Struggling with trans friend

[Llamallamadingdong]

I have a friend (male) who has decided that they are actually female.

They’ve felt this way for many years now and confided in me and have not told anyone else. Recently had their first gender clinic appointment and have been told that the clinic will not help until they have at least tried to present as female (so far they have messed about with some clothes and makeup alone at home but never gone out in public)

Anyway they recently approached me and asked if I would help pick an outfit, do makeup and help with hair and then go out with them trying to present as female.

The problem is I just can’t do it. Fundamentally I don’t truly believe that we can change sex and I feel like I’m supporting a weird fantasy. Not sure what I want from this thread, I seem to be the only GC person in my friendship group and I feel like I’m a horrible person for potentially denying someone something they really want.

Why do you have to actively support all your friend's choices in life? Do they have to support all of yours? How could that even work?!

I have a friend who loves actual commonly-called fantasy role-play. He spends a lot of his time painting little figures and creating scenes and images on a board and in his head.

Nothing sounds more dull to me, and my eyes glaze over if ever he mentions it (he doesn't very much) - but we're still friends. I have interests that he doesn't share; it's all good. We have plenty in common, though - one reason why we're friends. He has his life and I have mine - exactly as it should be.

“Well yes as unfortunately my dissertation won’t write itself, I am very busy.
Also clothes shopping just isn’t my thing, but I am happy to meet up for a drink once this is out the way.”
I mean you could write so much more, but the aim is only to lose him as a friend not any others.

It was a couple of years ago. A transsexual on Twitter proudly announced that his organisation had some research to publish but he was mobbed by the trans activists and it never appeared.

For a group that are always complaining they want access to ‘healthcare’, they are very anti any proper research on the topic.

That makes no sense.

No one can change sex. Therefore no man can claim to be a woman.

Therefore any man claiming he is really a woman is lying. That’s not hard to understand?

What a well argued response to my post 🙄

I’m wondering which bit you object to? Are you denying the lived experience of this particular transsexual? Because I can tell you, that’s what happened to him.

He was so pleased with himself as well, bless. Then the mob descended and made him take it all down.

That’s good, I’m glad you could assert your boundaries and he respects them. Out of interest, do you get policed on your language about him by any mutual friends?

I like your optimism in assuming ‘most’ trans people being decent and not sulking when told no but we have no data to say whether that’s true or not.

The big trans organisations like Stonewall repeatedly tell us how important compelled speech is and how ‘misgendering’ is terrible abuse (we have heard exactly that from the NHS in the Sandy Peggie tribunal) so I’m not sure I can share your optimism. We also have the performances by all the high profile transsexuals and trans activists that repeatedly display their petulant bullying nature. They must hide the nice ones very well.

You “learned” you say? Didn’t it come naturally? Many posters on this thread think it does/should.

I should have said was inspired by rather than learned as I didn’t get tuition on it. Just devoured teen magazines as you do. Basically my make up, hair etc was just me in my bedroom in front of a mirror.

Of course they will be fine 🤣

I would struggle to maintain a friendship with someone so sexist that they believe that wearing dresses would make them a woman.

Combine that with the male entitlement and anger and the friendship would be over for me.

If better mental healthcare existed perhaps this ideology bandwagon wouldn't have damaged and misled so many people.
Those with dysphoria would have been directed to talking therapies to learn self appreciation.
Instead we have a messed up society with issues in language, unsuitable unisex facilities and new barriers to equality.
How sad that women have to not just watch out for the usual VAGW from men but also learn how to carefully tiptoe around men who say they're ok as they're women.
The simple truth is that women cannot become pretend women in the same way and pretend women are just men.

I would struggle to maintain a friendship with someone so sexist that they believe that wearing dresses would make them a woman.

Didn't you read the actual OP? It says he's 'been told that the clinic will not help until they have at least tried to present as female'?

How sad that women have to not just watch out for the usual VAGW from men but also learn how to carefully tiptoe around men who say they're ok as they're women.

I don't do any of that. I just go to work (in the construction sector of all places) and get on with my life. I'm not even sure when I Iast saw a transwoman in the wild. You're imposing unnecessary restrictions on your life!

Any other woman would say "what do you mean present as female? I am a woman regardless of how I present.".

It doesn't fit the 'attention seeking pervert' narrative so it's being ignored. No point pointing it out. It'll be shot down, ignored or argued about.

I'm not ignoring it I'm asking that if he is a woman why he didn't tell the clinic that he is a woman regardless of how he presents?

But he’s going along with it (or trying to, if someone will only go to the shops with him to pick an outfit). He’s going along with it because he believes in it all. Perhaps if he wasn’t sexist he’d have laughed and told the clinic that a person’s clothing choices don’t change what sex they are.

Being trans is not “politics”.

No being trans is not “living in a fantasy”, it’s just being trans. Theres no call to pass your own judgement on it.

Perhaps if he wasn’t sexist he’d have laughed and told the clinic that a person’s clothing choices don’t change what sex they are

im sure that would have helped with access to medical services

Well no it wouldn’t @Blessthismess2- and that is sort of the point.

The cross dressing man and the clinic are both sexist because they both think that putting on a dress is somehow part of ‘becoming a woman’.

Yes, it is living a fantasy and no, that observation is not me "passing judgement", it's just an objective reality check.

And I'd agree, fantasy role-playing in itself doesn't necessarily call for judgement. Sadly, in the case of the transgender cult, it does call for responsible ethical judgement, because of the many harmful effects of this cult, which I needn't list all over again.

Yes, but all "being trans" means is saying you are the opposite of what you really are, for reasons best known to yourself.

There's nothing more to it than that.

A belief system then.

This.

It very much IS a belief system.

Simply because it is a suspension of reality. And a belief that not everyone shares.

And yes I do think it's political as a result.