Disown by mum friends who I have known for 20 years due to my gender critical view.

[rouxelitee]

I am a bit sad today because I have been disowned by my group of friends who are mothers. I have known them since college. All of us have children, mine is a toddler.

One of them is a paediatrician. Let's call her JY. She supports the trans-movement for children. Recently she has shared an article with the whatsapp chat group on sexual and relationship saying that this should be how children are parented. https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/sex-relationships/
I didn't agree with the gender and identity section and I called it out. I said that affirming children in this matter will make things worst. The conversation escalated and she basically cautioned me that this is hate speech and if a doctor have the same view as I do, their license will be taken.

Fast forward to today, my partner and I are have been researching on local schools and their policies on the same matter, preparing ourselves for when our child is of school age. We found out that this school in Leicester has the following policy.

7.3 In accordance with the Equality Act 2010 we will not inform a parent or carer about a student being Trans or gender questioning.
7.4 Confidential information will not be shared with the parents and carers without a student’s permission, unless there are safeguarding reasons for doing so.
_
https://www.newcollege.leicester.sch.uk/force_download.cfm?id=3190

I felt that this is such a massive red flag, that I need to warn all my friends to look into their school policies.

JY then said "Much as I value our friendship, I do not have headspace to engage in these issues. I'll bow out of this group." A few others followed and quit the chat group.

They will possibly not talk to me ever again. I am very sad and I feel very alone in this matter, and that my partner and I and alone in this battle alone trying to protect our child from the state, the school and dangerous ideology.

I guess I just want to not feel like a crazy person shouting on top of my lungs "please look into this, this is bad".

Thanks,
roux

I am glad it doesn't make any difference to your life. It does make a difference to my life though. My family has had real life disadvantages, because the needs of traumatised women and girls, some with SEND, were not considered and don't seem to matter.

That's the end of safeguarding then, right? Because someone on the far right distorts arguments for their racist agenda. If we followed that logic, we would have to abolish democracy.

You are abolishing democracy. Anti trans hysteria played a huge role in the recent success of Trump in the US. And Trump and his misogynist buddies will now repoeal Title 9 which is the legislation that protects funding for women’s sports and under which women’s ability to play sports exists in the US. To spite two trans kids out of 170,000 (!) in the state of muchigan and after a campaign of bomb threats and death threats to hospitals the anti trans forces have gotten their wish in the US. And with it a whole slew of actual women’s rights will come to an end. But perhaps—if girls still get an education in red states—they will have single sex bathrooms. Of course they won’t have laws protecting them from child marriage, or have the right to birth control, or abortion services, or the right to fund their sports teams like the boys teams get funded.. But the enemy of your enemy was your friend!

I am not even in the US. You are.

I agree. And I’m appalled that a paediatrician supports a movement that causes so much harm to children.

I can see the group chat was possibly not the place for that, especially after the caution, but I also get tht being difficult when so strongly concerned.

The college having such a long policy on this makes me wonder if they have it for any protected characteristic.

The parts quoted though in the OP, they're not always a massive red flag (other than linking not informing with the Equality Act 2010), it depends on the wider context.

I know schools with similar where the headteachers and SLT are strongly in the 'watch and wait' camp, who do not engage in any social transitioning, where uniforms are intentionally unisex, with a mix of single sex and single-person unisex toilets and changing options, and generally try to make anything gender as not relevant as possible. They don't contact parents unless there is a safeguarding concern with it as nothing changes at the school from the school's perspective.

I don’t get it? So you think a school should out gay Muslim child to their parents ? And this would be “safeguarding?”

you were unreasonable. I have gender critical friends and i wholeheartedly disagree with them. I am disgusted by their views , and know that they are wrong and harmful. However, I value and respect my friends as people , and for their other qualities, so we agree to disagree quietly on this and discuss other topics.
After your friend made her stance clear the first time, you were utterly wrong and provocative to re-raise the topic in the WhatsApp. It’s no surprise whatsoever that she left.
You are no victim here.

What exactly is it you are disgusted by?

The way that they demonise gender diverse people and people with differences in sex development and the harm that they cause (particularly to these groups, and to women and girls, but also) to everyone by their fundamentalist beliefs about sex essentialism.

Disgusted because they know fact from fiction? Christ how do you get through life 😂 @Tandora

This is perhaps THE most contentious issue atm.
I'm 20 and on the whole share your views (I might be overreaching here - sorry), and DON'T share the views I'm "supposed" to have at my age. Of course I have friends who agree with me, but I also have friends who disagree. The latter aren't as close but we still talk and discuss the subject.

I think that's what you'll have to do. "Agree to disagree" as people say.

They precisely don’t know fact from fiction. They invent all kinds of awful facts about gender diverse people .

I think that's what you'll have to do. "Agree to disagree" as people say

exactly that

Ok.

Being gender critical isn't about demonising anyone. Are you sure you aren't getting gender critical feminism confused wth bigotry?

I’m very familiar with gender critical feminism and it is an extremely bigoted and harmful ideology. (I know that gender critical feminists refuse to acknowledge that)

I don't think you know anything at all.

Ironically, you are demonising gender critical feminists due to your own lack of understanding about our views. That's bigotry.

Alternatively, you understand that we believe in sex based rights, and that the wishes of male people who want access to women's spaces and women's sports should not supersede the rights and safety of female people, and you believe that we are wrong and that the wishes of those male people should take priority. That's misogny.

Ironically, you are demonising gender critical feminists due to your own lack of understanding about our views. That's bigotry.

Hilarious. Gender critical people are fully responsible for holding their attitudes; they could chose differently if they wished. Calling out bigotry is not a form of bigotry.

As I said, I have (a few) dear friends who are gender critical feminists. As much as I abhor their views on that particular subject, I respect them as people. Therefore we agree to disagree and do not discuss related issues. Which is what the OP should have done.

I can't just choose to believe that humans can change sex (because they can't) and I refuse to choose to believe that people who were born with penises are more important than people who were born with vaginas, which is what you appear to believe. And yes, that is bigotry. Recognising the importance and immutability of biological sex isn't. That's just having a brain.

i know what you believe, and your ideas are wrong and harmful: to trans people, to people with differences in sex development and to women and girls.

But we will just have to agree to disagree. As the OP should have done with her friends.

They aren’t ideas they are facts.

Knowing the difference is something you should’ve mastered as an adult.

I understand you believe your ideas are facts. I know they aren’t.
What is the value in this exchange?

(*I know the real facts are a lot more complicated than you believe they are)

I don't believe anything. Humans can't change sex, no matter what anyone thinks or believes. As it's a fact.

I believe that the rights of the 50% of the population who were born female should not be overridden for the sake of the less than 1% of the population who were born male but want to have access to women's spaces and women's sports.

Can you explain why you disagree with that?