A "real man" treats a woman like a princess!

[everychildmatters]

If my husband "treated me like a princess" that would be the end of our marriage! I absolutely expect to be treated with respect, but not like some sort of fragile and needy person simply because I'm female!
Why do so many women feel the need to be "looked after" as if they are a child? To me, it screams subservience (but perhaps I am reading more into this than I should do?)

It might work for that couple (sometimes, the man stands to lose too much in a divorce) but it is still a risk.

People are human. People fall in love or succumb to pressure or mid life crises. It is never cut and dried if a man is allowed to have affairs with various women that he would never leave the transactional marriage.

This would be me too.

I’d love to feel looked after and nurtured and cared for, because as the eldest daughter in a male dominated household, I was never treated that way.

I accepted low bar treatment from the father of my DC as that was all I had ever known. Now I know better, I’ve been single for 4 years. I’d rather have clarity on my status than be a married singleton though.

@Starseeking Probably being dense, what's a married singleton?

Perhaps some women are more tapped into their feminine energy than others and that is ok.

I think the kind of women who talk like this probably tend to be referring to blokes who buy them expensive presents and say lots of nice things about their appearance. Such men probably do not do the lion's share of the housework and have a high chance of disappearing after any children arrive.

If you can kid yourself that your boyfriend worships you it makes it easier to deal with all the ways in which he is, in fact, awful.

I think this can mean many different things.

my husband calls me his queen, which I prefer to princess as I’m not young and inexperienced!

it’s not something I looked for, but I fell in love with a man who thinks and feels like this. He is very proud of his manhood and feels an important part of that role is treating me like a queen. A huge part of that is doing all physically hard labour. He always says he knows I can do these things, but why should I? He takes pride in Doing them for me. So no, I never take bins out. I never lift the shopping bags or the suitcases. I never mow the lawn. I never move heavy things. I also get him to do all the yucky stuff - removing dead or slimy stuff, washing out the yucky dishwasher filter. He also manages all car and repair issues. And he does the huge majority of the driving and anything that involves getting up uncomfortably early. If we loved house. He would ask me what I wanted where, but would want me to sit and relax with a glass of wine while he lifted all the boxes.

He doesn’t take over decision making but owns all the unpleasant tiring parts of making things happen. That includes all washing and ironing too, and putting on the sheets etc.

Apart from anything else, this really helps make sure he’s doing a decent share of the work. Women’s bigger problem in the home is men not pulling their weight. Yet we object to them doing the more physical tasks and serving us physically too? For the same reason many of us don’t want trans women/ people born men competing in women’s sports, there really is, generally, a difference in our physical strengths and how big a burden these things feel. With me and my husband there definitely is anyway. He’s a muscle bound hunk, and I’m perimenopausal exhausted most of the time!

But yes, there’s a clear gender divide in the tasks…. And it’s framed has him ‘treating me as his queen’. He also spoils me - for example running baths for me, decorating them with bubble bath and flower petals even at times. lighting scented candles etc…. He also bought a massage table and gives me proper long massages.

I’m highly capable, with more degrees than him, earn more, and travel the world as a business woman. I also do a ton for him. I do most of the strategic organizing, cooking, and also lean in to actively help him with his career stuff quite a lot. We do a ton for each other. I’m not disempowered. I don’t need to take out the bins to feel like a respected woman. (-; and his role as my physical hero revs both our engines too…. Love watching him work his power tools!

The pay off for the man though is that he can dictate what she can and cannot do, as we so often see on Mumsnet. Gender roles are always a disaster for the woman, even as is so often the case, wrapped up and presented as "protection". Women don't need protecting, except from men!

If I want to be a Princess, I choose Princess Leia.

What you like isn't what every woman likes. We are all very different after all. Gender roles work for me, and for a lot of other women! I also love being treated like a princess, but I also treat him like a prince so win win.
I also know some men who like being treated like a princess so I dont think its just women

He marries her to a man she's never met to strengthen the alliance with France?

I just generally distrust any specific idea of 'how a woman should be treated' beyond 'respected as a fellow human being'.

