A "real man" treats a woman like a princess!

[everychildmatters]

If my husband "treated me like a princess" that would be the end of our marriage! I absolutely expect to be treated with respect, but not like some sort of fragile and needy person simply because I'm female!
Why do so many women feel the need to be "looked after" as if they are a child? To me, it screams subservience (but perhaps I am reading more into this than I should do?)

Exactly. Nobody is fawning over incompetent men. I couldn't imagine my husband paying for another man to come out to fix something basic. I'd find it unmanly and unattractive.

I agree. But OP seems to have a bizarre notion that a relationship is only equal if you are both doing equal amounts of the same tasks or putting equal amounts of money in the pot. That isn't how real life works.

'I took the bins out last week, so it's your turn this week.' Sounds like a point scoring competition not a relationship.

@DoyalikeDags So would your husband find you "unfeminine" and unattractive if you didn't wash his pants and cook his dinners? Or just it just work one way? 😀

*does

This is what I think of when I hear a woman saying she wants her partner to ‘treat her like a princess’

I'm pretty sure he's not getting an erection seeing me load the washing machine, but that doesn't have the same sex appeal as climbing a ladder with a toolbelt on does it. What men find attractive differs to what women find attractive.

He'd probably find me unattractive if I felt the need to prove 'I can do that, I can lift that, I don't need your help' all the time though because it is an unattractive characteristic to be so competitive. Like, what do you need to prove? I'll just be too proud and struggle to open this jar rather than get my husband to do it just to show him I can? It's an odd attitude to have.

I'm also pretty sure he appreciates his nice dinners and I enjoy feeding my family so it works out great for all.

Out of curiosity what do you define as an equal relationship, because I don't think you really know?

@DoyalikeDags I wonder if he finds your incompetence at fixing basic things unattractive in the same way that you do? Of course he doesn't....does he?
Each to his own but I don't find a "man climbing a ladder with a toolbelt on" remotely attractive.

I haven't said I can't fix basic things. I have said my husband does the DIY because he is better at it. That is how most couples divide chores surely, whoever is better at something does that task...

You don't have to find a handy man attractive. Just like I will never find an unmanly man attractive.

So what is your idea of an equal relationship? You've been quick to label women who don't fit into your idea of equality but haven't actually defined what that is.

For me, equality isn't saying I can't do x or y because I'm a woman or he can't do x or y because he's a man.
Do you work or is it up to a man to provide in your opinion?
For me, feminism isn't about just doing the things that suit me but of course again, I imagine we think differently.
I'd be interested to hear what you define as an "unmanly" man. I can probably guess.

Just because couples follow gender roles or divide task like I do in my household it doesn't mean anyone is saying 'you can't do the DIY' or 'you can't cook.' Honestly, who actually operates like that and even if they did you wouldn't know about it.

So you think everything has to be 50/50 for a relationship to be equal? Doing the same tasks, contributing the same money?

I work PT and my husband is the provider.

It isn't about what I define as unmanly. Unmanly means: 'not having or showing qualities and characteristics traditionally associated with or expected of men'

@DoyalikeDags Yes I thought as much. My husband cooks and shares the childcare of our 5 yo. Such a unmanly man(!) 😆

@everychildmatters I wondered why you were being so goady but then I came across this: Husband gifted £5k | Mumsnet

I think you are misdirecting your anger at women who are 'looked after' because you are pissed off your own husband doesn't look after you.

And you've lectured about equality within a relationship but your own relationship is far from equal. Looks like you are being taken for a ride actually.

'My husband cooks and shares the childcare of our 5 yo. Such a unmanly man(!) 😆'

He also squirrels money away and watches you struggle to pay the majority of the bills or get bank loans out to fix your car whilst he has a nest egg building up. That is worse than 'unmanly.'

@DoyalikeDags We sorted that one - he'd saved it for a special holiday for our anniversary ❤️ HTH?
Anyway, you keep hiding behind your sexism. I'm off to work 😀

@DoyalikeDags It was a complete surprise bless him 😀

Sure 😂
That's why you said he relies on the 'bank of mum and dad' all the time. Nobody is watching their partner's car break down so they can't get to work to 'save for a future holiday'! Come off it. Did you get the loan out in the end?

You're the one calling women 'princesses' I think you need to look at your own internalised misogyny.

@DoyalikeDags OK princess.

Yes, you better believe it.

Rather my husband treat me like that, than how yours treats you.

Historically accurate and entertaining!

I think women who need to be treated like a princess are quite out of date and needy. They clearly prefer an unequal relationship.

OP, give it a rest. And sort out your resentments.

@blueshoes absolutely agree. I think it’s often a feature in abusive relationships. Unhealthy relationships can be an emotional rollercoaster with highs and lows, and if you’ve experienced the low (maybe as a child witness of abuse) it’s easy to assume that you’ve secured the opposite when you’re being love bombed, or put on a pedestal. In fact it’s just a different manifestation of control.

Whenever I see the phrase crop up on the relationship board, I know that the poster is going to disclose abuse, even if she doesn’t yet recognise it fully.

From a feminist perspective. we have to be careful to recognise the privilege of being in good relationships, growing up with positive role models, etc. and not jump to judge or condemn because it’s a very short path to thinking people get what they deserve. That’s a fundamental psychological feature of how our brains default so I’m not being judgy of the tendency to judge - it’s just something to guard against.

It’s so important to support women to recognise and leave abusive relationships, to break the generational cycles for children. SM is a fantastic development in this regard if you think about the dominant cultural messaging of the 70s-90s in song, films, which was all about being swept off your feet by a stalker and treated like a princess.

I cannot believe I read this on a feminist board!
If a man said, he found a woman unable to cook deeply unfeminine and unattractive, would that be ok?

Lmao me and my husband went to B&Q this afternoon to get some wood (garden gate needed fixing). We got so many strange looks because he was the one holding hands with/carrying our toddler and I was carrying the wood.

It wasn't a role reversal or anything just that our child was preferring his dad today.

Some people are just strange. However if hubby ever tried to tell me I couldn't do something because I'm a woman.... he'd be met with "watch me". He knows this and he's actually very proud of it.

Just as I'm proud of him for being such a hands on dad and never shying away from parental responsibility. We really are a good team.

well according to the thread that your husband kept £5k family gift hidden from you Op..,, your husband is very far from treating you like a princess! @everychildmatters

@Somewhat81 Not you again 😆