Boys/men fixated on seeing girls with "no make-up" to check they're not being "cat-fished"

[CohensD]

Teen DD has told me this is "a thing" on social media. DD has some facial birthmarks which she has covered with make-up for years, and the trend is making her unusually anxious. She has a boyfriend (who otherwise seems very sweet), who has apparently recently asked for "reassurance" that she "doesn't wear much make-up".

Can someone articulate for me why I find this trend so misogynistic and disturbing? At a very general level, it feels like yet another way to police girls'/women's bodies. But I feel like I object to it in a more specific way, and can't articulate why....

What a little twat. Tell her to dump him. On the other hand, if she really doesn’t want to dump him… men have no idea what no make up is half the time. If you go without mascara and just have base make up on, he won’t know. I once went on a date and the guy banged on about how he liked that I was natural… at the time I had my lashes done, acrylics, micro-bladed eyebrows, and a full face of base… definitely not natural. Safe to say no second date, not only was he weird and misogynistic he was also obviously stupid.

For the record, I absolutely think she should dump him, but you can’t force her.

I’ve seen memes like this online that is trying to make the point about men not understanding makeup.

As someone who wore hoodies/sunglasses to never go without makeup as a teen... You can drastically change how attractive you are WITHOUT makeup by changing the clothes you wear and your hairstyle.

Basically if you're going to object to makeup changing your appearance, you kinda have to object to a lot of things that change someone's attractiveness.

Makeup can enhance but it can't change your bone structure or core features. Makeup actually makes quite a few people look worse and overdone

Sorry but wtf is it to do with him what make up she wears? I'm 21. If any of my boyfriends complained about my make up, they'd be exes quicker than a boy can hit on me!
Apologies if I sound unfeeling - I guess I am when it comes to teenage boys!

Tell him to strip to his boxers, post pics to her friends and rate his body out of 10. -Se how mr perfect bloody likes it.

What a foul little boy asking your DD this and putting that much emphasis on her looks, when will men wake up and look in the mirror.

Yeah this. ^ And it doesn't stop as they age. Many men aged 45+ think they're entitled to have a woman 15-20 years younger. In many dating profiles, you see men around 46-58 who are asking for a 'slim' woman, (or athletic!) financially secure (so he doesn't have to support her - ever,) and in the age group 28-38. They don't want women their own age, or older.

It's hilarious. Most of them are balding, with a beer belly, average teeth, and a basic job/basic income. And it's a myth that men age better than women. Load of bollocks. Most women I know who are 50+ look much better than the men I know who are 50+. Most middle aged men have got nothing to offer a woman. Most of them just want a replacement wife or mother. Not a romantic partner. One woman I know said the first question this one man asked when she went on a Tinder date the other week was 'can you cook?'

As someone said on a similar thread a little while back 'God give me the confidence of a middle aged man!' They feel ENTITLED to a younger, very pretty, slim woman. And even the younger ones think they deserve a pretty, slim woman. (No matter how basic or unnattractive the man is himself!)

I know a young woman (27 y.o.) who has a YouTube channel (she's a content creator) and she had around 75,000 subscribers. (80% male.) She got married in the Spring of this year, and she lost around 10,000 subscribers - all male. Coz now she's married, they won't get to date her! 😬THAT was the reason all these 'men' were following her.

Like they had a chance anyway! She looks like Taylor Swift, and is very VERY attractive and talented. Yet these basic mugs who live in their mum's basement thought they had a chance with her.

@CohensD Your DD needs to dump this numpty.

Wanting "reassurance" that a woman "doesn't wear much make-up" is either controlling or the sign of a needy pantywaist who is not worth bothering with and who will be a constant drain.

Bin.

Men don’t need to win regarding women wearing/not wearing makeup.

Agree. The poor menz eh @yallahbye They want their women to not wear make up and they do, or they want them to wear make up and they don't. What a shame it's got fuck-all to do with them what woman do with their own face.

POOR MENZ! 😢

Good example from @Snorlaxo but I think this one is better.........

A bit cut off, I will post again...

No. It sorry, still cut off. Just click on one of the pics to see it properly.

Surely by now you'll have reached the understanding that this has nothing to do with makeup, right?

