Disown by mum friends who I have known for 20 years due to my gender critical view.

[rouxelitee]

I am a bit sad today because I have been disowned by my group of friends who are mothers. I have known them since college. All of us have children, mine is a toddler.

One of them is a paediatrician. Let's call her JY. She supports the trans-movement for children. Recently she has shared an article with the whatsapp chat group on sexual and relationship saying that this should be how children are parented. https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/sex-relationships/
I didn't agree with the gender and identity section and I called it out. I said that affirming children in this matter will make things worst. The conversation escalated and she basically cautioned me that this is hate speech and if a doctor have the same view as I do, their license will be taken.

Fast forward to today, my partner and I are have been researching on local schools and their policies on the same matter, preparing ourselves for when our child is of school age. We found out that this school in Leicester has the following policy.

7.3 In accordance with the Equality Act 2010 we will not inform a parent or carer about a student being Trans or gender questioning.
7.4 Confidential information will not be shared with the parents and carers without a student’s permission, unless there are safeguarding reasons for doing so.
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https://www.newcollege.leicester.sch.uk/force_download.cfm?id=3190

I felt that this is such a massive red flag, that I need to warn all my friends to look into their school policies.

JY then said "Much as I value our friendship, I do not have headspace to engage in these issues. I'll bow out of this group." A few others followed and quit the chat group.

They will possibly not talk to me ever again. I am very sad and I feel very alone in this matter, and that my partner and I and alone in this battle alone trying to protect our child from the state, the school and dangerous ideology.

I guess I just want to not feel like a crazy person shouting on top of my lungs "please look into this, this is bad".

Thanks,
roux

I don't think you really know what "GC beliefs" are. What is it you imagine GC people believe?

So, if your daughter decided to identify as a boy at school and was using a male name and pronouns and wearing a binder to school with the full support of her teachers but without your knowledge, you'd be OK with that, would you?

What if she was sexually assaulted in an unsafe unisex loo?

What if she was getting UTIs because she didn't want to pee during the day because she felt unsafe or uncomfortable in the toilets at school?

What if, God forbid, she was raped and wanted female only rape crisis support and was told it didn't exist and that asking for it was bigoted?

it doesnt work as an analogy for the issue we’re discussing if we think of an eating disorder as a mental health illness that one might recover from but never “grow out of”. And i think of an ED as a mental health illness

Many people also consider gender related distress to be a mental health illness.

Reality, facts and understanding that kids shouldn't be medicalised or "socially transitioned" against the evidence for not fitting conservative, homophobic and misogynistic ideas of gender conformity, and should have the freedom to explore shouldn't be "a contentious belief". Sadly, that is where we are. Going backwards on women's and gay rights because of this bullshit.

OP,. unfortunately regressively sexist gender shit pretty much operates like a religion, especially among people who seem to imagine it's somehow the new gay rights and I'm afraid true believers will act the same way as fundamentalist believers in other religions - by actively excluding and performative demonisation of anyone questioning. You're not factually wrong in your views, but you have to be very, very careful when you know something's contentious and WhatsApp when they've already said they don't want to talk about it and have already demonised you as some kind of evil bigot isn't really the place - people have quite lost their minds and ethical values over it and aren't going to be open to persuasion like this, so have turned on you. I think they'll be shocked in a few years when it dawns on them the harms they've been enabling, but as you see here, there's a lot of doubling down despite the wealth of evidence, Cass etc.

@rouxelitee sorry to hear about you and your friends. Tricky on any issue where emotions run high.
While I understand that you want your friends to see your point of view, I wonder if you are better off asking the school for clarification. You could ask non-confrontational general questions: "I was reading your policies, and read xyz. Just wondering if you could tell me a bit more about this?" No need to express your opinion: ask questions that invite explanation and reflection.
It might not go anywhere. Or it might: good change might happen because of you. Be the change you want to see. You're in a good position to be able to ask general questions - whereas it's no fun asking questions like that when you've actually got children at the school.
For what it's worth, I don't think you're particularly unusual in looking at school policies while your child is a toddler. I work in early years, and I would say that up to 5% of our cohort have parents like you who look far ahead about their child's education. I know because they'll ask me (as a parent of older children), and they turn up to the secondary school open days etc. It's not something I would ever have thought of doing, I can't think that far ahead!