😂

What makes you think the traditional gender roles of provider and housewife equates to subservience or that the man isn't allowing his wife to take the bins out? Maybe she doesn't want to take the bins out. Sounds like a whole lot of speculation to me. You can't know the inside outs of other peoples relationship dynamics judging on who does what tasks in a household.

@DoyalikeDags Likewise, maybe he doesn't want to be the sole provider for 20 years or more? Maybe he doesn't want to do the childcare and clean the toilets? What if he said no to all of that? Who actually WANTS to take the bins out?!!!
What I'm saying is, I don't think women should ask for equality but only on their terms. I'm every bit my husband's equal.

@financialcareerstuff Not sure why anyone needs "serving physically" because they're a woman? I can do all of the tasks you describe, just as my husband is capable of cooking and cleaning.

I really am, although I do work. My late mum (the opposite of lazy) used to say I was for decoration only 😂 Rude!

If you read what I wrote you will see that both he and I acknowledge that it is not a need and I am perfectly capable of doing these things, so I’m not sure why you are saying this in response, unless you are aiming to invalidate or whip things up.

It’s simply a preferred way of doing things, which works for us both, and which does not - as you seem to think - have to come with the woman being infantilised, patronised or dominated in any way.

If you want to hang your feminist hat on the fact that you do 50% of the shittiest, most physically exhausting jobs, go for it. I thought that way in my twenties and thirties. Now, I’d rather look at my freedom of thought, speech and movement, my earning power, education level, financial, professional and personal independence, decision-making power, and my active championing of women. I also prove my physical strength and independence by doing fun things like learning to box, and going traveling solo - walking up mountains, kayaking, and biking…..And leave the shitty jobs to a man who is happy to do them for me.

@financialcareerstuff Fair enough although I'm the opposite to you; I didn't question these things as much as I ought to have done in my 20s and 30s but definitely do so now. I'm far more independent and capable than I was.

That’s great to hear. I am too. Everybody’s journeys are different, but I think many of us end up with an ever-increasing awareness of the need for feminism and the inequity we all live with - partly as we grow older and experience more, and partly as many of us raise daughters. How to combat it sometimes differs. And I think you are right that the ‘princess thing’ CAN provide an excuse for insecure men to see women as incapable. Just doesn’t have to be.

I think what women mean by this is often to be just treated with thoughtfulness and consideration, I dislike it because the people who use the phrase are often talking about material goods.

Have to say I’ve never taken the bins out or picked up my own suitcase either, capable of it of course but DH is physically stronger than me (significantly so). I don’t consider that princessy, just bloody common sense.

You're speculating about other peoples relationships. Why? I'm sure couples figure out what works for them.

What makes you think there is inequality in a relationship just because one person isn't working. There is a whole lot more to equality than equal financial contribution. You seem to have a problem with women who don't work. Why?

@DoyalikeDagsI don't agree with women not working, you're right. Especially if kids at school. My own personal opinion of course.
It just doesn't sit right with me. And ultimately is a very risky strategy.

Would you agree with men not working or is that different?

Yes you've made that obvious. I'm not sure why you care about what other women are doing with their lives though.

I don't care what other couples get up to. If a woman is earning plenty of money and is happy to have a househusband that is up to her and vice versa.

@DoyalikeDags How often in reality does it happen the other way around though? Woman works, man stays at home. Why do think that is? My husband and I shared parental leave but I've yet to meet anyone else who did the same. And yes, I breastfed. For three years.

There are a myriad of reason why couples make the choices they do.

There are more SAHM because of basic biology for a start. Needing time off after a baby to physically recover and being able to breastfeed on demand isn't something men can or need to do.

From a financial perspective it is sensible that the person earning more continues to work. This is often the man. I don't know any couples IRL where the woman is earning significantly more than her husband because of the nature of work women choose to enter into. My girlfriends work in childcare and offices. Their husbands are tradesmen and lorry drivers.

Then take into account childcare costs. If a person is going to work all month for their wages to effectively just cover the cost of a childminder it is understandable that the couple would rather a parent care for the children.

Then there is the gender roles reason. Some people just prefer to that dynamic. If a woman is happy not working and her husband is happy to provide then it isn't really anyone's business.