from us.

There is no 'good' reason for men to use women's spaces. Whether they want validation, a sexual thrill, to intimidate women, to enjoy the comfort of being among women or anything else, they are all bad reasons.

Every trans-identifying man is trying to take women's ability to organise and be recognised as a sex class. Those who use women's single-sex spaces or services are also taking our right to privacy.