You have not responded to any of my concerns. What are your answers to the questions I raised?

This clearly is about much more than just addressing a child by a new name. This is all about psychology and medicine. Please read the Cass report. The majority of gender-questioning children have commorbidities: autims, complex trauma, etc. These are vulnerable children. What experience do you have with this cohort?

This is about understanding the complex needs of vulnerable children. This has nothing to do with "faith" and all to do with research, professional experience and evidence. Evidence that is not there right now.

If your child said they wanted an arm cut off and they are absolutely certain they want it cut off, you wouldn't support the decision and find professional help for your child. Why are you willing to put children on a path to infertility with the support of teachers but without the involvement of mental health professionals and a ton of evidence supporting this decision?

Why don't you have your opinions and allow others to have theirs? Just because you don't agree with the school's policy does not mean it is wrong.

‘…an understanding of the autistic experience may be essential in effectively supporting needs related to gender dysphoria.’

acamh.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jcpp.13691

Article on anorexia and autism:

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165178121005667

This is a very good and constructive point. I will email the school and clarify

Thank you

I am sorry I have to say it, it is wrong 😭

Teachers are too overwhelmed to care it's all a tick box. They will call you anything as long as they get through the day.

@Teacherprebaby In this case, others' opinions affect everyone. It is very different to disagree on topics like the death penality, where you can just ignore the disagreement, or to transition children and expect everyone to play along, to use their preferred pronouns, to accept them in toilets and changing rooms of the opposite sex and so on. One transitioned child in a group of 200 children affects the day-to-day life of 200 children.

This school policy is wrong and goes against current govermental guidance and science. It has been said many times in this thread: Social transitioning is not a neutral act. A higher percentage of children who socially transition progress to the use of puberty blockers and hormones than those who get a "watchful waiting" approach. More of those who are medicated progress to surgery and infertility.

Would you be happy for your child's school to send your child on a path to potential infertility and lifelong medicalisation without your knowledge and without the involvement of medical and mental health professionals? Who, in your view, would be legally liable in case the child decides to detransition lateron?

Why not try a church school for your child? I would hope they are free of the wokery

We don’t know what OP actually said to lead to her friend describing it as “hate speech”. I suspect she won’t tell us.

Ah yes religious schools, where the ethos and culture is fully grounded in evidence based principles!

I'd far rather my child was told that God created the earth in 6 days than that they can choose whether to be a boy or a girl.

Where does the school say that? Would you also be ok with the homophobic ethos of religion and the misogyny? Your child joining in prayers to a male god and ‘Lord of all?’ If it’s catholic, a religion where women are not allowed to have leadership positions? Are you religious?

No I'm not religious. But I think organised religion (in the UK at least) is less harmful than gender ideology.

"Would you also be ok with the homophobic ethos of religion and the misogyny? "

Sounds like transgender ideology .
Telling women they have no right to single sex spaces is the epitome of misogyny and telling lesbians that men who identify as women are also lesbians is the most awful homophobia.

Indeed.

You and your arguments ate such manipulative pieces of…work. I have two—count ‘em two daughters who both went all the way through highschool and university in the US and they were never assaulted by trans people or forced to do anything by nefarious outsiders, or suffered any indignity using mixed sex bathrooms. Why would they? People are just people. You are absurdly hysterical about this. Get out of your little enclave. Good people are good whatever gender they think they are. Bad ones are bad because they like to do bad things. Gender identification has nothing to do with it.

I'm so glad that your daughters haven't been (to your knowledge) assaulted by a boy in a toilet.

It's a shame that you can't feel more empathy for girls who have been subjected to such experiences, or who feel forced to self exclude from these spaces because they are mixed sex.

There's nothing manipulative about pointing out that you are speaking from a position of blind privilege.

That's great for you. Unfortunately it is not my experience. My family is forced to self-exclude from certain venues and activities.