Anyone think we (women) get away with too much?

[ThatPinkHelper]

A few of us were having a chat over the weekend about our teenage years and the usual subjects came up, drinking on parks, staying out late, going places other than where we told our parents, older boys etc…

It was when the subject moved to older boys and the usual commentary around that, that one of us mentioned that she used to get taken out clubbing by 18 year old girls when she was 14.

The group was fairly split on whether it was that big of a deal. I was firmly in the camp of - “looking back on it that was very sketchy and I’d absolutely flip my lid if it was my daughter”.

But given the hugely contrasting reactions to boys sexually exploiting younger girls and older girls putting younger girls in very dangerous situations and environments, I began wondering if we sometimes get away with too much? Not as individuals but collectively as women.

I know it’s only theoretical but as I mentioned above, if my daughter was 14 and was being lead astray like that I’d go ballistic but I’m beginning to wonder if everyone around me would try to play it off as normal.

No.

What do you mean by getting away with too much? Getting away with what, exactly? Going on a night out without being sexually exploited?

No.

I don’t understand the question in context of your example.

Nor me.

I don't understand your question. How do the things you describe in your OP constitute 'getting away with too much'?

Or that, somehow we have more advantages than men.

I understand what you say OP, but I think that's more of a generational issue than a gender issue. I did much of the same as a youth but would die if my daughter did that.

Also no.

You have given one (one!) example and come up with a theory based on that. You haven't even considered whether men and boys do the same as what you have described, or whether mixed sex groups have the same "problem". It's all unsubstantiated meanderings.

What do you really mean by "women get away with too much" - you need to explain this phrase in context with detail and examples before you could hope for anyone else to understand your point of view.

OP, it’s difficult to understand your point. What is it that you think women are getting away with?

These are just such different things you are talking about so I don’t understand the comparison.

I wouldn’t be happy with an 18 year old boy or girl putting a 14 year old in a situation that was dangerous or inappropriate for them and would punish appropriately or speak to them/their parents.

But if an 18 year old was sexually exploiting a 14 year old I’d be calling the police!

She did mention that they often met up with older lads and the girls were aware of this and facilitating it. I didn’t go in to that bit as that’s on the boys and not the purpose of this post but the fact the girls were aware of this and continued to arrange it to me seems sketchy.

I also have been speaking to my partner recently who’s mentioned a huge number of negative experiences with girls/women growing up and I don’t mean arguments or not seeing eye to eye (you know the sort of, “why always you” type experiences) but things that I would consider COCSA, CSE and straight up clear cut emotional manipulation.

I’ve recently had a son and have become very acutely aware of how sex determines our life experiences and our socialisation.

None of this makes any sense, sorry.

The post isn’t about men

You replied within 30 seconds

Of course it is.
That's your comparative.
Read your title again.

Absolutely s a safeguarding issue, I’m not saying it’s not bad. We all agreed. I’m saying the actions of the older girls were just as bad.

Are you trying to say that there is a large problem with older girls and young women, essentially procuring younger girls for older men to abuse? And also, that there is a large problem with girls of any age sexually abusing boys? And this is based on a chat you had with some friends, and then with your DH?

It says “do we get away with too much”. Not everything is in relation to men.

Why do you think "women get away with too much" then?
In comparison to who?

Can you write what you mean clearly?

Well if women get away with "too much", who isn't getting away with anything?
Cats?

It doesn’t have to be in relation to anyone. It’s are we taking enough accountability for ourselves and our actions?

I don't understand who you think we (as women) are accountable to?

To be fair a point that DH made was that he feels men don’t recognise sexual assault or imbalances of power perpetrated against them as readily as we do.

We’re typically raised to police our sexuality in a way that men aren’t. That goes deeper in to how patriarchy hurts men. Again this is a discussion about women though and I’m very conscious this doesn’t become about men or in relation to men but about women and harmful behaviours that we perpetuate.