Struggling with trans friend

[Llamallamadingdong]

I have a friend (male) who has decided that they are actually female.

They’ve felt this way for many years now and confided in me and have not told anyone else. Recently had their first gender clinic appointment and have been told that the clinic will not help until they have at least tried to present as female (so far they have messed about with some clothes and makeup alone at home but never gone out in public)

Anyway they recently approached me and asked if I would help pick an outfit, do makeup and help with hair and then go out with them trying to present as female.

The problem is I just can’t do it. Fundamentally I don’t truly believe that we can change sex and I feel like I’m supporting a weird fantasy. Not sure what I want from this thread, I seem to be the only GC person in my friendship group and I feel like I’m a horrible person for potentially denying someone something they really want.

You don’t understand why it would be seen as a fetish?

Perhaps you are very naïve or this is your first time on the internet, but this (men dressing in stereotypical women’s clothes and getting a kick out of it) is a very well known fetish. I’m amazed you’ve never heard of it.

Maybe just say you hate shopping

Evidence that it can be correlated with a higher chance of being a lesbian though - part of the reason there tend to be a disproportionate number of lesbians in women’s sports.

Good old support humans 👍 not the bolshy ones with opinions and boundaries

I think that you could say something like:

The reality of being an adult woman is that you clothes shop in the small amount of free time which you have. You’re working 9-5 every day, running a house (often with limited help), raising children (often with limited help) and you have statistically significantly less free time than your male peers. You do see your friends but this is typically booked weeks in advance to fit round babysitters and husband’s schedules and life commitments.

Im wary of selling you a teenage-influenced-glossy-magazine version or womanhood. The reality of being an adult woman is that you’ll get your hair done alone - it’s a chore not a right of passage. And if you want me to support you to be a woman then that includes the fact that women don’t have a day to spend faffing around getting their hair styled with their friends.

I came here to type basically what @Underthinker has just said

Studies don't correct for gayness, so just show that gay males brains are slightly different from straight ones, which has been known for donkeys years.

And where there is any difference in a metric between M/F brains (don't forget most metrics have loads of overlap as we are all just humans), males with a trans identity are WAY closer to the male mean than the female.
This is often hidden in the detail of the write-up as the researchers obviously want to get a good paper title and 'shifted towards female value' sounds impressive.
It's always worth getting down into the tables and checking what actually happened.

Maybe, but sexual orientation is a different thing completely than gender dysphoria.

Fuck that shit. Tell him to stop acting like the entitled angry man child he is. That because of his attitude and messages you’re out. He is no friend to you-he just wants a handmaiden. And did I say fuck that shit?

just show that gay males brains are slightly different from straight ones, which has been known for donkeys years.

You know how and why they are “different”? Because of sex hormones.

Ah yes. Us laydeez have had a lifetime of dressing up in pretty frocks and doing our make up. 🙄 How utterly patronising. Have you never met women who don’t confirm to those bullshit stereotypes? I know as much about make up as my OH does: fuck all.

Interesting that a load of BeKinders rocked up in the middle of the night. Where did they all come from?

You don’t have to get involved if you don’t want to, and you don’t need to bend yourself into knots in order to provide long explanations.

if they are being angry with you, and manipulative, then they are not a true friend, and you don’t owe them anything. Presumably you’re not the only female they know? They can ask someone else.

This is an excellent reply.

No, you need to end the friendship because he is no friend to you at all - he's grooming, manipulative and trying to coerce you into something you are uncomfortable with and demanding you go out with him in female clothes puts you in the position of being his beard for entry into female spaces.
Two other red flags -1. he can't find anyone else/a supportive group to do this? 2. He gets angry at you. This suggests it's not only about his cross dressing fetish, but about you personally, to be so focused and put pressure on you rather than find an alternative.
I never understand peoples priorities in putting mens demands first and insisting that women ignore their discomfort and own opinions/feelings to become emotional support animals for mens fantasies.

Yes of course it’s a different thing, but if unusually high levels of testosterone could influence cognitions related to sexuality , why do you assume that’s a ridiculous proposition re gender dysphoria or other aspects of brain function?

I think a couple of things.

The main one is that I wonder how you are such good friends, if you are really uncomfortable with something as fundamental to their identity as this?

I'm not sure you can continue a friendship with a trans person if you are GC.

Did you read OP's second post?

he's grooming, manipulative and trying to coerce

by asking her to go on a shopping trip 🤣.

Makes a mockery of people actually affected by grooming.

Seriously 😳!

He's already not respecting your boundaries. Not a good sign. Keep an eye out for more of this bad behaviour and don't be manipulated by him. You are perfectly within your rights not to be his personal stylist. No chance I would be styling a man for "womanhood".

You could go for the brutal, "sorry, I have no idea how to dress a man as a woman". I personally would create a little distance and let him find another dresser.

This. As even young children know, clothes and make up don't fool anyone.

You absolutely can. My friend fully transitioned for well over a year (on medication etc) and never knew that fundamentally I thought it was bullshit. Transitioned back now, still friends, no harm done.

Just smile and nod in my case.

Definitely think the OP should sit this one out though.

Friend can do online shopping like everyone else.

I’ve noticed trans models on both Zara & H&M … friend can filter on sizes.

There must be thousands of transfluencers telling your friend how & what to go & wear.

Yes, if someone doesn't have other friends they can ask that may just be circumstantial (just moved to an area, works long hours, health issues, shy etc) but it could mean this person doesn't have many friends because they make people uncomfortable with their demands.

If a child is unpopular at school and picked on for reasons they can't help I would cut them a lot of slack, they don't have the same autonomy as adults do to get out and make new friends. When I look at people who say "oh I can 't leave a friendship with someone who is demanding and disrespectful of my boundaries because they don't have anyone else /will be alone" maybe that " friend" needs to have a think why they aren't well liked and think how to change that.

"I demand you act as my personal dresser and make up consultant, and will act like an aggressive twat if you don't". He sounds charming.

He is trying to include you in his sexual fantasy. Say no.

It's like men watching porn on the train and knowing you know... it all goes into the wank bank.

If you indulge in this kinky-dress-up role play... he will want to draw more people, women, children in.