So you agree that wearing make up is cat fishing and that men are right to be concerned?

Wow!!

This is about a man demanding a woman who ticks all society's boxes and he wants to be sure he's not investing time, emotions and money on someone who doesn't tick the "how does she look without make up" box. That's shoddy.

Oh, FGS.
Screw them. 🪛

Women have every right to do/not to do whatever with their own bodies. Fine. But then women also have to accept that men have preferences too. Nobody can dictate to a man what he will find attractive. If he doesn’t like heavily made-up faces, altered bodies, certain hair colours, jewellery etc. .then it is his business and there’s absolutely nothing anyone can do about this.
How would you react it bearded men got offended and called you controlling and a man-hater because you declared that you don’t like beards on men? Ot tattoos? Or piercings? Or bald heads? Or beer bellies?
Most women have preferences too and if they say they don’t and they only care about a man’s sense of humour and personality, they are lying!
Btw I doubt men DEMAND that women remove their make-up. Rather they are asking it. And from then on the woman can decide whether she wants to show her face without make-up or not.
This vile man-hating is vicious: “How dare men be attracted to young women?! How dare they prefer natural looks?! How dare they prefer slim and toned bodies?! They are misogynistic beasts!”
Just because you don’t fit their criteria of attractive, no need to vilify them. It is exactly women who are incredibly controlling and want to tell men what they should be attracted to. It is the case of pot calling the kettle black.

Shoddy indeed. And rather chilling!

I'm sorry, but the last picture is another woman: her haircut is different! This is made to confuse people, obvs.

You OK hun?

Being passive aggressive today, hun?

Nobody is doing that. My daughter wears loads of make up and I reckon her boyfriend is someone who wants that kind of girlfriend. I accept it wouldn't be for everyone. His parents are sports mad and his mum doesnt wear make up at all - i think they are surprised he has chosen someone utterly non sporty and tbh quite glam.

He couldn't suddenly demand he she stops wearing make up.

Exactly! Men have naff-all right to dictate what women do - and how they look. As much as the ones who are controlling misogynists would like to Shame men can't tell women what to do eh?

I feel like you're missing the point of the thread. This isn't about preferences with regards to make up. This is about the claims by some men that women who wear make up are doing so to trick or catfish men and they therefore want to get women to remove their make up to show what they 'really' look like.

Interesting that you mention men with beards. I don't see this as a trend on social media - women demanding men with beards remove them to prove they're not actually ugly underneath that facial hair.

It's not men hating to point out problematic behaviour by some men. I promise you it's still very much a man's world and a few women on mumsnet pointing out stuff like this isn't going to lead to the downfall of the patriarchy any time soon.

You're right that everyone is entitled to their preferences e.g. some women may not like beards or bald heads, some men might not like heavy makeup or dyed hair. That’s all fair game. But the situation being discussed here goes beyond* *simply stating a preference.

He’s asked to see what she looks like without makeup in order to check if she’s “attractive enough” without it. That’s not just a preference – it’s a test. It implies that her value hinges on whether she meets his criteria when stripped of personal choices or expression. That’s intrusive and objectifying.

Genuine question - if you had a son who met a girl who said she wanted 360 degree topless photos of him to check what his body was ‘really’ like under clothes, as she doesn’t want to be catfished into thinking he’s in ‘better’ shape than he is, you’d honestly think that was a reasonable request? Because that is the equivalent scenario, not a woman saying “I find taller men attractive so don’t date shorter ones” or a man saying “I find shorter women attractive so don’t date taller ones”. Those are preferences, not bizarre tests.

There’s a big difference between holding private preferences and trying to enforce them by asking someone to prove their natural appearance is “good enough” to warrant attraction. That’s not about attraction, that’s about control.

The issue isn't about vilifying preferences. It's about calling out disrespectful behavior disguised as preference. And asking someone to “prove” their appearance without makeup absolutely crosses that line.

Is it only me who sees women in the paper charged with various crimes & their social media shots look nothing like the image of them walking into court? I think the whole thing of making yourself look like a different person online is odd. But it's weird to for a boyfriend who knows what you look like to have a hang up about it.